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What does one do?
*updated on pg 2*

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22 replies to this topic

#1 ihope82

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:38 AM

Tv? Nope....friggin didn't know i was pregnant seems to be on every damn channel....

Housework? Where to even start.....

Walk dogs? Too depressed to get dressed...

Shop? See above...plus unhealthy fear of pregnant bellies and newborns....

Sit and mope...and feel every twinge, every ache of impending doom....is all I can seem to do...

Edited by ihope82, 20 December 2012 - 08:28 PM.

#2 Chelli

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:42 AM

Hi there,
I have moved this topic to the miscarriage forum as there are some wonderful and supportive members who will understand what you are going through at the moment.

I am very sorry this is happening to you and I hope you are surrounded by lots of love and support.


#3 ChunkyChook

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:49 AM

I am so sorry you are going through this sad.gif

I just flaked on the couch all sad and sorry for myself. It had been a massive night and TBH I was still in a bit of shock I think (I had gone to the hospital with bleeding and they were just like "Yeah looks like you are losing the baby, go home and wait it out there is nothing we can do for you") Being naive I was just in shock that there was nothing they could do to try to stop it.

Do you have a favourite place? Somewhere peaceful you can just zone out and try to get through it?

#4 librablonde

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:51 AM

Lay in bed with large amounts of comfort food, magazines, dvd's, sleep a lot, possibly after consuming a bottle wine... I'm so sorry OP  sad.gif  My heart goes out to you  sad.gif

#5 elmo_mum

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:52 AM

play stupid mind numbing games on fb


pogo games

#6 EsmeLennox

Posted 18 November 2012 - 10:06 AM

I would drink, eat and watch movies, as opposed to what I actually did which was hold a birthday party for a family member.

I am sorry you are going through this,

#7 Shellby

Posted 18 November 2012 - 04:15 PM

I actually went to work - I hadn't started bleeding yet and luckily my shift was only 5-9am and I didn't have to deal with anyone or customers so knew it was safe and used up my time. Then I had 3 days off, which I honestly did nothing but read books until most of it was over and then went back to work.

I am sorry you have to go through this time, and its even worse when you have to wait around for it. May the physical side be quick for you.

#8 Peta Feral

Posted 18 November 2012 - 04:26 PM

Wine. A whole bottle.

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP.

Edited by PetaSiddle, 18 November 2012 - 04:26 PM.

#9 ~kacee~

Posted 18 November 2012 - 04:28 PM

We went out for breakfast. Trouble is, it was a nice place, but now I can never go back there again.

Look after yourself. I'm sorry you're going through it.

#10 pinkchutney

Posted 18 November 2012 - 05:50 PM

I am so sorry and hope you are ok. I just shut down. I didnt force myself to do or see or talk to anyone if I didn't want to. But then I didn't have any support from DH. I got all my support from my online friends who had gone through the same thing, as I found noone around me knew how to help me or what to say.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you what you should think, or how you should react. You need to grieve. In your own way.

Just look after you.

#11 pinkchutney

Posted 18 November 2012 - 05:53 PM


Edited by pinkchutney, 18 November 2012 - 05:55 PM.

#12 GreenEyedGirl

Posted 18 November 2012 - 07:42 PM

Do whatever you feel you need to .... curl up in bed ... read, play mindless games, I am not too sure...whatever yuo do take care of yourself that's all.
think after my ectopic op and waiting for the major bleeding a lot of my time was spent in the shower sitting there crying or just walking around mindlessly ... neither of which I would recommend but if that is what you feel like doing then do it.
There is no right and wrong reaction at times like this....you just do whatever.

#13 nik_klinger

Posted 18 November 2012 - 07:54 PM

Sorry to read & big hugs,
I had to wait 4 weeks from when i was told there was no heartbeat at 8 weeks, and at 12 weeks i miscarried naturally which was what my obst wanted,
It was only in May but i can't tell you what i did to get through it, so obviously it's a blank,
i remember working, trying to keep busy and just an agonising wait, in the end it happened of an evening and i was only home with my DS who was already in bed, it was calm, painless and almost natural, it was the waiting that did my head in, so please be prepared for the wait and then the ... nothing, the sadness.
Recently I miscarried again, this time was different, I was pregnant, and then at six weeks my perios arrived and then i wasn't pregnant anymore. Still the feeling of nothing and then the sadness.
I wish you well in getting through it all xx

#14 aleksandrap

Posted 28 November 2012 - 01:12 PM

I don't have answers for you. I've been trying to get my mind off it by spending time with my mum and sister who have been amazingly supportive. But today I just wanted to stay home and am wandering around a little aimlessly. I have my d&c scheduled for tomorrow and I am petrified of ending this, even thought the constant reminder that my body still thinks its pregnant is really hard too. hugs to you and I'm so sorry for your loss xx

#15 hanz33

Posted 01 December 2012 - 06:34 PM

I'm having one now - I'm crying on essential baby and eating everything I denied myself.

