Jump to content

Feel like a failure as a mother


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Cocolatte

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:16 PM

Hi
I have a 3 and 1 year old.
PND with both.
I honestly feel like I am failing as a mother.
My DD1 watches tv most of the day while I struggle to get DD2 down foe sleeps or just pick her up constantly,  very very clingy right now.
She goes to daycare two days and we attend MG weekly and a dance class.
I feel exhausted all the time, struggle with household chores and basically feel like I'm not doing any good by either of my girls.
I am medicated for depression.
How do I get us out of this rut that we are all in?

#2 butterflydreaming

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:26 PM

The best things I did we're finding a PND therapy and support group, reading the book the happiness trap and regular sessions with a psych for six months. My son is almost three and things have been much better for the last 12 months but I am worried about the future with another due in four weeks.

#3 MaeGlyn

Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:42 PM

That's tough OP. I don't know what to say but I feel for you. : )

I have PTSD which involved me shutting down with work (as it triggered the PTSD). Can't stop working with a baby though, and somehow I muddled through it with the help of a lot of therapy before bub was born. I also had kidney failure (due to pregnancy) 4 months after he was born and type 1 diabetes. It was really hard. It is important to have a lot of support I think like mother's group which I made myself do. It made all the difference to involve people who are healthy in your child's life.

Also you are entitled to the Better Access Scheme for psychologists, and if you are not well don't begrudge the anti-deprressants. They helped me throught the worst lot of my PTSD 6 years ago. If you need them, it is like any other medication and you are being good to take them.

I also have time a lot some days (a few hours a day) due to my PTSD still where it is rough and resort to the TV at times and am not a perfect mommy. You would feel better to know you are not the only one. : )

I am working 20hours a week now as well and we are doing good now.

Edited by MaeGlyn, 13 November 2012 - 10:45 PM.


#4 wickle pickle

Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:48 PM

I don't have any tips but just wanted to offer my support and say you are doing a better job than you think. If your elder child watches quite a bit of TV at the moment it's not going to hurt her, it is just necessary. There are times when the TV is a blessing and if it helps make the time manageable with your second child, then just embrace it.
Also, don't despair about your second being so clingy - it's just a phase and will pass. Sooner or later. Just hang in there and before you know it these problems will be faint memories.

Good luck, hang in and try not to sweat the small stuff.

#5 WYSIWYG

Posted 13 November 2012 - 11:06 PM

Well, you obviously care about your daughters original.gif and that to me says you are a good mum. Far from failing!

It's tough, especially when PND is added to the mix, but you are far from a failure. You can only do what you can, remind yourself that your children are loved and cared for, get out as much as possible even if its just for a walk/drive to the park, take some time for yourself when the kids are asleep or with someone else. Focus on the small things, they make the world of difference.

Don't be too hard on yourself OP.

#6 Natttmumm

Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:11 PM

Just wanted to add I found the age that yoyr kids are now the hardest of all the ages. It has gotten easier over time. I know thats not that helpful for what you are feeling right now but it does get easier.

MIne are 3 and 5 now and its a whole lot different to how it was 2 years ago (which was hard hard hard).

Do you ever get a break from the kids - time to yourself. I didnt do enough of that when they were small and I know it impacted negatively on me.

#7 New Sparkles

Posted 20 November 2012 - 11:03 AM

put the youngest in the pram and the older on a scooter or bike and go for a walk. get out of the house,

the house used to eat me when mine were that age.


clear your head whilst on a walk and grab yourself a coffee cause you deserve it.  happy.gif

#8 Freddie'sMum

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

Go out every day.

I was in your shoes OP - with a 1 year old and 3 year old - and living in a 2 bedroom unit with no outside space.  I felt like the walls were closing in on me.

I used to "organise" my weeks something like this:

Monday: go get the groceries
Tuesday: to to the library / local shops / maybe park
Wednesday: go to playgroup
Thursday: go and see my friend
Friday: nothing planned, just take it as it comes.

I always did my running around in the morning - it got all 3 of us out of the house, and let them burn off all the energy they had.  Then I would try and be home by lunchtime and EVERYONE - me included would have "quiet time" - the baby would have a sleep in the afternoon, the TV would go on for DD#1 and I would crash out on the sofa.

You are doing a fantastic job.  





#9 JustinsMumplus1

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:17 AM

Sorry you feel like this OP I have been exactly where you are although I didn't admit I had pnd until DS2 was 2. You are doing the best you can right now.

Today if you get a chance call PANDA they have a fantastic service and have helped me enormously. All look into seeing a psychiatrist that deals specifically in PND, I see one in melb and she is fabulous, bc if her I am where I am today 1 year on from first seeking help.

It is very very hard esp at the ages they are. Also see if you can get some time for yourself.

Good luck






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGO DUPLO Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.