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how do i deal with this
DS1 being violent at school


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#1 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:04 AM

This morning i took my boys to school as normal to have DS1's teacher pull me aside and ask if DS1 had mentioned that he had been in trouble yesterday... i said that he hadn't but in truth i hadn't really been with him very much as i worked late last night.

Apparently yesterday afternoon another boy in the class was annoying DS1 and DS1 lost it and headbutted him in the face. To the point that he almost broke the other boys nose sad.gif

So he has a time out at school today, and is lucky that he didn't actually break the boys nose otherwise not only would he have been suspended but it would have also been a mandatory police report sad.gif

how do i deal with it? apparently he is self harming again but smacking his head against tables etc which he hasn't done for a few years.

He does have an appt in 2 weeks for ASD and anxiety disorder testing... and we know he has a learning delay but we are waiting for further testing from a speechie but i am at a loss on what i am supposed to do now... i am going to try and speak to him tonight about what happened and what caused him to lose control but knowing him i would get more response from the wall....

#2 Carmen02

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:12 AM

my DS is 8  (grade 2) and has severe language delay and is getting tested for anxiety problems, the teacher and i are finding his doing alot of things out of character for him lately as he has alot of trouble socially. We have been sitting him down and talking to him and the school is guiding him into better ways in dealing with his anger/feelings its been a long road and he does have bad days and some good days but it is defiently worth chatting to your DS then the teacher to see if there are ways to help him out at school. Ill be happy once DS stops crying and lashing out at the drop of a hat! His getting teased which doesnt help his outbursts.

#3 Beltie

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

I have PMed you.

#4 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE (Carmen02 @ 15/11/2012, 09:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my DS is 8  (grade 2) and has severe language delay and is getting tested for anxiety problems, the teacher and i are finding his doing alot of things out of character for him lately as he has alot of trouble socially. We have been sitting him down and talking to him and the school is guiding him into better ways in dealing with his anger/feelings its been a long road and he does have bad days and some good days but it is defiently worth chatting to your DS then the teacher to see if there are ways to help him out at school. Ill be happy once DS stops crying and lashing out at the drop of a hat! His getting teased which doesnt help his outbursts.


my boy sounds very much the same as your boy... same age as well... DS1's speech is actually good but he has learning delays related around language... he also bursts in to tears at anything and everything...

his teacher has been amazing this year at helping him deal with some of his emotions but when he is one kid in a class of kids with a lot of problems then there is only so much she can do... When DS1 lashes out its generally verbal which has gotten him in to a lot of trouble before but this is the first time that he has been so physical about it.

#5 kadoodle

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:19 AM

What happened to the annoying little sod who was bullying him for a reaction?  Has there been any sort of support for your son to deal with these sort of kids?  Has there been any sort of education for students in non-bullying and looking out for classmates?

For a kid to be able to torment a vulnerable student to the point where he loses it  is just not good enough.  The fact that he's self harming would lead me to believe this was not an isolated incident, but a "last straw" one.

#6 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 15/11/2012, 10:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What happened to the annoying little sod who was bullying him for a reaction?  Has there been any sort of support for your son to deal with these sort of kids?  Has there been any sort of education for students in non-bullying and looking out for classmates?

For a kid to be able to torment a vulnerable student to the point where he loses it  is just not good enough.  The fact that he's self harming would lead me to believe this was not an isolated incident, but a "last straw" one.


The class is a complex one with a teacher streched to her limits... At least half the class has some form of special need with most being undiagnosed or not able to have an aid.

Ds1 said some kids where hurting him a few weeks ago but this boy was not one of them, I suspect bullying and teasing is not uncommon in this class.

