I AM their mother
Not their grandmother
, Nov 12 2012 05:23 PM
168 replies to this topic
Posted 05 August 2013 - 11:42 PM
But you "are" at an age where you could be the grand-parent... I know it;s presumptuous and your offended by it - by why let it ruin your day...? Should have gone shopping and spent twice as much because your a fabulous forty-something parent! good on you!
Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:32 AM
I have a 45 yr old friend with a 5 month old and I'm sure she would feel the same if the mistake was made. I think but if things are not 100 per cent sure of something they should keep it to themselves, mistakes like these can be very hurtful to people particularly if you are a sensitive person like myself. At my baby shower back in march, my nan asked a friend of mine " oh so ***** when is your baby due?" My friend is about 25ish with a little bit of a belly, the entire room fell quiet and she politely answered "oh I'm not actually pregnant" everyone in the room were awkward as was my nan, it was a mistake but in my book these sorts of questions should not be asked,if only to avoid the inevitable awkwardness if you are wrong. Btw my friend has been trying for a baby for sometime now and still is, so it is a sensitive topic. People should keep their thoughts their own.
Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM
Jemstar, on 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM, said:
What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.
Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!
.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.
Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:55 AM
People shouldn't just assume. She was probably uneducated. You should be honest and say "well actually I am their mother." She will be so embarrased, and it would serve he right. I find this odd. I would assume someone at 70 plus as a grandma, not 40. I had someone assume something about me yesterday, I was p*ssed off. Don't worry about it.
Posted 06 August 2013 - 09:02 AM
I made this (silent) assumption on the train the other day for the first time. I thought I saw a very stylish granny out with her granddaughter, I would have guessed their ages at early 60s and 6-7. I was checking out the "granny" because I was thinking about how she'd put her outfit together to look so cool and realised from her conversation that she was the mother. Maybe its because in my family the oldies stay fit and healthy for so long that it has warped my ability to guess ages. I can understand how people get these relationships wrong.
Posted 06 August 2013 - 11:54 AM
Old thread but just want to say I'm sorry that you felt bad about the comment. I get those type of comments a fair bit- I'm fat, 40, with grey hair and have 6 children so get lots of offensive comments
and they do take the shine off my day, or even if I am having a bad day turn me round and go home for a big cry.
Last week I got a doozy, was out shopping with my sister (3yrs younger) and our daughters 11 and nearly 12. Woman at the register asked if I was my sisters mother and the girls my grandchildren. Should of said "no and I'm sorry you have such a narrow view of what a woman should look like that you think I could be the mother of a 37yr old woman
" but I just smiled said "no we're sisters" assured her it was ok and died a little inside.
Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:06 PM
It wouldn't be considered OK to go up to someone without a child and say "you look old enough to be a grandmother", would it?
I'm obviously a little sensitive about this too. If someone feels they must make a comment, then why not assume I'm the mum. That way, no feelings are hurt and if the woman is a grandmother, then you just made her day. So win win.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:04 AM
People probably should think before they speak and I can understand people feeling sensitive. I have often wondered when I'm with my significantly younger sister, toddler niece and my 4yo if people think I'm the grandmother out with my daughter & grandkids.
This year I was a bit concerned about what people might thing of me being pg at 41.
We found out at the 19wk scan that her heart had stopped beating a couple of weeks earlier. If I can get pg again and carry a baby to term I really don't care if people think I'm his/her great grandmother.
Edited by bubblegummum, 10 August 2013 - 11:06 AM.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:14 AM
I had my DS at 20, so at 40ish I could easily have grandkids. A lot of my mum friends from DS's kindy are in their 40's and yet my mum is only 50. I wouldn't be offended, but I would think in this day, people would have realised they need to tread very carefully in the area.
Edited by SpunkyMonkey88, 10 August 2013 - 11:17 AM.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:16 AM
I always, always assume that the woman is the mother. That way, no one can possibly be offended and if she turns out to be the grandmother, it's a nice compliment.
As an older mum myself I'm expecting this sort of comment though.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:30 AM
OP, when I was a teenager and out with family, I've been mistaken as the "mum" to my younger siblings on 2-3 occasions. My dad is 30+ years older than me, yet people thought he was my husband and that my mum was the grandmother in the family. I don't know what is more insulting - being mistaken as your children's grandmother or your siblings' mother/father's wife! I'm not posting pictures of my family obviously but my mum definitely looks younger than her age (most people think she's a decade younger than she is) and I certainly didn't look old enough to have multiple children with a 50 year old man when I was a teenager. Some people are atrocious at age guessing.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:39 AM
Some people just never think. I don't know anyone who has grand children that young. When I think of grandmothers I think of 70 year olds
Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:49 AM
Old Grey Mare, on 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM, said:
.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.
That's all very well until it's your feelings that are hurt by someone. It's not fair to decide what is "real issue" or not to other people. You don't know their story.
Edited by UgglePuggle, 10 August 2013 - 01:10 PM.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:14 PM
My bestie was both a grandmother and mother to babies when she was 38. Both her and her daughter had their first babies at 19.
Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:21 PM
I wouldn't be able to stop my myself from correcting her and maybe embarassing her but I would remain friendly and get on with my shopping.
People get stuff wrong all the time and are crawling into holes all the time when they are put right.
Being out with young children, whether yours or not, pretty much guarantees inane and unuseful remarks from strangers in the street. Just take your patient smile with you. Twins would be even more of a magnet is my guess.
Posted 12 August 2013 - 04:26 AM
Not only was I asked last week again, if I was Anna's grandmother but someone had the nerve to berate my 12yo DD for being Anna's mother!
The poor kid was utterly beside herself that someone could be so mean!
Of course, I had some very terse words with the woman and told her to apologise to my daughter and keep her mouth shut in future as she is a fool.
Posted 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM
What really gets me about this thread is the "make the lady embarressed or make her feel bad" thing.
She said: "It's NICE of you to take the grandkids out" not something rude and nasty. Anything else was just read into it.
What ever happened to 2 wrongs don't make a right?
It really depresses me that some women need to shred each other.
Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:02 AM
aprilrain, on 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM, said:
It really depresses me that some people need to shred each other.
Fixed that for you.
Though I agree trying to embarrass the woman doesn't solve anything. I think we've all encountered thoughtless comments from thoughtless people with the best of intentions, over one thing or another. I think it's worth correcting them so perhaps they can learn to think before they speak, but going on the offensive will probably just make them get defensive and learn nothing.
Of course, in a situation like the one ky just posted about, all bets are off and a good telling off is in order.
Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:19 AM
Look I understand in the moment how you would have felt, it's never nice when someone assumes something incorrectly about you. But I am sure if you had corrected her politely she would have been sorry and then said something nice in return.
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