Jump to content

Do you make grandparents/carers stick to rules?
When breaking habits


23 replies to this topic

#1 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

Im in the process of trying to get DS to sleep without being in our arms - he's 14 weeks.  Having mixed success but my rule is putting him in bassinet awake BT drowsy /calm, but not letting him cry for more than 3 minutes if he starts to fuss.

So when he is minded occasionally by nanas, would you give them strict instructions ? Last week I returned to pick him up from MIL and he was asleep on her chest, this week he's with my mum and I didn't want to out her through the hassle of explaining the "rules" - best to just have him asleep while I'm out.

Is this occasional deviation from trying to break the habit likely to set me back ?

Edited by Liltuss, 16 November 2012 - 01:24 PM.


#2 Bottom

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:41 PM

14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.

#3 Jekaho

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:47 PM

In a broader sense, yes I like consistency, so my parents, inlaws and my sister all know our routines etc (and changes as he grew) when they look after our son.
I don't think at 14 weeks that the occasional falling asleep wherever/whenever will do damage... I guess I'd just make sure they are on a similar page to you though regarding CIO or whatever.

#4 BabeBlossom

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:48 PM

Yes our rules with putting DD to sleep are to stay with her until she is asleep and no leaving her to cry, she's 22 months.
At 14 weeks old the rules weren't much different except for an emphasis on getting her to sleep however it happens.
I wouldn't be imposing rules on grandparents, it's not their job to sleep train your baby.

#5 becstar101

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:55 PM

I rarely left mine for more than an hour or two at that age, but a little older I gave people a rough idea of what we did just to make things easier. Eg feeds at xyz, usually has x mL of ebm, up for approx 1.5 hours altogether. This was to make it easier for those looking after the baby. If they decided to get baby to sleep in arms or pram as it was easier, I wouldn't mind. If you're only doing it once every few days, I don't think it would harm any routine you were trying to get into.

#6 sarahec

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:56 PM

I think that's a nice way for him to fall asleep while with grandparents!
Generally I think sticking with the rules is good, consistency etc, but some rules you need to be flexible with. Chose your battles.

#7 mandala

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:00 PM

Babies are pretty good at working out how to fall asleep for different people. However, I've found that people are often pretty keen to try to do things they way you want them to, so why not try asking for what you want?

I also don't think there is anything wrong with trying to let your DS fall asleep in his cot/bassinet rather than in your arms.

#8 nen-c

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:01 PM

I tend to tell them what I do and/or what works and let them do whatever is easiest. I can imagine that a "nap on nanna" would be nice for both of them, and probably isn't going to undermine your "sleep training" so I wouldn't worry about it if that what she chooses to do. Better that than what my MIL likes to do - which is to keep tiny babies awake playing with them until they are a total overstimulated/overtired horror show!!!!

#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:04 PM

From the other side of the equation as the babysitter - it's increadibly handy to have instructyions, but also the words - just do whatever you have to so they sleep!

I know for my nephew when he was with us the only way he would sleep for us was if we put him in the pram & took him for a very long walk - he was just too excited to sleep otherwise. Being a bit older now he is more excited to nap in the big bed!

#10 hm6

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:06 PM

Generally all being well they will  pick up on what you do with your child and mostly do similar - after all they don't want a crying unsettled baby anymore than you. But what I expect of a GP or aunt maybe is slightly more relaxed then what I would expect off a professional carer who I am  paying. At 14 weeks I didnt really have big rules and if they feel asleep in arms or on chest (mine included ) I didn't worry too much. Never wanted them to sort problems out - that was mine & my DH's job (eg I didn't want them left crying was my only thing) - if baby was asleep and hadn't cried or got upset then I was happy.

#11 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

When I'm trying to get something established (eg. toilet training), then yes I think sticking to rules are important. It also depends how frequent the deviations will be, like 1 in 4 is quite a lot, 1 in 10 not so much.
Once something is well established, I'm not so strict, unless there's signs of relapse showing.

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:18 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 12:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.


Not a very helpful response when you answer the OP's question with judgements.

OP, no I wouldnt worry.  You could mention it but most grandma's probably wouldnt to let baby cry at all so might be scared to try.  Also you get to cuddle your bub all the time, she can only do it once a week so let her enjoy this special time.  My MIL has always held both my babies while they slept when they were tiny.  She needed her 'fix' and would never have put them in the cot!

