Jump to content

how do i deal with this
DS1 being violent at school


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:04 AM

This morning i took my boys to school as normal to have DS1's teacher pull me aside and ask if DS1 had mentioned that he had been in trouble yesterday... i said that he hadn't but in truth i hadn't really been with him very much as i worked late last night.

Apparently yesterday afternoon another boy in the class was annoying DS1 and DS1 lost it and headbutted him in the face. To the point that he almost broke the other boys nose sad.gif

So he has a time out at school today, and is lucky that he didn't actually break the boys nose otherwise not only would he have been suspended but it would have also been a mandatory police report sad.gif

how do i deal with it? apparently he is self harming again but smacking his head against tables etc which he hasn't done for a few years.

He does have an appt in 2 weeks for ASD and anxiety disorder testing... and we know he has a learning delay but we are waiting for further testing from a speechie but i am at a loss on what i am supposed to do now... i am going to try and speak to him tonight about what happened and what caused him to lose control but knowing him i would get more response from the wall....

#2 Carmen02

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:12 AM

my DS is 8  (grade 2) and has severe language delay and is getting tested for anxiety problems, the teacher and i are finding his doing alot of things out of character for him lately as he has alot of trouble socially. We have been sitting him down and talking to him and the school is guiding him into better ways in dealing with his anger/feelings its been a long road and he does have bad days and some good days but it is defiently worth chatting to your DS then the teacher to see if there are ways to help him out at school. Ill be happy once DS stops crying and lashing out at the drop of a hat! His getting teased which doesnt help his outbursts.

#3 Beltie

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

I have PMed you.

#4 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE (Carmen02 @ 15/11/2012, 09:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my DS is 8  (grade 2) and has severe language delay and is getting tested for anxiety problems, the teacher and i are finding his doing alot of things out of character for him lately as he has alot of trouble socially. We have been sitting him down and talking to him and the school is guiding him into better ways in dealing with his anger/feelings its been a long road and he does have bad days and some good days but it is defiently worth chatting to your DS then the teacher to see if there are ways to help him out at school. Ill be happy once DS stops crying and lashing out at the drop of a hat! His getting teased which doesnt help his outbursts.


my boy sounds very much the same as your boy... same age as well... DS1's speech is actually good but he has learning delays related around language... he also bursts in to tears at anything and everything...

his teacher has been amazing this year at helping him deal with some of his emotions but when he is one kid in a class of kids with a lot of problems then there is only so much she can do... When DS1 lashes out its generally verbal which has gotten him in to a lot of trouble before but this is the first time that he has been so physical about it.

#5 kadoodle

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:19 AM

What happened to the annoying little sod who was bullying him for a reaction?  Has there been any sort of support for your son to deal with these sort of kids?  Has there been any sort of education for students in non-bullying and looking out for classmates?

For a kid to be able to torment a vulnerable student to the point where he loses it  is just not good enough.  The fact that he's self harming would lead me to believe this was not an isolated incident, but a "last straw" one.

#6 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 15/11/2012, 10:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What happened to the annoying little sod who was bullying him for a reaction?  Has there been any sort of support for your son to deal with these sort of kids?  Has there been any sort of education for students in non-bullying and looking out for classmates?

For a kid to be able to torment a vulnerable student to the point where he loses it  is just not good enough.  The fact that he's self harming would lead me to believe this was not an isolated incident, but a "last straw" one.


The class is a complex one with a teacher streched to her limits... At least half the class has some form of special need with most being undiagnosed or not able to have an aid.

Ds1 said some kids where hurting him a few weeks ago but this boy was not one of them, I suspect bullying and teasing is not uncommon in this class.

#7 Coffeegirl

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

QUOTE (-*meh*- @ 15/11/2012, 10:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Apparently yesterday afternoon another boy in the class was annoying DS1 and DS1 lost it and headbutted him in the face. To the point that he almost broke the other boys nose sad.gif


kadoodle  -   I don't think anyone is accusing anyone else of bullying here are they?    Annoying could be anything to a child with SD.   Another child simply repeatedly dropping a pencil could be considered annoying, or continued whispering to the SD child.   Neither I would class as bullying though.  It may very well be that the other child provoked the child that lashed out, but this has not been indicated here.

-*meh*-  I hope your upcoming appointments provide you some answers original.gif






#8 lafonda

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

Is this the same child that his after school care providers where wondering if he had been tested for diabetes?

Only reason I ask is because a lot of my mood swings from earlier this year have been put down to my blood sugar levels being all out of whack. (Waiting on a diabetes diagnoses, hopefully results tomorrow.)

