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Feel like a failure as a mother
8 replies to this topic
Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:16 PM
I have a 3 and 1 year old.
PND with both.
I honestly feel like I am failing as a mother.
My DD1 watches tv most of the day while I struggle to get DD2 down foe sleeps or just pick her up constantly, very very clingy right now.
She goes to daycare two days and we attend MG weekly and a dance class.
I feel exhausted all the time, struggle with household chores and basically feel like I'm not doing any good by either of my girls.
I am medicated for depression.
How do I get us out of this rut that we are all in?
Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:26 PM
The best things I did we're finding a PND therapy and support group, reading the book the happiness trap and regular sessions with a psych for six months. My son is almost three and things have been much better for the last 12 months but I am worried about the future with another due in four weeks.
Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:42 PM
That's tough OP. I don't know what to say but I feel for you. : )
I have PTSD which involved me shutting down with work (as it triggered the PTSD). Can't stop working with a baby though, and somehow I muddled through it with the help of a lot of therapy before bub was born. I also had kidney failure (due to pregnancy) 4 months after he was born and type 1 diabetes. It was really hard. It is important to have a lot of support I think like mother's group which I made myself do. It made all the difference to involve people who are healthy in your child's life.
Also you are entitled to the Better Access Scheme for psychologists, and if you are not well don't begrudge the anti-deprressants. They helped me throught the worst lot of my PTSD 6 years ago. If you need them, it is like any other medication and you are being good to take them.
I also have time a lot some days (a few hours a day) due to my PTSD still where it is rough and resort to the TV at times and am not a perfect mommy. You would feel better to know you are not the only one. : )
I am working 20hours a week now as well and we are doing good now.
Edited by MaeGlyn, 13 November 2012 - 10:45 PM.
Posted 13 November 2012 - 10:48 PM
I don't have any tips but just wanted to offer my support and say you are doing a better job than you think. If your elder child watches quite a bit of TV at the moment it's not going to hurt her, it is just necessary. There are times when the TV is a blessing and if it helps make the time manageable with your second child, then just embrace it.
Also, don't despair about your second being so clingy - it's just a phase and will pass. Sooner or later. Just hang in there and before you know it these problems will be faint memories.
Good luck, hang in and try not to sweat the small stuff.
Posted 13 November 2012 - 11:06 PM
Well, you obviously care about your daughters and that to me says you are a good mum. Far from failing!
It's tough, especially when PND is added to the mix, but you are far from a failure. You can only do what you can, remind yourself that your children are loved and cared for, get out as much as possible even if its just for a walk/drive to the park, take some time for yourself when the kids are asleep or with someone else. Focus on the small things, they make the world of difference.
Don't be too hard on yourself OP.
Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:11 PM
Just wanted to add I found the age that yoyr kids are now the hardest of all the ages. It has gotten easier over time. I know thats not that helpful for what you are feeling right now but it does get easier.
MIne are 3 and 5 now and its a whole lot different to how it was 2 years ago (which was hard hard hard).
Do you ever get a break from the kids - time to yourself. I didnt do enough of that when they were small and I know it impacted negatively on me.
Posted 20 November 2012 - 11:03 AM
put the youngest in the pram and the older on a scooter or bike and go for a walk. get out of the house,
the house used to eat me when mine were that age.
clear your head whilst on a walk and grab yourself a coffee cause you deserve it.
Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:02 AM
Go out every day.
I was in your shoes OP - with a 1 year old and 3 year old - and living in a 2 bedroom unit with no outside space. I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
I used to "organise" my weeks something like this:
Monday: go get the groceries
Tuesday: to to the library / local shops / maybe park
Wednesday: go to playgroup
Thursday: go and see my friend
Friday: nothing planned, just take it as it comes.
I always did my running around in the morning - it got all 3 of us out of the house, and let them burn off all the energy they had. Then I would try and be home by lunchtime and EVERYONE - me included would have "quiet time" - the baby would have a sleep in the afternoon, the TV would go on for DD#1 and I would crash out on the sofa.
You are doing a fantastic job.
Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:17 AM
Sorry you feel like this OP I have been exactly where you are although I didn't admit I had pnd until DS2 was 2. You are doing the best you can right now.
Today if you get a chance call PANDA they have a fantastic service and have helped me enormously. All look into seeing a psychiatrist that deals specifically in PND, I see one in melb and she is fabulous, bc if her I am where I am today 1 year on from first seeking help.
It is very very hard esp at the ages they are. Also see if you can get some time for yourself.
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