Jump to content

how do i deal with this
DS1 being violent at school


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:04 AM

This morning i took my boys to school as normal to have DS1's teacher pull me aside and ask if DS1 had mentioned that he had been in trouble yesterday... i said that he hadn't but in truth i hadn't really been with him very much as i worked late last night.

Apparently yesterday afternoon another boy in the class was annoying DS1 and DS1 lost it and headbutted him in the face. To the point that he almost broke the other boys nose sad.gif

So he has a time out at school today, and is lucky that he didn't actually break the boys nose otherwise not only would he have been suspended but it would have also been a mandatory police report sad.gif

how do i deal with it? apparently he is self harming again but smacking his head against tables etc which he hasn't done for a few years.

He does have an appt in 2 weeks for ASD and anxiety disorder testing... and we know he has a learning delay but we are waiting for further testing from a speechie but i am at a loss on what i am supposed to do now... i am going to try and speak to him tonight about what happened and what caused him to lose control but knowing him i would get more response from the wall....

#2 Carmen02

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:12 AM

my DS is 8  (grade 2) and has severe language delay and is getting tested for anxiety problems, the teacher and i are finding his doing alot of things out of character for him lately as he has alot of trouble socially. We have been sitting him down and talking to him and the school is guiding him into better ways in dealing with his anger/feelings its been a long road and he does have bad days and some good days but it is defiently worth chatting to your DS then the teacher to see if there are ways to help him out at school. Ill be happy once DS stops crying and lashing out at the drop of a hat! His getting teased which doesnt help his outbursts.

#3 Beltie

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

I have PMed you.

#4 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE (Carmen02 @ 15/11/2012, 09:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my DS is 8  (grade 2) and has severe language delay and is getting tested for anxiety problems, the teacher and i are finding his doing alot of things out of character for him lately as he has alot of trouble socially. We have been sitting him down and talking to him and the school is guiding him into better ways in dealing with his anger/feelings its been a long road and he does have bad days and some good days but it is defiently worth chatting to your DS then the teacher to see if there are ways to help him out at school. Ill be happy once DS stops crying and lashing out at the drop of a hat! His getting teased which doesnt help his outbursts.


my boy sounds very much the same as your boy... same age as well... DS1's speech is actually good but he has learning delays related around language... he also bursts in to tears at anything and everything...

his teacher has been amazing this year at helping him deal with some of his emotions but when he is one kid in a class of kids with a lot of problems then there is only so much she can do... When DS1 lashes out its generally verbal which has gotten him in to a lot of trouble before but this is the first time that he has been so physical about it.

#5 kadoodle

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:19 AM

What happened to the annoying little sod who was bullying him for a reaction?  Has there been any sort of support for your son to deal with these sort of kids?  Has there been any sort of education for students in non-bullying and looking out for classmates?

For a kid to be able to torment a vulnerable student to the point where he loses it  is just not good enough.  The fact that he's self harming would lead me to believe this was not an isolated incident, but a "last straw" one.

#6 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 15/11/2012, 10:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What happened to the annoying little sod who was bullying him for a reaction?  Has there been any sort of support for your son to deal with these sort of kids?  Has there been any sort of education for students in non-bullying and looking out for classmates?

For a kid to be able to torment a vulnerable student to the point where he loses it  is just not good enough.  The fact that he's self harming would lead me to believe this was not an isolated incident, but a "last straw" one.


The class is a complex one with a teacher streched to her limits... At least half the class has some form of special need with most being undiagnosed or not able to have an aid.

Ds1 said some kids where hurting him a few weeks ago but this boy was not one of them, I suspect bullying and teasing is not uncommon in this class.

#7 Coffeegirl

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

QUOTE (-*meh*- @ 15/11/2012, 10:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Apparently yesterday afternoon another boy in the class was annoying DS1 and DS1 lost it and headbutted him in the face. To the point that he almost broke the other boys nose sad.gif


kadoodle  -   I don't think anyone is accusing anyone else of bullying here are they?    Annoying could be anything to a child with SD.   Another child simply repeatedly dropping a pencil could be considered annoying, or continued whispering to the SD child.   Neither I would class as bullying though.  It may very well be that the other child provoked the child that lashed out, but this has not been indicated here.

-*meh*-  I hope your upcoming appointments provide you some answers original.gif






#8 lafonda

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

Is this the same child that his after school care providers where wondering if he had been tested for diabetes?

Only reason I ask is because a lot of my mood swings from earlier this year have been put down to my blood sugar levels being all out of whack. (Waiting on a diabetes diagnoses, hopefully results tomorrow.)

Sorry if I have the wrong person

#9 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:49 AM

QUOTE (lafonda @ 15/11/2012, 11:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is this the same child that his after school care providers where wondering if he had been tested for diabetes?

Only reason I ask is because a lot of my mood swings from earlier this year have been put down to my blood sugar levels being all out of whack. (Waiting on a diabetes diagnoses, hopefully results tomorrow.)

Sorry if I have the wrong person

yes same child... I am going to hopefully organise that appt this weekend

#10 Bob-the-skull

Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

ex picked them up last night as normal and he actually managed to get DS1 to speak to him (which is a rarity in itself!)...

apparently the boy had been picking on both DS1 and DS2 for over a week at recess and lunch by attempting to kick both of them in the groin... my boys had just been going away from him during break times but both are very forgiving children and would let him play with them again each time until it happened again and again... however they weren't reporting it to a teacher.

it appears the the class incident which was the other child continuing to take the lego pieces DS1 was trying to construct with was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. We have spoken to DS1 very sternly about the need to not only walk away but to speak up and get help from teachers/counsellor/chaplin at school and about not retaliating.

