Jump to content

But you have a HEALTHY baby!
Birth Trauma (very long)


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
35 replies to this topic

#1 EBmember7

Posted 15 November 2012 - 12:16 AM

It has taken me so long to be able to write this post, yet I still feel unsure about sharing it. I fear that I will be bombed with the same replies I am getting IRL...    
##But you baby is alive and healthy.##It doesn't matter HOW she arrived as long as you and her are alive##You wanted a baby for so long, be happy it happened
And I could go on and on.
It is now at a point when I stop talking about birth trauma (bt) or engaging with anyone who asks about her birth or my labour.
Initially, I was shocked to learn that many many (well meaning?) friends and family ask outright about the birth. I have never, (since my daughter was born) ever ask "so how was the labour etc?" And before I became a Mum it never crossed mind to ask any questions about it. Sure, over the years I have listened to other mums tell (by their choice) their horror stories or long birth dramas, and because I didn't know what I know now, I listened, nodded, comforted and did the things I felt would help the new Mum. Like offer support and validate their feelings. Reminding them that I am available to talk about it if/when they want to.
Now that I have first hand experience of BT and the long struggle to move on from it (which I haven't "got over it") I am move aware of some people and how it may trigger them or be very sensitive to their own story.
I don't know why people try to "soothe" a Mum who has had a traumatic birth or any part of their pregnancy or labour that was less then ideal for them. Only one friend has actually acknowledged that what I went through was "tough" and she added "will probably be an only child" after what you went through. Earlier, when I did bring it up or answered questions with words that clearly indicated BT I would get replies of "it's over now, move on" "my friend/sister/random would have done anything for a baby. She wouldn't have cared if she had a c section" Etc etc.
Even my GP of 6 years seemed puzzled as to why I cared that she was born via c section. Or that I felt not capable of "being a proper woman" and have a vaginal delivery. She even added that "most" patients would be happy with a c section and some demanded one. I understand and respect "each to their own" when making choices. But the choice I made was for a natural drug free low intervention birth. I really wanted my body to "work"
It has been compounded by hash comments about our IVF history. "You couldn't have even had this baby if it wasn't for medical intervention. She started in a non-natural way" Some express disbelief that I would even care "now that I have my take home baby"
It hurts.
It hurts a lot.
The main person who allows me to talk freely without these objections and who lets me be sad and mad and questioning things that happened in my four day labour is a paid therapist who I see each week and is not one to judge me or be harsh about my emotions.   I guess it is not a surprise that I now only talk to him about it. He has given me some tools to assist me when the topic arises (which seems OFTEN) like changing the subject, say "I forget it was so intense" and even flatly "it was very traumatic and I am not ready to talk about it" that one works with some people who are in tune enough to catch on. But still I have had one woman reply with "all births are traumatic! In a humphy type of tone.
What I would love more than anything is for someone to say "I am sorry to hear that was your experience. Would you like to talk about it?" Or someone to say that I am OK to feel sad about what happened, and what didn't happen. Or even someone who says "I have no experience with that, are you getting help or can I do anything to help?"
I recall my wonderful daughters birth often. Usually when I am alone with her and replaying the week before she was born. She was born on a Thursday and some Thursdays I find myself looking at the clock and revisiting what happened at that time. 6.15am waters broken10.52am ordered not to eat anything in case I had to go to theatre11.28am OB telling me I hadn't dilated at all since the last check 3 hours prior1pm my husband and I talking through what we could do to "help things along" changing positions. Remaining calm.