Sorry if I have the wrong person

#9 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:49 AM

QUOTE (lafonda @ 15/11/2012, 11:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is this the same child that his after school care providers where wondering if he had been tested for diabetes?

Only reason I ask is because a lot of my mood swings from earlier this year have been put down to my blood sugar levels being all out of whack. (Waiting on a diabetes diagnoses, hopefully results tomorrow.)

Sorry if I have the wrong person

yes same child... I am going to hopefully organise that appt this weekend

#10 Bob-the-skull

Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

ex picked them up last night as normal and he actually managed to get DS1 to speak to him (which is a rarity in itself!)...

apparently the boy had been picking on both DS1 and DS2 for over a week at recess and lunch by attempting to kick both of them in the groin... my boys had just been going away from him during break times but both are very forgiving children and would let him play with them again each time until it happened again and again... however they weren't reporting it to a teacher.

it appears the the class incident which was the other child continuing to take the lego pieces DS1 was trying to construct with was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. We have spoken to DS1 very sternly about the need to not only walk away but to speak up and get help from teachers/counsellor/chaplin at school and about not retaliating.

I spoke to his teacher again this morning to let her know DS1's full story and it appears that DS1 did tell the counsellor who he had time out with what had happened as the counsellor wasn't going to give him a full time out but his teacher said that DS1 does actually need the punishment as DS1 doesn't have "grey areas" things are either right or wrong.

So fingers crossed that it was a once off... we have an appt with the psyc and testings in 2 weeks and i will be bringing this type of stuff up as it is what happens when DS1 feels backed in to the cnr.

#11 Copacetic

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:22 PM

We had the same problem - NT children pushing and pushing DS1 for a reaction (and Yes - that IS bullying) and eventually we just removed him from mainstream schooling.

You need to get yourself some urgent appointments to get your diagnoses(s) in place, so you can get yourself some funding for support for him in place to get ready for next year.

The other thing that we have found (Ds1 is 9) is that this year he went through some hormonal changes and cottoned  onto the fact that he was different from the other other kids, which didn't help.  

Unfortunately, if your son has lashed out and hurt someone, my experience is that the school won't care what the antecedent was.  The fact that he hurt someone will make it his fault.

I'm sorry you're going through this.  its awful.

#12 kadoodle

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:49 PM

QUOTE (Coffeegirl @ 15/11/2012, 11:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kadoodle  -   I don't think anyone is accusing anyone else of bullying here are they?    Annoying could be anything to a child with SD.   Another child simply repeatedly dropping a pencil could be considered annoying, or continued whispering to the SD child.   Neither I would class as bullying though.  It may very well be that the other child provoked the child that lashed out, but this has not been indicated here.

-*meh*-  I hope your upcoming appointments provide you some answers original.gif


For a child to suddenly escalate to self harm and violence, something big is going on.  Something much beyond normal sensory irritation

I'm glad you got to the bottom of it, Meh.  I'm hoping that the school steps up their support for this teacher and allowing her to provide a safe learning environment for your son.

#13 Domestic Goddess

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:20 PM

I'm only new to the forum and am not aware of your sons history, so I apologize if I offend someone.

I'm just wondering, about the headbutting and hitting the table with his head, has he had a diagnoses for SPD yet?

DS is only just about to turn 3, BUT he headbutts walls, doors, tables, etc. He does this when it gets too noisy/busy around him. When there's an altercation between him and another child or even a carer, he will instantly bite as this will give him a positive sensory input and makes him feel better. Same with the head banging of hard objects sad.gif

If he hasn't been diagnosed (yet), it will probably show up in the coming ASD/anxiety assessment.

If he does have SPD, than your OT should be able to give you tips on how to prevent the self harm.

#14 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:02 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 16/11/2012, 05:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For a child to suddenly escalate to self harm and violence, something big is going on.  Something much beyond normal sensory irritation

I'm glad you got to the bottom of it, Meh.  I'm hoping that the school steps up their support for this teacher and allowing her to provide a safe learning environment for your son.


*nods*

On friday night DP discovered that DS1 has "trauma damage" to his foreskin from the amount of times this kid has successfully kicked him in the groin, he was unable to retract it and it had a tear on it sad.gif sad.gif so he has had to use a saline solution to watch his penis every time he uses the toilet to prevent infection from setting in...

i am organising a meeting with the school on monday for Ex and I.

#15 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:10 PM

Ask for a Guidance Assessment. It won't happen until next year at this stage, but if he can get on the list now, hopefully, if they are on the ball, he'll be one of the first in line next year.