I spoke to his teacher again this morning to let her know DS1's full story and it appears that DS1 did tell the counsellor who he had time out with what had happened as the counsellor wasn't going to give him a full time out but his teacher said that DS1 does actually need the punishment as DS1 doesn't have "grey areas" things are either right or wrong.

So fingers crossed that it was a once off... we have an appt with the psyc and testings in 2 weeks and i will be bringing this type of stuff up as it is what happens when DS1 feels backed in to the cnr.

#11 Copacetic

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:22 PM

We had the same problem - NT children pushing and pushing DS1 for a reaction (and Yes - that IS bullying) and eventually we just removed him from mainstream schooling.

You need to get yourself some urgent appointments to get your diagnoses(s) in place, so you can get yourself some funding for support for him in place to get ready for next year.

The other thing that we have found (Ds1 is 9) is that this year he went through some hormonal changes and cottoned  onto the fact that he was different from the other other kids, which didn't help.  

Unfortunately, if your son has lashed out and hurt someone, my experience is that the school won't care what the antecedent was.  The fact that he hurt someone will make it his fault.

I'm sorry you're going through this.  its awful.

#12 kadoodle

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:49 PM

QUOTE (Coffeegirl @ 15/11/2012, 11:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kadoodle  -   I don't think anyone is accusing anyone else of bullying here are they?    Annoying could be anything to a child with SD.   Another child simply repeatedly dropping a pencil could be considered annoying, or continued whispering to the SD child.   Neither I would class as bullying though.  It may very well be that the other child provoked the child that lashed out, but this has not been indicated here.

-*meh*-  I hope your upcoming appointments provide you some answers original.gif


For a child to suddenly escalate to self harm and violence, something big is going on.  Something much beyond normal sensory irritation

I'm glad you got to the bottom of it, Meh.  I'm hoping that the school steps up their support for this teacher and allowing her to provide a safe learning environment for your son.

#13 Domestic Goddess

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:20 PM

I'm only new to the forum and am not aware of your sons history, so I apologize if I offend someone.

I'm just wondering, about the headbutting and hitting the table with his head, has he had a diagnoses for SPD yet?

DS is only just about to turn 3, BUT he headbutts walls, doors, tables, etc. He does this when it gets too noisy/busy around him. When there's an altercation between him and another child or even a carer, he will instantly bite as this will give him a positive sensory input and makes him feel better. Same with the head banging of hard objects sad.gif

If he hasn't been diagnosed (yet), it will probably show up in the coming ASD/anxiety assessment.

If he does have SPD, than your OT should be able to give you tips on how to prevent the self harm.

#14 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:02 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 16/11/2012, 05:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For a child to suddenly escalate to self harm and violence, something big is going on.  Something much beyond normal sensory irritation

I'm glad you got to the bottom of it, Meh.  I'm hoping that the school steps up their support for this teacher and allowing her to provide a safe learning environment for your son.


*nods*

On friday night DP discovered that DS1 has "trauma damage" to his foreskin from the amount of times this kid has successfully kicked him in the groin, he was unable to retract it and it had a tear on it sad.gif sad.gif so he has had to use a saline solution to watch his penis every time he uses the toilet to prevent infection from setting in...

i am organising a meeting with the school on monday for Ex and I.

#15 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:10 PM

Ask for a Guidance Assessment. It won't happen until next year at this stage, but if he can get on the list now, hopefully, if they are on the ball, he'll be one of the first in line next year.

It's an appointment with an Ed Psych to identify any learning difficulties. Once the report is in, even if they are no diagnosed issues, there is a written section which provides suggestions how to help the child.

Also get a referral to the CDU

Apologies of you have already done both of these.

#16 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 18/11/2012, 08:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ask for a Guidance Assessment. It won't happen until next year at this stage, but if he can get on the list now, hopefully, if they are on the ball, he'll be one of the first in line next year.

It's an appointment with an Ed Psych to identify any learning difficulties. Once the report is in, even if they are no diagnosed issues, there is a written section which provides suggestions how to help the child.

Also get a referral to the CDU

Apologies of you have already done both of these.


he has had this testing this year, the psych did the WISC testing with him which is how we have found out some of the learning delays, we are waiting for further testing with the speechie as they believe its an underlying language delay.

#17 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:15 PM

Your last update, my jaw dropped. Can you have the other little sh*t charged, or at least spoken to by the cops. I mean really, kicked until his foreskin tore? WTF!

#18 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:18 PM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 18/11/2012, 08:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your last update, my jaw dropped. Can you have the other little sh*t charged, or at least spoken to by the cops. I mean really, kicked until his foreskin tore? WTF!


I could probably try but thats not really my concern right now... my main thing is to make sure that he leaves my boys alone... I know its bad but i am hoping that now DS1 has lashed out at him that he might back off sad.gif

The thing that has made me sad is that this is the boy that I talked to DS1 about when DS1 wasn't going to invite him to his party because "he is naughty in class"... DS1 happily invited him and from what the boys grandparent said he rarely gets invited and then he turns on DS1 like this sad.gif

#19 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:28 PM

Can we not call children little sh*ts?

*meh* have you spoken to the school about the injury? You obviously want it dealt with privately, but please make sure they understand the extent of the damage/incident so they can take measures to protect your boy.

#20 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:32 PM

Yes, sorry, just shock. Given your next update he obviously has his own issues.

#21 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 18/11/2012, 08:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can we not call children little sh*ts?

*meh* have you spoken to the school about the injury? You obviously want it dealt with privately, but please make sure they understand the extent of the damage/incident so they can take measures to protect your boy.

not yet because we didn't know the extent til Friday night... I will be going in to the office tomorrow morning

#22 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:41 PM

*meh*...I just want to wish you good luck in your meeting tomorrow.

Your poor little boy -- it sounds like he has already endured so much at the hands of other kids.  sad.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.