Jump to content

I AM their mother
Not their grandmother

  • Please log in to reply
167 replies to this topic

#151 Autumn baby 2013

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:32 AM

Hi op
I have a 45 yr old friend with a 5 month old and I'm sure she would feel the same if the mistake was made. I think but if things are not 100 per cent sure of something they should keep it to themselves, mistakes like these can be very hurtful to people particularly if you are a sensitive person like myself. At my baby shower back in march, my nan asked a friend of mine " oh so ***** when is your baby due?" My friend is about 25ish with a little bit of a belly, the entire room fell quiet and she politely answered "oh I'm not actually pregnant" everyone in the room were awkward as was my nan, it was a mistake but in my book these sorts of questions should not be asked,if only to avoid the inevitable awkwardness if you are wrong. Btw my friend has been trying for a baby for sometime now and still is, so it is a sensitive topic. People should keep their thoughts their own.

#152 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM

View PostJemstar, on 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM, said:

What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.

Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!
.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

#153 Otis the Pug

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:55 AM

People shouldn't just assume. She was probably uneducated. You should be honest and say "well actually I am their mother." She will be so embarrased, and it would serve he right. I find this odd. I would assume someone at 70 plus as a grandma, not 40. I had someone assume something about me yesterday, I was p*ssed off. Don't worry about it.

#154 cira

Posted 06 August 2013 - 09:02 AM

I made this (silent) assumption on the train the other day for the first time. I thought I saw a very stylish granny out with her granddaughter, I would have guessed their ages at early 60s and 6-7. I was checking out the "granny" because I was thinking about how she'd put her outfit together to look so cool and realised from her conversation that she was the mother. Maybe its because in my family the oldies stay fit and healthy for so long that it has warped my ability to guess ages. I can understand how people get these relationships wrong.

#155 ikealover

Posted 06 August 2013 - 11:54 AM

Old thread but just want to say I'm sorry that you felt bad about the comment. I get those type of comments a fair bit- I'm fat, 40, with grey hair and have 6 children so get lots of offensive comments :angry: and they do take the shine off my day, or even if I am having a bad day turn me round and go home for a big cry.
Last week I got a doozy, was out shopping with my sister (3yrs younger) and our daughters 11 and nearly 12.  Woman at the register asked if I was my sisters mother and the girls my grandchildren. Should of said "no and I'm sorry you have such a narrow view of what a woman should look like that you think I could be the mother of a 37yr old woman :smile: " but I just smiled said "no we're sisters" assured her it was ok and died a little inside.

#156 CretaceousFeral

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:06 PM

It wouldn't be considered OK to go up to someone without a child and say "you look old enough to be a grandmother", would it?

I'm obviously a little sensitive about this too. If someone feels they must make a comment, then why not assume I'm the mum. That way, no feelings are hurt and if the woman is a grandmother, then you just made her day. So win win.

#157 bubblegummum

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:04 AM

People probably should think before they speak and I can understand people feeling sensitive.  I have often wondered when I'm with my significantly younger sister, toddler niece and my 4yo if people think I'm the grandmother out with my daughter & grandkids.

This year I was a bit concerned about what people might thing of me being pg at 41.  

We found out at the 19wk scan that her heart had stopped beating a couple of weeks earlier.  If I can get pg again and carry a baby to term I really don't care if people think I'm his/her great grandmother.

Edited by bubblegummum, 10 August 2013 - 11:06 AM.

#158 SpunkyMonkey88

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:14 AM

I had my DS at 20, so at 40ish I could easily have grandkids. A lot of my mum friends from DS's kindy are in their 40's and yet my mum is only 50. I wouldn't be offended, but I would think in this day, people would have realised they need to tread very carefully in the area.

Edited by SpunkyMonkey88, 10 August 2013 - 11:17 AM.

#159 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:16 AM

I always, always assume that the woman is the mother.  That way, no one can possibly be offended and if she turns out to be the grandmother, it's a nice compliment.

As an older mum myself I'm expecting this sort of comment though.

#160 epl0822

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:30 AM

OP, when I was a teenager and out with family, I've been mistaken as the "mum" to my younger siblings on 2-3 occasions. My dad is 30+ years older than me, yet people thought he was my husband and that my mum was the grandmother in the family. I don't know what is more insulting - being mistaken as your children's grandmother or your siblings' mother/father's wife! I'm not posting pictures of my family obviously but my mum definitely looks younger than her age (most people think she's a decade younger than she is) and I certainly didn't look old enough to have multiple children with a 50 year old man when I was a teenager. Some people are atrocious at age guessing.

#161 jessie123

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:39 AM

Some people just never think. I don't know anyone who has grand children that young. When I think of grandmothers I think of 70 year olds :)

#162 CretaceousFeral

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:49 AM

View PostOld Grey Mare, on 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM, said:

.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

That's all very well until it's your feelings that are hurt by someone. It's not fair to decide what is "real issue" or not to other people. You don't know their story.

Edited by UgglePuggle, 10 August 2013 - 01:10 PM.

