Jump to content

A school wdyt


  • Please log in to reply
91 replies to this topic

#1 udontnome

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:55 PM

My son's (6 years old - year 1) teacher went on maternity leave at the end of last term.  He says to me on the way home mrs xx had her baby his name was xx & he died. I was a bit taken aback so I quizzed him further & he is adamant that's what the class was told. He said a few girls in his class cried & they did some cards for the teacher.

My first thought was oh it's a bit odd that would tell such young children this news - no note came home.  When I spoke to my husband about it he was a bit angry that the school/teacher would just announce news like that.

Wdyt??   Would you ring the school to find out?

Edited by udontnome, 14 November 2012 - 08:56 PM.


#2 eachschoolholidays

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:58 PM

Why would it be odd that the children were told that a baby had died?

I am astounded that you would ring the school to verify if the children had been told.  If you were ringing to pass along your condolences, that would be lovely.  

I find your attitude incredibly callous.

#3 Chelli

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

That is so sad sad.gif Personally if that did happen, I believe in being honest with children. That said though, at such a young age, I would have thought that the school would send something home with the children like a note to say what has occurred in case they are upset at home and need extra support.

I would contact the school to ascertain what has happened, but also bear in mind that they may also be in a state of grief and shock so may not have thought to prepare a notice to send home.

#4 tothebeach

Posted 14 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

Why would you be angry?  I'm not really following your train of thought.  If Ms xx did have a stillborn baby, then they have told the children and I wouldn't think any more of it.  If your child is upset, then by all means followup at school so that you can explain it to your child at home.   I think that a note would be OTT.

#5 Overtherainbow

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

Í'm not surprised the children know but I am surprised no note came home.

#6 CalEliKat

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:01 PM

Why would you and your husband be angry about it?  That seems so cold of you both.  I think that it is lovely that the children made cards for the teacher and horribly sad that the poor woman lost her baby.  

What purpose would it serve to call the school p*ssed about your son being told the truth?

I actually remember a situation like this when I was in primary school, a teacher lost twins in a car accident at 7 months, it was horrible and we were told the truth.  I also recall when my sister was stillborn the children in my class made cards for my family, it was a lovely thought.

Edited by kerrie23, 14 November 2012 - 09:03 PM.


#7 José

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:02 PM

I wouldn't have a problem with that. When the teacher returns from leave kids are bound to ask about her baby. That could be very difficult for the teacher to deal with if the kids hadn't already Been told. I certainly would not expect a note to go home. I think that would be Hard on the teacher.

#8 Feral Becky

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:04 PM

I would just ring the school to ask if it was the truth and say to the office staff that I was very sorry.

I wouldn't be upset that the class had been told.


ETA:I would just ring to find out the truth as I know kids could maybe get the story wrong

Edited by LindsayMK, 14 November 2012 - 09:07 PM.


#9 ReadySetRace

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

My friend lost her newborn when she taught prep. The children were told by the new teacher, and made a lovely scrap book where each child drew a picture and wrote a message. It was age appropriate stuff - lots of rainbows and suns - and it was heart-warming.  The book was displayed at the funeral and was a great comfort to her.  

She went back to work earlier than she planned and the last thing she needed was 25 kids asking about her baby.  A family has lost a child...your child being hearing sad news does not compare.  Why isn't your DH thinking about the teacher's loss?

Death is a part of life on earth and shouldn't be hidden from children.



#10 EssentialBludger

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:05 PM

QUOTE (round the twist @ 14/11/2012, 09:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Í'm not surprised the children know but I am surprised no note came home.


Huh? Why would you expect a note to come home about a teachers stillborn baby?!

#11 LynnyP

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:08 PM

I would have absolutely no problem at all about the children being told their teacher's baby had died, schools are supposed to be communities after all.  I would have a serious problem with my husband getting angry about it.  What on earth led him to think that response was in any way appropriate or emotionally balanced?

#12 annasue

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

Its a sad world when the loss of a baby provokes anger in a bystander.

The productive approach OP would be to take the opportunity to talk to your son about death if this is his first experience of it.