And on these 'recall days' I can smell the hospital room. I get a shiver remembering how cold I was. Hearing that continual beeping of the monitor. I can taste the sweat running into my mouth as I got more and more upset and anxious. It is like I am back in Suite 4 and I pace around the house and insert things I should have said out-loud but at the time I didn't. At these times as it gets closer and closer to the time she was born I feel myself stretching and pulling at my belly in pain. The negotiations we had with my OB: Can we wait another hour and see if that works....  No I don't want an epidural "just in case". Days like that (mostly happen on a Thursday) I am so emotionally spent I feel exhausted and inevitably I cry and howl for hours on end as the time gets closer to being wheeled away to theatre.
I wish I could turn back time and at a few key times I wish I had maybe asked for more time, asked more questions.
I do love my daughter. I love her a lot. And feeling like I "hated" her birth is hard for me to sometimes separate the "birth" from my "child". I don't blame her of course. I had pre eclampsia and she was exhibiting signs of IUGR. My blood pressure was dangerously high and I had to be induced as I was close to complete placental failure.
I don't hate my OB, he is lovely and was then as well, and I believe he did the right things for me. Afterwards in the many many hours I have talked to him about it I understand that he initially wanted a c section much earlier in the day but he says he recognised that I really really wanted a vaginal birth and he agreed to my requests for more time to see if things would kick along more. He never once tried to bully or scare me into theatre. He calmly stated his opinion that she still high up and my cervix was very tight. He explained the heart monitor results and showed me when she was racing during certain times. He showed my husband and I in a little picture map he drew on a napkin that my cervix was swelling and how I just was not dilating at all past 4cm.
I am grieving for what I perceive as what I missed out on: my body working properly and pushing out a baby. I am grieving that I had a general and was asleep during her birth. That my husband had to wait outside. That I didn't get to see her for 7 hours until I left recovery. I am sad that my husband didn't get to catch her or hold her shoulders as she was delivered as we had hoped for. I feel like a failure: I was infertile. And so many IVF cycles later I finally fell pregnant. But due to both our medical needs she had to be born premature for her safety and for mine. I am angry that she went into Special Care and was tube fed. I am sad that we had to spend 27 nights in hospital as she grew stronger and gained weight and had a lot of testing for which I am thankful were all okay.
My therapist thinks it is a good idea for me to write the whole birth story out. In as much detail as I can so maybe that will help me. He says that I am normal, some women, like me are greatly upset about the child's birth. He said I am not a failure, I was just unfortunate. He told me to ignore the Mid Wife who on day 3 told me she wishes she still had her "honeymoon vagina" and had a c section because she has "never been the same again".
I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel ostracised when I used to talk about it. I feel like I am so self indulgent for being sad about her birth, yet taking home a perfect happy healthy baby who brings us much joy.
I feel cheated that I can't fall pregnant again, after many more IVF attempts. Which compounds my fears that I will never have another child, when so many of my fellow IVF travelers are still waiting for their precious first. Guilt at that. Guilt at being so sensitive. Guilt that I have a child and my cousin had a 41 week stillborn son two months prior to my baby's birth. It consumes me.
I have had suggestions for AD, but I feel unsure about the ones that I have been offered as they are contraindicated with breastfeeding. I have asked about medication that is safe during BF and have been told (and researched myself independently) that there is still a risk to the baby. Some known risks and some "we just aren't sure of the long term impact on breast milk.."  
I get jealous when I read or hear of "perfect" natural births or when it is referred to as the most "empowering moment of my life" birth stories.
I feel selfish and like I should just move on. But it is so hard.

#2 CretaceousFeral

Posted 15 November 2012 - 12:34 AM

I don't have time to write a proper reply now but I couldn't leave without saying something. I too had a traumatic birth experience and my baby spent the first 6 weeks of his life in intensive care. Like you I didn't meet him until about 12 hours after the birth. The weird thing is that whenever I think of him as a newborn, that time in hospital looms as the main memory, even though it was "only" 6 weeks out of many months. I also have regrets about that time and wish I could change some things. They haunt me and I don't talk about them because, like you, people seem to feel the need to be positive but don't realise that in the process they are negating your feelings and essentially saying "what you went through doesn't matter". It does matter. It's hard for me to let go too.

It's fantastic you are seeing someone. Never mind that you're paying them. What's important is that you can let yourself properly acknowledge your feelings and not try to minimise them. They need a chance to find their place in your heart and mind.

Also, with the AD thing, I'm in the same boat. Still BF and even though my doctor says they're safe, I'm not convinced and won't take the risk. But what I have done that's helped is had blood tests to see what else might be affecting my mood. Vit D deficiency in my case but could have been many things. Perhaps worth trying?

I wish you the best of luck in a really difficult situation  bbighug.gif

p.s. I'm happy for you to pm me if you want

Edited by UgglePuggle, 15 November 2012 - 12:39 AM.


