Jump to content

I AM their mother
Not their grandmother


  • Please log in to reply
171 replies to this topic

#151 bluecardigans

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:48 AM

Shell14 that photo of your DS & DGS is gorgeous!!!  wub.gif They must love telling people they are uncle/nephew.  This mum of two is also super jealous of the photo in your signature original.gif congratulations on your beautiful family.

#152 bunnysquared

Posted 22 January 2013 - 08:25 PM

Hello again biggrin.gif

It happened to me again this week at the shops and you know what, I couldn't care less.


I had two children naturally at age 40 which makes me super proud and to hell with nosy strangers and their 'foot in mouth'.


I just say no, I am the mother and move on xx

#153 cinnabubble

Posted 22 January 2013 - 08:34 PM

You go, girl!

#154 Mis-Placed

Posted 05 August 2013 - 11:42 PM

But you "are" at an age where you could be the grand-parent... I know it;s presumptuous and your offended by it - by why let it ruin your day...? Should have gone shopping and spent twice as much because your a fabulous forty-something parent! good on you! :)

#155 Autumn baby 2013

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:32 AM

Hi op
I have a 45 yr old friend with a 5 month old and I'm sure she would feel the same if the mistake was made. I think but if things are not 100 per cent sure of something they should keep it to themselves, mistakes like these can be very hurtful to people particularly if you are a sensitive person like myself. At my baby shower back in march, my nan asked a friend of mine " oh so ***** when is your baby due?" My friend is about 25ish with a little bit of a belly, the entire room fell quiet and she politely answered "oh I'm not actually pregnant" everyone in the room were awkward as was my nan, it was a mistake but in my book these sorts of questions should not be asked,if only to avoid the inevitable awkwardness if you are wrong. Btw my friend has been trying for a baby for sometime now and still is, so it is a sensitive topic. People should keep their thoughts their own.

#156 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM

View PostJemstar, on 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM, said:

What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.

Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!
.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

#157 Otis the Pug

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:55 AM

People shouldn't just assume. She was probably uneducated. You should be honest and say "well actually I am their mother." She will be so embarrased, and it would serve he right. I find this odd. I would assume someone at 70 plus as a grandma, not 40. I had someone assume something about me yesterday, I was p*ssed off. Don't worry about it.

#158 cira

Posted 06 August 2013 - 09:02 AM

I made this (silent) assumption on the train the other day for the first time. I thought I saw a very stylish granny out with her granddaughter, I would have guessed their ages at early 60s and 6-7. I was checking out the "granny" because I was thinking about how she'd put her outfit together to look so cool and realised from her conversation that she was the mother. Maybe its because in my family the oldies stay fit and healthy for so long that it has warped my ability to guess ages. I can understand how people get these relationships wrong.

#159 ikealover

Posted 06 August 2013 - 11:54 AM

Old thread but just want to say I'm sorry that you felt bad about the comment. I get those type of comments a fair bit- I'm fat, 40, with grey hair and have 6 children so get lots of offensive comments :angry: and they do take the shine off my day, or even if I am having a bad day turn me round and go home for a big cry.
Last week I got a doozy, was out shopping with my sister (3yrs younger) and our daughters 11 and nearly 12.  Woman at the register asked if I was my sisters mother and the girls my grandchildren. Should of said "no and I'm sorry you have such a narrow view of what a woman should look like that you think I could be the mother of a 37yr old woman :smile: " but I just smiled said "no we're sisters" assured her it was ok and died a little inside.

#160 CretaceousFeral

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:06 PM

It wouldn't be considered OK to go up to someone without a child and say "you look old enough to be a grandmother", would it?

I'm obviously a little sensitive about this too. If someone feels they must make a comment, then why not assume I'm the mum. That way, no feelings are hurt and if the woman is a grandmother, then you just made her day. So win win.

#161 bubblegummum

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:04 AM

People probably should think before they speak and I can understand people feeling sensitive.  I have often wondered when I'm with my significantly younger sister, toddler niece and my 4yo if people think I'm the grandmother out with my daughter & grandkids.

This year I was a bit concerned about what people might thing of me being pg at 41.  

We found out at the 19wk scan that her heart had stopped beating a couple of weeks earlier.  If I can get pg again and carry a baby to term I really don't care if people think I'm his/her great grandmother.

Edited by bubblegummum, 10 August 2013 - 11:06 AM.


#162 SpunkyMonkey88

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:14 AM

I had my DS at 20, so at 40ish I could easily have grandkids. A lot of my mum friends from DS's kindy are in their 40's and yet my mum is only 50. I wouldn't be offended, but I would think in this day, people would have realised they need to tread very carefully in the area.

Edited by SpunkyMonkey88, 10 August 2013 - 11:17 AM.


#163 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:16 AM

I always, always assume that the woman is the mother.  That way, no one can possibly be offended and if she turns out to be the grandmother, it's a nice compliment.

As an older mum myself I'm expecting this sort of comment though.

