Jump to content

Do you think this is rude?

  • Please log in to reply
26 replies to this topic

#1 luke's mummu

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

My Mum, dad and I were invited to a family friend's 40th birthday. My husband and kids were not invited, so I have decided no to go (weekends are very rare for us all to be home together).

My Mum asked what she would write on the RSVP card. I said just that I am unable to attend.My Mum and dad both said "How rude! We have to write a reason". I said no I have had several kids birthday parties over the last few years were people have declined and not given a reason. So she wants to lie on the card and say I am working when I am not.

Unlikely the birthday girl will find out but who is right? Is it rude to decline an invite and not say why?

#2 bluedragon

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:16 PM

Nothing wrong with just stating you're unable to attend, why does the host need to know the reason?

It will be far worse if your parents lie and the host finds out about the lie!!

#3 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:17 PM

No, I don't see why you need to justify yourself.

#4 casime

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:17 PM

No reason needed, as long as you actually RSVP.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:18 PM

Not rude at all IMO. If the answer is no, then it's no. Knowing the reason isn't going to change the outcome. Your reasons are nobody elses business.

#6 Dionysus

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:19 PM

Agree with the others.  No need to give a reason.

If your mother is hell-bent on giving a reason, though, tell her to tell the truth

#7 Z-girls rock

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:22 PM

I think it is fine to just decline.

BUT that easy to do if you are declining and then not going.

your mum and dad are worried because YOU are declining and THEY are going. now all night people will say "oh where is luke's mummu?" or "is luke's mummu ok? we thought she would be here..." etc etc
So I guess they figure they will need to say something at some point anyway.

I agree it is rude to lie about why you are not there. But  guess they dont want to be put in the position of saying "she just didnt want to come"

#8 mivimummy

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:23 PM

I have never included a reason on an RSVP card.  

Maybe if I see or speak to the person I will let them know my reason, but otherwise, I always thought a simple attending/not attending was all required.

#9 PrincessPeach

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

I actually think it is odd that they only invited you, but not your DH at least (i kind of understand the no kids).

However it is not rude to decline an invitation without a reason.

#10 Littleone84

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

If your mum feels the need to give a reason, just tell the truth.

"my daughter has been busy and would like to spend some time with her family".

#11 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

I dont think its rude at all.

Id just say thanks for the invite, I am not able to attend.

Not RSVPing now that is frickn rude!!

#12 fionah

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:29 PM

No reason required when RSVPing but why wouldn't they just say that you were spending a rare weekend at home with your immediate family? That's not rude.


#13 mum201

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:31 PM

You aren't being rude at all. Never heard of having to state a reason. If your mum wants a reason then get her to write the real reason
Personally I think it's far ruder not to include the invite to someone's spouse

#14 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:32 PM

QUOTE (Z-girls rock @ 13/11/2012, 04:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it is fine to just decline.

BUT that easy to do if you are declining and then not going.

your mum and dad are worried because YOU are declining and THEY are going. now all night people will say "oh where is luke's mummu?" or "is luke's mummu ok? we thought she would be here..." etc etc
So I guess they figure they will need to say something at some point anyway.

I agree it is rude to lie about why you are not there. But  guess they dont want to be put in the position of saying "she just didnt want to come"

If DH and I both don't go we don't normally provide a reason (though sometimes will) if only one goes we will say why the other is not going for.

#15 JKTMum

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:38 PM

I just had a family wedding to attend a few weeks ago. DH and I were invited, the kids were not, and all our extended family was invited (my parents and sisters and their spouses, their kids are all adults, not invited but dont live close by, DH has no family living closer than 5 hours drive away). As it was a Sunday afternoon/evening wedding on a long weekend we didnt have anyone to mind the kids (DS would have been fine on his own, but DD1 has additional needs and requires adult supervision, leaving her with DS would have resulted in WW3 and a lot of stress for both  rolleyes.gif . she needs to know and trust who she stays with, this particular weekend, no-one suitable was available). In the end I replied that I would be attending but DH would not be due to having no-one to mind DD1 and DD2. I suppose I wouldnt have given a reason if both of us werent attending, but I did because only I was attending and DH was not.

#16 Tigerdog

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:46 PM

now all night people will say "oh where is luke's mummu?" or "is luke's mummu ok? we thought she would be here..." etc etc

How will they?  I find it odd that a grown woman with a family of her own would be invited to a do with her own parents and not her own family in the first place.  Much odder if she were to go than if she weren't - how would any other guest even know she was invited anyway, wouldn't they just assume either a) she wasn't on the invite as she's now branched off and had her own family or b) her whole family was invited (ie. hubby and kids too) and none of them could make it.

I'm with the OP on this one, once you make a family of your own you're a package deal, it isn't on to just invite one person and not their partner at least and kids if it's a kid-friendly event.

