Jump to content

Husband wants to take son OS alone


  • Please log in to reply
201 replies to this topic

#1 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

Basically I'm interested to hear if I'm being totally unreasonable.Next year when my son will be 15 months my husband has 5 weeks off work. He told me he wanted to go on holiday to his home country (UK). When I asked who would be babysitting as I plan to go back to work part time next year he said he wants to take DS with him. My response was "like hell you will!"I don't get along with his mother, we have very different views on parenting. My husband is not hands on at all. Plus I would miss my baby like crazy.Would you let your child go OS with father/ mother without you? And at what age?


When I say not hands on he has never bathed the baby, doesn't change nappies if its anything more than pee, has never put the baby to bed etc. I've given up trying to get him to do these things.

Edited by sarahec, 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM.


#2 TillyTake2

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

At that age, no. My son is 2 and it would still be no. I imagine it will remain a no for some time. I don't think my husband would want me to take him either.

#3 eachschoolholidays

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:01 PM

Not if I had a strained relationship with my husband and/or his family!

BTW:  I would 'allow' my husband, but I can't imagine that he would want to.

#4 tothebeach

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:02 PM

I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.

#5 *LucyE*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:03 PM

DH wants to take DS on a father and son only holiday next year. DS will be 9yrs old.

I have great no issues with it and think it will be great for bonding.

At 15months though, I was still breastfeeding and would have missed him like crazy. For a few nights, maybe but not for a few weeks overseas. It's not that I wouldn't trust DH but I feel that period is still important for attachment and security with the primary care giver.

The not a hands on dad thing wouldn't bother me so much. I found that DH would stand back if I was willing to 'do it all' but was perfectly capable when I wasn't around.

#6 José

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

My husband wants to return to home country with ds when he is a similar age. If I can't trust dh to look after ds then who can I trust!! I would find it hard being away from ds though so might take leave from work and go too.

#7 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

QUOTE (tothebeach @ 14/11/2012, 10:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.


This

#8 irishgirly

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

My family live in Ireland and I understand how much they miss the grand children. They would be distraught if they weren't allowed to visit because of a clash with one of us.
Is your DH upset? I would definitely say 5 weeks is a long time. Could you compromise and say 2-3, would
you consider going too?

#9 ali-song

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

I'd be pretty hypocritical not to let DH take either of my kids given that I took each of them OS when they were less than six months old. I wouldn't be too keen on five weeks, but for a couple of weeks - sure! No better way to make him into a hands on parent. wink.gif



#10 JRA

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

Yes, of course I would he is our sons father. He is just as, well actually, more capable of looking after DS than I am.

Or simply, as tothebeach says

#11 tenar

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM


I would hate to be away from either of my kids for that length of time.  They are 15 months and 3.  

Any chance you can go with them?

#12 *Lib*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM

I' m trying to encourage my husband to take our DD to Latvia. But he thinks it will be too hard on her......she's 8 FGS!

#13 Jess1

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:09 PM

I would be fine with my husband taking our child overseas with him (as he would be with me) but not for 5 weeks.  I would never take her away from him for so long and know that he wouldn't ask that of me either.  A week or 2 would be the most.
It wouldn't worry me about the mother as long as I knew my child would be well cared for.

#14 Isolabella

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

I am with tothebeach on this one.

I take my kids interstate to visit my folks. I have also left my kids with DH while I go interstate.

He is their parent just as much as I am.

Edited by lsolaBella, 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM.


#15 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!

#16 Madnesscraves

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM

I'm not sure how a 15 month would understand being away from his primary caregiver for 5 weeks. I can't imagine it will go down well.

#17 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

QUOTE (LynnyP @ 14/11/2012, 10:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!


His family have met the baby.

#18 Coffeegirl

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Role reversal..

If it was you that wanted to go OS to see your family what would the answer be?




If you are only working part-time, why can't you take 2 weeks off and go as well?

#19 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Is there no way you could go just for a week or two? He could take your DS over and you could meet him there and bring DS back with you while he stays on.

#20 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

So once is enough?

#21 Moneypenny2014

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

I think you should be going to. I could never imagine leaving my own child of that age for 5 weeks.
I would suggest to your husband that you go along too and that if need be, the time period of 5 weeks be changed as far as length of time and/or dates to enable you to go as well.
PS I also trust my DH totally with our little one but think its too long a time for the child to be away from one parent

#22 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

At that age, no.  I could not imagine being separated from my baby that long especially as I was still breastfeeding.  Not going to happen.

However my DH was very hands on and it was not about trusting him.

#23 cinnabubble

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM

I wouldn't take a child who is essentially a baby away from their primary caregiver for so long.

Edited by cinnabubble, 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM.


#24 QueenElsa

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM

I couldn't be apart for that long from a young child. I am in the same situation - a British DH who is not hands on and a MIL with completely different child-rearing philosophy.  I would be trying to cut it to 2 weeks or go to....but my DH would never volunteer for 5 weeks of solo parenthood!

#25 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:20 PM

Honestly, five weeks is a long time, and there are lots of solutions where you wouldnt be away from your LO, for the whole time, as PP's have suggested, but this doesn't sound like it's about that.

Clearly there is more going on. Especially when you say "his family have met the baby" Wow.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.