#7 Coffeegirl

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

QUOTE (-*meh*- @ 15/11/2012, 10:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Apparently yesterday afternoon another boy in the class was annoying DS1 and DS1 lost it and headbutted him in the face. To the point that he almost broke the other boys nose sad.gif


kadoodle  -   I don't think anyone is accusing anyone else of bullying here are they?    Annoying could be anything to a child with SD.   Another child simply repeatedly dropping a pencil could be considered annoying, or continued whispering to the SD child.   Neither I would class as bullying though.  It may very well be that the other child provoked the child that lashed out, but this has not been indicated here.

-*meh*-  I hope your upcoming appointments provide you some answers original.gif






#8 lafonda

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

Is this the same child that his after school care providers where wondering if he had been tested for diabetes?

Only reason I ask is because a lot of my mood swings from earlier this year have been put down to my blood sugar levels being all out of whack. (Waiting on a diabetes diagnoses, hopefully results tomorrow.)

Sorry if I have the wrong person

#9 Bob-the-skull

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:49 AM

QUOTE (lafonda @ 15/11/2012, 11:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is this the same child that his after school care providers where wondering if he had been tested for diabetes?

Only reason I ask is because a lot of my mood swings from earlier this year have been put down to my blood sugar levels being all out of whack. (Waiting on a diabetes diagnoses, hopefully results tomorrow.)

Sorry if I have the wrong person

yes same child... I am going to hopefully organise that appt this weekend

#10 Bob-the-skull

Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

ex picked them up last night as normal and he actually managed to get DS1 to speak to him (which is a rarity in itself!)...

apparently the boy had been picking on both DS1 and DS2 for over a week at recess and lunch by attempting to kick both of them in the groin... my boys had just been going away from him during break times but both are very forgiving children and would let him play with them again each time until it happened again and again... however they weren't reporting it to a teacher.

it appears the the class incident which was the other child continuing to take the lego pieces DS1 was trying to construct with was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. We have spoken to DS1 very sternly about the need to not only walk away but to speak up and get help from teachers/counsellor/chaplin at school and about not retaliating.

I spoke to his teacher again this morning to let her know DS1's full story and it appears that DS1 did tell the counsellor who he had time out with what had happened as the counsellor wasn't going to give him a full time out but his teacher said that DS1 does actually need the punishment as DS1 doesn't have "grey areas" things are either right or wrong.

So fingers crossed that it was a once off... we have an appt with the psyc and testings in 2 weeks and i will be bringing this type of stuff up as it is what happens when DS1 feels backed in to the cnr.

#11 Copacetic

Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:22 PM

We had the same problem - NT children pushing and pushing DS1 for a reaction (and Yes - that IS bullying) and eventually we just removed him from mainstream schooling.

You need to get yourself some urgent appointments to get your diagnoses(s) in place, so you can get yourself some funding for support for him in place to get ready for next year.

The other thing that we have found (Ds1 is 9) is that this year he went through some hormonal changes and cottoned  onto the fact that he was different from the other other kids, which didn't help.  

Unfortunately, if your son has lashed out and hurt someone, my experience is that the school won't care what the antecedent was.  The fact that he hurt someone will make it his fault.

I'm sorry you're going through this.  its awful.

#12 kadoodle

Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:49 PM

QUOTE (Coffeegirl @ 15/11/2012, 11:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kadoodle  -   I don't think anyone is accusing anyone else of bullying here are they?    Annoying could be anything to a child with SD.   Another child simply repeatedly dropping a pencil could be considered annoying, or continued whispering to the SD child.   Neither I would class as bullying though.  It may very well be that the other child provoked the child that lashed out, but this has not been indicated here.

-*meh*-  I hope your upcoming appointments provide you some answers original.gif


For a child to suddenly escalate to self harm and violence, something big is going on.  Something much beyond normal sensory irritation

I'm glad you got to the bottom of it, Meh.  I'm hoping that the school steps up their support for this teacher and allowing her to provide a safe learning environment for your son.

#13 Domestic Goddess

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:20 PM

I'm only new to the forum and am not aware of your sons history, so I apologize if I offend someone.