#3 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 15 November 2012 - 12:37 AM

It is hard.  It really sucks.  So much which is so painful.

But at some stage you really do have to look at finding what works to help you move on.  Does your current psych offer CBT?  Revisiting your pain on a Thursday is not a longterm helpful thing.

#4 EBmember7

Posted 15 November 2012 - 01:12 AM

Thank you for your swift replies. I wasn't really expecting anyone to respond. I am so glad that I wrote my post after months of thinking it over.
I too wish for a hug from someone who will just hold me while I cry and not be scared away. Or judge me.
I don't like the idea of AD, but I accept that I might need extra support so I have it on my list to ask again about. I love breastfeeding: I think part of me sees it as my body actually working and doing as it is "supposed" to. I know that is not the case for all Mums. And I feel sorry for any Mum who wants to BF but for a million reasons didn't happen for them. I am lucky in that way that I can finally do something for my bubba that feels important. That's not in anyway to upset the women who can't/don't want to/couldn't etc. it's just a private little joy of mine that makes me feel a small part like I am making up for my baby not having a vaginal birth. And we all know there are pages and pages of reasons why a natural birth helps the child etc etc.
I sort of resent having to see a therapist... It was very very hard to go and see him the first time (actually its still hard a year and a bit later to go) I wish I had a close girlfriend or family member who could support me rather than paying someone to be "my friend" I know it's not that way in reality. I see it similar as to when the car breaks down, you pay for a mechanic etc..  Not everyone has a friend who can "fix" cars. Or "fix" broken hearts like mine.
I wonder endlessly if I am a bad mother. Does my sadness impact on my little girl? Does she know that I feel this way about her birth? Will she understand when she gets older that I did love her, just not straight away. I don't want to do anything that would make her need therapy in the future because of me!! I am committed to seeing him until I feel "better". And for me, "better" would include not crying every time her birth is mentioned. Not dreading her birthday as it reminds me of my failure and sadness. And "better" would certainly include somehow halting these frightening Thursday replays of her birth.
I am awed that a few ladies replied so quickly, giving me some hope that I am not so alone.
Thank you very much, honestly you have really helped me. Especially as tomorrow is Thursday. Thank you very much.

#5 heffalumpsnwoozles

Posted 15 November 2012 - 01:36 AM

I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience. A lot of what you said resonated with me.

DH and I tried several rounds of IVF before eventually falling pregnant naturally. We were diagnosed with male factor infertility, but nonetheless, despite all logic saying otherwise, I felt defective because I wasn't able to get pregnant. When it finally came to having that baby, I was determined that I'd seen enough intervention in this baby journey, I wanted my body to do what it was supposed to and give birth as naturally as possible. When it didn't work out that way and I ended up with a c-section, I was devastated. I had my beautiful baby girl, everything I had wanted, but I felt like I'd cheated to get there. No logic to it, none whatsoever - but that's how the human mind works. And I felt like I'd been cheated of those first precious moments with her. I was so out of it when they lay her next to me that I don't even remember it. I remember lying in recovery all alone later on, but I don't remember the first time I saw my little girl. My MIL loves to reminisce about the first hours of DD1's life, how wonderful it was seeing the brand new baby, and every time I want to cry because it brings back all those feelings of how I missed out on it.

On top of that, I think people who have been through fertility treatments are just expected to be supremely grateful that we have a baby at all, and that should cancel out any negatives that may have happened. That if we were ok with intervention to get the baby into us, we shouldn't have a problem with intervention to get him/her out. But to my mind, the fact that intervention was required in the first place is what made it so much MORE important to me to have some part of the process without poking, prodding, needles, and complete lack of participation.

So I get you, I really do. I hope your counsellor is helping, and I hope you can come up with some strategies to regain a sense of control. And try to get some exercise, I've found that helps with my moods more than anything else, even antidepressants.

#6 MrsLightyear

Posted 15 November 2012 - 01:47 AM

bbighug.gif I'm not a great one with words but I couldn't read and not respond.. Thank you for finding the courage to write this post. I belive it is so important for women to share these stories, so that others who have also experienced traumatic births can reach out to others who "get it" and so that the women who don't get it can build a better understanding. I hope you find this forum to be safe place where you can vent and debrief as much as you need.

