Jump to content

Do you make grandparents/carers stick to rules?
When breaking habits


23 replies to this topic

#1 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

Im in the process of trying to get DS to sleep without being in our arms - he's 14 weeks.  Having mixed success but my rule is putting him in bassinet awake BT drowsy /calm, but not letting him cry for more than 3 minutes if he starts to fuss.

So when he is minded occasionally by nanas, would you give them strict instructions ? Last week I returned to pick him up from MIL and he was asleep on her chest, this week he's with my mum and I didn't want to out her through the hassle of explaining the "rules" - best to just have him asleep while I'm out.

Is this occasional deviation from trying to break the habit likely to set me back ?

Edited by Liltuss, 16 November 2012 - 01:24 PM.


#2 Bottom

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:41 PM

14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.

#3 Jekaho

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:47 PM

In a broader sense, yes I like consistency, so my parents, inlaws and my sister all know our routines etc (and changes as he grew) when they look after our son.
I don't think at 14 weeks that the occasional falling asleep wherever/whenever will do damage... I guess I'd just make sure they are on a similar page to you though regarding CIO or whatever.

#4 BabeBlossom

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:48 PM

Yes our rules with putting DD to sleep are to stay with her until she is asleep and no leaving her to cry, she's 22 months.
At 14 weeks old the rules weren't much different except for an emphasis on getting her to sleep however it happens.
I wouldn't be imposing rules on grandparents, it's not their job to sleep train your baby.

#5 becstar101

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:55 PM

I rarely left mine for more than an hour or two at that age, but a little older I gave people a rough idea of what we did just to make things easier. Eg feeds at xyz, usually has x mL of ebm, up for approx 1.5 hours altogether. This was to make it easier for those looking after the baby. If they decided to get baby to sleep in arms or pram as it was easier, I wouldn't mind. If you're only doing it once every few days, I don't think it would harm any routine you were trying to get into.

#6 sarahec

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:56 PM

I think that's a nice way for him to fall asleep while with grandparents!
Generally I think sticking with the rules is good, consistency etc, but some rules you need to be flexible with. Chose your battles.

#7 mandala

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:00 PM

Babies are pretty good at working out how to fall asleep for different people. However, I've found that people are often pretty keen to try to do things they way you want them to, so why not try asking for what you want?

I also don't think there is anything wrong with trying to let your DS fall asleep in his cot/bassinet rather than in your arms.

#8 nen-c

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:01 PM

I tend to tell them what I do and/or what works and let them do whatever is easiest. I can imagine that a "nap on nanna" would be nice for both of them, and probably isn't going to undermine your "sleep training" so I wouldn't worry about it if that what she chooses to do. Better that than what my MIL likes to do - which is to keep tiny babies awake playing with them until they are a total overstimulated/overtired horror show!!!!

#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:04 PM

From the other side of the equation as the babysitter - it's increadibly handy to have instructyions, but also the words - just do whatever you have to so they sleep!

I know for my nephew when he was with us the only way he would sleep for us was if we put him in the pram & took him for a very long walk - he was just too excited to sleep otherwise. Being a bit older now he is more excited to nap in the big bed!

#10 hm6

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:06 PM

Generally all being well they will  pick up on what you do with your child and mostly do similar - after all they don't want a crying unsettled baby anymore than you. But what I expect of a GP or aunt maybe is slightly more relaxed then what I would expect off a professional carer who I am  paying. At 14 weeks I didnt really have big rules and if they feel asleep in arms or on chest (mine included ) I didn't worry too much. Never wanted them to sort problems out - that was mine & my DH's job (eg I didn't want them left crying was my only thing) - if baby was asleep and hadn't cried or got upset then I was happy.

#11 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

When I'm trying to get something established (eg. toilet training), then yes I think sticking to rules are important. It also depends how frequent the deviations will be, like 1 in 4 is quite a lot, 1 in 10 not so much.
Once something is well established, I'm not so strict, unless there's signs of relapse showing.

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 12:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.


Not a very helpful response when you answer the OP's question with judgements.

