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I AM their mother
Not their grandmother


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171 replies to this topic

#1 bunnysquared

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:23 PM

mad.gif
I am a 41 year old solo mum of twins. I had my hair done just recently so no grey!

I was going to do some clothes shopping, but a random stranger on the train put an end to that by telling me I was good to be taking the grandkids out.

Was so p*ssed off I could just glare at her and say that I was the mother.

So cranky when I got off the train that I couldn't shop !!

Anyone got a good comeback line if this happens again (god forbid).


#2 Suz01

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:28 PM

That is so rude. I wouldn't worry, people with big mouths. Even if you were their grandmother who asked them...

#3 aprilrain

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:31 PM

Maybe choose to 'act' , not 'react'. Somebody is nice enough to start a conversation with you.  At 40 you could be either Mum or Nanna. That is reality. Someone can always choose to be offended.

Happens again - maybe smile and answer pleasantly. I know what I would be thinking if you glared at me. mad.gif



#4 Fr0g

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:35 PM

I have little filter between my brain and mouth, so I would have thought out loud and embarrassed her:
"WHAT? Do I look that old??"  However she answered, I would have told her that it was a rude, presumptuous thing to say.  

I'd just put it out there.

#5 Starrydawn

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:37 PM

I am 41 with a 17mth old. I could be her grandmother. I wouldn't let it bother me. I either would either nod and agree or just make a joke of it. Definitely wouldn't get so mad I didn't go shopping.

#6 FeralEsme

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

It's not rude, just a wrong assumption. Easy mistake to make, someone was just trying to be pleasant, as frustrating as it is. I would have come back with some sort of pithy comment rather than an angry glare.

#7 Mianta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

Sorry pp, but she has every right to feel the way she does. What kind of idiot makes that assumption? It is like being asked when you are due when you are simply overweight! I think what needs to be practiced is to stop being so presumptious and if you can't figure out if someone is old/just overweight not pregnant/gay or straight or whatever, then you need to just shut the **** up.

#8 FeralEsme

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM

What kind of idiot makes an assumption that someone in their 40s might be a grandmother? Plenty of people I would say, there was a time that it wasn't uncommon at all, and I know a few people even now that are grandparents in their 40s.

Why get all p*ssed off and have your day ruined by an off the cuff comment by someone who was just trying to be friendly - let it go FFS and get on with your life, respond with a comment that lets the person know of their error, but it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist over it. Perhaps if people weren't so overly sensitive about every freaking little thing we'd live in a friendlier society with, I dunno, a sense of community!

Edited by Jemstar, 12 November 2012 - 05:43 PM.


#9 Feral_Mumma

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (Chedasha @ 12/11/2012, 05:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am 41 with a 17mth old. I could be her grandmother. I wouldn't let it bother me. I either would either nod and agree or just make a joke of it. Definitely wouldn't get so mad I didn't go shopping.


This, especially the shopping! lol. Ex's mum was just 40 when we had DS, maybe they just thought you were a young one. Having said that it was very rude, grand parents would probably be very happy to correct if someone assumed the children were their little ones but I cannot see any situation where the reverse would be true.

#10 stephanu

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:48 PM

I agree with pp, you should have politely corrected her and gotten on with your day. She was trying to be friendly and probably felt awful already that she had put her foot in her mouth, a glare and nasty come back wouldn't of helped either of you feel ok about the situation. She shouldn't of assumed but its not unheard of for someone your age to be a grandparent.

Edited by stephanu, 12 November 2012 - 05:49 PM.


#11 SaintJoe

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:50 PM

That's not rude at all. An unfortunate mistake. I'm sure the person feels dreadful.

I was 19 when.ny younger sister was born. I was constantly mistaken for the mother and sometimes got negative comments. Never particularly bothered me.

#12 Tooties

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:51 PM

When my mum looks after my kids she gets mistaken for their mother.  She was a young mum and is now only in her early 50's but looks younger.  Its funny that she has the hasty reaction to correct them too.

She was probably just trying to make conversation and potentially find something in common to talk to you about as well as take an interest in the babies.  I think its nice that someone took their time to be interested and chat.

#13 Jenferal

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:52 PM

It is possible you could be a grandmother. If you had a baby at 18 and your daughter had a baby at 18, then yes, you might well be a grandmother at 38 or 40.
I was asked if I was my baby's grandmother when I was 36 or 37, I don't have grey hair so I KNOW I don't look old as such, but with so many teen mums i didn't really take offense. Least she was being friendly and talking.



