Jump to content

I AM their mother
Not their grandmother


  • Please log in to reply
167 replies to this topic

#151 Autumn baby 2013

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:32 AM

Hi op
I have a 45 yr old friend with a 5 month old and I'm sure she would feel the same if the mistake was made. I think but if things are not 100 per cent sure of something they should keep it to themselves, mistakes like these can be very hurtful to people particularly if you are a sensitive person like myself. At my baby shower back in march, my nan asked a friend of mine " oh so ***** when is your baby due?" My friend is about 25ish with a little bit of a belly, the entire room fell quiet and she politely answered "oh I'm not actually pregnant" everyone in the room were awkward as was my nan, it was a mistake but in my book these sorts of questions should not be asked,if only to avoid the inevitable awkwardness if you are wrong. Btw my friend has been trying for a baby for sometime now and still is, so it is a sensitive topic. People should keep their thoughts their own.

#152 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM

View PostJemstar, on 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM, said:

What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.

Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!
.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

#153 Otis the Pug

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:55 AM

People shouldn't just assume. She was probably uneducated. You should be honest and say "well actually I am their mother." She will be so embarrased, and it would serve he right. I find this odd. I would assume someone at 70 plus as a grandma, not 40. I had someone assume something about me yesterday, I was p*ssed off. Don't worry about it.

#154 cira

Posted 06 August 2013 - 09:02 AM

I made this (silent) assumption on the train the other day for the first time. I thought I saw a very stylish granny out with her granddaughter, I would have guessed their ages at early 60s and 6-7. I was checking out the "granny" because I was thinking about how she'd put her outfit together to look so cool and realised from her conversation that she was the mother. Maybe its because in my family the oldies stay fit and healthy for so long that it has warped my ability to guess ages. I can understand how people get these relationships wrong.

#155 ikealover

Posted 06 August 2013 - 11:54 AM

Old thread but just want to say I'm sorry that you felt bad about the comment. I get those type of comments a fair bit- I'm fat, 40, with grey hair and have 6 children so get lots of offensive comments :angry: and they do take the shine off my day, or even if I am having a bad day turn me round and go home for a big cry.
Last week I got a doozy, was out shopping with my sister (3yrs younger) and our daughters 11 and nearly 12.  Woman at the register asked if I was my sisters mother and the girls my grandchildren. Should of said "no and I'm sorry you have such a narrow view of what a woman should look like that you think I could be the mother of a 37yr old woman :smile: " but I just smiled said "no we're sisters" assured her it was ok and died a little inside.

#156 CretaceousFeral

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:06 PM

It wouldn't be considered OK to go up to someone without a child and say "you look old enough to be a grandmother", would it?

I'm obviously a little sensitive about this too. If someone feels they must make a comment, then why not assume I'm the mum. That way, no feelings are hurt and if the woman is a grandmother, then you just made her day. So win win.

#157 bubblegummum

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:04 AM

People probably should think before they speak and I can understand people feeling sensitive.  I have often wondered when I'm with my significantly younger sister, toddler niece and my 4yo if people think I'm the grandmother out with my daughter & grandkids.

This year I was a bit concerned about what people might thing of me being pg at 41.  

We found out at the 19wk scan that her heart had stopped beating a couple of weeks earlier.  If I can get pg again and carry a baby to term I really don't care if people think I'm his/her great grandmother.

Edited by bubblegummum, 10 August 2013 - 11:06 AM.


#158 SpunkyMonkey88

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:14 AM

I had my DS at 20, so at 40ish I could easily have grandkids. A lot of my mum friends from DS's kindy are in their 40's and yet my mum is only 50. I wouldn't be offended, but I would think in this day, people would have realised they need to tread very carefully in the area.

Edited by SpunkyMonkey88, 10 August 2013 - 11:17 AM.


#159 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:16 AM

I always, always assume that the woman is the mother.  That way, no one can possibly be offended and if she turns out to be the grandmother, it's a nice compliment.

As an older mum myself I'm expecting this sort of comment though.

#160 epl0822

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:30 AM

OP, when I was a teenager and out with family, I've been mistaken as the "mum" to my younger siblings on 2-3 occasions. My dad is 30+ years older than me, yet people thought he was my husband and that my mum was the grandmother in the family. I don't know what is more insulting - being mistaken as your children's grandmother or your siblings' mother/father's wife! I'm not posting pictures of my family obviously but my mum definitely looks younger than her age (most people think she's a decade younger than she is) and I certainly didn't look old enough to have multiple children with a 50 year old man when I was a teenager. Some people are atrocious at age guessing.