BTW both my babies settled in the cot on their own at this age.  'cudding' them to sleep isnt compulsory.  Do whatever works for you  biggrin.gif .

#13 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:48 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 02:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.

Because that's what I've chosen to do.  
When do babies start forming habits/sleep habits ?
When will I need to transition him from his bassinet to cot because he's grown out of it ?
When am I going back to work ?

Happy for you to answer all those questions for me but in the meantime ...

Judge away ....

#14 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:56 PM

QUOTE (Ehill @ 16/11/2012, 03:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also you get to cuddle your bub all the time, she can only do it once a week so let her enjoy this special time.  My MIL has always held both my babies while they slept when they were tiny.  She needed her 'fix' and would never have put them in the cot!

Yes, MIL looked so happy when I got there with him asleep !! :-)

#15 Bottom

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:03 PM

Yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Just over a lot of the topics I have been reading where it is all about what the mother wants and not what the baby needs. Obviously baby still needs to be cuddled to sleep or baby would not scream for three minutes when left alone. 14 week old baby expected to be a mature, independent adult and fall asleep alone. Ridiculous. Let babies be babies. Enjoy the cuddles and opportunity to nurture- so many people long for such an opportunity. Motherhood is for loving and caring, not controlling.

#16 JoMarch

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:12 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
14 weeks! Why on earth would you be doing that at 14 weeks? How lovely for him to get to do what normal 14 weeks olds do and fall asleep on someones chest.


Really NOT helpful.

OP, I think it depends on how often the person is looking after baby.  Is it occassional as in once a month or more regular, say a couple times a week?  I think if its occassional, its fine for whoevers babysitting to just do what they need to do, but if its regular babysitting, then consistency is important.

I've seen my sister go through just aweful sleep troubles with her 2 kids, leaving her sleep deprived for years, so I think what you're doing is good, trying to get into good habits from an early age.  But I don't think you need to be super strict if its a once off.  Thats my opinion anyway.

#17 Mum2TwoDSs

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

QUOTE (**Lucy** @ 16/11/2012, 05:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Really NOT helpful.

OP, I think it depends on how often the person is looking after baby.  Is it occassional as in once a month or more regular, say a couple times a week?  I think if its occassional, its fine for whoevers babysitting to just do what they need to do, but if its regular babysitting, then consistency is important.

I've seen my sister go through just aweful sleep troubles with her 2 kids, leaving her sleep deprived for years, so I think what you're doing is good, trying to get into good habits from an early age.  But I don't think you need to be super strict if its a once off.  Thats my opinion anyway.


Totally my thoughts too! original.gif

#18 PigNewton

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

I didn't make rules with DS, but mainly because my parents had a similar approach to me with babies and small children

#19 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:22 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Just over a lot of the topics I have been reading where it is all about what the mother wants and not what the baby needs. Obviously baby still needs to be cuddled to sleep or baby would not scream for three minutes when left alone. 14 week old baby expected to be a mature, independent adult and fall asleep alone. Ridiculous. Let babies be babies. Enjoy the cuddles and opportunity to nurture- so many people long for such an opportunity. Motherhood is for loving and caring, not controlling.

I don't really need to justify myself here and I would never label a complete stranger (ie 'controlling') without knowing more about their specific situation, and about their mothering overall.  However, a couple of things:-

DS has actually never cried for 3 minutes.  I said I would not let him cry (this includes grizzling, moaning etc) for MORE than 3 minutes or so, generally I can tell if he's going to get too upset after a minute or so.  He has never 'screamed' when I put him down awake because I wouldn't never let him get to the point of screaming.

Bubs is never left alone.  I put him down awake, I stay and talk to him, sing him his little song, pat him, rock his bassinet.  If he doesn't start to fall asleep quickly, I pick him up & cuddle him again.

And as for longing for such an opportunity, I am over 40, had 9 IVF transfers & two miscarriages before finally welcoming our son into the world.  So yes, I longed pretty hard to love & nuture my son - which I do.  But I would never claim to be more 'deserving' than the next person, nor would I judge someone else's choices.

#20 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:26 PM

QUOTE (**Lucy** @ 16/11/2012, 05:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Really NOT helpful.

OP, I think it depends on how often the person is looking after baby.  Is it occassional as in once a month or more regular, say a couple times a week?  I think if its occassional, its fine for whoevers babysitting to just do what they need to do, but if its regular babysitting, then consistency is important.

