Jump to content

How would you react?
Teenager dating older man


  • Please log in to reply
44 replies to this topic

#1 TwoHeadedGirl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:27 PM

Without going into too much detail, I am wondering how other people would react if a close female family member (daughter/sister/cousin etc), who is only a teenager (16-17), told you she was dating a much older man (mid-thirties)?
Just need some perspective. Cheers.

#2 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:29 PM

I think I'd ask to meet the guy. (While internally plotting the removal of his testicles...)

#3 EsmeLennox

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:30 PM

I would think it horrible, and I wouldn't be shy about letting it be known either. A. man in his mid-thirties has no business having a romance with a 16-17 year old girl.  sick.gif

#4 Taff

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:31 PM

statutory rape.

How would I feel - I'd make sure he would  never  want to see her again - ( ie he would be beaten to a pulp)


Edited by Taff, 18 November 2012 - 08:36 PM.


#5 idignantlyright

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:31 PM

Talk to her and try and find out exactly what it is about this man that makes her want to go out with him. Sometimes it just runs it's course and doesn't last very long at all.

I know for me it was a mix of him being a father type figure, plus he didn't treat me like a stupid naughty schoolgirl with a baby.

I was 17 and he was 39.

If they are over 16 it is not statutory rape.

Edited by idignantlyright, 18 November 2012 - 08:35 PM.


#6 adl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:31 PM

Honestly I find it a bit creepy... Any father issues?

.would I say that probably not....good article last week in Sunday papers how women with older men ended up as carers....perhaps the novelty will wear off???

Edited by adl, 18 November 2012 - 08:32 PM.


#7 WYSIWYG

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:39 PM

Well my parents openly disapproved of my relationship with DF. I was 17 and he was 24. I certainly wouldn't go about it the way my parents did, it just made me want the relationship more.
I'd probably want to meet him, and get to know him, and hope that with time the relationship will end, if not (like DF and I) then I'd like to think I'd have gotten to know him and can put the age difference aside (give it a few years and no one would blink at the age difference).

#8 Duck.

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:41 PM

At that age i wouls not be happy...

I would meet him and grill.

He has no need to be seeing a child and i would be making a police report.

I was 18 and he was 25.

18 or over i would butt out

Edited by duckasorus, 18 November 2012 - 08:44 PM.


#9 idignantlyright

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:45 PM

QUOTE (duckasorus @ 18/11/2012, 09:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He has no need to be seeing a child and i would be making a police report.

If she is over 16 there is legally nothing that can be done. Sometimes nothing will even be done if the girl is 14-16.


#10 Feral Nicety

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

There's nothing to be gained by a police report.

#11 TwoHeadedGirl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:52 PM

Thanks for the replies! Mostly seem to be along the same lines of my thinking but after being branded the "bad guy" for feeling uncomfortable with this relationship I was beginning to wonder if I really was the odd one out!

#12 annasue

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

I'd tread very carefully.

I met my ex husband at the ripe old age of 18. He was 44. Everyone said he was too old, it would never last, he'd never marry me.

I wasted 14 years in a relationship, the last 7 of them I was aware I was in the wrong relationship.

But I had something to prove.........................................I was a naive little girl, who thought she knew everything.

By their very nature young people, bar a rare few, all think they know everything.

There is nothing that can be done by family or friends, except maybe hang around and be there when she works out it's not the right relationship.

Edited by annasue, 18 November 2012 - 08:58 PM.


#13 LambChop

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:58 PM

How did she meet him ?  Is he a teacher ?

#14 Taff

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

QUOTE (idignantlyright @ 18/11/2012, 09:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If she is over 16 there is legally nothing that can be done. Sometimes nothing will even be done if the girl is 14-16.

it  depends on what state Tas and SA  the age of consent is 17, not 16 , and in qld here you have to be over 18 to have anal sex.

not one law is  Aus wide

Kind regards

Edited by Taff, 18 November 2012 - 09:00 PM.


#15 Born Slippy

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:11 PM

I would imagine most men would be (and should be) uncomfortable dating a school-aged girl. A 16/17 year old and a man in his mid-thirties seem a world apart, in terms of life experience and life stages.

I was 19 and DP was 30 when we met. Despite mutual interests, spark, attraction etc -  he was very hesitant about entering into a relationship with a teenager (even one who was technically an adult).

#16 feral fembo bull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:23 PM

For all those leaping to make a police report -- while it's not certainly outside the bounds of possibility that they are having sex, you can't just assume that it's absolutely the case.

But no, I don't think it's a great situation.

Edited to remove pointless waffle.

Edited by The Gentle Kitteh, 18 November 2012 - 09:35 PM.


#17 harryboy

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:34 PM

I was 24 when I started dating my now DH who was 39. as per previous poster, even then, he was very hesitant about the age difference. You would definitely have to be wary of this guy's motives. As others have said, be there for the fall out.

There's some US show on relationship counselling on right now where she is around 19 and he is in his early 50's. He seems so pathetic, threatened and desparate.

#18 Kafkaesque

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:34 PM

I was 17 when I started seeing my kids dad, he was 28. My parents never said anything about it but I imagine they weren't happy.

I can't imagine what my parents could of done, I was working fulltime and while I was living at home when it started I had previously lived out of home. We were past point of them being able to dictate who I saw and what I did.

My relationship with him lasted 12 years.



#19 Tea~for~two

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:43 PM

QUOTE (annasue @ 18/11/2012, 09:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd tread very carefully.

