Jump to content

Savings before TTC?
Unreasonable?


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 JuliaD

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:08 PM

My DH gave me an ultimatum of sorts last night.
I had already said that I was going to have a break until new year of TTC again (after already having 2 mc this year).  But now he has extended that by saying, I don't want to try again until we have $xxxxx in the bank.
We have savings, I own my car, we have a mortgage that is manageable, we both work and earn good wages, but I don't have the amount that he wants in savings, and won't have that until probably June next year - based on our budget.

After having a couple of mc already, I just don't particularly care that much - life really is precious and too short to be caring *that* much about money, especially when we can afford it regardless. I just want to get back on my bike (so to speak) and try again, come new year. I know that I might have another mc, and I might not even conceive until June, but I still think that's a lot of missed opportunities!

Am I being unreasonable, is my DH right? I'm sure my emotions cloud my judgement at times, but seriously...

#2 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:15 PM

How long will it take to achieve his savings target?  And why does he think it's important?  His motivation for saying this is very important.

ETA : Just realised that you have said it will probably achieved by June.

What would I do?  Ask him if he will pull this stunt again in June and why should I trust him to keep his word.  

It depends if you believe his concerns to be genuine and honest and that he will get back on board by June like he is saying.  If that's the case, I'd say fine and drop the subject until June.  And make sure his financial target is hit in May so he has no excuse not to start DTD in June.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 13 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.


#3 Penguin78

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

Time for an open discussion I think, and be sensitive to his reasons. Hopefully you can both reach some compromise.

#4 countrychic29

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

whilst i dont think you are being unreasonable there has to be a happy medium.
I was similar we decided to start TTC was pg in 2 weeks ... i was expecting it to take months, unfortunately m/c and i think then i realised how unprepared financially we were ... so we knuckled down saving for 5 months while on a TTC break...then TTC fell straight away again luckily and now the savings is really happening as it has to...

FWIW - when we got married we said we wouldnt have children until we had $50K in bank rolleyes.gif ...things change and our priority was to have a family, like yourself after a m/c and so much uncertainty we felt like there we could wait forever or just make it happen. good luck

#5 noi'mnot

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:28 PM

It all depends on his reasons. How did he come to the figure that he gave you? What is it based on? Is it actually needed? Reading between the lines, was he saying "I'm not ready yet, give me until June and I will be"?

I think you need to talk to him.

Good luck!

#6 sarkazm76

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:32 PM

For us it was/ is again this time - how much time do I want to take off work.  What is the total owed on the mortgage in that time.  Ok - we need to be AHEAD on the mortgage (rather than have in savings) that amount by the time bubs is due.  Factor in from time of conception you have 9-10 months to save.  First time around we also sold one car to add to the cash.  This time it's a bit easier as I have about 5 weeks long service leave up my sleeve too original.gif

I agree he maybe really saying he wants a break from the trying and the money is on his mind and wasn't stopping him previously... but combined with his grief... now it is?

Have a sensitive talk to him.  Explain your side.  Work out a savings plan - compromise on the amount maybe?  Point out you have 9 months to save whilst pregnant.


#7 TillyTake2

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:42 PM

I don't think the concept of having a savings goal is necessarily unreasonable but I think the way he is going about it is a bit off.

We have a savings goal before ttc (as well as some other goals like renovations and some health stuff) but they were mutually discussed & agreed.

Perhaps discuss why he's suddenly come up with this idea?

#8 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:44 PM

QUOTE
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.


This is what I was coming in to say - maybe it's his way of saying 'I need time out!' - it affects the men as well, and women tend to forget that.

It also could be him wanting you to have time out - to physically/mentally get back on track. Maybe he can see the toll it is taking on you.

ETA: Do you think he may have been hinting at you and you weren't listening to him in regards to going on a break, so he has resorted to this? Not having a go, I know how consuming it can all become and you lose focus!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 13 November 2012 - 12:46 PM.


#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

I don't think it is unreasonable no.  Perhaps he has realised how much it actually costs.  We had a plan, no debt other then mortgage, payments covered for x amount of weeks, savings put aside for fod for x amount of months etc  before we started trying.  We also had to finish some things on the house before the baby gets here so we had to factor in money for that as well.  I don't think it is stupid, I think it is smart.  And yes I have issues which meant TTC may have taking 2+ years, or may never have happened.

#10 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (Penguin78 @ 13/11/2012, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

This was my thought too - it sounds like an excuse to delay the emotional roller coaster of TTC, especially after miscarriages.  Maybe you can reach a compromise, but definitely some honest communication is required.

R




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.