Jump to content

Savings before TTC?

  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 JuliaD

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:08 PM

My DH gave me an ultimatum of sorts last night.
I had already said that I was going to have a break until new year of TTC again (after already having 2 mc this year).  But now he has extended that by saying, I don't want to try again until we have $xxxxx in the bank.
We have savings, I own my car, we have a mortgage that is manageable, we both work and earn good wages, but I don't have the amount that he wants in savings, and won't have that until probably June next year - based on our budget.

After having a couple of mc already, I just don't particularly care that much - life really is precious and too short to be caring *that* much about money, especially when we can afford it regardless. I just want to get back on my bike (so to speak) and try again, come new year. I know that I might have another mc, and I might not even conceive until June, but I still think that's a lot of missed opportunities!

Am I being unreasonable, is my DH right? I'm sure my emotions cloud my judgement at times, but seriously...

#2 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:15 PM

How long will it take to achieve his savings target?  And why does he think it's important?  His motivation for saying this is very important.

ETA : Just realised that you have said it will probably achieved by June.

What would I do?  Ask him if he will pull this stunt again in June and why should I trust him to keep his word.  

It depends if you believe his concerns to be genuine and honest and that he will get back on board by June like he is saying.  If that's the case, I'd say fine and drop the subject until June.  And make sure his financial target is hit in May so he has no excuse not to start DTD in June.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 13 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.

#3 Penguin78

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

Time for an open discussion I think, and be sensitive to his reasons. Hopefully you can both reach some compromise.

#4 countrychic29

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

whilst i dont think you are being unreasonable there has to be a happy medium.
I was similar we decided to start TTC was pg in 2 weeks ... i was expecting it to take months, unfortunately m/c and i think then i realised how unprepared financially we were ... so we knuckled down saving for 5 months while on a TTC break...then TTC fell straight away again luckily and now the savings is really happening as it has to...

FWIW - when we got married we said we wouldnt have children until we had $50K in bank rolleyes.gif ...things change and our priority was to have a family, like yourself after a m/c and so much uncertainty we felt like there we could wait forever or just make it happen. good luck

#5 noi'mnot

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:28 PM

It all depends on his reasons. How did he come to the figure that he gave you? What is it based on? Is it actually needed? Reading between the lines, was he saying "I'm not ready yet, give me until June and I will be"?

I think you need to talk to him.

Good luck!

#6 sarkazm76

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:32 PM

For us it was/ is again this time - how much time do I want to take off work.  What is the total owed on the mortgage in that time.  Ok - we need to be AHEAD on the mortgage (rather than have in savings) that amount by the time bubs is due.  Factor in from time of conception you have 9-10 months to save.  First time around we also sold one car to add to the cash.  This time it's a bit easier as I have about 5 weeks long service leave up my sleeve too original.gif

I agree he maybe really saying he wants a break from the trying and the money is on his mind and wasn't stopping him previously... but combined with his grief... now it is?

Have a sensitive talk to him.  Explain your side.  Work out a savings plan - compromise on the amount maybe?  Point out you have 9 months to save whilst pregnant.

#7 TillyTake2

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:42 PM

I don't think the concept of having a savings goal is necessarily unreasonable but I think the way he is going about it is a bit off.

We have a savings goal before ttc (as well as some other goals like renovations and some health stuff) but they were mutually discussed & agreed.

Perhaps discuss why he's suddenly come up with this idea?

#8 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:44 PM

Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

This is what I was coming in to say - maybe it's his way of saying 'I need time out!' - it affects the men as well, and women tend to forget that.

It also could be him wanting you to have time out - to physically/mentally get back on track. Maybe he can see the toll it is taking on you.

ETA: Do you think he may have been hinting at you and you weren't listening to him in regards to going on a break, so he has resorted to this? Not having a go, I know how consuming it can all become and you lose focus!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 13 November 2012 - 12:46 PM.

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

I don't think it is unreasonable no.  Perhaps he has realised how much it actually costs.  We had a plan, no debt other then mortgage, payments covered for x amount of weeks, savings put aside for fod for x amount of months etc  before we started trying.  We also had to finish some things on the house before the baby gets here so we had to factor in money for that as well.  I don't think it is stupid, I think it is smart.  And yes I have issues which meant TTC may have taking 2+ years, or may never have happened.

#10 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (Penguin78 @ 13/11/2012, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

This was my thought too - it sounds like an excuse to delay the emotional roller coaster of TTC, especially after miscarriages.  Maybe you can reach a compromise, but definitely some honest communication is required.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


First look at Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Baby

Bridget is now in her 40s and is a successful publishing executive - but also has a pregnancy to contend with as well.

Newlyweds send bill to no-show guests

Planning a wedding can be stressful – and, as most newlyweds can attest, it can be very costly, too.

Claire Danes: acting out postnatal depression was difficult

Actress Claire Danes found it difficult pretending to have postnatal depression in Homeland, as she had just become a new mother herself.

Sneak peek: Geleeo self-cooling pram & high chair liners

We just spotted Geleeo, a brand new self-cooling pram liner you can buy in time for summer.

The moment a 92-year-old meets her great grandaughter

It's a heart-warming photo this family will treasure forever.

How to prepare for breastfeeding when you're still pregnant

While every woman's breastfeeding journey is different, many hurdles are shared. Knowing what to expect will enable you to make informed decisions if - or when - you meet challenges along the way.

Sneak peek: new Love Mae bamboo dinnerware designs

We do love ourselves some brand new designs in tried and true products. The renowned bamboo dinnerware from Love Mae has just had several more members join the family, in addition to a brand new website.

Mum who killed paedophile gets reduced sentence

A mother-of-five who killed a paedophile has had her jail sentence reduced by a judge who described her case as a "truly exceptional" one.

Toddler's silent debate with mum about naptime

He might not utter a single word - but this toddler is having a great debate with his mother about nap time.

Silence is golden ... or is it?

Silence is golden, or so the saying goes. But when it comes to children, quite the opposite is true.

Awards 2015: Vote now for a chance to win $2000

Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.

Scientists identify potential birth control 'pill' for men

Two drugs that help suppress the immune system in organ transplant patients may have a future as the long-sought birth control "pill" for men, new research suggests.

Running for beginners: taking the first steps

It's that time of year when the weather warms up and there's more opportunity to get out and go for a jog.

Tips for turning yourself into a morning person

Mornings are a great time to spend time in reflection or to get outside and get moving.

Thousands sign petition for unborn babies killed by domestic violence

Almost 8000 people have signed a petition calling for a law to recognise unborn babies killed by domestic violence in NSW.

Pregnant Sarah Harris tells body-shamers to 'get stuffed'

Television presenter Sarah Harris has a message for anyone who tries to body-shame pregnant women or new mums.

In defence of 'brexting'

Mums spend literally hours a day with a baby attached to their boob, or giving them a bottle. Surely they don't all need to be spent looking at the baby?

How a fellow passenger made a mum's day on a flight

As any parent who has ever travelled with a baby knows it can be a daunting experience. The stares and attitude of unsympathetic fellow travellers only serve to make the journey even more stressful. 


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



What are your favourite baby products?

The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.