OP, no I wouldnt worry.  You could mention it but most grandma's probably wouldnt to let baby cry at all so might be scared to try.  Also you get to cuddle your bub all the time, she can only do it once a week so let her enjoy this special time.  My MIL has always held both my babies while they slept when they were tiny.  She needed her 'fix' and would never have put them in the cot!

BTW both my babies settled in the cot on their own at this age.  'cudding' them to sleep isnt compulsory.  Do whatever works for you  biggrin.gif .

#13 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:48 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 02:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.

Because that's what I've chosen to do.  
When do babies start forming habits/sleep habits ?
When will I need to transition him from his bassinet to cot because he's grown out of it ?
When am I going back to work ?

Happy for you to answer all those questions for me but in the meantime ...

Judge away ....

#14 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:56 PM

QUOTE (Ehill @ 16/11/2012, 03:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also you get to cuddle your bub all the time, she can only do it once a week so let her enjoy this special time.  My MIL has always held both my babies while they slept when they were tiny.  She needed her 'fix' and would never have put them in the cot!

Yes, MIL looked so happy when I got there with him asleep !! :-)

#15 Bottom

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:03 PM

Yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Just over a lot of the topics I have been reading where it is all about what the mother wants and not what the baby needs. Obviously baby still needs to be cuddled to sleep or baby would not scream for three minutes when left alone. 14 week old baby expected to be a mature, independent adult and fall asleep alone. Ridiculous. Let babies be babies. Enjoy the cuddles and opportunity to nurture- so many people long for such an opportunity. Motherhood is for loving and caring, not controlling.

#16 JoMarch

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:12 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.


Really NOT helpful.

OP, I think it depends on how often the person is looking after baby.  Is it occassional as in once a month or more regular, say a couple times a week?  I think if its occassional, its fine for whoevers babysitting to just do what they need to do, but if its regular babysitting, then consistency is important.

I've seen my sister go through just aweful sleep troubles with her 2 kids, leaving her sleep deprived for years, so I think what you're doing is good, trying to get into good habits from an early age.  But I don't think you need to be super strict if its a once off.  Thats my opinion anyway.

#17 Mum2TwoDSs

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

QUOTE (**Lucy** @ 16/11/2012, 05:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Really NOT helpful.

OP, I think it depends on how often the person is looking after baby.  Is it occassional as in once a month or more regular, say a couple times a week?  I think if its occassional, its fine for whoevers babysitting to just do what they need to do, but if its regular babysitting, then consistency is important.

I've seen my sister go through just aweful sleep troubles with her 2 kids, leaving her sleep deprived for years, so I think what you're doing is good, trying to get into good habits from an early age.  But I don't think you need to be super strict if its a once off.  Thats my opinion anyway.


Totally my thoughts too! original.gif

#18 PigNewton

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

I didn't make rules with DS, but mainly because my parents had a similar approach to me with babies and small children

#19 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:22 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Just over a lot of the topics I have been reading where it is all about what the mother wants and not what the baby needs. Obviously baby still needs to be cuddled to sleep or baby would not scream for three minutes when left alone. 14 week old baby expected to be a mature, independent adult and fall asleep alone. Ridiculous. Let babies be babies. Enjoy the cuddles and opportunity to nurture- so many people long for such an opportunity. Motherhood is for loving and caring, not controlling.

I don't really need to justify myself here and I would never label a complete stranger (ie 'controlling') without knowing more about their specific situation, and about their mothering overall.  However, a couple of things:-

DS has actually never cried for 3 minutes.  I said I would not let him cry (this includes grizzling, moaning etc) for MORE than 3 minutes or so, generally I can tell if he's going to get too upset after a minute or so.  He has never 'screamed' when I put him down awake because I wouldn't never let him get to the point of screaming.

Bubs is never left alone.  I put him down awake, I stay and talk to him, sing him his little song, pat him, rock his bassinet.  If he doesn't start to fall asleep quickly, I pick him up & cuddle him again.

And as for longing for such an opportunity, I am over 40, had 9 IVF transfers & two miscarriages before finally welcoming our son into the world.  So yes, I longed pretty hard to love & nuture my son - which I do.  But I would never claim to be more 'deserving' than the next person, nor would I judge someone else's choices.