#161 jessie123

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:39 AM

Some people just never think. I don't know anyone who has grand children that young. When I think of grandmothers I think of 70 year olds :)

#162 CretaceousFeral

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:49 AM

View PostOld Grey Mare, on 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM, said:

.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

That's all very well until it's your feelings that are hurt by someone. It's not fair to decide what is "real issue" or not to other people. You don't know their story.

Edited by UgglePuggle, 10 August 2013 - 01:10 PM.


#163 ~~Cleopatra~~

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:14 PM

My bestie was both a grandmother and mother to babies when she was 38. Both her and her daughter had their first babies at 19.

#164 Gudrun

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:21 PM

I wouldn't be able to stop my myself from correcting her and maybe embarassing her but I would remain friendly and get on with my shopping.  

People get stuff wrong all the time and are crawling into holes all the time when they are put right.

Being out with young children, whether yours or not, pretty much guarantees inane and unuseful remarks from strangers in the street.  Just take your patient smile with you.   Twins would be even more of a magnet is my guess.

#165 ~ky~

Posted 12 August 2013 - 04:26 AM

Not only was I asked last week again, if I was Anna's grandmother but someone had the nerve to berate my 12yo DD for being Anna's mother!

The poor kid was utterly beside herself that someone could be so mean!

Of course, I had some very terse words with the woman and told her to apologise to my daughter and keep her mouth shut in future as she is a fool.

#166 aprilrain

Posted 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM

What really gets me about this thread is the "make the lady embarressed or make her feel bad" thing.

She said: "It's NICE of you to take the grandkids out" not something rude and nasty. Anything else was just read into it.

What ever happened to 2 wrongs don't make a right?

It really depresses me that some women need to shred each other.

#167 Guest_Ella Minnow Pea_*

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:02 AM

View Postaprilrain, on 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM, said:



It really depresses me that some people need to shred each other.

Fixed that for you.

Though I agree trying to embarrass the woman doesn't solve anything. I think we've all encountered thoughtless comments from thoughtless people with the best of intentions, over one thing or another. I think it's worth correcting them so perhaps they can learn to think before they speak, but going on the offensive will probably just make them get defensive and learn nothing.

Of course, in a situation like the one ky just posted about, all bets are off and a good telling off is in order.

#168 poppet11

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:19 AM

Look I understand in the moment how you would have felt, it's never nice when someone assumes something incorrectly about you. But I am sure if you had corrected her politely she would have been sorry and then said something nice in return.




2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The science of 'hangry': why some people get grumpy when hungry

Where does hanger come from? And why is it that only some people seem to get hangry?

What a baby with whooping cough sounds like

It's a heartbreaking video that anyone who has ever considered not vaccinating against whooping cough must see.

Couple's million dollar bill for premmie baby born on holiday

An Australian couple could face a medical expenses of more than $1 million after their baby boy was born three months prematurely while they were holidaying in Hawaii.

Coffee a day to keep disease at bay

Don't be surprised if your morning brew does more than wake you up. There's more to this magical elixir than you might think.

Why Prince George has 'two different looks'

Days out from Prince George's second birthday, his parents' tendency to dress him in classical style clothing has been revealed as a cunning ploy.

Husband films mum giving birth in moving car on freeway

An incredible birth video shows a mother delivering her own baby as her husband drives along a freeway in a vain attempt to reach hospital.

Breastfeeding while pregnant: is it safe?

Many women happily breastfeed well into pregnancy while others wean sooner; yet others continue to breastfeed both infants together. This is a personal choice.

Womb to world: transitioning your new baby

One minute they're contentedly snuggled in the sanctuary of their mum's tummy, and the next they arrive into an overwhelming reality of lights, cameras and action.

Gadgets

iSperm: the iPad home fertility test for men

A new gadget uses a tiny microscope and the camera on an iPad to calculate sperm count and motility.

The tiny twins who were strong from the start

I cried when a specialist told me at exactly 28 weeks that our twin boys would have to be born within 48 hours.

One day when I didn't know

Julia Watson, a mum of four young girls, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in December 2013. She shares her latest blog piece with Essential Baby. 

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.