Jump to content

How would you react?
Teenager dating older man


  • Please log in to reply
44 replies to this topic

#1 TwoHeadedGirl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:27 PM

Without going into too much detail, I am wondering how other people would react if a close female family member (daughter/sister/cousin etc), who is only a teenager (16-17), told you she was dating a much older man (mid-thirties)?
Just need some perspective. Cheers.

#2 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:29 PM

I think I'd ask to meet the guy. (While internally plotting the removal of his testicles...)

#3 FeralEsme

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:30 PM

I would think it horrible, and I wouldn't be shy about letting it be known either. A. man in his mid-thirties has no business having a romance with a 16-17 year old girl.  sick.gif

#4 Taff

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:31 PM

statutory rape.

How would I feel - I'd make sure he would  never  want to see her again - ( ie he would be beaten to a pulp)


Edited by Taff, 18 November 2012 - 08:36 PM.


#5 idignantlyright

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:31 PM

Talk to her and try and find out exactly what it is about this man that makes her want to go out with him. Sometimes it just runs it's course and doesn't last very long at all.

I know for me it was a mix of him being a father type figure, plus he didn't treat me like a stupid naughty schoolgirl with a baby.

I was 17 and he was 39.

If they are over 16 it is not statutory rape.

Edited by idignantlyright, 18 November 2012 - 08:35 PM.


#6 adl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:31 PM

Honestly I find it a bit creepy... Any father issues?

.would I say that probably not....good article last week in Sunday papers how women with older men ended up as carers....perhaps the novelty will wear off???

Edited by adl, 18 November 2012 - 08:32 PM.


#7 WYSIWYG

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:39 PM

Well my parents openly disapproved of my relationship with DF. I was 17 and he was 24. I certainly wouldn't go about it the way my parents did, it just made me want the relationship more.
I'd probably want to meet him, and get to know him, and hope that with time the relationship will end, if not (like DF and I) then I'd like to think I'd have gotten to know him and can put the age difference aside (give it a few years and no one would blink at the age difference).

#8 Duck.

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:41 PM

At that age i wouls not be happy...

I would meet him and grill.

He has no need to be seeing a child and i would be making a police report.

I was 18 and he was 25.

18 or over i would butt out

Edited by duckasorus, 18 November 2012 - 08:44 PM.


#9 idignantlyright

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:45 PM

QUOTE (duckasorus @ 18/11/2012, 09:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He has no need to be seeing a child and i would be making a police report.

If she is over 16 there is legally nothing that can be done. Sometimes nothing will even be done if the girl is 14-16.


#10 Feral Nicety

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

There's nothing to be gained by a police report.

#11 TwoHeadedGirl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:52 PM

Thanks for the replies! Mostly seem to be along the same lines of my thinking but after being branded the "bad guy" for feeling uncomfortable with this relationship I was beginning to wonder if I really was the odd one out!

#12 annasue

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

I'd tread very carefully.

I met my ex husband at the ripe old age of 18. He was 44. Everyone said he was too old, it would never last, he'd never marry me.

I wasted 14 years in a relationship, the last 7 of them I was aware I was in the wrong relationship.

But I had something to prove.........................................I was a naive little girl, who thought she knew everything.

By their very nature young people, bar a rare few, all think they know everything.

There is nothing that can be done by family or friends, except maybe hang around and be there when she works out it's not the right relationship.

Edited by annasue, 18 November 2012 - 08:58 PM.


#13 LambChop

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:58 PM

How did she meet him ?  Is he a teacher ?

#14 Taff

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

QUOTE (idignantlyright @ 18/11/2012, 09:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If she is over 16 there is legally nothing that can be done. Sometimes nothing will even be done if the girl is 14-16.

it  depends on what state Tas and SA  the age of consent is 17, not 16 , and in qld here you have to be over 18 to have anal sex.

not one law is  Aus wide

Kind regards

Edited by Taff, 18 November 2012 - 09:00 PM.


#15 Born Slippy

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:11 PM

I would imagine most men would be (and should be) uncomfortable dating a school-aged girl. A 16/17 year old and a man in his mid-thirties seem a world apart, in terms of life experience and life stages.