#163 ~~Cleopatra~~

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:14 PM

My bestie was both a grandmother and mother to babies when she was 38. Both her and her daughter had their first babies at 19.

#164 Gudrun

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:21 PM

I wouldn't be able to stop my myself from correcting her and maybe embarassing her but I would remain friendly and get on with my shopping.  

People get stuff wrong all the time and are crawling into holes all the time when they are put right.

Being out with young children, whether yours or not, pretty much guarantees inane and unuseful remarks from strangers in the street.  Just take your patient smile with you.   Twins would be even more of a magnet is my guess.

#165 ~ky~

Posted 12 August 2013 - 04:26 AM

Not only was I asked last week again, if I was Anna's grandmother but someone had the nerve to berate my 12yo DD for being Anna's mother!

The poor kid was utterly beside herself that someone could be so mean!

Of course, I had some very terse words with the woman and told her to apologise to my daughter and keep her mouth shut in future as she is a fool.

#166 aprilrain

Posted 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM

What really gets me about this thread is the "make the lady embarressed or make her feel bad" thing.

She said: "It's NICE of you to take the grandkids out" not something rude and nasty. Anything else was just read into it.

What ever happened to 2 wrongs don't make a right?

It really depresses me that some women need to shred each other.

#167 Guest_Ella Minnow Pea_*

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:02 AM

View Postaprilrain, on 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM, said:

It really depresses me that some people need to shred each other.

Fixed that for you.

Though I agree trying to embarrass the woman doesn't solve anything. I think we've all encountered thoughtless comments from thoughtless people with the best of intentions, over one thing or another. I think it's worth correcting them so perhaps they can learn to think before they speak, but going on the offensive will probably just make them get defensive and learn nothing.

Of course, in a situation like the one ky just posted about, all bets are off and a good telling off is in order.

#168 poppet11

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:19 AM

Look I understand in the moment how you would have felt, it's never nice when someone assumes something incorrectly about you. But I am sure if you had corrected her politely she would have been sorry and then said something nice in return.

2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users


9 things I need to thank my parents for

You really don't realise everything your parents did for you until you find yourself doing them for your own children ... vomit catching and all.

The adventurous baby who's already putting safety first

When you're a baby, even getting off a bed and onto the floor can be a tricky procedure.

The story behind the love video that went viral

It is a quiet video, less than a half-minute long. It features no flourishes to speak of. It has no kittens doing kitten things. None of the things that often make a video go viral.

Anthony and Elle Watmough's joyous news as baby cleared of fatal condition

Rugby league star Anthony Watmough and his wife Elle have shared their joy at learning their unborn baby, who was thought to have Trisomy 18, was cleared of the fatal condition.

Win a family farmstay with Shaun the Sheep

To celebrate the Home Entertainment release of Shaun the Sheep Movie, Essential Kids and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are offering one winner and their family a holiday to a farm.

How I learnt to be a better friend

I may have lost that particular friend years ago, but I have gained so much from that experience.

What goes in the nappy bag?

It's far more than just a bag for nappies - it's the travel companion for your baby that should contain all the things you might need when away from home base.

The nature naming trend

The biggest joy of our daughter's name is that people really light up when they hear it (pun intended).

Win a Justine Clarke Pyjama Jam! prize pack

The Pyjama Jam! tour will see Justine Clarke returning to more intimate venues around Australia, creating the perfect comfy and cozy atmosphere for a PJ party.

Parents of baby born without part of his skull stand up to critics

When Brittany and Brandon Buell's son Jaxon was born missing much of his brain and skull, doctors said he only had days to live.

Baby plans are 'none of your business'

Emily Bingham had been asked about her baby making plans one too many times. 

Diet shakes to lose weight? Think again

Thinking of investing in meal replacement shakes to slim down ahead of summer?

Study offers support for cancer treatment during pregnancy

It is among the most delicate and difficult dilemmas in medicine: Should a pregnant woman who has received a cancer diagnosis begin treatment before her child is born?

Awards 2015: Vote now for a chance to win $2000

Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.

64 baby names based in nature

Looking for a baby name with a nod to nature, or one with an organic meaning? Check out our list to get inspired.

What coffee does to your body

That cup of Joe is just the boost your body needs.

Mum leaves triplets at hospital because she can't afford them

An illiterate and poverty stricken mother has abandoned her newborn triplets at hospital because she cannot afford to care for them.

I gave my daughter up for adoption - then tried to be her mum

The first time my oldest daughter called me 'Mum', she was 17.

Rainbow Babies lighting up the internet

A recent Facebook photo post is prompting widespread discussion of an emotional topic for many parents: rainbow babies.

The new wave of virgins giving birth

Dozens of young women have had virgin births after undergoing IVF in Britain, it has been reported.

'It sort of became an addiction': parents buying, reselling Bonds Wondersuits

Your baby might be crawling around in hundreds of dollars worth of clothing.

Adjusting your child to daylight savings time

A one-hour difference to the day is pretty big deal when you're little.

Born too soon: life on the margins of existence

The frontiers of life are advancing ever further into uncharted territory.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



What are your favourite baby products?

The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.