#17 bryce's-mummy

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:51 PM

No you don't need to give a reason. On wedding returns you just usually tick a box. There isn't a section to say "reason why not attending"!!

If they want to know why- they'll ask. Other than that- no ones business wink.gif

Edited by bryce's-mummy, 13 November 2012 - 03:51 PM.

#18 jessie123

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:03 PM

I have never even thought about writing a reason I don't think it is expected. The only time I would give a reason is if I was speaking to the person directly.

#19 vanessa71

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

I have never known anyone to state a reason for why they can't attend an event, it's definitely not rude. What is rude and poor etiquette is not receiving your own invitation, which should have included your husband.

When I sent out my weeding invitations, I could have sent one to the entire XYZ family, however, I didn't, one went to the parents and as the children were both over 18 (even though still living with mum and dad) they each got their own invitation.

#20 Kwyjibo

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:32 PM

Your parents are being unreasonable.

#21 frizzle

Posted 13 November 2012 - 04:34 PM

Can you do one RSVP for your parents and one inability from you, separate replies. Then just do your own and tell your folks not to worry you have taken care of it.

#22 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 November 2012 - 11:04 PM

Not rude in that case.
If it was my best friend not making it to a major milestone birthday or something, I'd expect a bit more than 'can't come', but not in just a normal situation.

#23 Swarley

Posted 14 November 2012 - 06:31 AM

Not rude at all, and if they get asked... They could just go with the truth which isn't at all offensive either!

#24 blenheim

Posted 14 November 2012 - 06:38 AM

I'd just RSVP on your own and tell your Mum you've already said you're not going - and you def don't have to give you a reason - ask your Mum if she's ever seen an RSVP note with a section for a reason?

#25 chic mummy

Posted 14 November 2012 - 07:13 AM

not rude an RSVP (to me) is a simple " i can make it see you there" or " sorry i have to miss this one"

no need for a reason. if it makes you feel better my mum has the habit of just wanting to let other people know our lives so if we can't go somewhere its not just a usual they were busy, or they had something else on it usually is a full on detailed explanation of why we're not their and what else we were doing mad.gif


p.s maybe your mum is a like mine and feels the need to have to explain everything in fear she'll look bad.

Edited by misslizzie, 14 November 2012 - 07:15 AM.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


First look at Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Baby

Bridget is now in her 40s and is a successful publishing executive - but also has a pregnancy to contend with as well.

Newlyweds send bill to no-show guests

Planning a wedding can be stressful – and, as most newlyweds can attest, it can be very costly, too.

Claire Danes: acting out postnatal depression was difficult

Actress Claire Danes found it difficult pretending to have postnatal depression in Homeland, as she had just become a new mother herself.

Sneak peek: Geleeo self-cooling pram & high chair liners

We just spotted Geleeo, a brand new self-cooling pram liner you can buy in time for summer.

The moment a 92-year-old meets her great grandaughter

It's a heart-warming photo this family will treasure forever.

How to prepare for breastfeeding when you're still pregnant

While every woman's breastfeeding journey is different, many hurdles are shared. Knowing what to expect will enable you to make informed decisions if - or when - you meet challenges along the way.

Sneak peek: new Love Mae bamboo dinnerware designs

We do love ourselves some brand new designs in tried and true products. The renowned bamboo dinnerware from Love Mae has just had several more members join the family, in addition to a brand new website.

Mum who killed paedophile gets reduced sentence

A mother-of-five who killed a paedophile has had her jail sentence reduced by a judge who described her case as a "truly exceptional" one.

Toddler's silent debate with mum about naptime

He might not utter a single word - but this toddler is having a great debate with his mother about nap time.

Silence is golden ... or is it?

Silence is golden, or so the saying goes. But when it comes to children, quite the opposite is true.

Awards 2015: Vote now for a chance to win $2000

Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.

Scientists identify potential birth control 'pill' for men

Two drugs that help suppress the immune system in organ transplant patients may have a future as the long-sought birth control "pill" for men, new research suggests.

Running for beginners: taking the first steps

It's that time of year when the weather warms up and there's more opportunity to get out and go for a jog.

Tips for turning yourself into a morning person

Mornings are a great time to spend time in reflection or to get outside and get moving.

Thousands sign petition for unborn babies killed by domestic violence

Almost 8000 people have signed a petition calling for a law to recognise unborn babies killed by domestic violence in NSW.

Pregnant Sarah Harris tells body-shamers to 'get stuffed'

Television presenter Sarah Harris has a message for anyone who tries to body-shame pregnant women or new mums.

In defence of 'brexting'

Mums spend literally hours a day with a baby attached to their boob, or giving them a bottle. Surely they don't all need to be spent looking at the baby?

How a fellow passenger made a mum's day on a flight

As any parent who has ever travelled with a baby knows it can be a daunting experience. The stares and attitude of unsympathetic fellow travellers only serve to make the journey even more stressful. 


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



What are your favourite baby products?

The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.