I met my ex husband at the ripe old age of 18. He was 44. Everyone said he was too old, it would never last, he'd never marry me.

I wasted 14 years in a relationship, the last 7 of them I was aware I was in the wrong relationship.

But I had something to prove.........................................I was a naive little girl, who thought she knew everything.

By their very nature young people, bar a rare few, all think they know everything.

There is nothing that can be done by family or friends, except maybe hang around and be there when she works out it's not the right relationship.


This was my experience as well. The more people warned me about him, the more determined I was that I was right. Unfortunately I didn't realise how bad it was until DS was born sad.gif It's a hard one, because honestly, I don't think anyone could have said anything to change my mind. But I would have appreciated a non-judgemental older adult to look out for me, as when things started to go bad, I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about it without getting a massive 'I told you so'

#20 *Lib*

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:47 PM

I was 17 and dating a 34 year old...

#21 Fr0g

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:48 PM

I think the age gap pushes the boundaries (laws aside). I'd be uncomfortable with it - it's practically a generation gap!

19 years ago when I was 4 months shy of 18, I started seeing my now-husband, who was 25. My parents might have secretly disapproved, but never expressed it to me. In retrospect, there was nothing they could have said or done as I was too old to be told, lol.

I had matriculated at 16, so I was working and getting ready for uni, anyway. 16/ 17 can be grown up, but I'd just encourage the family member to not get too serious, too early.

#22 Floki

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:03 PM

I was 19. He was 48. Come next year we will have been together for 20 years. It can, and does, work for many people.

Meet the guy. Don't let the age be the only thing you judge him on.



#23 aprilrain

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:12 PM

I can remember reading 1960's/70's Mills and Boons that had under 20 women and 30-40 men. All that supposed maturity and status etc.

My own experience 17 &35 - he was harmless, bit shy and a non-event.

21 & 39 - he always liked young 17^, was controlling and violent.  I needed to work it out myself though.

#24 EsmeLennox

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:32 PM

The thing is 19 is an adult, 16 or 17 is not. While a relationship with that sort of age difference can work, i suspect that more do not, despite your assertions BW.

What does he do for a living? In some cases he may be breaking the law by having a relationship with someone under 18.

#25 Feral Nicety

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:34 PM

Well just how controlling do you think you get to be Debspotatohead?

I had a 36yo boyfriend when I was 17.  He was a bad bad boyfriend.  My 18yo boyfriend was also a bad bad boyfriend.  The 27yo also did not rock the kasbah as a good boyfriend.

Creeper guy in his 30's taking photos of her and putting them on the web?  Ick.  Guy who is utterly controlling no matter what his age?  Ick.

It's not an ideal relationship from the outside looking in and an adult who was able to talk to her levelly without judgment would be a good thing.  It would have helped me.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Christina Aguilera announces daughter's name

Christina Aguilera and her fiance, Matt Rutler, have welcomed their daughter into the world.

Couple caught in surrogacy crackdown

An Australian couple caught up in Thailand's surrogacy crackdown have said many parents are distraught and facing dire financial difficulties as are they are unable to bring their surrogate-born babies home.

'Tired' mum dies of undiagnosed diabetes

New mum Nicky Rigby thought her exhaustion was due to the demands of looking after her baby. But the 26-year-old was seriously ill with diabetes, and died due to her condition not being diagnosed.

5 co-sleeping myths busted

In case you are co-sleeping with your baby, and all the ?helpful? advice from others is sending you down the slippery slope of self-doubt, let?s bust a few myths on the topic.

When pregnancy takes you down memory lane

One mum-to-be discovers pregnancy hormones can give rise to some surprising emotions.

What?s your love language?

The secret to making your partner feel special is to know which language of love they favour ? and it?s the same for your kids, too.

Returning to exercise after a caesarean

I had my daughter four months ago via caesarean, and I want to get back into exercise. What are some good first steps I can take?

20 signs of a great relationship

The secret to a perfect relationship is admitting you are wrong after an argument, five kisses a day and sex twice a week, a new survey suggests.

Video: emotional 60-second Robin Williams tribute

Take a minute to remember some of the greatest films of your childhood ... and have a few tissues close at hand.

The realities of escaping domestic violence

?Why doesn?t she just leave?? is the common question people ask when trying to understand domestic violence. For many, leaving the relationship is far from straightforward.

Home truths: the DIY dos and don'ts

A professional renovator gives advice on which jobs you should do yourself, and which you should outsource.

Parenting lessons I?ve yet to learn

Instead of writing about the stuff I do know since becoming a mum, I thought I'd share some of the things I don't. These are the lessons that motherhood hasn't taught me.

Will I be wrecked 'down there' after birth?

Did you worry about how you would look "down there" after giving birth? This mum-to-be found plenty of women willing to share their knowledge.

The new weekend playgroup for working mums

Playgroups are great for kids and parents alike - but the downside is that they often meet during the week, leaving working mums out of the loop.

Letting your toddler be the boss at bedtime

Sick of spending hours trying to get your toddler to sleep? These experts say giving your child more of a say at bedtime might be the answer.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

Consulting 'Dr Google' when you're pregnant

We're all guilty of turning to the internet for a quick answer when we need medical advice, but Dr Google should be approached with caution - especially when you're pregnant.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Mum gives birth at school

Chinese manufacturers tap into the cute factor with tree-grown babies.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.