It's an appointment with an Ed Psych to identify any learning difficulties. Once the report is in, even if they are no diagnosed issues, there is a written section which provides suggestions how to help the child.

Also get a referral to the CDU

Apologies of you have already done both of these.

#16 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 18/11/2012, 08:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ask for a Guidance Assessment. It won't happen until next year at this stage, but if he can get on the list now, hopefully, if they are on the ball, he'll be one of the first in line next year.

It's an appointment with an Ed Psych to identify any learning difficulties. Once the report is in, even if they are no diagnosed issues, there is a written section which provides suggestions how to help the child.

Also get a referral to the CDU

Apologies of you have already done both of these.


he has had this testing this year, the psych did the WISC testing with him which is how we have found out some of the learning delays, we are waiting for further testing with the speechie as they believe its an underlying language delay.

#17 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:15 PM

Your last update, my jaw dropped. Can you have the other little sh*t charged, or at least spoken to by the cops. I mean really, kicked until his foreskin tore? WTF!

#18 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:18 PM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 18/11/2012, 08:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your last update, my jaw dropped. Can you have the other little sh*t charged, or at least spoken to by the cops. I mean really, kicked until his foreskin tore? WTF!


I could probably try but thats not really my concern right now... my main thing is to make sure that he leaves my boys alone... I know its bad but i am hoping that now DS1 has lashed out at him that he might back off sad.gif

The thing that has made me sad is that this is the boy that I talked to DS1 about when DS1 wasn't going to invite him to his party because "he is naughty in class"... DS1 happily invited him and from what the boys grandparent said he rarely gets invited and then he turns on DS1 like this sad.gif

#19 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:28 PM

Can we not call children little sh*ts?

*meh* have you spoken to the school about the injury? You obviously want it dealt with privately, but please make sure they understand the extent of the damage/incident so they can take measures to protect your boy.

#20 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:32 PM

Yes, sorry, just shock. Given your next update he obviously has his own issues.

#21 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 18/11/2012, 08:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can we not call children little sh*ts?

*meh* have you spoken to the school about the injury? You obviously want it dealt with privately, but please make sure they understand the extent of the damage/incident so they can take measures to protect your boy.

not yet because we didn't know the extent til Friday night... I will be going in to the office tomorrow morning

#22 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:41 PM

*meh*...I just want to wish you good luck in your meeting tomorrow.

Your poor little boy -- it sounds like he has already endured so much at the hands of other kids.  sad.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

Great-great-grandma delivers great grandchild in her own home

''I've delivered calves, lambs, dogs and cats, but nothing like this.'' This 'Super Gran' calmly peeled the amniotic sac over her great-grandson's head before discovering the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck ... twice.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

Microcephaly still a mysterious condition around the world

For parents, having a child with microcephaly can mean a life of uncertainty.

7 baby firsts you won't see on milestone charts

Here are a few 'other' baby firsts you may not have been expecting, but you'll want to be ready for.

Why it's important to vaccinate on time

My son was born on the 1 July 2014. It's a fabulous birthday, don't you think? Not only does the first of July ring in a new financial year, but it also means we've hit the year's half way mark.

Naturopath treatment allegedly left baby "days from death"

A naturopath whose treatment of a baby boy allegedly led to the infant being severely ill has pleaded not guilty to charges against her. 

Andy Murray's emotional speech to pregnant wife after Australian Open

A teary-eyed Andy Murray promised pregnant wife Kim he'd be on the next plane home after his turbulent two weeks at the Australian Open came to an end.

This toddler and his duck BFF will melt your heart

A small boy in the US has struck up a quacking good friendship with an unlikely companion ... his pet duck. 

Great news for coffee drinkers - caffeine is good for your heart

Researchers have found that, contrary to prior belief, caffeine does not cause health-threatening heart palpitations.

I always wanted children - but I've found other ways to be maternal

I've always been one of the most maternal women I know.

When only one parent wants to know the gender

For some couples you either both want to know the gender of your unborn baby, or you don't. For others, it's not that simple.

'No jab no play' could hurt disadvantaged children, experts fear

Tough new "no jab no play" laws could hurt children who have not been immunised due to family dysfunction, poverty, or poor access to medical support, experts warn.

Zika virus: Airlines offer refunds to pregnant women

Airlines and cruise companies across the world are offering refunds or travel credits to pregnant women who are scheduled to visit countries struck by the devastating Zika virus.

#meditateonthis: Mums fight back against PND ignorance

Not all women will require medication, but many will. And there isn't and shouldn't be any shame in that.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

Free first aid demonstrations daily

Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.