QUOTE (EBmember7 @ 15/11/2012, 01:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been compounded by hash comments about our IVF history. "You couldn't have even had this baby if it wasn't for medical intervention. She started in a non-natural way" Some express disbelief that I would even care "now that I have my take home baby"

sad.gif I am so sorry that people have said these words to you.

#7 Inigo Montoya

Posted 15 November 2012 - 03:37 AM

I've been avoiding this section after my own birth trauma 3 months ago, but came in from the "latest posts" on the side.

I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD after the birth of my son. I am so sick of hearing "but you have a healthy baby! All is fine now. Well you can't change what happened", etc. People don't understand.

I want to write a long reply but I just can't find the words.

I did choose to start anti depressants despite breastfeeding though.

All the best.

#8 Mummalovin

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:46 AM

Could have written most of your post myself.  Had to use IVF and after 9 years got our first positive preg test to go on and have DS and DD1 at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia.  All the plans for anything natural went out the window sad.gif  DD1 required some "extra attention" to get her breathing so for what seemed like ages we waited for our 1st born (by 2 minutes ) to cry.  Bad reaction to the epidural had me sick for about 24 hrs.

2.5 yrs later we went back for a frozen transfer.  DD2 & 3 arrived at 38 via c-section again due to transverse positions.  Thought I knew what I was in for but had an even worse experience due to hypovolemic shock.  I ended up in high dependency (ICU) for the day. The girls were born at 8am, I can remember seeing DH holding one of the girls, it was dark outside and I wondered if I'd get to hold them.

There has been nothing natural about my journey to motherhood and I think that because I had to use IVF I felt that I shouldn't complain about anything, after all I finally got what I wanted (and WAY more )  It took me a fair while and some help, meds and therapy, to reach a point where I am better with it all.  I can look back now, my little girls at 7, and I feel like I've moved on.  That is until I watch a show on TV that has a traumatic birth then I just lose it sad.gif

I guess after all my rambling I'm trying to say - please know you are not alone and there are people here who will listen.  It's great that you are seeing someone and have got onto it early.  The way we get pregnant doesn't make any of the experiences that come after that point any less valid because we "finally got what we wanted so we shouldn't complain"

Take care original.gif


#9 Eirinn

Posted 15 November 2012 - 04:58 AM

Believe me, there are plenty of us out there who can relate and completely sympathise. It's just that as you have found out, no one IRL will let you talk about it.

Your feelings are all perfectly valid. You can feel grateful and blessed for your beautiful baby, AND feel grief and trauma about her birth. The two are not mutually exclusive, no matter what anyone tells you.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have had two unwanted caesars and there will always be a part of me that carries shame and sadness.

If you want a sounding board, feel free to PM me.

bbighug.gif

#10 BeachedAsBro

Posted 15 November 2012 - 06:16 AM

Thank you for bravely sharing your story. I know that took great courage.

If you haven't already, please see your GP to arrange for some counseling. Seeing my psychologist has saved my life. I was not suicidal at all, but I was metaphorically dead inside. I couldn't sleep, was comfort eating, for about three months I was in a state of constant trauma and flashback.

I wish you well.

#11 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:14 AM

I don't really have any advice above what others have written I only wanted to say that on this board you will NEVER be told that you should be happy because you have a healthy baby. If you ever feel the need to vent, let off steam or just be around people who understand what it's like to have a traumatic birth experience come on here. We'll all give you a virtual group hug!

#12 liveworkplay

Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:33 AM

I sorry you are having such a hard time moving on from the birth of your beautiful daughter. What makes a birth traumatic differs from person to person and those who are trying to help in their own inept way should realise that.  Most people would class my second birth as traumatic and are shocked when I say I was really happy with it and was on a high for days after.

What I will say is that I have birthed just about every way one can except induction (c/s, posterior assisted delivery with epidural and totally drug free vaginal delivery) and each and every one of my births were amazing and special in their own right. I hope you can find the help to move past your trauma and come out the other end. Good Luck

#13 feralisles

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:06 AM

Hi OP,

Another one here who can relate to your pain.  I too had an induction for pre-eclampsia, and whilst I didn't end up with a Caeserian I found the whole experience hideous.  I couldn't stop vomiting and shaking after the birth, it was over an hour before I was well enough to hold my newborn.  There was no rush of love for us either, I felt so shocked and violated that there was no room for anything else to register.  She might as well have been an alien handed to me to raise!

