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Mad at my Dad
Can't he at leat pretend he cares??


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#1 Kabu84

Posted 15 November 2012 - 02:45 PM

I'm upset and angry with my Dad at the moment. I'm not sure if I'm just over-tired or if I legitimately have a reason to feel like this, so please let me know what you think.

Yesterday I finished my degree (yay!). My Dad hasn't called, e-mailed or anything to say congratulations. Nothing. He knows I've finished because I told him so many times when I was finishing, and I spoke to my sister yesterday who lives with him and she told me that he knows it's my last day. So why not freaking call??? I'm not asking for praise, just a simple call to say congratulations or something. Just some acknowledgement from my Dad that I've reached this milestone. I know at 28 I shouldn't need my parents approval, but FAR OUT I just finished a 4 year degree with honours, isn't that worthy of a phone call or something??

To be honest I'm sort of not surprised by this behaviour.

On the other hand I may be over-reacting because I am tired and have PMS. I don't know.

Do you think I'm justified in being cranky about this? I know he's had time to call, because my sister said he was watching TV last night.

#2 Escapin

Posted 15 November 2012 - 02:52 PM

Fantastic that you've finished your degre! I thought graduation day was when the whole celebration thing happened?

#3 ubermum

Posted 15 November 2012 - 02:52 PM

Congratulations op biggrin.gif

#4 JoMarch

Posted 15 November 2012 - 02:53 PM

I can understand your disappointment, but if your Dad is anything like mine, they just don't think like that.  Mine wouldn't think to call & congratulate, but would probably say something the next time I saw him.  Honestly, its not something that I would really get upset or angry about, but I can understand that you DO want your parents to feel proud of you, so maybe its a little bit disappointing that he hasn't acknowledged your achievement yet.  Maybe give him a little bit more time...

Congratulations on finishing your degree, it is a huge achievement! Try not to let yourself get too upset by your Dad & enjoy this time.

#5 malibu71

Posted 15 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

I always get myself in trouble with my expectations - so try to water them down considerably so then it is doubly appreciated when people do the simple things.

Hard to do and I work at it all the time...

Good luck!!
Xo

#6 niggles

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:01 PM

Perhaps you could organise a celebratory dinner/ get together and give him a chance to congratulate you properly. I'm fairly sure mine wouldn't have noticed anything like that either. I'm lucky if they remember a birthday and that's got a date on the calendar that doesn't change year to year. But if I said "I'm coming to yours on Tuesday, it's my birthday" then they would fuss over me very sufficiently and cook me dinner and bake a cake.

I'm sure he's proud of you. Good job, by the way. It's a great milestone.

#7 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:19 PM

Congratulations!

Neither of my degrees received congratulations from my Mum or Dad. It's hurtful, but all I can do is vow not to do it to my kids in turn.

#8 casime

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:27 PM

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!  



#9 Mylittlebeans

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:37 PM

Your Dad should not only congratulate you but be ridiculously proud of you right now. What you have done deserves congratulations. My DH's family was kind of like this when he finished his degree as a mature student. I think it still hurts because he worked so hard. Nothing you can do about it but like another PP said, you now know how to act when your own kids or someone close to you accomplishes such a milestone. By the way, big congratulations, a 4 year degree with honours awesome.

#10 laridae

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:45 PM

I don't think either of my parents congratulated me on completing my degree, and that was when I was 22 and still living with them!

So was it you last day of exams?, or do you have your results? Or have you graduated?

I'm sure he will congratulate you when you actually graduate, but just finishing the last day of exams (while probably a hugely important milestone for you), probably doesn't rate very high for anyone else.

#11 Z-girls rock

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:48 PM

Hi not to make excuses for your Dad but maybe he doesnt realise you have finished and thinks you are waiting for results (from essays or exams) to be sure.

Dads can be weird, or think things like "in my day we didnt celebrate until we got the result in our hand" etc.

maybe your sister needs to actually nudge him in the ribs and say "you need to call Kabu84 cause she has FINISHED and it is a BIG deal!" LOL


BTW huge congratulations to you for finishing!! Just try to enjoy the wonderful stress free no class/ no essay feeling of it all!! eexcite.gif

#12 cme

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:54 PM

Congratulations! Well done you should feel proud of yourself.

However, I think you're being hard on your dad. I would never congratulate someone on their last day of exams (or the day the last assignment is handed in). If I was told the results are in  or at the graduation would be more appropriate places to celebrate. Also even though I have a great relationship with my Dad he's not really one for phone calls. I would expect him to make a fuss when I see him next (although this may require prompting).

If he doesn't say congratulations next time you see him then you should be upset. Don't let this get you down when you should be enjoying your achievement.

#13 rabbit hyde

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:54 PM

Sorry to hear OP, I know first hand how sucky it can feel.

I never remember my dad saying congratulations or good work when either me or my brother did well in school.  Usually he would just say "make sure you keep it up next year" and leave it at that.

You learn very quickly to develop your own sense of self worth and validation.

Also Congratulations on completing your degree and good luck with any future endevours you have planned.

