Jump to content

I AM their mother
Not their grandmother


  • Please log in to reply
167 replies to this topic

#1 bunnysquared

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:23 PM

mad.gif
I am a 41 year old solo mum of twins. I had my hair done just recently so no grey!

I was going to do some clothes shopping, but a random stranger on the train put an end to that by telling me I was good to be taking the grandkids out.

Was so p*ssed off I could just glare at her and say that I was the mother.

So cranky when I got off the train that I couldn't shop !!

Anyone got a good comeback line if this happens again (god forbid).


#2 Suz01

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:28 PM

That is so rude. I wouldn't worry, people with big mouths. Even if you were their grandmother who asked them...

#3 aprilrain

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:31 PM

Maybe choose to 'act' , not 'react'. Somebody is nice enough to start a conversation with you.  At 40 you could be either Mum or Nanna. That is reality. Someone can always choose to be offended.

Happens again - maybe smile and answer pleasantly. I know what I would be thinking if you glared at me. mad.gif



#4 Fr0g

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:35 PM

I have little filter between my brain and mouth, so I would have thought out loud and embarrassed her:
"WHAT? Do I look that old??"  However she answered, I would have told her that it was a rude, presumptuous thing to say.  

I'd just put it out there.

#5 Starrydawn

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:37 PM

I am 41 with a 17mth old. I could be her grandmother. I wouldn't let it bother me. I either would either nod and agree or just make a joke of it. Definitely wouldn't get so mad I didn't go shopping.

#6 EsmeLennox

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

It's not rude, just a wrong assumption. Easy mistake to make, someone was just trying to be pleasant, as frustrating as it is. I would have come back with some sort of pithy comment rather than an angry glare.

#7 Mianta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

Sorry pp, but she has every right to feel the way she does. What kind of idiot makes that assumption? It is like being asked when you are due when you are simply overweight! I think what needs to be practiced is to stop being so presumptious and if you can't figure out if someone is old/just overweight not pregnant/gay or straight or whatever, then you need to just shut the **** up.

#8 EsmeLennox

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM

What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.

Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!

Edited by Jemstar, 12 November 2012 - 05:43 PM.


#9 LoudMuffin

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (Chedasha @ 12/11/2012, 05:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am 41 with a 17mth old. I could be her grandmother. I wouldn't let it bother me. I either would either nod and agree or just make a joke of it. Definitely wouldn't get so mad I didn't go shopping.


This, especially the shopping! lol. Ex's mum was just 40 when we had DS, maybe they just thought you were a young one. Having said that it was very rude, grand parents would probably be very happy to correct if someone assumed the children were their little ones but I cannot see any situation where the reverse would be true.

#10 stephanu

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:48 PM

I agree with pp, you should have politely corrected her and gotten on with your day. She was trying to be friendly and probably felt awful already that she had put her foot in her mouth, a glare and nasty come back wouldn't of helped either of you feel ok about the situation. She shouldn't of assumed but its not unheard of for someone your age to be a grandparent.

Edited by stephanu, 12 November 2012 - 05:49 PM.


#11 it'stime

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:50 PM

That's not rude at all. An unfortunate mistake. I'm sure the person feels dreadful.

I was 19 when.ny younger sister was born. I was constantly mistaken for the mother and sometimes got negative comments. Never particularly bothered me.

#12 Tooties

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:51 PM

When my mum looks after my kids she gets mistaken for their mother.  She was a young mum and is now only in her early 50's but looks younger.  Its funny that she has the hasty reaction to correct them too.

She was probably just trying to make conversation and potentially find something in common to talk to you about as well as take an interest in the babies.  I think its nice that someone took their time to be interested and chat.

#13 Marchioness Flea

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:52 PM

It is possible you could be a grandmother. If you had a baby at 18 and your daughter had a baby at 18, then yes, you might well be a grandmother at 38 or 40.
I was asked if I was my baby's grandmother when I was 36 or 37, I don't have grey hair so I KNOW I don't look old as such, but with so many teen mums i didn't really take offense. Least she was being friendly and talking.



#14 Mianta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:52 PM

Jemstar, while I get what you are saying, I think it would be also nice if people could possibly learn to be a bit more sensitive, rather than allow whatever they are thinking fall out of their mouths and hurt someone's feelings in the process.