That little baby is now a teenager, and I just thought you might like to know that the horrible beginning to our relationship doesn't seem to have had a long term impact.  She is the best thing that ever happened to me (and she knows it).  I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone, and somehow along the way the circumstances of her arrival have faded into the back of my memory and no longer hurt like they used to.

I hope it works out that way for you too OP.  Wanting a baby for a long time and needing help to conceive doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't be disappointed by what happened,  if anything your hopes and expectations were probably higher because you had so long to think about and plan for her arrival.  None of this makes you any less of a mother so please don't feel guilty.  What happened isn't your fault, and the way you feel is natural in the circumstances.  The joy of watching your daughter grow up should start to balance out the pain surrounding the circumstances of her arrival.  If it doesn't it may be worth considering whether there is something else going on (eg depression, which can keep you 'stuck' in the dark places in your mind).

All the best OP.  I think the motherhood journey just keeps getting better, which means the best is still ahead for you!





#14 Sancti-mummy

Posted 15 November 2012 - 10:14 AM

QUOTE (EBmember7 @ 15/11/2012, 01:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I sort of resent having to see a therapist... It was very very hard to go and see him the first time (actually its still hard a year and a bit later to go) I wish I had a close girlfriend or family member who could support me rather than paying someone to be "my friend" I know it's not that way in reality.

I came in from recent posts - I am so sorry that you went through all of that, are going through this and people are so thoughtless in their responses to you.

Don't add to your stress that you are going to a "paid therapist" - they are the BEST people to get such things out with, because we don't have to tip-toe around how they will react and the long-term ramifications of how it will affect the family/friendship.

They are there to support you and help you to develop tools to try and lessen the impact of a trauma.

You (we all) do need to learn the tools we require when we are going through a grieving process.  You have to be allowed to grieve for the you that went through that traumatic experience, you need to be able to validate your power or lack of power due to the circumstances that you, nor your body, could control.  It is OKAY to feel this and to process this is whatever way you need to.  

It will take time - it may not ever end - but hopefully, your therapist will work with you to develop ways that you can channel your grief into a healing also, so that you won't have a weekly immersion in the horror but move towards a weekly ritual of forgiving your body for letting you down when your mind and soul wanted so much to be different - and perhaps of forgiving your mind for constantly attacking you when you did the best that you possibly could have.

I didn't have a traumatic birth on your scale - I had other issues where I needed to learn my own techniques, and have had friends go through their own issues.

For me, AD's helped in that they stopped my mind from cycling into a chasm of despair at every turn, but I really think that you do need the space, time and tools to get through this whole process.

When my daughter's father died, I asked my doctor for a therapist's name, and he said "what, don't you have friends you can talk to" - having a friend who will hold you while you cry, or keep the baby safe while you have a shower and scream - would be truly wonderful indeed, but the fact is that we edit our traumas to our friends to shield them, and sometimes resent them for this edit - get someone who you care $90-worth about and scream and cry with them in the room.  They ALWAYS have tissues available.

That being said, I have, over my life, seen 5 therapists - 2 were wonderful, 3 were not a fit for me.  Sometimes you can shop around a bit if you still aren't comfortable.  

(The last one who wasn't had a lovely family shot on her desk of the whole nuclear shebang - it was the equivalent of "but you have a HEALTHY babyZ" to me in my situation at that time)

#15 Natttmumm

Posted 17 November 2012 - 12:09 PM

A friend of mine said to me the other day how disappointed she was that she ended up with a caesar birth. She too had ivf and felt nothing was natural. I said to her "maybe focus on how your baby is healthy and happy". After reading your post I feel like ringing her to say sorry. I truly thought that was the right thing to say. I will never say that again.
I feel like a bad friend.

#16 R2B2

Posted 17 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

You are not alone  hheart.gif  

People who say things like "be greatful you have a healthy baby" do.not.understand. nor will they ever understand unless they have walked in birth trauma shoes.

thank you for being brave enough to share you story. it takes a lot of courage to talk about something so painful.