#14 I'veGotTheBook

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:55 PM

Congratulations and well done.

But you're being a bit precious.

#15 boatiebabe

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:03 PM

Firstly - Congratulations!

Secondly - does your Dad regularly disappoint you and do you constantly do things to gain his approval? If so I think you need to realise that you cannot change him and how he reacts to things but you can change how YOU react to him and his actions.

Do things for you. Make yourself proud. Don't seek approval where you are unlikely to get it. It just wears you down eventually.

#16 LynnyP

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:07 PM

Would never occur to me to expect a call in those circumstances.  In my family, when we get our results, the next time we are all together we share them and people are happy to celebrate with us.  Frankly, the last day of a degree is all encompassing in our heads but not in anyone elses, and that is perfectly understandable.

#17 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:08 PM

QUOTE (laridae @ 15/11/2012, 03:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm sure he will congratulate you when you actually graduate, but just finishing the last day of exams (while probably a hugely important milestone for you), probably doesn't rate very high for anyone else.

I tend to agree with this.  I never expected anyone to congratulate me for my last day of exams.  It was a bit of a non-event.  I just wanted to sleep!

If he doesn't congratulate you on graduation day, then I think you have every right to be a bit miffed.  But today?  No, I think you are over-analysing it.

#18 steppy

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:13 PM

I can see why you are upset but think you are maybe being a little oversensitive about it. He probably is proud and happy but just hasn't phoned you about it.

#19 Tooties

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:25 PM

First of all, congrats, its a big acheivement!

I don't recall my last day being a big deal for anyone else or getting any congratulations but when I got my final results and at graduation, my parents were proud as punch.  Give him a bit more of a chance.

I think the only reason it occurs to my dad to ask my about my current degree is because its the same one he did!

#20 Sancti-mummy

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:27 PM

Congratulations!!!

That being said, if your dad is from the same shop that I got my Dad at, I think you just have to catch him talking to his mates or rellos if you want to find anything praiseworthy about what you have done - be assured he is probably boasting about it, just hasn't got the wherewithal to say directly to you "I am so proud of your achievements".

It does suck - big time - and I have tried to change my Dad for decades.  It is a reaction that seems to work on the disappointment angle no problems - you get that instantly - the "good on you" stuff, though, you need to catch them unawares on.

Apparently it is something to do with the way that they were (or were not) brought up to show their affection.

#21 VintageEyes

Posted 15 November 2012 - 05:33 PM

I don't think either of my parents actually said congratulations...and they came to my graduation ceremony!

Some people just keep their cards close to their chest. Yes it sucks but not much you can do about it.

#22 Apageintime

Posted 15 November 2012 - 05:51 PM

Congratulations. What a great achievement.

I finished my second bachelors this year and i called mum after my last exam and she said 'well you still don't have as many degrees that I do'. Well mum, I'm 25, give me time.

Parents suck sometimes OP.

#23 belindarama

Posted 15 November 2012 - 06:00 PM

I don't think either of my parents congratulated me on my last day at uni for either of my degrees and my parents are really interested, supportive people.

They probably said something when I got my results and i knew i was done.  At both graduation ceremonies they were very proud and would have congratulated me then.

#24 Romeo Void

Posted 15 November 2012 - 06:14 PM

QUOTE (suziej @ 15/11/2012, 04:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Congratulations!!!

That being said, if your dad is from the same shop that I got my Dad at, I think you just have to catch him talking to his mates or rellos if you want to find anything praiseworthy about what you have done - be assured he is probably boasting about it, just hasn't got the wherewithal to say directly to you "I am so proud of your achievements".

It does suck - big time - and I have tried to change my Dad for decades.  It is a reaction that seems to work on the disappointment angle no problems - you get that instantly - the "good on you" stuff, though, you need to catch them unawares on.

Apparently it is something to do with the way that they were (or were not) brought up to show their affection.

Bingo.  You'd have to get my dad drunk to find out how he really felt.  I worked out how to read him as a teen. The little punch on the arm as he walked by = a hug, a slight puffing of the chest while talking about something = proud of me.  He'd never say anything outright as a rule. But get my dad REALLY hammered and if you were lucky/unlucky he'd start reminiscing about the day I was born and tears would stream down his face.

OP I bet he's as proud as punch but just figures he'll say something when he see's you, don't take it to heart.

Edited by Romeo Void, 15 November 2012 - 06:14 PM.


#25 Kabu84

Posted 15 November 2012 - 08:29 PM

Thanks for the replies! I'm glad I got some different perspectives before I let my sh*tty mood cause trouble! Yes I think I need to get over it. I can see now that it probably just hasn't registered with my Dad what a big deal of a moment it was for me. Like some of you said he's probably waiting for my results/graduation day.

Thanks for the congratulations. I am proud of myself for getting through it all. I did it for myself and it has been very rewarding for me, and that's the most important thing. My DH actually gave me a beautiful card today with the most heart-felt words in it about how proud he is of my efforts. That is all the recognition I need. It was just beautiful wub.gif

Now off to get some much-needed sleep!






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