I'm just wondering, about the headbutting and hitting the table with his head, has he had a diagnoses for SPD yet?

DS is only just about to turn 3, BUT he headbutts walls, doors, tables, etc. He does this when it gets too noisy/busy around him. When there's an altercation between him and another child or even a carer, he will instantly bite as this will give him a positive sensory input and makes him feel better. Same with the head banging of hard objects sad.gif

If he hasn't been diagnosed (yet), it will probably show up in the coming ASD/anxiety assessment.

If he does have SPD, than your OT should be able to give you tips on how to prevent the self harm.

#14 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:02 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 16/11/2012, 05:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For a child to suddenly escalate to self harm and violence, something big is going on.  Something much beyond normal sensory irritation

I'm glad you got to the bottom of it, Meh.  I'm hoping that the school steps up their support for this teacher and allowing her to provide a safe learning environment for your son.


*nods*

On friday night DP discovered that DS1 has "trauma damage" to his foreskin from the amount of times this kid has successfully kicked him in the groin, he was unable to retract it and it had a tear on it sad.gif sad.gif so he has had to use a saline solution to watch his penis every time he uses the toilet to prevent infection from setting in...

i am organising a meeting with the school on monday for Ex and I.

#15 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:10 PM

Ask for a Guidance Assessment. It won't happen until next year at this stage, but if he can get on the list now, hopefully, if they are on the ball, he'll be one of the first in line next year.

It's an appointment with an Ed Psych to identify any learning difficulties. Once the report is in, even if they are no diagnosed issues, there is a written section which provides suggestions how to help the child.

Also get a referral to the CDU

Apologies of you have already done both of these.

#16 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:14 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 18/11/2012, 08:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ask for a Guidance Assessment. It won't happen until next year at this stage, but if he can get on the list now, hopefully, if they are on the ball, he'll be one of the first in line next year.

It's an appointment with an Ed Psych to identify any learning difficulties. Once the report is in, even if they are no diagnosed issues, there is a written section which provides suggestions how to help the child.

Also get a referral to the CDU

Apologies of you have already done both of these.


he has had this testing this year, the psych did the WISC testing with him which is how we have found out some of the learning delays, we are waiting for further testing with the speechie as they believe its an underlying language delay.

#17 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:15 PM

Your last update, my jaw dropped. Can you have the other little sh*t charged, or at least spoken to by the cops. I mean really, kicked until his foreskin tore? WTF!

#18 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:18 PM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 18/11/2012, 08:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your last update, my jaw dropped. Can you have the other little sh*t charged, or at least spoken to by the cops. I mean really, kicked until his foreskin tore? WTF!


I could probably try but thats not really my concern right now... my main thing is to make sure that he leaves my boys alone... I know its bad but i am hoping that now DS1 has lashed out at him that he might back off sad.gif

The thing that has made me sad is that this is the boy that I talked to DS1 about when DS1 wasn't going to invite him to his party because "he is naughty in class"... DS1 happily invited him and from what the boys grandparent said he rarely gets invited and then he turns on DS1 like this sad.gif

#19 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:28 PM

Can we not call children little sh*ts?

*meh* have you spoken to the school about the injury? You obviously want it dealt with privately, but please make sure they understand the extent of the damage/incident so they can take measures to protect your boy.

#20 Escapin

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:32 PM

Yes, sorry, just shock. Given your next update he obviously has his own issues.

#21 Bob-the-skull

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 18/11/2012, 08:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can we not call children little sh*ts?

*meh* have you spoken to the school about the injury? You obviously want it dealt with privately, but please make sure they understand the extent of the damage/incident so they can take measures to protect your boy.

not yet because we didn't know the extent til Friday night... I will be going in to the office tomorrow morning

#22 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 November 2012 - 08:41 PM

*meh*...I just want to wish you good luck in your meeting tomorrow.

Your poor little boy -- it sounds like he has already endured so much at the hands of other kids.  sad.gif




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