#20 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:26 PM

QUOTE (**Lucy** @ 16/11/2012, 05:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Really NOT helpful.

OP, I think it depends on how often the person is looking after baby.  Is it occassional as in once a month or more regular, say a couple times a week?  I think if its occassional, its fine for whoevers babysitting to just do what they need to do, but if its regular babysitting, then consistency is important.

I've seen my sister go through just aweful sleep troubles with her 2 kids, leaving her sleep deprived for years, so I think what you're doing is good, trying to get into good habits from an early age.  But I don't think you need to be super strict if its a once off.  Thats my opinion anyway.

Yes it's maybe once a week or maybe every 10 days or so & it's usually only one or two sleeps max in that day.  Both DH & I love to have him fall asleep on us, (esp DH) and we haven't 'banned' that altogether by any means, but it's just not something I'd do every nap time.

#21 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:28 PM

Thanks everyone for all of your input !!  biggrin.gif
As it happens, DS is fast asleep on his snoring grandma right now so I guess I bent the 'rules' a bit happy.gif  !

#22 Wahwah

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:38 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Just over a lot of the topics I have been reading where it is all about what the mother wants and not what the baby needs. Obviously baby still needs to be cuddled to sleep or baby would not scream for three minutes when left alone. 14 week old baby expected to be a mature, independent adult and fall asleep alone. Ridiculous. Let babies be babies. Enjoy the cuddles and opportunity to nurture- so many people long for such an opportunity. Motherhood is for loving and caring, not controlling.

What a silly comment. Doesn't help the conversation at all. I guess I'm expecting my 5yo to be a mature independent adult then because I expect her to fall asleep alone.

For the OP. I think consistency helps but I cut the grandparents a little slack. Nannies I have always asked that they follow my preferences because that's why I've hired them.

#23 FreeRangeMum

Posted 16 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

Nah. If they are willing to give up their time to babysit, and my kids are happy, then they can pretty much do what they like original.gif

#24 Mum2TwoDSs

Posted 17 November 2012 - 04:40 AM

QUOTE (Liltuss @ 16/11/2012, 05:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't really need to justify myself here and I would never label a complete stranger (ie 'controlling') without knowing more about their specific situation, and about their mothering overall.

And as for longing for such an opportunity, I am over 40, had 9 IVF transfers & two miscarriages before finally welcoming our son into the world.  So yes, I longed pretty hard to love & nuture my son - which I do.  But I would never claim to be more 'deserving' than the next person, nor would I judge someone else's choices.


Good on you Liltuss!!!:)

Edited by Mum2TwoDSs, 17 November 2012 - 04:41 AM.




Reply to this topic



  


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Ambulance service under fire: baby seats to go, response times 'worse than ever'

The NSW Ambulance Service is removing child-safety seats from ambulances, while the Victorian service is facing criticism over lengthy response times following the death of a three-year-old.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Is e-reading to your toddler story time or just screen time?

When reading increasingly means swiping pages on a device, and we're advised to read to their children early and often, should parents be turning to e-readers for storytime?

Community mourns inspiring young dad

A young dad who fought a five-year battle with cancer has been remembered for his inspiring legacy at a funeral service attended by hundreds of family and friends this week.

Meningococcal kills Queensland toddler

Public health authorities say the death of a toddler in north Queensland from meningococcal disease highlights the danger the illness poses.

Nicole Kidman: 'I hope every month that I'm pregnant'

Nicole Kidman is hoping to add to her family, but says she's doubtful it will happen.

Recall: Aldi Wooden London Bus play set

Aldi has announced a recall of their popular Wooden London Bus play set.

Great gift ideas for first birthdays

From soft toys to balance bikes, here are some great ideas for first birthday gifts.

Mum learnt she was pregnant hours before giving birth

Kim Walsh arrived at the doctor with abdominal cramps. Hours later, she was cradling the baby experts told her she could never have.

How cancer has made me a better, happier person

I'm a far better person post-cancer than I ever was before. The goal now is to stay around long enough to find out who I can become, and what I can achieve.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Warnings over child pain relief doses

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has warned parents and carers over a "confusing" pain relief dosage system.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.