Jump to content

Feel like a failure as a mother


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Cocolatte

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:16 PM

Hi
I have a 3 and 1 year old.
PND with both.
I honestly feel like I am failing as a mother.
My DD1 watches tv most of the day while I struggle to get DD2 down foe sleeps or just pick her up constantly,  very very clingy right now.
She goes to daycare two days and we attend MG weekly and a dance class.
I feel exhausted all the time, struggle with household chores and basically feel like I'm not doing any good by either of my girls.
I am medicated for depression.
How do I get us out of this rut that we are all in?

#2 butterflydreaming

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:26 PM

The best things I did we're finding a PND therapy and support group, reading the book the happiness trap and regular sessions with a psych for six months. My son is almost three and things have been much better for the last 12 months but I am worried about the future with another due in four weeks.

#3 MaeGlyn

Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:42 PM

That's tough OP. I don't know what to say but I feel for you. : )

I have PTSD which involved me shutting down with work (as it triggered the PTSD). Can't stop working with a baby though, and somehow I muddled through it with the help of a lot of therapy before bub was born. I also had kidney failure (due to pregnancy) 4 months after he was born and type 1 diabetes. It was really hard. It is important to have a lot of support I think like mother's group which I made myself do. It made all the difference to involve people who are healthy in your child's life.

Also you are entitled to the Better Access Scheme for psychologists, and if you are not well don't begrudge the anti-deprressants. They helped me throught the worst lot of my PTSD 6 years ago. If you need them, it is like any other medication and you are being good to take them.

I also have time a lot some days (a few hours a day) due to my PTSD still where it is rough and resort to the TV at times and am not a perfect mommy. You would feel better to know you are not the only one. : )

I am working 20hours a week now as well and we are doing good now.

Edited by MaeGlyn, 13 November 2012 - 10:45 PM.


#4 wickle pickle

Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:48 PM

I don't have any tips but just wanted to offer my support and say you are doing a better job than you think. If your elder child watches quite a bit of TV at the moment it's not going to hurt her, it is just necessary. There are times when the TV is a blessing and if it helps make the time manageable with your second child, then just embrace it.
Also, don't despair about your second being so clingy - it's just a phase and will pass. Sooner or later. Just hang in there and before you know it these problems will be faint memories.

Good luck, hang in and try not to sweat the small stuff.

#5 WYSIWYG

Posted 13 November 2012 - 11:06 PM

Well, you obviously care about your daughters original.gif and that to me says you are a good mum. Far from failing!

It's tough, especially when PND is added to the mix, but you are far from a failure. You can only do what you can, remind yourself that your children are loved and cared for, get out as much as possible even if its just for a walk/drive to the park, take some time for yourself when the kids are asleep or with someone else. Focus on the small things, they make the world of difference.

Don't be too hard on yourself OP.

#6 Natttmumm

Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:11 PM

Just wanted to add I found the age that yoyr kids are now the hardest of all the ages. It has gotten easier over time. I know thats not that helpful for what you are feeling right now but it does get easier.

MIne are 3 and 5 now and its a whole lot different to how it was 2 years ago (which was hard hard hard).

Do you ever get a break from the kids - time to yourself. I didnt do enough of that when they were small and I know it impacted negatively on me.

#7 New Sparkles

Posted 20 November 2012 - 11:03 AM

put the youngest in the pram and the older on a scooter or bike and go for a walk. get out of the house,

the house used to eat me when mine were that age.


clear your head whilst on a walk and grab yourself a coffee cause you deserve it.  happy.gif

#8 Freddie'sMum

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

Go out every day.

I was in your shoes OP - with a 1 year old and 3 year old - and living in a 2 bedroom unit with no outside space.  I felt like the walls were closing in on me.

I used to "organise" my weeks something like this:

Monday: go get the groceries
Tuesday: to to the library / local shops / maybe park
Wednesday: go to playgroup
Thursday: go and see my friend
Friday: nothing planned, just take it as it comes.

I always did my running around in the morning - it got all 3 of us out of the house, and let them burn off all the energy they had.  Then I would try and be home by lunchtime and EVERYONE - me included would have "quiet time" - the baby would have a sleep in the afternoon, the TV would go on for DD#1 and I would crash out on the sofa.

You are doing a fantastic job.  





#9 JustinsMumplus1

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:17 AM

Sorry you feel like this OP I have been exactly where you are although I didn't admit I had pnd until DS2 was 2. You are doing the best you can right now.

Today if you get a chance call PANDA they have a fantastic service and have helped me enormously. All look into seeing a psychiatrist that deals specifically in PND, I see one in melb and she is fabulous, bc if her I am where I am today 1 year on from first seeking help.

It is very very hard esp at the ages they are. Also see if you can get some time for yourself.

