Jump to content

Do you think this is rude?


  • Please log in to reply
26 replies to this topic

#1 luke's mummu

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

My Mum, dad and I were invited to a family friend's 40th birthday. My husband and kids were not invited, so I have decided no to go (weekends are very rare for us all to be home together).


My Mum asked what she would write on the RSVP card. I said just that I am unable to attend.My Mum and dad both said "How rude! We have to write a reason". I said no I have had several kids birthday parties over the last few years were people have declined and not given a reason. So she wants to lie on the card and say I am working when I am not.



Unlikely the birthday girl will find out but who is right? Is it rude to decline an invite and not say why?

#2 bluedragon

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:16 PM

Nothing wrong with just stating you're unable to attend, why does the host need to know the reason?

It will be far worse if your parents lie and the host finds out about the lie!!

#3 ZombieFerretOfDoom

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:17 PM

No, I don't see why you need to justify yourself.


#4 casime

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:17 PM

No reason needed, as long as you actually RSVP.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:18 PM

Not rude at all IMO. If the answer is no, then it's no. Knowing the reason isn't going to change the outcome. Your reasons are nobody elses business.

#6 Dionysus

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:19 PM

Agree with the others.  No need to give a reason.

If your mother is hell-bent on giving a reason, though, tell her to tell the truth

#7 Z-girls rock

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:22 PM

I think it is fine to just decline.

BUT that easy to do if you are declining and then not going.

your mum and dad are worried because YOU are declining and THEY are going. now all night people will say "oh where is luke's mummu?" or "is luke's mummu ok? we thought she would be here..." etc etc
So I guess they figure they will need to say something at some point anyway.

I agree it is rude to lie about why you are not there. But  guess they dont want to be put in the position of saying "she just didnt want to come"

#8 mivimummy

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:23 PM

I have never included a reason on an RSVP card.  

Maybe if I see or speak to the person I will let them know my reason, but otherwise, I always thought a simple attending/not attending was all required.



#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

I actually think it is odd that they only invited you, but not your DH at least (i kind of understand the no kids).

However it is not rude to decline an invitation without a reason.

#10 Littleone84

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

If your mum feels the need to give a reason, just tell the truth.

"my daughter has been busy and would like to spend some time with her family".

#11 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

I dont think its rude at all.

Id just say thanks for the invite, I am not able to attend.

Not RSVPing now that is frickn rude!!

#12 fionah

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:29 PM

No reason required when RSVPing but why wouldn't they just say that you were spending a rare weekend at home with your immediate family? That's not rude.

Fi

#13 mum201

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:31 PM

You aren't being rude at all. Never heard of having to state a reason. If your mum wants a reason then get her to write the real reason
Personally I think it's far ruder not to include the invite to someone's spouse

#14 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:32 PM

QUOTE (Z-girls rock @ 13/11/2012, 04:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it is fine to just decline.

BUT that easy to do if you are declining and then not going.

your mum and dad are worried because YOU are declining and THEY are going. now all night people will say "oh where is luke's mummu?" or "is luke's mummu ok? we thought she would be here..." etc etc
So I guess they figure they will need to say something at some point anyway.

I agree it is rude to lie about why you are not there. But  guess they dont want to be put in the position of saying "she just didnt want to come"


If DH and I both don't go we don't normally provide a reason (though sometimes will) if only one goes we will say why the other is not going for.

#15 JKTMum

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:38 PM

I just had a family wedding to attend a few weeks ago. DH and I were invited, the kids were not, and all our extended family was invited (my parents and sisters and their spouses, their kids are all adults, not invited but dont live close by, DH has no family living closer than 5 hours drive away). As it was a Sunday afternoon/evening wedding on a long weekend we didnt have anyone to mind the kids (DS would have been fine on his own, but DD1 has additional needs and requires adult supervision, leaving her with DS would have resulted in WW3 and a lot of stress for both  rolleyes.gif . she needs to know and trust who she stays with, this particular weekend, no-one suitable was available). In the end I replied that I would be attending but DH would not be due to having no-one to mind DD1 and DD2. I suppose I wouldnt have given a reason if both of us werent attending, but I did because only I was attending and DH was not.

#16 Tigerdog

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:46 PM

QUOTE
now all night people will say "oh where is luke's mummu?" or "is luke's mummu ok? we thought she would be here..." etc etc


How will they?  I find it odd that a grown woman with a family of her own would be invited to a do with her own parents and not her own family in the first place.  Much odder if she were to go than if she weren't - how would any other guest even know she was invited anyway, wouldn't they just assume either a) she wasn't on the invite as she's now branched off and had her own family or b) her whole family was invited (ie. hubby and kids too) and none of them could make it.

