Jump to content

Savings before TTC?
Unreasonable?


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 JuliaD

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:08 PM

My DH gave me an ultimatum of sorts last night.
I had already said that I was going to have a break until new year of TTC again (after already having 2 mc this year).  But now he has extended that by saying, I don't want to try again until we have $xxxxx in the bank.
We have savings, I own my car, we have a mortgage that is manageable, we both work and earn good wages, but I don't have the amount that he wants in savings, and won't have that until probably June next year - based on our budget.

After having a couple of mc already, I just don't particularly care that much - life really is precious and too short to be caring *that* much about money, especially when we can afford it regardless. I just want to get back on my bike (so to speak) and try again, come new year. I know that I might have another mc, and I might not even conceive until June, but I still think that's a lot of missed opportunities!

Am I being unreasonable, is my DH right? I'm sure my emotions cloud my judgement at times, but seriously...

#2 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:15 PM

How long will it take to achieve his savings target?  And why does he think it's important?  His motivation for saying this is very important.

ETA : Just realised that you have said it will probably achieved by June.

What would I do?  Ask him if he will pull this stunt again in June and why should I trust him to keep his word.  

It depends if you believe his concerns to be genuine and honest and that he will get back on board by June like he is saying.  If that's the case, I'd say fine and drop the subject until June.  And make sure his financial target is hit in May so he has no excuse not to start DTD in June.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 13 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.


#3 Penguin78

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

Time for an open discussion I think, and be sensitive to his reasons. Hopefully you can both reach some compromise.

#4 countrychic29

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

whilst i dont think you are being unreasonable there has to be a happy medium.
I was similar we decided to start TTC was pg in 2 weeks ... i was expecting it to take months, unfortunately m/c and i think then i realised how unprepared financially we were ... so we knuckled down saving for 5 months while on a TTC break...then TTC fell straight away again luckily and now the savings is really happening as it has to...

FWIW - when we got married we said we wouldnt have children until we had $50K in bank rolleyes.gif ...things change and our priority was to have a family, like yourself after a m/c and so much uncertainty we felt like there we could wait forever or just make it happen. good luck

#5 noi'mnot

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:28 PM

It all depends on his reasons. How did he come to the figure that he gave you? What is it based on? Is it actually needed? Reading between the lines, was he saying "I'm not ready yet, give me until June and I will be"?

I think you need to talk to him.

Good luck!

#6 sarkazm76

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:32 PM

For us it was/ is again this time - how much time do I want to take off work.  What is the total owed on the mortgage in that time.  Ok - we need to be AHEAD on the mortgage (rather than have in savings) that amount by the time bubs is due.  Factor in from time of conception you have 9-10 months to save.  First time around we also sold one car to add to the cash.  This time it's a bit easier as I have about 5 weeks long service leave up my sleeve too original.gif

I agree he maybe really saying he wants a break from the trying and the money is on his mind and wasn't stopping him previously... but combined with his grief... now it is?

Have a sensitive talk to him.  Explain your side.  Work out a savings plan - compromise on the amount maybe?  Point out you have 9 months to save whilst pregnant.


#7 TillyTake2

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:42 PM

I don't think the concept of having a savings goal is necessarily unreasonable but I think the way he is going about it is a bit off.

We have a savings goal before ttc (as well as some other goals like renovations and some health stuff) but they were mutually discussed & agreed.

Perhaps discuss why he's suddenly come up with this idea?

#8 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:44 PM

QUOTE
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.


This is what I was coming in to say - maybe it's his way of saying 'I need time out!' - it affects the men as well, and women tend to forget that.

It also could be him wanting you to have time out - to physically/mentally get back on track. Maybe he can see the toll it is taking on you.

ETA: Do you think he may have been hinting at you and you weren't listening to him in regards to going on a break, so he has resorted to this? Not having a go, I know how consuming it can all become and you lose focus!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 13 November 2012 - 12:46 PM.


#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

I don't think it is unreasonable no.  Perhaps he has realised how much it actually costs.  We had a plan, no debt other then mortgage, payments covered for x amount of weeks, savings put aside for fod for x amount of months etc  before we started trying.  We also had to finish some things on the house before the baby gets here so we had to factor in money for that as well.  I don't think it is stupid, I think it is smart.  And yes I have issues which meant TTC may have taking 2+ years, or may never have happened.

#10 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (Penguin78 @ 13/11/2012, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

This was my thought too - it sounds like an excuse to delay the emotional roller coaster of TTC, especially after miscarriages.  Maybe you can reach a compromise, but definitely some honest communication is required.

R




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Ambulance service under fire: baby seats to go, response times 'worse than ever'

The NSW Ambulance Service is removing child-safety seats from ambulances, while the Victorian service is facing criticism over lengthy response times following the death of a three-year-old.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Is e-reading to your toddler story time or just screen time?

When reading increasingly means swiping pages on a device, and we're advised to read to their children early and often, should parents be turning to e-readers for storytime?

Community mourns inspiring young dad

A young dad who fought a five-year battle with cancer has been remembered for his inspiring legacy at a funeral service attended by hundreds of family and friends this week.

Meningococcal kills Queensland toddler

Public health authorities say the death of a toddler in north Queensland from meningococcal disease highlights the danger the illness poses.

Nicole Kidman: 'I hope every month that I'm pregnant'

Nicole Kidman is hoping to add to her family, but says she's doubtful it will happen.

Recall: Aldi Wooden London Bus play set

Aldi has announced a recall of their popular Wooden London Bus play set.

Great gift ideas for first birthdays

From soft toys to balance bikes, here are some great ideas for first birthday gifts.

Mum learnt she was pregnant hours before giving birth

Kim Walsh arrived at the doctor with abdominal cramps. Hours later, she was cradling the baby experts told her she could never have.

How cancer has made me a better, happier person

I'm a far better person post-cancer than I ever was before. The goal now is to stay around long enough to find out who I can become, and what I can achieve.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Warnings over child pain relief doses

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has warned parents and carers over a "confusing" pain relief dosage system.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.