I wish there was more I could say/offer you. time can make it easier. i'm 6 years down the track from my own traumatic birth and it does get slightly easier with time.

Just wanted to assure you that there are people out there who DO understand and are not here to judge.



#17 BeachedAsBro

Posted 17 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

QUOTE (Natttmumm @ 17/11/2012, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A friend of mine said to me the other day how disappointed she was that she ended up with a caesar birth. She too had ivf and felt nothing was natural. I said to her "maybe focus on how your baby is healthy and happy". After reading your post I feel like ringing her to say sorry. I truly thought that was the right thing to say. I will never say that again.
I feel like a bad friend.


Please don't feel bad. It's in our nature to say things to try and find the positive original.gif I assure you, that you are a good friend. You sound like you care a great deal for your friend.

#18 EBmember7

Posted 19 November 2012 - 08:26 AM

Hi
I have just read all the replies. I think after I poured everything out I just had to hide a bit. I was petrified I would get nasty replies.
I am so sad today. I slept the weekend away. I can't seem to face the world.
Thank you to the kind women who replied.

#19 ~kacee~

Posted 19 November 2012 - 09:21 AM

I am another who knows very much how you feel.

DS was a much hoped for and planned VBAC attempt. After 41 hours of labour, I ended up with a c-section from the on-call ob. At the 6 week post-natal check up, my regular ob commented that she wouldn't have given me a c-section at that time, and would have let me go longer. All of a sudden the reasons the on-call ob gave me for having a c-section felt like a lie (so we differ here in that I do blame the ob, as well as myself for not fighting more).

This is the first time I've written / talked about it in months (DS is 5 months old now) as I also found people couldn't understand, didn't want to hear, or it was just too hard on me reliving it.

How long ago did you have your DD?

I have found that my day to day life is better now. It's only when I have something come up (eg a friend's birth, births on tv etc) that I fall to pieces again. However, I am viewing that as progress!

I think it's great that you are seeing someone. I've considered it, but I'm not sure yet. I probably should.

Anyway, just know that you aren't alone, your feelings are completely valid, and that hopefully the feeling will dull as time passes.

#20 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

Hi

So sorry you are going though this.  

My son is also an IVF baby and I so desperately wanted a natural birth.  I did classes and acupucture and drank special tea and even bought one of those Epi-no thingies.   It was all thrown out the window when I developed shingles and had to be induced early.  Unsurprisingly labour went nowhere, I had a CS and woke up to find my boy being whisked off to a different hospital with suspected chicken pox.  

I was a total mess.  I couldn't even think about it without crying.  I had to go back to the hospital a week later for a whooping cough scare and started having flashbacks.   I talked it over pretty obsessively.  Luckily a few in my MG also had bad experiences and didn't mind listening.  I also went to a therapist and did CBT.   Gradually I found myself being able to speak about it and consider it as just something that happened, that I wish happened differently.  It took about 6-7 months to get to that stage.  I'm very grateful it didn't last longer.

Please think about the ADs if your doctors are recommending them.  It may be something you need at this stage.


#21 EBmember7

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

It was very hard. I re-read my OP. sorry for the spelling errors. Wow I didnt think it would make me sad that much reading it.
My DD is now 3.5. I tell her everyday that I love her. I am scared that if I don't tell her then maybe I will forget that I do love her. So I keep repeating it. Over and over.
I simply can't watch pregnant/birth shows at all. I have tried... But I get too distressed.
I have been called selfish, self indulgent, mean, unmaternal, irrational, crazy, attention seeking and a hypochondriac.
I very very much want another child. Sadly, IVF isn't working and part of me think that my body is "blocking" the cycle working because I am in such fear with another birth.



#22 chicken_bits

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:50 AM

I came here through "we are discussing" as well.

I am so sorry OP that you haven't been supported IRL the way that you deserve to be.

I don't have advice regarding how to deal with birth trauma because I don't have any experience in that, but I do want to say that your feelings are perfectly valid.