Like a PP said would you rather the school protect your sensitivities (hangups) and allow the teacher to return to school and have all the kids excitedly asking about her dead baby.



#13 Expelliarmus

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

Check the school newsletter. It would probably be in there.

#14 Chelli

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:15 PM

I think a note would have been a good way to ascertain exactly what has happened. It would be hard to comfort a child who is confused and upset without knowing exactly what has happened. I think the truth is the best way to address issues such as death to children, so if I were in this situation, I would prefer to know how to answer questions.

We had a situation at my children's school where a father was killed in a car accident. My DD was good friends with his son, and a notice went home the following day to explain what had tragically occurred, what measures the school had put in place for distraught children's support (for some, information like this can be a trigger for their own grief) and also some age appropriate information on how to talk to children about grief and loss. They also informed us on signs of stress and asked to be contacted if we had any concerns.

To me, that was a wonderful reaction to a really traumatic time for the kids (and us, as we live in a small community).

I don't think the OP is being callous at all in wondering why there wasn't further explanation. For all she knows, it may not even be true - six year olds also have a great imagination or they may have their wires crossed about someone else's tragedy, you wouldn't know. Information directly from the school would be the best course of action IMO.

#15 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:18 PM

NO idea why you or your husband would be mad?  Babies die sadly, teachers are a very important part of a childs life, why wouldn't they say that if that's what happened?
My sons teacher was away for a few days earlier in the year because his Mum had passed away, ds knew before I did.  He came home and told me, a few days later it was announced in the school newsletter.
Just talk to your child, ask about it, ask how they feel about it, give them time to discuss it.

#16 katrina24

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

Hi OP, I wonder how far you and your DH have thought this through.  I know it is awful for parents to see their children upset but this is, sadly, part of life. I assume this teacher will return to her job. The only alternative to the children being told is the teacher coming back to work and pretending she has a baby .... Obviously not an option.

I think we often underestimate children's ability to cope with sad things.  My DD is also in grade one. A sibling of another student is dying from cancer. My DD was informed about this at school and the school did a wonderful fundraiser for camp quality.  Children cried.  I was so glad to be part of a school community that came together to support those members experiencing such sadness.  While some kids were sad (including my DD) it was a wonderful learning opportunity for them. It brought about a lot of discussions about illness and death, supporting your friends, etc. what a great learning opportunity for the children.  

If I were you i would view this in the same way and teach your child about compassion for people experiencing great loss.

#17 udontnome

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

Obviously I have worded my post incorrectly - I am of course upset that the teacher may have lost her baby - I'm not heartless.  Perhaps I have used incorrect wording.  

My son is known to make up stories so I was thinking of it I terms of clarifying that it may have in fact happened & a way in which I can send my condolences. I thought maybe a note would have been a bit of a heads up for parents who had upset children & ways they could deal/cope with their feelings.

Obviously the way I have reacted is perhaps not the norm??

Edited by udontnome, 14 November 2012 - 09:23 PM.


#18 Funwith3

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:28 PM

QUOTE (nlman @ 14/11/2012, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why would it be odd that the children were told that a baby had died?

I am astounded that you would ring the school to verify if the children had been told.  If you were ringing to pass along your condolences, that would be lovely.  

I find your attitude incredibly callous.

I would much rather be warned first, so I knew what to expect. And also I would have loved the chance to talk about death to my child before he/she is exposed to it. Many kids haven't experienced a death before, especially the death of a baby.

I'm with you OP. A letter should have been sent home first before the children were informed. They're children after all. Not adults.

#19 Soontobegran

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:28 PM

I would also think that the school community in general may have been told about this in the new letter, not for any other reason other than to recognise the teacher had given birth but the baby had died and that the school community may like to express their condolences.
I don't think it is inappropriate at all for the children to have been told though. The children will respond differently and there will be some very sad 6 year olds. sad.gif

#20 Kafkaesque

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (round the twist @ 14/11/2012, 07:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Í'm not surprised the children know but I am surprised no note came home.