While struggling to lose weight over the last few years, I have had more "oh when are you due" comments than I care to remember. I even had one idiot try to convince me to do a pregnancy test and have an ultrasound they were so bloody convinced and couldn't see that that their line of questioning was hurting my feelings. I wasn't even that overweight!

It is horrible to be on the end of a presumptious comment that feels like an insult, particularly if you feel a bit sensitive. It ruins your day, you get embarrassed, the person who has made the error then either gets embarrassed and makes an apology that makes you feel worse or tries to pretend it didn't happen or it's your fault that they made the remark to you.

Oh, well I guess I'm in minority here but all I'm saying is people should learn to be more tactful...

#15 Mianta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:54 PM

Oops double post

Edited by Mianta, 12 November 2012 - 06:01 PM.


#16 EsmeLennox

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:03 PM

If a person persisted after being corrected then that is insufferably rude and worthy of the person who is so insistent being shot down in flames. However, I don't think that's what happened here. I actually do get being a little bit miffed, but letting it ruin your whole day? Surely not.

I would think a simple 'oh no, I'm their mum' would suffice, probably with the person who said it in the first place being a bit embarrassed and apologising.

#17 bunnysquared

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:39 PM

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

I was already struggling with two toddlers who just wanted to run around a train and her comment kinda slayed me!

Wasn't in the mood to laugh it off today! I am usually ok with random comments (like are they IVF twins) and happily answer very personal questions but sheesh, she made me feel terrible!


#18 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:47 PM

OP, my baby sister is 7 years younger than me and someone asked me if I was her mum. I was shattered. She is lovely but until DD was born people thought we were twins and then suddenly I look like her mum?!  cry1.gif
Hope that makes you feel a bit better.

#19 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:47 PM

Well I would be feeling a bit upset too. Especially if I wasn't having the best day to start with.

I'm 43 with a 2 year old. Also have a 4 and 7 year old. Thankfully I am yet to have the grandmother comments but I will be horrified when it happens. I'm not that old!

Someone last week thought I was in my mid 30s! That's not so bad! hehe biggrin.gif


#20 Bloomer

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:52 PM

Spent some time in singapore had a few cab drivers assume the same. Here in sydney there have been a few but I learnt to get in first. Also be proud you were able to do this at this age. I have decided if someone has the guts to call me my child's grandmother I would have no problem embarrassing them by putting it right...

I was 42 for baby 1 and 45 for baby 2.. So I am the right age to be their grandmother.   It will happen again be prepared don't let it bother you. I can only imagine how thin skinned I would be with twins on my own.. Time to toughen up original.gif never let anything put you off shopping.. And do not let it bother you.    Get better now the girls are at school.. Few people think I am not the oldest mum in the class....


#21 Illiterati

Posted 12 November 2012 - 07:01 PM

You could say something like ' I wish! Then I could give them back at the end of the day. I'm their mum'



#22 Silver Girl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 07:02 PM

I understand why you're upset, but agree with PPs that it is an understandable mistake. Grandparents are not necessarily elderly. EB recently featured a story about a 23 year old grandmother!

I hope your day has improved.

#23 Gembac8019

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:55 PM

I have been asked if i am my younger brother's mother. I'm 30 and he is 20. then when I was pregnant with dd and ds, every stranger assumed he was my toy boy and we would get ccomments and filthy looks. I have also been asked if i am my older brother's mother.. wtf, he is 34!!

Yet when people ask me how old I am , and i tell them to guess, they say around 28?...
Many places I go to I get asked for I.D because some people don't believe I look over 18..  rolleyes.gif



some ppl need glasses. LOL.

#24 emwill

Posted 13 November 2012 - 08:06 AM

We have had that situation happen to us too.
Last school holidays my mum was up visiting and DH, I and the kids decided to take her 10 pin bowling. The girl setting up the lane commented to me that it was lovely that the kids 'grandparents' were having a day out with them, and offered my mum and DH a card for a free coffee for pensioners. Poor DH  quickly piped up that he was the father, but would enjoy the coffee anyways. It was embarrassing, but I was proud of the way he laughed it off.

#25 ~buzz~

Posted 13 November 2012 - 08:13 AM

I would have just corrected her and gone on with the rest of my day. My mum had my little sister at 40 and 41 and now at 47 will be a grandmother so I can see how it could easily be either




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.