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Husband wants to take son OS alone

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#1 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

Basically I'm interested to hear if I'm being totally unreasonable.Next year when my son will be 15 months my husband has 5 weeks off work. He told me he wanted to go on holiday to his home country (UK). When I asked who would be babysitting as I plan to go back to work part time next year he said he wants to take DS with him. My response was "like hell you will!"I don't get along with his mother, we have very different views on parenting. My husband is not hands on at all. Plus I would miss my baby like crazy.Would you let your child go OS with father/ mother without you? And at what age?

When I say not hands on he has never bathed the baby, doesn't change nappies if its anything more than pee, has never put the baby to bed etc. I've given up trying to get him to do these things.

Edited by sarahec, 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM.

#2 TillyTake2

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

At that age, no. My son is 2 and it would still be no. I imagine it will remain a no for some time. I don't think my husband would want me to take him either.

#3 eachschoolholidays

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:01 PM

Not if I had a strained relationship with my husband and/or his family!

BTW:  I would 'allow' my husband, but I can't imagine that he would want to.

#4 tothebeach

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:02 PM

I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.

#5 *LucyE*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:03 PM

DH wants to take DS on a father and son only holiday next year. DS will be 9yrs old.

I have great no issues with it and think it will be great for bonding.

At 15months though, I was still breastfeeding and would have missed him like crazy. For a few nights, maybe but not for a few weeks overseas. It's not that I wouldn't trust DH but I feel that period is still important for attachment and security with the primary care giver.

The not a hands on dad thing wouldn't bother me so much. I found that DH would stand back if I was willing to 'do it all' but was perfectly capable when I wasn't around.

#6 José

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

My husband wants to return to home country with ds when he is a similar age. If I can't trust dh to look after ds then who can I trust!! I would find it hard being away from ds though so might take leave from work and go too.

#7 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

QUOTE (tothebeach @ 14/11/2012, 10:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.


#8 irishgirly

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

My family live in Ireland and I understand how much they miss the grand children. They would be distraught if they weren't allowed to visit because of a clash with one of us.
Is your DH upset? I would definitely say 5 weeks is a long time. Could you compromise and say 2-3, would
you consider going too?

#9 ali-song

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

I'd be pretty hypocritical not to let DH take either of my kids given that I took each of them OS when they were less than six months old. I wouldn't be too keen on five weeks, but for a couple of weeks - sure! No better way to make him into a hands on parent. wink.gif

#10 JRA

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

Yes, of course I would he is our sons father. He is just as, well actually, more capable of looking after DS than I am.

Or simply, as tothebeach says

#11 tenar

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM

I would hate to be away from either of my kids for that length of time.  They are 15 months and 3.  

Any chance you can go with them?

#12 *Lib*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM

I' m trying to encourage my husband to take our DD to Latvia. But he thinks it will be too hard on her......she's 8 FGS!

#13 Jess1

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:09 PM

I would be fine with my husband taking our child overseas with him (as he would be with me) but not for 5 weeks.  I would never take her away from him for so long and know that he wouldn't ask that of me either.  A week or 2 would be the most.
It wouldn't worry me about the mother as long as I knew my child would be well cared for.

#14 Isolabella

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

I am with tothebeach on this one.

I take my kids interstate to visit my folks. I have also left my kids with DH while I go interstate.

He is their parent just as much as I am.

Edited by lsolaBella, 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM.

#15 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!

#16 Madnesscraves

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM

I'm not sure how a 15 month would understand being away from his primary caregiver for 5 weeks. I can't imagine it will go down well.

#17 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

QUOTE (LynnyP @ 14/11/2012, 10:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!

His family have met the baby.

#18 Coffeegirl

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Role reversal..

If it was you that wanted to go OS to see your family what would the answer be?

If you are only working part-time, why can't you take 2 weeks off and go as well?

#19 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Is there no way you could go just for a week or two? He could take your DS over and you could meet him there and bring DS back with you while he stays on.

#20 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

So once is enough?

#21 Moneypenny2014

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

I think you should be going to. I could never imagine leaving my own child of that age for 5 weeks.
I would suggest to your husband that you go along too and that if need be, the time period of 5 weeks be changed as far as length of time and/or dates to enable you to go as well.
PS I also trust my DH totally with our little one but think its too long a time for the child to be away from one parent

#22 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

At that age, no.  I could not imagine being separated from my baby that long especially as I was still breastfeeding.  Not going to happen.

However my DH was very hands on and it was not about trusting him.

#23 cinnabubble

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM

I wouldn't take a child who is essentially a baby away from their primary caregiver for so long.

Edited by cinnabubble, 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM.

#24 QueenElsa

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM

I couldn't be apart for that long from a young child. I am in the same situation - a British DH who is not hands on and a MIL with completely different child-rearing philosophy.  I would be trying to cut it to 2 weeks or go to....but my DH would never volunteer for 5 weeks of solo parenthood!

#25 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:20 PM

Honestly, five weeks is a long time, and there are lots of solutions where you wouldnt be away from your LO, for the whole time, as PP's have suggested, but this doesn't sound like it's about that.

Clearly there is more going on. Especially when you say "his family have met the baby" Wow.

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