#164 epl0822

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:30 AM

OP, when I was a teenager and out with family, I've been mistaken as the "mum" to my younger siblings on 2-3 occasions. My dad is 30+ years older than me, yet people thought he was my husband and that my mum was the grandmother in the family. I don't know what is more insulting - being mistaken as your children's grandmother or your siblings' mother/father's wife! I'm not posting pictures of my family obviously but my mum definitely looks younger than her age (most people think she's a decade younger than she is) and I certainly didn't look old enough to have multiple children with a 50 year old man when I was a teenager. Some people are atrocious at age guessing.

#165 jessie123

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:39 AM

Some people just never think. I don't know anyone who has grand children that young. When I think of grandmothers I think of 70 year olds :)

#166 CretaceousFeral

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:49 AM

View PostOld Grey Mare, on 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM, said:

.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

That's all very well until it's your feelings that are hurt by someone. It's not fair to decide what is "real issue" or not to other people. You don't know their story.

Edited by UgglePuggle, 10 August 2013 - 01:10 PM.


#167 ~~Cleopatra~~

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:14 PM

My bestie was both a grandmother and mother to babies when she was 38. Both her and her daughter had their first babies at 19.

#168 Gudrun

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:21 PM

I wouldn't be able to stop my myself from correcting her and maybe embarassing her but I would remain friendly and get on with my shopping.  

People get stuff wrong all the time and are crawling into holes all the time when they are put right.

Being out with young children, whether yours or not, pretty much guarantees inane and unuseful remarks from strangers in the street.  Just take your patient smile with you.   Twins would be even more of a magnet is my guess.

#169 ~ky~

Posted 12 August 2013 - 04:26 AM

Not only was I asked last week again, if I was Anna's grandmother but someone had the nerve to berate my 12yo DD for being Anna's mother!

The poor kid was utterly beside herself that someone could be so mean!

Of course, I had some very terse words with the woman and told her to apologise to my daughter and keep her mouth shut in future as she is a fool.

#170 aprilrain

Posted 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM

What really gets me about this thread is the "make the lady embarressed or make her feel bad" thing.

She said: "It's NICE of you to take the grandkids out" not something rude and nasty. Anything else was just read into it.

What ever happened to 2 wrongs don't make a right?

It really depresses me that some women need to shred each other.

#171 Ella Minnow Pea

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:02 AM

View Postaprilrain, on 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM, said:



It really depresses me that some people need to shred each other.

Fixed that for you.

Though I agree trying to embarrass the woman doesn't solve anything. I think we've all encountered thoughtless comments from thoughtless people with the best of intentions, over one thing or another. I think it's worth correcting them so perhaps they can learn to think before they speak, but going on the offensive will probably just make them get defensive and learn nothing.

Of course, in a situation like the one ky just posted about, all bets are off and a good telling off is in order.

#172 poppet11

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:19 AM

Look I understand in the moment how you would have felt, it's never nice when someone assumes something incorrectly about you. But I am sure if you had corrected her politely she would have been sorry and then said something nice in return.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Video: 10-week-old baby sounds like she says 'I love you'

It’s mixed in amongst garbled baby talk, but this 10-week-old's apparent attempt at telling her parents that she loves them has made her an internet star.

I only enjoyed pregnancy after booking my caesarean

To say I became obsessed is something of an understatement. Everywhere I went I found cause to be reminded of my impending pain.

When your bundle doesn't bring immediate joy

One mum says joy is very a personal feeling and expecting all new mums to feel it in the months after their baby born may do more harm than good.

Lessons learned from my toddler

Blogger Kiran Chug explains why she is going to let her toddler make more decisions for himself.

Family welcomes first baby girl in more than 100 years

The Silverton family has heard the phrase "it's a girl" for the first time in four generations.

When a community of kindness steps in

In future when someone I care for, or even someone I barely know, is experiencing a difficult time, I will not overthink it. I'll follow my heart.

Mum in Business: Jac Bowie

Jac Bowie is the founder of Business in Heels, one of the fastest growing women’s networking events in Australia. She shares her story, including how she juggles work with a young family, and ways to work smarter.

What not to say to a mum of twins

Being a mum of identical twin boys stirs up great interest and fascination. It also opens itself up to nosy, invasive questions, as well as huge assumptions.

The mums suing over unplanned babies

A mother-of-five who calls her two youngest sons "miracle babies" is just one of many mums seeking financial compensation for their children's unplanned conceptions.

Video: Dad sings 'Hallelujah' to his daughter every year

It's a gorgeous song to begin with, but this dad's version of Hallelujah, sung for his young daughter, is especially touching.

Constipation in babies when starting solids

While starting solids can be frustrating and messy (yet also fun!), introducing solids can also play havoc on tiny digestive systems.

Parents reunited with baby snatched from hospital

A mother whose newborn baby was snatched from hospital has spoken of her joy and relief at getting her daughter back.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies - bump selfies - really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind"?

Life on the other side of the fence: Why I'm child-free and quite content

Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses – to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity – is sacrilegious and a no-no, especially by mother superior-types.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher

Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind", as one writer has claimed?

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

My Wellbeing

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.