#14 Mianta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:52 PM

Jemstar, while I get what you are saying, I think it would be also nice if people could possibly learn to be a bit more sensitive, rather than allow whatever they are thinking fall out of their mouths and hurt someone's feelings in the process.

While struggling to lose weight over the last few years, I have had more "oh when are you due" comments than I care to remember. I even had one idiot try to convince me to do a pregnancy test and have an ultrasound they were so bloody convinced and couldn't see that that their line of questioning was hurting my feelings. I wasn't even that overweight!

It is horrible to be on the end of a presumptious comment that feels like an insult, particularly if you feel a bit sensitive. It ruins your day, you get embarrassed, the person who has made the error then either gets embarrassed and makes an apology that makes you feel worse or tries to pretend it didn't happen or it's your fault that they made the remark to you.

Oh, well I guess I'm in minority here but all I'm saying is people should learn to be more tactful...

#15 Mianta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:54 PM

Oops double post

Edited by Mianta, 12 November 2012 - 06:01 PM.


#16 FeralEsme

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:03 PM

If a person persisted after being corrected then that is insufferably rude and worthy of the person who is so insistent being shot down in flames. However, I don't think that's what happened here. I actually do get being a little bit miffed, but letting it ruin your whole day? Surely not.

I would think a simple 'oh no, I'm their mum' would suffice, probably with the person who said it in the first place being a bit embarrassed and apologising.

#17 bunnysquared

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:39 PM

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

I was already struggling with two toddlers who just wanted to run around a train and her comment kinda slayed me!

Wasn't in the mood to laugh it off today! I am usually ok with random comments (like are they IVF twins) and happily answer very personal questions but sheesh, she made me feel terrible!


#18 Feral like a Lemon

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:47 PM

OP, my baby sister is 7 years younger than me and someone asked me if I was her mum. I was shattered. She is lovely but until DD was born people thought we were twins and then suddenly I look like her mum?!  cry1.gif
Hope that makes you feel a bit better.

#19 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:47 PM

Well I would be feeling a bit upset too. Especially if I wasn't having the best day to start with.

I'm 43 with a 2 year old. Also have a 4 and 7 year old. Thankfully I am yet to have the grandmother comments but I will be horrified when it happens. I'm not that old!

Someone last week thought I was in my mid 30s! That's not so bad! hehe biggrin.gif


#20 Bloomer

Posted 12 November 2012 - 06:52 PM

Spent some time in singapore had a few cab drivers assume the same. Here in sydney there have been a few but I learnt to get in first. Also be proud you were able to do this at this age. I have decided if someone has the guts to call me my child's grandmother I would have no problem embarrassing them by putting it right...

I was 42 for baby 1 and 45 for baby 2.. So I am the right age to be their grandmother.   It will happen again be prepared don't let it bother you. I can only imagine how thin skinned I would be with twins on my own.. Time to toughen up original.gif never let anything put you off shopping.. And do not let it bother you.    Get better now the girls are at school.. Few people think I am not the oldest mum in the class....


#21 Illiterati

Posted 12 November 2012 - 07:01 PM

You could say something like ' I wish! Then I could give them back at the end of the day. I'm their mum'



#22 Silver Girl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 07:02 PM

I understand why you're upset, but agree with PPs that it is an understandable mistake. Grandparents are not necessarily elderly. EB recently featured a story about a 23 year old grandmother!

I hope your day has improved.

#23 Gembac8019

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:55 PM

I have been asked if i am my younger brother's mother. I'm 30 and he is 20. then when I was pregnant with dd and ds, every stranger assumed he was my toy boy and we would get ccomments and filthy looks. I have also been asked if i am my older brother's mother.. wtf, he is 34!!

Yet when people ask me how old I am , and i tell them to guess, they say around 28?...
Many places I go to I get asked for I.D because some people don't believe I look over 18..  rolleyes.gif



some ppl need glasses. LOL.

#24 emwill

Posted 13 November 2012 - 08:06 AM

We have had that situation happen to us too.
Last school holidays my mum was up visiting and DH, I and the kids decided to take her 10 pin bowling. The girl setting up the lane commented to me that it was lovely that the kids 'grandparents' were having a day out with them, and offered my mum and DH a card for a free coffee for pensioners. Poor DH  quickly piped up that he was the father, but would enjoy the coffee anyways. It was embarrassing, but I was proud of the way he laughed it off.

#25 ~buzz~

Posted 13 November 2012 - 08:13 AM

I would have just corrected her and gone on with the rest of my day. My mum had my little sister at 40 and 41 and now at 47 will be a grandmother so I can see how it could easily be either




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