This. I dont think the op had a problem with her child being told only that the parents hasn't been informed. I too would be annoyed if something like that had been told to may children without following it up with a note to parents. It is something that might upset many kids and needs to be discussed at home to make sure they understand. Imagine if a child had pregnant mother and here's about a baby dying. These things need explanations.

#21 ms flib

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:38 PM

Our school values communication and would have made sure parents knew before telling the kids. Our community would want everyone to know but in a way that we could support the children.

I understand OP. I would want more information than just relying my prep child. I have one at the moment and she easily gets mixed up.

All the best


#22 Overtherainbow

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:42 PM

QUOTE
Huh? Why would you expect a note to come home about a teachers stillborn baby?!


Yes I would expect a note to come from the office (not the teacher) letting parents know that children have been informed that xxxx's baby has passed away.  Children have been told the basic facts, if your child is struggling with dealing with this please contact yyyyy.  Please understand it is a difficult time for xxxx's family and respect the families privacy at this time, etc, etc.

Our chn have had to deal with a death at school this year.  It was a tragedy and was dealt with incredibly professionaly.  Children will probably bring it up at home and may need help working it out and may be concerned about the safety of those they love.

I mean no disrespect to the teacher and my heart goes out for any parent that has to face the death of a child but the school also needs to look out for the best interest of the students and a note would help with this.

#23 katrina24

Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:58 PM

OP, your clarification changes things a bit.  Reading the original post I interpreted that you and your DH were angry that your child had been told. I do agree that if children are given news like that, it would be a good idea for a communication go out to parents to let them know the details so that they could support their children.

#24 Guest_zeus359_*

Posted 14 November 2012 - 10:01 PM

Sounds reasonable to me. Children do best with straight to the point explanations, if your child has problems dealing with the information then that's your job as a parent to help them through that. Most children don't dwell on things for too long, they will have forgotten about it in a few days, some of them would have put it out of their minds by lunchtime.

The last thing i would want to be doing if it was that teacher is dealing with a million questions about how the baby is, what did you call it from both students and their parents when returning from leave.

#25 Funwith3

Posted 14 November 2012 - 10:01 PM

QUOTE (*magenta* @ 14/11/2012, 10:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So do we need a note sent home if the teacher's mum dies? Or her partner dies?

What if another student's grandpa dies? Or their dog dies?

As a previous poster noted, death is a part of life and parents need to be able to deal with that.

By talking normally about stillbirth you remove some of the secrecy surrounding it. Stillbirth is unfortunately incredibly common and many women who have experienced a stillbirth would prefer it isn't treated as a taboo subject (that requires a special note).

My DD's teacher's husband died of cancer last year. All parents in that class were immediately sent home a note. I was so appreciative. It was kind and sensitive, and very appropriate. I was able to discuss it with DD on her own and she was able to ask questions of me.

We're talking 5 and 6 year olds here. Kids who are occasionally still in nappies at night. Kids who have trouble going to the toilet without making a mess. Kids who struggle dealing with day to day life, so much so that they throw wonderful tantrums. Yet so many PPs here expect them to be able to deal with death...and then come home and have to explain the death (of a baby nonetheless) to their parents.

What the hell goes on here on EB!? I just don't get it. shrug.gif

And to the PP who called the OP 'callous', I think you missed the point. nno2.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

Toddler freed after getting trapped in escalator

A shopping centre escalator needed to be pulled apart to free a toddler's trapped hand.

Why I'm kind of excited about my daughter's nits

Is it weird to say that I am secretly thrilled to find that my daughter Edie has nits?

Baby born at 10:11 on 12-13-14

Well, it's actually 13-12-14 to us over here. But still, Clare Elizabeth Keane's consecutive numerical birth time is pretty special.

On holding tightly and loving fiercely

We can't live in fear. This post is about Christmas and how at this time we should be celebrating life and grateful for what we have: our loved ones who we cherish fiercely.

Babies, relatives and coping with Christmas day

Everyone will love your baby but your baby may not be so happy to be passed around a lot of new people - nor may you want to feed with an audience.

Why I won't be posting pictures of my baby on Facebook

There are pros and cons to this policy.

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.