Jump to content

Husband wants to take son OS alone


  • Please log in to reply
199 replies to this topic

#1 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

Basically I'm interested to hear if I'm being totally unreasonable.Next year when my son will be 15 months my husband has 5 weeks off work. He told me he wanted to go on holiday to his home country (UK). When I asked who would be babysitting as I plan to go back to work part time next year he said he wants to take DS with him. My response was "like hell you will!"I don't get along with his mother, we have very different views on parenting. My husband is not hands on at all. Plus I would miss my baby like crazy.Would you let your child go OS with father/ mother without you? And at what age?


When I say not hands on he has never bathed the baby, doesn't change nappies if its anything more than pee, has never put the baby to bed etc. I've given up trying to get him to do these things.

Edited by sarahec, 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM.


#2 TillyTake2

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

At that age, no. My son is 2 and it would still be no. I imagine it will remain a no for some time. I don't think my husband would want me to take him either.

#3 eachschoolholidays

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:01 PM

Not if I had a strained relationship with my husband and/or his family!

BTW:  I would 'allow' my husband, but I can't imagine that he would want to.

#4 tothebeach

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:02 PM

I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.

#5 *LucyE*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:03 PM

DH wants to take DS on a father and son only holiday next year. DS will be 9yrs old.

I have great no issues with it and think it will be great for bonding.

At 15months though, I was still breastfeeding and would have missed him like crazy. For a few nights, maybe but not for a few weeks overseas. It's not that I wouldn't trust DH but I feel that period is still important for attachment and security with the primary care giver.

The not a hands on dad thing wouldn't bother me so much. I found that DH would stand back if I was willing to 'do it all' but was perfectly capable when I wasn't around.

#6 José

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

My husband wants to return to home country with ds when he is a similar age. If I can't trust dh to look after ds then who can I trust!! I would find it hard being away from ds though so might take leave from work and go too.

#7 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

QUOTE (tothebeach @ 14/11/2012, 10:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I love my husband and trust him to parent responsibly.  I have taken my own children to see my parents for extended periods of time and would be shocked if my husband objected.  So I would never have a response like: 'like hell you will'.  He is the father of my children, the only person in the world who loves our children as much as I do.


This

#8 irishgirly

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

My family live in Ireland and I understand how much they miss the grand children. They would be distraught if they weren't allowed to visit because of a clash with one of us.
Is your DH upset? I would definitely say 5 weeks is a long time. Could you compromise and say 2-3, would
you consider going too?

#9 ali-song

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

I'd be pretty hypocritical not to let DH take either of my kids given that I took each of them OS when they were less than six months old. I wouldn't be too keen on five weeks, but for a couple of weeks - sure! No better way to make him into a hands on parent. wink.gif



#10 JRA

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM

Yes, of course I would he is our sons father. He is just as, well actually, more capable of looking after DS than I am.

Or simply, as tothebeach says

#11 tenar

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM


I would hate to be away from either of my kids for that length of time.  They are 15 months and 3.  

Any chance you can go with them?

#12 *Lib*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM

I' m trying to encourage my husband to take our DD to Latvia. But he thinks it will be too hard on her......she's 8 FGS!

#13 Jess1

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:09 PM

I would be fine with my husband taking our child overseas with him (as he would be with me) but not for 5 weeks.  I would never take her away from him for so long and know that he wouldn't ask that of me either.  A week or 2 would be the most.
It wouldn't worry me about the mother as long as I knew my child would be well cared for.

#14 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

I am with tothebeach on this one.

I take my kids interstate to visit my folks. I have also left my kids with DH while I go interstate.

He is their parent just as much as I am.

Edited by lsolaBella, 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM.


#15 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:10 PM

Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!

#16 MadnessCraves

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:11 PM

I'm not sure how a 15 month would understand being away from his primary caregiver for 5 weeks. I can't imagine it will go down well.

#17 sarahec

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

QUOTE (LynnyP @ 14/11/2012, 10:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I would "let" him take his own child to meet his family!


His family have met the baby.

#18 Coffeegirl

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Role reversal..

If it was you that wanted to go OS to see your family what would the answer be?




If you are only working part-time, why can't you take 2 weeks off and go as well?

#19 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

Is there no way you could go just for a week or two? He could take your DS over and you could meet him there and bring DS back with you while he stays on.

#20 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

So once is enough?

#21 Moneypenny2014

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

I think you should be going to. I could never imagine leaving my own child of that age for 5 weeks.
I would suggest to your husband that you go along too and that if need be, the time period of 5 weeks be changed as far as length of time and/or dates to enable you to go as well.
PS I also trust my DH totally with our little one but think its too long a time for the child to be away from one parent

#22 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:16 PM

At that age, no.  I could not imagine being separated from my baby that long especially as I was still breastfeeding.  Not going to happen.

However my DH was very hands on and it was not about trusting him.

#23 cinnabubble

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM

I wouldn't take a child who is essentially a baby away from their primary caregiver for so long.

Edited by cinnabubble, 14 November 2012 - 09:17 PM.


#24 QueenElsa

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM

I couldn't be apart for that long from a young child. I am in the same situation - a British DH who is not hands on and a MIL with completely different child-rearing philosophy.  I would be trying to cut it to 2 weeks or go to....but my DH would never volunteer for 5 weeks of solo parenthood!

#25 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:20 PM

Honestly, five weeks is a long time, and there are lots of solutions where you wouldnt be away from your LO, for the whole time, as PP's have suggested, but this doesn't sound like it's about that.

Clearly there is more going on. Especially when you say "his family have met the baby" Wow.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Postnatal depression and the feelings that scare mums most

"I was shocked and horrified that I'd had this thought. That's not me."

A toddler’s step-by-step guide to avoiding bedtime

How many of these tactics does your toddler employ at bedtime?

Melbourne - get your FREE tickets!

Register now for your free ticket (valued at $20) for the Melbourne Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores.

The great toddler chase: every pregnant mum's nightmare

This is the funniest photo ever. We've all been there!

Would you do this to your baby in a carseat?

One mum looked that fear in the face and shared how important it is to think about adjusting the straps on our kids' car seats.

The secret to fitness after having a baby

It turns out that taking a more flexible approach might be the best way to make it happen.

Frustrated mum's genius plan to stop dinner time battles

Hands up who is sick and tired of cooking dinner for their kids every night only to have them complain about what's on their plate.

Photo shoot captures the dirty work of parenting

What do you do when you want a sweet maternity shoot but it just won't stop raining?

Could this simple thing help you avoid the 'baby blues'?

Researchers are now looking at whether the nutrients you ingest after giving birth can help reduce your likelihood of developing the baby blues.

We face more judgement than our mums did, study finds

We're judged more than our mums were - science says so.

As a mum, it's hard to ask for help. And that needs to change

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I started feeling ill a couple of days ago but battled on, as we do.

Why I don't care about your gender reveal

So you're having a baby? That's great, babies are awesome.

Dad's simple baby soothing hack

When this dad's baby wouldn't stop crying he took matters into his own hands. He also recorded what he did to let other people in on the simple hack and now it's going viral.

Husband gives birth after his wife was unable to fall pregnant

After his wife struggled to conceive, transgender man Chris Rehs-Dupin decided to give it a go.

10 things I thought about motherhood before I actually became a mum

Everyone is a parenting expert until they have kids – right?

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

See Pinky McKay live - for FREE

Pinky will be speaking daily at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show, Melbourne, 28-30 April. Free tickets now!

 

Free ticket offer

See Pinky McKay live - for FREE

Pinky will be speaking daily at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show, Melbourne, 28-30 April. Free tickets now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.