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Advice on 13 month old please


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#1 copham

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:29 AM

Hi ladies my DS is almost 13 months old and has started 'sooking' all the time. If I leave the room he will sook, if I go into the kitchen he starts if he wakes up (in bed next to me for day naps) he will sook until I pick him up. I can't close the door behind me when I go to toilet or you would think I was murdering him. I understand that he is on cue for separation anxiety but could it be anything else?
A little more insight to our situation is DH works 4 weeks on/ 4 weeks off in PNG so we don't see or hear from him for that time, we have just moved interstate away from family and into a new house and I am currently pregnant (not sure if he understands or picks up on this)
He has gone back to not wanting to sleep in his own cot at night I can usually get 2-3 hours before he comes into our bed but even then he just sooks and moves around until he finally passes out. I feel as a first time mum I don't know what to try, I understand his going to have his moments but this is every 30 minutes to an hour something will happen and he will get upset? Is this the norm for his age group? I don't know anyone IRL with a child his age so not sure if I'm just being OTT and this is the norm.

#2 Escapin

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:33 AM

Totally normal! I've got quite good at going to the loo with DD sitting on my lap. The hard part is pulling up your trousers with a kid attached to you a like a monkey!! hahaha. Don't worry, it gets easier. DD is now 19 months and quite independent. She will happily sit on the feeding chair in her room and read books while a have a shower in peace - marvellous!

#3 copham

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:35 AM

Thanks as long as its normal I am not overly worried. Many people have told me "oh my child never did that" so I was starting to get worried although these are the same parents that swear the babies they have slept through at 8 weeks and never cried wink.gif

#4 Feralmummacat

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:41 AM

Another here that can not go to the toilet in peace.

Yesterday DS2 had to be in the bathroom and blew a raspberry on my leg while I was trying to pull my jeans up. When I told DH he just thought it was funny, while I was looking for some sympathy.

I was out at a cooking class last night (first time) and DS2 sooked the whole time for DH and DS1.

Sorry I don't really have any advice but I also remember DS1 went through the same phase as well. He is now a relatively independent 5 year old.

#5 Frau Farbissina

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:44 AM

It sounds very normal. They usually grow out of it by 18mths - 2 yrs (well mine did). They start to be interested in other things and feel more confident to be by themselves. Takes awhile though  original.gif  Having a shower with a toddler scowling at me through the glass, or wailing, was never realxing (and no didn't want to go in with me either). Trying to do my business on the loo with someone on my lap is not much fun but at least a bit quieter than the wailing and banging on the closed door.... pick your battles hehe

#6 copham

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:52 AM

Feeling less concerned like I am parenting fail now, thanks ladies good to know that DS is right on where he should be just got to count down until he doesn't want me all the time lol biggrin.gif

#7 BabeBlossom

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:56 AM

Totally normal for my experience. Around that age DD started realising I was leaving the room but I think was too young to understand I was still close by or that I would be coming back in a short amount of time so would panic. She got better as she got older but you certainly do get use to using the toilet while holding a child on your lap. Now she follows me in instead of standing there screaming as if I've abandoned her but insists on trying to help me wipe  rolleyes.gif

Sounds like your friends children were all perfect babies, might be hard to get useful advice for a more typical child from them...

#8 Tesseract

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:59 AM

Normal. I have a little basket of toys in the bathroom for toilet and shower time lol.

I do think that it is probably feeling very full on because you don't get much if a break when your DH is away, and you're also tired because of the sleep deprivation and pregnancy.

I had a near breakdown from sleep deprivation at 14 months and I night weaned DD and she went into her own room. DH basically did all the settling for a week, that's what it took. She wasn't happy but was never left alone.  I a pretty gentle/attachment parent so this was a though decision for us.  But as I said, it was that or I was going to crack up. Each family needs to decide when/what is right for them.

Does he go to daycare? A good daycare can be great for them, and would give you a break.

Edited by Tesseract, 15 November 2012 - 12:00 PM.


#9 bjk76

Posted 15 November 2012 - 12:13 PM

DS has also been quite clingy, but at 19mo has improved a lot. As a PP said, toys in the bathroom are great for when you need a shower, but basically I just tried to give DS attention as he asked for it and slowly things improved. Sometimes if I had my mind set on doing something and he was asking for attention, it really helped to stop and play with him and give him my full attention for 5-10 min, then he was fine to play independently for a little bit while I did whatever I had to do.

I'd be reluctant to put your DS into childcare (as a PP suggested) at his age, as I feel you are risking exacerbating his separation anxiety. As frustrating as it may be, your DS does really need you when he asks for you and having him spend time away from you (to toughen him up, as some people may put it??) can have the opposite effect, as he's too young to understand why you have left and that you will come back again. If you have to use childcare, he'll probably adapt, but it will be stressful on him, so I'd wouldn't use childcare as a solution to separation anxiety.

Good luck!

#10 flowermama

Posted 15 November 2012 - 12:17 PM

Normal I think! DD2 is 13 months and roars every time I leave the room, even if I keep talking to her while I'm gone (e.g. popping into the laundry etc). She accompanies me to the toilet along with DD1 so it gets a bit crowded  original.gif She sits outside the shower when I'm showering...she's my little determined shadow!

#11 Cranky Kitten

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:27 PM

Yep, sounds about right - it's natural for the age and he has had a lot of upheaval recently which is bound to have him a bit unsettled. DS likes to follow me around the house but will sook if I move out of visual range. He also insists on coming to the loo with me - surprising how you look forward to the other half coming home just so you can pee in peace original.gif

The good news is they do grow out of it - pretty soon he'll be buzzing around the house doing his own thing and only checking back every few minutes to see where you are.

#12 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:19 PM

Chiming in late but my 12 month old is right at this stage now, he cries with real tears if I am out of sight for a second.  He comes to the loo with me also, he thinks he's helping pulling all the toilet paper off the roll.  
We have 2 doors to our bathroom, one enters from my bedroom and one from the kitchen, I usually shut the kitchen one when I go to the loo, he'll be happily playing but then notice I am missing and if he comes to it and it's shut he gets in such a state, then walks all the way around through the hallway to get in through my bedroom door, screaming the whole time.


#13 mum201

Posted 21 November 2012 - 08:06 PM

Eh sounds like my 12 month old. He has also started doing these dramatic tantrums that seem to be just reserved for mummy. If he has indicated that he wants to be picked up and I don't do it within about 3sec he launches himself on my feet, laying on his tummy wailing, whilst grabbing my legs. He can be laughing right before hand and is happy once picked up but it's so dramatic. I have also barely peed alone in a year!!!!




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