Jump to content

Husband wants to take son OS alone


  • Please log in to reply
201 replies to this topic

#1 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

Basically I'm interested to hear if I'm being totally unreasonable.Next year when my son will be 15 months my husband has 5 weeks off work. He told me he wanted to go on holiday to his home country (UK). When I asked who would be babysitting as I plan to go back to work part time next year he said he wants to take DS with him. My response was "like hell you will!"I don't get along with his mother, we have very different views on parenting. My husband is not hands on at all. Plus I would miss my baby like crazy.Would you let your child go OS with father/ mother without you? And at what age?


When I say not hands on he has never bathed the baby, doesn't change nappies if its anything more than pee, has never put the baby to bed etc. I've given up trying to get him to do these things.

Edited by sarahec, 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM.


#2 TillyTake2

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

At that age, no. My son is 2 and it would still be no. I imagine it will remain a no for some time. I don't think my husband would want me to take him either.

#3 eachschoolholidays

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:01 PM

Not if I had a strained relationship with my husband and/or his family!

BTW:  I would 'allow' my husband, but I can't imagine that he would want to.

#4 tothebeach

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:02 PM

I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.

#5 *LucyE*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:03 PM

DH wants to take DS on a father and son only holiday next year. DS will be 9yrs old.

I have great no issues with it and think it will be great for bonding.

At 15months though, I was still breastfeeding and would have missed him like crazy. For a few nights, maybe but not for a few weeks overseas. It's not that I wouldn't trust DH but I feel that period is still important for attachment and security with the primary care giver.

The not a hands on dad thing wouldn't bother me so much. I found that DH would stand back if I was willing to 'do it all' but was perfectly capable when I wasn't around.

#6 José

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

My husband wants to return to home country with ds when he is a similar age. If I can't trust dh to look after ds then who can I trust!! I would find it hard being away from ds though so might take leave from work and go too.

#7 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

QUOTE (tothebeach @ 14/11/2012, 10:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.


This

#8 irishgirly

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

My family live in Ireland and I understand how much they miss the grand children. They would be distraught if they weren't allowed to visit because of a clash with one of us.
Is your DH upset? I would definitely say 5 weeks is a long time. Could you compromise and say 2-3, would
you consider going too?

#9 ali-song

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

I'd be pretty hypocritical not to let DH take either of my kids given that I took each of them OS when they were less than six months old. I wouldn't be too keen on five weeks, but for a couple of weeks - sure! No better way to make him into a hands on parent. wink.gif



#10 JRA

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

Yes, of course I would he is our sons father. He is just as, well actually, more capable of looking after DS than I am.

Or simply, as tothebeach says

#11 tenar

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM


I would hate to be away from either of my kids for that length of time.  They are 15 months and 3.  

Any chance you can go with them?

#12 *Lib*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM

I' m trying to encourage my husband to take our DD to Latvia. But he thinks it will be too hard on her......she's 8 FGS!

#13 Jess1

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:09 PM

I would be fine with my husband taking our child overseas with him (as he would be with me) but not for 5 weeks.  I would never take her away from him for so long and know that he wouldn't ask that of me either.  A week or 2 would be the most.
It wouldn't worry me about the mother as long as I knew my child would be well cared for.

#14 Isolabella

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

I am with tothebeach on this one.

I take my kids interstate to visit my folks. I have also left my kids with DH while I go interstate.

He is their parent just as much as I am.

Edited by lsolaBella, 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM.


#15 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!

#16 Madnesscraves

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM

I'm not sure how a 15 month would understand being away from his primary caregiver for 5 weeks. I can't imagine it will go down well.

#17 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

QUOTE (LynnyP @ 14/11/2012, 10:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!


His family have met the baby.

#18 Coffeegirl

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Role reversal..

If it was you that wanted to go OS to see your family what would the answer be?




If you are only working part-time, why can't you take 2 weeks off and go as well?

#19 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Is there no way you could go just for a week or two? He could take your DS over and you could meet him there and bring DS back with you while he stays on.

#20 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

So once is enough?

#21 Moneypenny2014

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

I think you should be going to. I could never imagine leaving my own child of that age for 5 weeks.
I would suggest to your husband that you go along too and that if need be, the time period of 5 weeks be changed as far as length of time and/or dates to enable you to go as well.
PS I also trust my DH totally with our little one but think its too long a time for the child to be away from one parent

#22 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

At that age, no.  I could not imagine being separated from my baby that long especially as I was still breastfeeding.  Not going to happen.

However my DH was very hands on and it was not about trusting him.

#23 cinnabubble

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM

I wouldn't take a child who is essentially a baby away from their primary caregiver for so long.

Edited by cinnabubble, 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM.


#24 QueenElsa

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM

I couldn't be apart for that long from a young child. I am in the same situation - a British DH who is not hands on and a MIL with completely different child-rearing philosophy.  I would be trying to cut it to 2 weeks or go to....but my DH would never volunteer for 5 weeks of solo parenthood!

#25 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:20 PM

Honestly, five weeks is a long time, and there are lots of solutions where you wouldnt be away from your LO, for the whole time, as PP's have suggested, but this doesn't sound like it's about that.

Clearly there is more going on. Especially when you say "his family have met the baby" Wow.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.