Jump to content
Feel like a failure as a mother
8 replies to this topic
Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:16 PM
I have a 3 and 1 year old.
PND with both.
I honestly feel like I am failing as a mother.
My DD1 watches tv most of the day while I struggle to get DD2 down foe sleeps or just pick her up constantly, very very clingy right now.
She goes to daycare two days and we attend MG weekly and a dance class.
I feel exhausted all the time, struggle with household chores and basically feel like I'm not doing any good by either of my girls.
I am medicated for depression.
How do I get us out of this rut that we are all in?
Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:26 PM
The best things I did we're finding a PND therapy and support group, reading the book the happiness trap and regular sessions with a psych for six months. My son is almost three and things have been much better for the last 12 months but I am worried about the future with another due in four weeks.
Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:42 PM
That's tough OP. I don't know what to say but I feel for you. : )
I have PTSD which involved me shutting down with work (as it triggered the PTSD). Can't stop working with a baby though, and somehow I muddled through it with the help of a lot of therapy before bub was born. I also had kidney failure (due to pregnancy) 4 months after he was born and type 1 diabetes. It was really hard. It is important to have a lot of support I think like mother's group which I made myself do. It made all the difference to involve people who are healthy in your child's life.
Also you are entitled to the Better Access Scheme for psychologists, and if you are not well don't begrudge the anti-deprressants. They helped me throught the worst lot of my PTSD 6 years ago. If you need them, it is like any other medication and you are being good to take them.
I also have time a lot some days (a few hours a day) due to my PTSD still where it is rough and resort to the TV at times and am not a perfect mommy. You would feel better to know you are not the only one. : )
I am working 20hours a week now as well and we are doing good now.
Edited by MaeGlyn, 13 November 2012 - 10:45 PM.
Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:48 PM
I don't have any tips but just wanted to offer my support and say you are doing a better job than you think. If your elder child watches quite a bit of TV at the moment it's not going to hurt her, it is just necessary. There are times when the TV is a blessing and if it helps make the time manageable with your second child, then just embrace it.
Also, don't despair about your second being so clingy - it's just a phase and will pass. Sooner or later. Just hang in there and before you know it these problems will be faint memories.
Good luck, hang in and try not to sweat the small stuff.
Posted 13 November 2012 - 11:06 PM
Well, you obviously care about your daughters and that to me says you are a good mum. Far from failing!
It's tough, especially when PND is added to the mix, but you are far from a failure. You can only do what you can, remind yourself that your children are loved and cared for, get out as much as possible even if its just for a walk/drive to the park, take some time for yourself when the kids are asleep or with someone else. Focus on the small things, they make the world of difference.
Don't be too hard on yourself OP.
Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:11 PM
Just wanted to add I found the age that yoyr kids are now the hardest of all the ages. It has gotten easier over time. I know thats not that helpful for what you are feeling right now but it does get easier.
MIne are 3 and 5 now and its a whole lot different to how it was 2 years ago (which was hard hard hard).
Do you ever get a break from the kids - time to yourself. I didnt do enough of that when they were small and I know it impacted negatively on me.
Posted 20 November 2012 - 11:03 AM
put the youngest in the pram and the older on a scooter or bike and go for a walk. get out of the house,
the house used to eat me when mine were that age.
clear your head whilst on a walk and grab yourself a coffee cause you deserve it.
Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:02 AM
Go out every day.
I was in your shoes OP - with a 1 year old and 3 year old - and living in a 2 bedroom unit with no outside space. I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
I used to "organise" my weeks something like this:
Monday: go get the groceries
Tuesday: to to the library / local shops / maybe park
Wednesday: go to playgroup
Thursday: go and see my friend
Friday: nothing planned, just take it as it comes.
I always did my running around in the morning - it got all 3 of us out of the house, and let them burn off all the energy they had. Then I would try and be home by lunchtime and EVERYONE - me included would have "quiet time" - the baby would have a sleep in the afternoon, the TV would go on for DD#1 and I would crash out on the sofa.
You are doing a fantastic job.
Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:17 AM
Sorry you feel like this OP I have been exactly where you are although I didn't admit I had pnd until DS2 was 2. You are doing the best you can right now.
Today if you get a chance call PANDA they have a fantastic service and have helped me enormously. All look into seeing a psychiatrist that deals specifically in PND, I see one in melb and she is fabulous, bc if her I am where I am today 1 year on from first seeking help.
It is very very hard esp at the ages they are. Also see if you can get some time for yourself.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.
Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.
The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.
Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.
The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.
Life On Mars
We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.
A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.
I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.
I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.
Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.
Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.
Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.
Working out what?s underlying your baby's fussiness can be a case of trial and error. Here are a few common causes and how you can remedy each one.
In today's society, never has it been harder to parent without judgment. But what about when judgment is coming from closer to home?
It's not a woman's job to teach violent men how to behave.
When I told my mothers? group that my husband and I had started trying for our second baby they told me I was crazy. Now I can see why.
New mum Sarah Sutton was faced with a shattering scenario no person should have to endure.
"It's a boy!" That's the phrase Kateri Schwandt has heard in labour delivery ward for the 13th time in her life.
Can't find time to get to the gym? It could be just as beneficial to put your baby in the stroller and go for a walk.
If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.
Top 5 Articles
It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?
After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.
Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.
A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.
We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.
It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.
My standards at home were never that high but having a two-year-old has taught me to be cool with chaos.
The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.
You'll soon be meeting your baby, but you've got one big task to get done first: setting up a comfy, calming nursery you'll both be able to enjoy.
A new form of activity testing will be introduced to ensure the highest subsidies go to parents who contribute the most to the workforce.
For women suffering from chronic morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum, pregnancy can be the roller coaster from hell.
I never actually went into labour - so by 42 weeks I was booked in for induction.
The death of Sophie Smith's triplet baby boys has motivated the half-marathon mother and her team to raise $1.25 million for charity.
Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?
A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.
Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.
My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.
Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.
Top baby names
The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.