Jump to content

Savings before TTC?
Unreasonable?


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 JuliaD

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:08 PM

My DH gave me an ultimatum of sorts last night.
I had already said that I was going to have a break until new year of TTC again (after already having 2 mc this year).  But now he has extended that by saying, I don't want to try again until we have $xxxxx in the bank.
We have savings, I own my car, we have a mortgage that is manageable, we both work and earn good wages, but I don't have the amount that he wants in savings, and won't have that until probably June next year - based on our budget.

After having a couple of mc already, I just don't particularly care that much - life really is precious and too short to be caring *that* much about money, especially when we can afford it regardless. I just want to get back on my bike (so to speak) and try again, come new year. I know that I might have another mc, and I might not even conceive until June, but I still think that's a lot of missed opportunities!

Am I being unreasonable, is my DH right? I'm sure my emotions cloud my judgement at times, but seriously...

#2 Queen Yoda

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:15 PM

How long will it take to achieve his savings target?  And why does he think it's important?  His motivation for saying this is very important.

ETA : Just realised that you have said it will probably achieved by June.

What would I do?  Ask him if he will pull this stunt again in June and why should I trust him to keep his word.  

It depends if you believe his concerns to be genuine and honest and that he will get back on board by June like he is saying.  If that's the case, I'd say fine and drop the subject until June.  And make sure his financial target is hit in May so he has no excuse not to start DTD in June.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 13 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.


#3 Penguin78

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

Time for an open discussion I think, and be sensitive to his reasons. Hopefully you can both reach some compromise.

#4 countrychic29

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

whilst i dont think you are being unreasonable there has to be a happy medium.
I was similar we decided to start TTC was pg in 2 weeks ... i was expecting it to take months, unfortunately m/c and i think then i realised how unprepared financially we were ... so we knuckled down saving for 5 months while on a TTC break...then TTC fell straight away again luckily and now the savings is really happening as it has to...

FWIW - when we got married we said we wouldnt have children until we had $50K in bank rolleyes.gif ...things change and our priority was to have a family, like yourself after a m/c and so much uncertainty we felt like there we could wait forever or just make it happen. good luck

#5 noi'mnot

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:28 PM

It all depends on his reasons. How did he come to the figure that he gave you? What is it based on? Is it actually needed? Reading between the lines, was he saying "I'm not ready yet, give me until June and I will be"?

I think you need to talk to him.

Good luck!

#6 sarkazm76

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:32 PM

For us it was/ is again this time - how much time do I want to take off work.  What is the total owed on the mortgage in that time.  Ok - we need to be AHEAD on the mortgage (rather than have in savings) that amount by the time bubs is due.  Factor in from time of conception you have 9-10 months to save.  First time around we also sold one car to add to the cash.  This time it's a bit easier as I have about 5 weeks long service leave up my sleeve too original.gif

I agree he maybe really saying he wants a break from the trying and the money is on his mind and wasn't stopping him previously... but combined with his grief... now it is?

Have a sensitive talk to him.  Explain your side.  Work out a savings plan - compromise on the amount maybe?  Point out you have 9 months to save whilst pregnant.


#7 TillyTake2

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:42 PM

I don't think the concept of having a savings goal is necessarily unreasonable but I think the way he is going about it is a bit off.

We have a savings goal before ttc (as well as some other goals like renovations and some health stuff) but they were mutually discussed & agreed.

Perhaps discuss why he's suddenly come up with this idea?

#8 Bwok~Bwok

Posted 13 November 2012 - 12:44 PM

QUOTE
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.


This is what I was coming in to say - maybe it's his way of saying 'I need time out!' - it affects the men as well, and women tend to forget that.

It also could be him wanting you to have time out - to physically/mentally get back on track. Maybe he can see the toll it is taking on you.

ETA: Do you think he may have been hinting at you and you weren't listening to him in regards to going on a break, so he has resorted to this? Not having a go, I know how consuming it can all become and you lose focus!

Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 13 November 2012 - 12:46 PM.


#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

I don't think it is unreasonable no.  Perhaps he has realised how much it actually costs.  We had a plan, no debt other then mortgage, payments covered for x amount of weeks, savings put aside for fod for x amount of months etc  before we started trying.  We also had to finish some things on the house before the baby gets here so we had to factor in money for that as well.  I don't think it is stupid, I think it is smart.  And yes I have issues which meant TTC may have taking 2+ years, or may never have happened.

#10 SeaPrincess

Posted 13 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (Penguin78 @ 13/11/2012, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe he is struggling with the MC more then you thought? Sounds like he is delaying, and might have emotional issues to deal with.

This was my thought too - it sounds like an excuse to delay the emotional roller coaster of TTC, especially after miscarriages.  Maybe you can reach a compromise, but definitely some honest communication is required.

R




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.