I'm with the OP on this one, once you make a family of your own you're a package deal, it isn't on to just invite one person and not their partner at least and kids if it's a kid-friendly event.

#17 bryce's-mummy

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:51 PM

No you don't need to give a reason. On wedding returns you just usually tick a box. There isn't a section to say "reason why not attending"!!

If they want to know why- they'll ask. Other than that- no ones business wink.gif

Edited by bryce's-mummy, 13 November 2012 - 03:51 PM.


#18 jessie123

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:03 PM

I have never even thought about writing a reason I don't think it is expected. The only time I would give a reason is if I was speaking to the person directly.

#19 vanessa71

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

I have never known anyone to state a reason for why they can't attend an event, it's definitely not rude. What is rude and poor etiquette is not receiving your own invitation, which should have included your husband.

When I sent out my weeding invitations, I could have sent one to the entire XYZ family, however, I didn't, one went to the parents and as the children were both over 18 (even though still living with mum and dad) they each got their own invitation.



#20 Kwyjibo

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:32 PM

Your parents are being unreasonable.



#21 frizzle

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:34 PM

Can you do one RSVP for your parents and one inability from you, separate replies. Then just do your own and tell your folks not to worry you have taken care of it.

#22 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 November 2012 - 11:04 PM

Not rude in that case.
If it was my best friend not making it to a major milestone birthday or something, I'd expect a bit more than 'can't come', but not in just a normal situation.

#23 Swarley

Posted 14 November 2012 - 06:31 AM

Not rude at all, and if they get asked... They could just go with the truth which isn't at all offensive either!

#24 blenheim

Posted 14 November 2012 - 06:38 AM

I'd just RSVP on your own and tell your Mum you've already said you're not going - and you def don't have to give you a reason - ask your Mum if she's ever seen an RSVP note with a section for a reason?

#25 chic mummy

Posted 14 November 2012 - 07:13 AM

not rude an RSVP (to me) is a simple " i can make it see you there" or " sorry i have to miss this one"

no need for a reason. if it makes you feel better my mum has the habit of just wanting to let other people know our lives so if we can't go somewhere its not just a usual they were busy, or they had something else on it usually is a full on detailed explanation of why we're not their and what else we were doing mad.gif

EFS -

p.s maybe your mum is a like mine and feels the need to have to explain everything in fear she'll look bad.

Edited by misslizzie, 14 November 2012 - 07:15 AM.





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The popular baby name from the Rio Olympics

"With a pair of athletes who are not only successful, but seen as great role models – combined with a softer sound – it is like hitting the jackpot."

Toy stuck in baby's throat for two weeks

When Jude Atiga's baby son Laith was struggling to breathe the worried mum called an ambulance.

Mum awarded $20 million over birth power struggle with nurses

As a mother of three, Caroline Malatesta thought she knew what she was letting herself in for when it came to the birth of her fourth baby.

Win a Baby Jogger City Premier for Father's Day

To celebrate Father's Day, one lucky EB fan will win one of their own! Enter Now!

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

Why fatherhood scares many dads-to-be

Travis Bull vividly remembers discovering his partner was pregnant for the first time.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

Warning for pregnant women as flu-related deaths triple

A more than three-fold increase in flu-related deaths has sparked a plea for those with the flu to stay away from vulnerable people.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Too many parents still putting babies in unsafe bedding: study

A study found that a whopping 91 per cent of four-week-old babies had been placed in cots with unsafe bedding.

Mum's shock as toddler fat-shamed by internet trolls

When a mother uploaded a cute photograph of her 14-month old child online, she did not expect a swarm of internet trolls to write that her toddler was fat.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

The most awww-worthy celeb baby pics of the week

It's been a pretty cute week on Instagram in terms of celebs relishing their babies.

When 'Just Do It' just doesn't cut it

When even Michelle Bridges admits to struggling with her exercise regime, it's time to accept that having small children can be a legitimate reason for exercise not happening.

What life is really like when you have five kids

Life is cute with one, manageable with three, but at times completely impossible with five.

When no one can pronounce your baby's name

In Wales it's a common name, but over here, it's cause for some confusion.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Single to double pram that folds with seat attached

A pram is a large purchase, and you only want to buy once.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

Blake Lively: 'Post-pregnancy slim down pressure is so unfair'

Blake Lively has urged women not to feel pressured to lose weight after pregnancy.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

ENTER NOW

Win one of two Father's Day Gift Packs

Sign up to receive our new Essential Kids announcements emails for a chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.