Good luck






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'I will defend my son's right to wear a tutu'

Three-year-old boy Roo likes to wear tutus and, until now, it hasn't been a problem.

Chinese sign up toddlers for chief executive classes

CHILDREN as young as three are being enrolled in "chief executive courses" in China as pushy parents become obsessed with giving their offspring an advantage over their young peers.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The 'best little baby' and the police officer who rescued him

"And just in my head, I'm a father myself, and I couldn't sit there and let him ... I couldn't let him sit in that."

Olympian sells medal to pay for child's cancer treatment

An Olympian has sold his medal to help fund cancer treatment for a 3-year-old boy.

Family of mum who took her own life speak out about PND

From the outside it looked like Allison Goldstein was blissfully happy. She had a new baby, a loving husband, and was part of a close knit-family.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

BuggyCart solves the dilemma of shopping with a pram

Ducking to the shops for some groceries is a whole other ballgame once you have a baby.

Viral photo shows powerful moment before second baby's arrival

While our second baby was very much wanted, I wondered if I could love another baby as much as I loved my first.

What does a baby with whooping cough sound like? Sometimes like this

It's a heartbreaking video that's difficult to watch, but that's just what Sydney mum of two Sandra wants people to do.

Cheers! Why we're all happy to be bad mothers now

A new generation of mums is resisting the pressure to be "perfect" - and revelling in their naughty side?

Dealing with mealtime fussiness: mums share their tips

It can be frustrating, worrying, and turn into a battle of wills - but it doesn't have to be like that

Why having a puppy is like parenting a child

Despite being a dog owner and a parent, I've never been able to relate to the idea that the two have many similarities – until now.

Baby Joey is sleeping star in adorable photos

When photographer mum Laura Izumikawa puts her baby daughter down to sleep, the last thing on her mind is rest.

The necessity of 'Do not disturb' signs for napping babies

Needless to say, the last thing any mum wants is for someone to loudly knock on the door and wake their sleeping cherub.

Mum's brutal truth about c-section: 'This is not the easy way out'

A new mum has shared photos of her caesarean section scar to prove she did not "take the easy way out" when giving birth to her son.

Twins give birth in same hospital just hours apart

Leanne went into labour on July 28, and remarkably, her twin sister Natalie soon followed.

Goki Ride-On cars for toddlers

Toddlers just love to ride on anything with wheels but will often reject the pram once they can walk.

Letting your health slide as you look after the kids? Here's how to get out of the trap

It's time to start prioritising our own health, as well as the health of our children, to avoid longer lasting health challenges.

How to child-proof every room in your house

A guide to making your home a safer place for little ones.

Portable pool safety reminder after toddler's death

The drowning of a Hobart toddler has prompted a coroner to remind the community that even inflatable and portable pools must be fenced.

I have a clingy toddler - help!

"Nothing stops the clinginess - he cries when I put him down, no matter how long I hold him."

Woman sues after botched termination leads to motherhood

A 23-year-old mother is suing her GP and the public health system for thousands of dollars to support her son after her termination went wrong.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Ex-Perth model stuck with 12kg leg after limb doubles in size during pregnancy

"I often have strangers coming over to me when I'm out asking bluntly what's wrong with my leg. I often just laugh now and tell them I've been attacked by a shark and walk off, it definitely stumps people."

Same sex couple 'blessed' with triplets via surrogacy

They feared they would never get to be parents, but a same sex couple is now adjusting to life with newborn triplets.

Should children be given antibiotics in their first year?

Here are the the pros and cons of giving antibiotics to young babies.

Baby born on mum AND dad's birthday

The birth of a baby is always a special occasion, but one couple who welcomed their first child earlier this week had more reason to celebrate than most.

The joys (and benefits) of show and tell

Show and tell has been around for donkey's years. Well, at least since I was a kid, and according to my own children, I'm pretty old.

Loyal dog dies saving baby's life during fire

A baby was rescued from a house fire after her family's loyal dog used his body to shield the little girl from the flames.

How having a young baby or toddler changes your home decor

What to expect when living with an older baby or toddler - and how to manage the chaos.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

How baby Evelie was saved after being born without a heartbeat

Bethanie Millar didn't believe in miracles - until baby Evelie was born, that is.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

OvuSense: the new internal monitor helping predict ovulation

When a couple is trying to conceive it is easy for a woman to become obsessed about when she ovulates.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Adorable: App captures special moments of pregnancy and motherhood

There's something about motherhood that turns even the most reluctant photographer into a keen shutterbug as they strive to capture all the best moments of life with a baby.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

What I miss about commuting

A recent long commute for a job reminded me there are some potential positives to the experience.

 

SYDNEY SHOW - 23-25 Sept

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.