I've seen my sister go through just aweful sleep troubles with her 2 kids, leaving her sleep deprived for years, so I think what you're doing is good, trying to get into good habits from an early age.  But I don't think you need to be super strict if its a once off.  Thats my opinion anyway.

Yes it's maybe once a week or maybe every 10 days or so & it's usually only one or two sleeps max in that day.  Both DH & I love to have him fall asleep on us, (esp DH) and we haven't 'banned' that altogether by any means, but it's just not something I'd do every nap time.

#21 minidiamond

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:28 PM

Thanks everyone for all of your input !!  biggrin.gif
As it happens, DS is fast asleep on his snoring grandma right now so I guess I bent the 'rules' a bit happy.gif  !

#22 Wahwah

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:38 PM

QUOTE (mbfw @ 16/11/2012, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, I guess I am being judgmental. Just over a lot of the topics I have been reading where it is all about what the mother wants and not what the baby needs. Obviously baby still needs to be cuddled to sleep or baby would not scream for three minutes when left alone. 14 week old baby expected to be a mature, independent adult and fall asleep alone. Ridiculous. Let babies be babies. Enjoy the cuddles and opportunity to nurture- so many people long for such an opportunity. Motherhood is for loving and caring, not controlling.

What a silly comment. Doesn't help the conversation at all. I guess I'm expecting my 5yo to be a mature independent adult then because I expect her to fall asleep alone.

For the OP. I think consistency helps but I cut the grandparents a little slack. Nannies I have always asked that they follow my preferences because that's why I've hired them.

#23 FreeRangeMum

Posted 16 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

Nah. If they are willing to give up their time to babysit, and my kids are happy, then they can pretty much do what they like original.gif

#24 Mum2TwoDSs

Posted 17 November 2012 - 04:40 AM

QUOTE (Liltuss @ 16/11/2012, 05:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't really need to justify myself here and I would never label a complete stranger (ie 'controlling') without knowing more about their specific situation, and about their mothering overall.

And as for longing for such an opportunity, I am over 40, had 9 IVF transfers & two miscarriages before finally welcoming our son into the world.  So yes, I longed pretty hard to love & nuture my son - which I do.  But I would never claim to be more 'deserving' than the next person, nor would I judge someone else's choices.


Good on you Liltuss!!!:)

Edited by Mum2TwoDSs, 17 November 2012 - 04:41 AM.




Reply to this topic



  


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

There's no need to eclipse a babymoon

As long as pregnant women do their research, travelling during pregnancy can be done safely.

Mum and daughter have babies on same day

"It's not really something you ever want or think could happen. To have my mum going through it with me is probably the most special, amazing thing ever.”

Our baby's reflux caused the longest endurance test of our lives

I'm glad she wasn't my first child, or I would have thought that this was normal.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

The podcast that reminds mums they are not alone

A mum's complicated, gruelling labour gave birth to two lovely beings: her daughter and her delightful podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.

Is it too late to change my midwife?

My wife is nine months pregnant and we are planning a home birth - but we've had late problems with our midwife team.

The Very Hungover Caterpillar: a parody many can relate to

A new book released this month will be sure to have parents nodding and giggling in recognition the world over.

Babywearers unite against misinformation

Everyone has heard of people power, but what about passionate babywearing power?

Reliving the birth experience

When people ask about how my labour went, I usually respond: "Good, I think? Four hours long, and yeah it hurt, but I dunno, it's labour, it's giving birth, it's painful... but I guess it was good? As good as good gets?"

Literary baby name inspiration

From Harry Potter to Shakespeare and everything in between, we've scoured the library shelves for literary baby name inspiration.

Preparing your child to attend a sibling's birth

Thinking about having your kids at the birth of your baby? Here are some things to consider.

Counselling helps mum deal with triplets' early birth

When Kimberlee King's waters broke nine weeks before her triplets were due, she went into autopilot as she packed her hospital bag.

The women balancing babies with new businesses

Motherhood teaches us that we can be more tolerant, patient, and loving than we ever thought possible - and can also show us that we're innovative, creative and entrepreneurial, too.

It's true, kids grow up overnight

A dad ponders how his toddler daughter can change so much in just one 24 hour period.

Father sings to dying son days after losing wife

A heartbreaking video shows a new dad singing 'Blackbird' to his dying son just days after losing his wife.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.