Jump to content

I AM their mother
Not their grandmother


  • Please log in to reply
168 replies to this topic

#151 Mis-Placed

Posted 05 August 2013 - 11:42 PM

But you "are" at an age where you could be the grand-parent... I know it;s presumptuous and your offended by it - by why let it ruin your day...? Should have gone shopping and spent twice as much because your a fabulous forty-something parent! good on you! :)

#152 Autumn baby 2013

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:32 AM

Hi op
I have a 45 yr old friend with a 5 month old and I'm sure she would feel the same if the mistake was made. I think but if things are not 100 per cent sure of something they should keep it to themselves, mistakes like these can be very hurtful to people particularly if you are a sensitive person like myself. At my baby shower back in march, my nan asked a friend of mine " oh so ***** when is your baby due?" My friend is about 25ish with a little bit of a belly, the entire room fell quiet and she politely answered "oh I'm not actually pregnant" everyone in the room were awkward as was my nan, it was a mistake but in my book these sorts of questions should not be asked,if only to avoid the inevitable awkwardness if you are wrong. Btw my friend has been trying for a baby for sometime now and still is, so it is a sensitive topic. People should keep their thoughts their own.

#153 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM

View PostJemstar, on 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM, said:

What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.

Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!
.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

#154 Otis the Pug

Posted 06 August 2013 - 08:55 AM

People shouldn't just assume. She was probably uneducated. You should be honest and say "well actually I am their mother." She will be so embarrased, and it would serve he right. I find this odd. I would assume someone at 70 plus as a grandma, not 40. I had someone assume something about me yesterday, I was p*ssed off. Don't worry about it.

#155 cira

Posted 06 August 2013 - 09:02 AM

I made this (silent) assumption on the train the other day for the first time. I thought I saw a very stylish granny out with her granddaughter, I would have guessed their ages at early 60s and 6-7. I was checking out the "granny" because I was thinking about how she'd put her outfit together to look so cool and realised from her conversation that she was the mother. Maybe its because in my family the oldies stay fit and healthy for so long that it has warped my ability to guess ages. I can understand how people get these relationships wrong.

#156 ikealover

Posted 06 August 2013 - 11:54 AM

Old thread but just want to say I'm sorry that you felt bad about the comment. I get those type of comments a fair bit- I'm fat, 40, with grey hair and have 6 children so get lots of offensive comments :angry: and they do take the shine off my day, or even if I am having a bad day turn me round and go home for a big cry.
Last week I got a doozy, was out shopping with my sister (3yrs younger) and our daughters 11 and nearly 12.  Woman at the register asked if I was my sisters mother and the girls my grandchildren. Should of said "no and I'm sorry you have such a narrow view of what a woman should look like that you think I could be the mother of a 37yr old woman :smile: " but I just smiled said "no we're sisters" assured her it was ok and died a little inside.

#157 CretaceousFeral

Posted 06 August 2013 - 12:06 PM

It wouldn't be considered OK to go up to someone without a child and say "you look old enough to be a grandmother", would it?

I'm obviously a little sensitive about this too. If someone feels they must make a comment, then why not assume I'm the mum. That way, no feelings are hurt and if the woman is a grandmother, then you just made her day. So win win.

#158 bubblegummum

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:04 AM

People probably should think before they speak and I can understand people feeling sensitive.  I have often wondered when I'm with my significantly younger sister, toddler niece and my 4yo if people think I'm the grandmother out with my daughter & grandkids.

This year I was a bit concerned about what people might thing of me being pg at 41.  

We found out at the 19wk scan that her heart had stopped beating a couple of weeks earlier.  If I can get pg again and carry a baby to term I really don't care if people think I'm his/her great grandmother.

Edited by bubblegummum, 10 August 2013 - 11:06 AM.


#159 SpunkyMonkey88

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:14 AM

I had my DS at 20, so at 40ish I could easily have grandkids. A lot of my mum friends from DS's kindy are in their 40's and yet my mum is only 50. I wouldn't be offended, but I would think in this day, people would have realised they need to tread very carefully in the area.

Edited by SpunkyMonkey88, 10 August 2013 - 11:17 AM.


#160 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:16 AM

I always, always assume that the woman is the mother.  That way, no one can possibly be offended and if she turns out to be the grandmother, it's a nice compliment.

As an older mum myself I'm expecting this sort of comment though.

#161 epl0822

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:30 AM

OP, when I was a teenager and out with family, I've been mistaken as the "mum" to my younger siblings on 2-3 occasions. My dad is 30+ years older than me, yet people thought he was my husband and that my mum was the grandmother in the family. I don't know what is more insulting - being mistaken as your children's grandmother or your siblings' mother/father's wife! I'm not posting pictures of my family obviously but my mum definitely looks younger than her age (most people think she's a decade younger than she is) and I certainly didn't look old enough to have multiple children with a 50 year old man when I was a teenager. Some people are atrocious at age guessing.

#162 jessie123

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:39 AM

Some people just never think. I don't know anyone who has grand children that young. When I think of grandmothers I think of 70 year olds :)

#163 CretaceousFeral

Posted 10 August 2013 - 11:49 AM

View PostOld Grey Mare, on 06 August 2013 - 08:34 AM, said:

.....Hear, Hear. Nobody has died, the world will still turn...save your rage for a real issue.

That's all very well until it's your feelings that are hurt by someone. It's not fair to decide what is "real issue" or not to other people. You don't know their story.

Edited by UgglePuggle, 10 August 2013 - 01:10 PM.


#164 ~~Cleopatra~~

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:14 PM

My bestie was both a grandmother and mother to babies when she was 38. Both her and her daughter had their first babies at 19.

#165 Gudrun

Posted 10 August 2013 - 12:21 PM

I wouldn't be able to stop my myself from correcting her and maybe embarassing her but I would remain friendly and get on with my shopping.  

People get stuff wrong all the time and are crawling into holes all the time when they are put right.

Being out with young children, whether yours or not, pretty much guarantees inane and unuseful remarks from strangers in the street.  Just take your patient smile with you.   Twins would be even more of a magnet is my guess.

#166 ~ky~

Posted 12 August 2013 - 04:26 AM

Not only was I asked last week again, if I was Anna's grandmother but someone had the nerve to berate my 12yo DD for being Anna's mother!

The poor kid was utterly beside herself that someone could be so mean!

Of course, I had some very terse words with the woman and told her to apologise to my daughter and keep her mouth shut in future as she is a fool.

#167 aprilrain

Posted 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM

What really gets me about this thread is the "make the lady embarressed or make her feel bad" thing.

She said: "It's NICE of you to take the grandkids out" not something rude and nasty. Anything else was just read into it.

What ever happened to 2 wrongs don't make a right?

It really depresses me that some women need to shred each other.

#168 Ella Minnow Pea

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:02 AM

View Postaprilrain, on 13 August 2013 - 09:40 AM, said:



It really depresses me that some people need to shred each other.

Fixed that for you.

Though I agree trying to embarrass the woman doesn't solve anything. I think we've all encountered thoughtless comments from thoughtless people with the best of intentions, over one thing or another. I think it's worth correcting them so perhaps they can learn to think before they speak, but going on the offensive will probably just make them get defensive and learn nothing.

Of course, in a situation like the one ky just posted about, all bets are off and a good telling off is in order.

#169 poppet11

Posted 13 August 2013 - 10:19 AM

Look I understand in the moment how you would have felt, it's never nice when someone assumes something incorrectly about you. But I am sure if you had corrected her politely she would have been sorry and then said something nice in return.




3 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users


    Google (1)
 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Two children who were given to the wrong families at birth will soon learn if they will be returned to their biological parents.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.