I was 19 and DP was 30 when we met. Despite mutual interests, spark, attraction etc -  he was very hesitant about entering into a relationship with a teenager (even one who was technically an adult).

#16 feral fembo bull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:23 PM

For all those leaping to make a police report -- while it's not certainly outside the bounds of possibility that they are having sex, you can't just assume that it's absolutely the case.

But no, I don't think it's a great situation.

Edited to remove pointless waffle.

Edited by The Gentle Kitteh, 18 November 2012 - 09:35 PM.


#17 harryboy

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:34 PM

I was 24 when I started dating my now DH who was 39. as per previous poster, even then, he was very hesitant about the age difference. You would definitely have to be wary of this guy's motives. As others have said, be there for the fall out.

There's some US show on relationship counselling on right now where she is around 19 and he is in his early 50's. He seems so pathetic, threatened and desparate.

#18 Kafkaesque

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:34 PM

I was 17 when I started seeing my kids dad, he was 28. My parents never said anything about it but I imagine they weren't happy.

I can't imagine what my parents could of done, I was working fulltime and while I was living at home when it started I had previously lived out of home. We were past point of them being able to dictate who I saw and what I did.

My relationship with him lasted 12 years.



#19 Tea~for~two

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:43 PM

QUOTE (annasue @ 18/11/2012, 09:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd tread very carefully.

I met my ex husband at the ripe old age of 18. He was 44. Everyone said he was too old, it would never last, he'd never marry me.

I wasted 14 years in a relationship, the last 7 of them I was aware I was in the wrong relationship.

But I had something to prove.........................................I was a naive little girl, who thought she knew everything.

By their very nature young people, bar a rare few, all think they know everything.

There is nothing that can be done by family or friends, except maybe hang around and be there when she works out it's not the right relationship.


This was my experience as well. The more people warned me about him, the more determined I was that I was right. Unfortunately I didn't realise how bad it was until DS was born sad.gif It's a hard one, because honestly, I don't think anyone could have said anything to change my mind. But I would have appreciated a non-judgemental older adult to look out for me, as when things started to go bad, I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about it without getting a massive 'I told you so'

#20 *Lib*

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:47 PM

I was 17 and dating a 34 year old...

#21 Fr0g

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:48 PM

I think the age gap pushes the boundaries (laws aside). I'd be uncomfortable with it - it's practically a generation gap!

19 years ago when I was 4 months shy of 18, I started seeing my now-husband, who was 25. My parents might have secretly disapproved, but never expressed it to me. In retrospect, there was nothing they could have said or done as I was too old to be told, lol.

I had matriculated at 16, so I was working and getting ready for uni, anyway. 16/ 17 can be grown up, but I'd just encourage the family member to not get too serious, too early.

#22 Floki

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:03 PM

I was 19. He was 48. Come next year we will have been together for 20 years. It can, and does, work for many people.

Meet the guy. Don't let the age be the only thing you judge him on.



#23 aprilrain

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:12 PM

I can remember reading 1960's/70's Mills and Boons that had under 20 women and 30-40 men. All that supposed maturity and status etc.

My own experience 17 &35 - he was harmless, bit shy and a non-event.

21 & 39 - he always liked young 17^, was controlling and violent.  I needed to work it out myself though.

#24 FeralEsme

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:32 PM

The thing is 19 is an adult, 16 or 17 is not. While a relationship with that sort of age difference can work, i suspect that more do not, despite your assertions BW.

What does he do for a living? In some cases he may be breaking the law by having a relationship with someone under 18.

#25 Feral Nicety

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:34 PM

Well just how controlling do you think you get to be Debspotatohead?

I had a 36yo boyfriend when I was 17.  He was a bad bad boyfriend.  My 18yo boyfriend was also a bad bad boyfriend.  The 27yo also did not rock the kasbah as a good boyfriend.

Creeper guy in his 30's taking photos of her and putting them on the web?  Ick.  Guy who is utterly controlling no matter what his age?  Ick.

It's not an ideal relationship from the outside looking in and an adult who was able to talk to her levelly without judgment would be a good thing.  It would have helped me.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.