#16 whisk_

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:39 AM

I went out for a big lunch with my husband and drank copious amounts of wine at one point.  Then we stayed out all afternoon and went somewhere for dinner and I got horribly drunk and fell over a chair.  It didn't really help in the long run, but we spent a day together out and about and talked a lot about what was happening and he was patient when I cried or had to sit down from the pain.  It got me out of the house for a while.  We planned a holiday that we took after we lost the baby to get our minds focussed on something else.  That day is what I think about when I recall my first miscarriage, and now we laugh about the chair incident and other aspects of the day, and I don't focus on the terribly time of the miscarriage so much.  

My second miscarriage was a lot more painful than the first, and I had to wait for it to happen too.  I parked myself on the sofa and spent days watching the olympics.  Fortunately at that point there was something other than pregnancy on the tv, but if you can't find something, go and get some tv series on DVD and watch the whole thing in one day.  I read a lot of books, too - crime novels and things which did not have anything to do with babies.  

Look, there's not much that helps take your mind of waiting for the inevitable.  I found the old adage "keeping busy" was useful, but my heart wasn't in whatever I was doing as my mind drifted constantly.  My first miscarriage happened unexpectedly, so I didn't have to wait for it, but my second I knew was on the way and just had to wait for things to start.  I went to work in the waiting period, until it got too painful to bear and I went home for the aforementioned sofa time.  Work wanted to send me home but I knew I would stare at the walls and think too much.  

One thing I must urge you not to do is sit anywhere near a computer.  (After checking these replies, get offline quickly!).  Google did nothing to make me feel better.  I found miserable story after miserable story and it just caused me to get more depressed.  People with happy stories never seem to post them.  I think I must have wanted to torture myself though as I fixated on searching for things on google and in my dark days my searches got more negative.  It did nothing for my recovery or my mental health.  

I'm sorry you are going through this.  Miscarriage is cruel and lonely, and terribly unfair.  I can tell you though things do get better but it takes a while.  Some, longer than others.  Take your time and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for hating the world.  

Am always here if anyone wants to PM for a chat.

EDITED:  have just seen OP posted a little while ago.  Hope you are okay.  Have kept my reply here for the benefit of others in the same situation.

Edited by whisk_, 05 December 2012 - 11:40 AM.

#17 N@K

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:50 AM

I read through all three of the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo books.
And I'm sure there was some horror / thriller / action movie watching involved - keeping away from mushy stuff

bbighug.gif  I am very sorry you are going through this OP

#18 Ferelsmegz

Posted 07 December 2012 - 05:32 PM

QUOTE (librablonde @ 18/11/2012, 07:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lay in bed with large amounts of comfort food, magazines, dvd's, sleep a lot, possibly after consuming a bottle wine... I'm so sorry OP  sad.gif  My heart goes out to you  sad.gif


QUOTE (PetaSiddle @ 18/11/2012, 02:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wine. A whole bottle.

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP.

And this....

I had to wait 2 weeks.

sad.gif Sorry this is happening to you OP.

#19 ihope82

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:27 PM

Hi all,
I thought I should come back in and update...
Thank you so much for your kind replies & advice.
I'm relieved to say that this baby is still hanging in there....despite Drs telling me otherwise, and being hospitalised with severe pain / bleeding etc.
While I'm thankful for each day I still fear the very worst is just inevitable and I truly truly wish that none of us ever have to go through it.
I hope no one finds this upsetting .. If u do I'm truly sorry, I haven't meant to hurt anyone and I do completely understand the pain of loss.
I hope everyone has a peaceful and restful Christmas

#20 adl

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:39 PM

Thanks for updating,....I read but didn't post originally....I think finding there's others , so many others  who understood makes it a little less lonely... And sharing can help whether now  or maybe later I wish you all the best for a happy outcome..be kind to yourself ..

#21 flyingfree

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:07 PM

So happy to hear bub is still hanging in there.

Hoping the rests of your pregnancy is uneventful, I know to well the heartache of loss after a loss is.

PM me is you are interested in joining the pregnancy after stillbirth facebook page.


#22 Fillyjonk

Posted 23 December 2012 - 12:35 AM

Fingers and toes crossed for you. Sorry you had a scare... hopefully everything settles down and the rest of the pregnancy is boring.

Edited by with the goo goose, 23 December 2012 - 12:35 AM.

#23 Natttmumm

Posted 24 December 2012 - 12:20 PM

I have my fingers crossed for you. All the very best. Take it easy as you can

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