As far as ADs are concerned, I think that there is more to consider than just contraindications for breastfeeding. Such as how your mental health is affecting your quality of life as well as your child's. While you may feel as though your DD's health or potential risk of harm from taking AD's while breastfeeding is important, you should also consider your own health and how your physical and mental wellbeing is important. A happy and healthy mum = happy and healthy child. You said in your second post that your DD is 3.5. Are you still bfing her? If so, how often? There are many ADs on the market that have been proven to be "safe" while pregnant and breastfeeding. And a psychiatrist who specialises in Maternal Wellbeing would be someone who could give you more information regarding this.

And I say the above from the point of view that I suffer from maternal anxiety (both during pregnancy and post partum). Without medication I would not be able to care for my DD as well as I am now and I believe that the benefits far outweigh the risks in my particular situation.

All the best OP.

#23 EBmember7

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:06 PM

She still BF feeds once a night. Very occasionally a dream feed as well but not always. I could probably easily wean her just by not offering. I am okay with weaning her to take the AD I agree with PP a happy Mum IS very important. These are some other AD that have been suggested so I can do some research;
PrestiqueLexaproArrapax
Does anyone have any experience with these? I don't want "medical advice"Just any personal experience. Success stories? Red flags?  
Can I also ask, does your second, third etc child "help" with previous birth trauma in your experience?
This Thursday I going to make myself super busy all day and see if that makes a difference. Maybe if I take the plunge and leave the house keep busy it will make a positive difference.
Ladies, thank you very much again. I have never been so supported.




#24 EBmember7

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:24 PM

QUOTE (Natttmumm @ 17/11/2012, 03:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A friend of mine said to me the other day how disappointed she was that she ended up with a caesar birth. She too had ivf and felt nothing was natural. I said to her "maybe focus on how your baby is healthy and happy". After reading your post I feel like ringing her to say sorry. I truly thought that was the right thing to say. I will never say that again.
I feel like a bad friend.


Please don't feel this way. You sound like a great friend, listening and talking to your friend. It is a hang up that I have, not everyone. I don't want you to feel bad for anything.

#25 wallofdodo

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:46 PM

Hi, 3.5 years later and it still seems so raw. I had the recall, and the smells returning. Not just from my birth, but also the days following. I was treated for PTSD.  I had a few sessions of emdr, which to be honest, I didn't like at all, but it seemed to work. Or maybe it was talking about it.

Don't be afraid to change therapists, or try a different approach. Not suggesting you go down the emdr path, just letting you know there are different approaches out there. I am so glad I went to see someone, and have again since then.

And most of all, your feelings are valid. You can't help the way you feel, don't let anyone invalidate them. But don't let them control you. Best of luck op.

Edited by wallofdodo, 19 November 2012 - 07:48 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Five ways my second pregnancy is second best

As I roll into the second half of "Pregnancy: The Sequel", here is breakdown of the differences I have found thus far.

Domestic politics

Why I felt guilty about having a cleaner

Coming home to a clean house was a pleasure – and yet, I felt uneasy.

'Ugly' hearing aid ad leaves parents fuming

When Alecia Donoghue found out her baby would need hearing aids she worried about him becoming the target for schoolyard bullies.

Have you seen these missing children?

The Australian Federal Police has released the following information to locate some of Australia's missing children through the Family Law Court.

Margarita time

Keira Knightley welcomes first child

British actress Keira Knightley has become a first-time mother.

IVF patients in the dark over which clinics are least successful

Couples with fertility problems have little way of knowing which IVF clinics are the best performers despite significant differences between clinic success rates.

Couple forced to defend their decision to become parents

They met, fell in love and got married. Then, just like couples everywhere, Simon and Vicky Moore decided it was time to have a baby.

The one parenting tip that made all the difference

Amongst the useless, ill-informed advice we're given as new parents, many of us also receive nuggets of wisdom that make our lives just that little bit easier.

Five lies you tell yourself when you're pregnant

You can see it all now: glowing mumma with her gorgeous babe ... you know exactly what you're going to be like. Or perhaps you know exactly what you're not going to be like.

Family expecting fourth set of twins

A couple is expecting their fourth set of twins in five years.

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

The universal working mother experience

These days mothers need more than just traditional career advice.

Obama feels full force of toddler tantrum

Shopping centres, restaurants, the White House ... the list of places toddlers like to throw tantrums is endless.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.