Jump to content

over the top or suitable punishment


  • Please log in to reply
48 replies to this topic

#1 imamumto3

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:20 PM

the in laws were minding the kids last night at our house.

at bath time mil got dd2 out and then told dd1 that she was next, then ds.  dd1 (4) not wanting ds to be last out pulled the plug and hid it under toys so that ds would have to get out at the same time.  ds got upset (he was tired as he had been at a party all day) and cried.  mil told dd that she was a very naughty girl for doing that, dressed her and put her to bed without a story and would not leave her light or radio on or give her the favourite toy that she always takes to bed.  

ds told me this morning that dd was crying throughout it all and she was still upset this morning.  mil is meant to be having the kids tomorrow while I'm at an appointment, but dd is saying she doesn't want to go to her.

I think the punishment was a bit harsh, but WDYT?  also do I give in and see if I can get someone else to mind the kids tomorrow or do I make dd go to mils?

#2 Bob-the-skull

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

i think the punishment was harsh....

if it had of been bed without a story then it would have been fine..

but if your daughter normally sleeps with her toy with a light on then that is cruel...

i would explain to DD that she needs to go to MIL's but that you will talk to MIL that it won't happen again.

#3 ~~~

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:25 PM

At first glance, and knowing 4 year olds, I would have skipped the story but the other things sound like they are security things for bedtime, so seems a little OTT. Have you spoken to your MIL about it or do you both normally have similar discipline ideas?

#4 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:25 PM

I would still take her to MILs but just ask that she not be so harsh next time, I think no story and straight to bed would have been plenty, not letting her have the light on (especially if she is scared of the dark) is too much, she needs a consequence yes but scaring her shouldn't be one of them.

#5 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:27 PM

No story is reasonable, not allowing a night light or favourite toy is not.

#6 Splodge83

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:30 PM

QUOTE (Swahili @ 12/11/2012, 01:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No story is reasonable, not allowing a night light or favourite toy is not.

Agree with this

#7 2xpink

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:30 PM

I would have a word to mil - my six year old DD would be inconsolable if she was made to go to bed without her security toy and a night light.  She would cope without a story - that is a common punishment in our house if they mess around at bed time.

I don't believe children should be made go without the things that make them feel secure.  

I would take her to mil - because if she gets to go somewhere else it might build her aversion to going to mil's.  Explain to her that you will ask mil not to do this again.

#8 belindarama

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:30 PM

No story is fine. That is standard consequence at our house for monkey tricks with bath or dressing before bed. It is hard wrangling 3 at once by yourself. I do this sometimes when my 2 year old niece comes to us so you need some way to keep them in line at that time as it has potential to be dangerous.

However, sleep associations are off limits to me. For the most part we are the ones who have created those habits they are reliant on. It is cruel to take then away and expect the child to moderate their reaction and emotions when distressed by their removal.

#9 mumto3princesses

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:33 PM

QUOTE (Swahili @ 12/11/2012, 01:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No story is reasonable, not allowing a night light or favourite toy is not.


This.

Even one of my 9yr old twins still needs a security toy for bed and likes the bedside light on for a short time.

#10 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:34 PM

QUOTE (belindarama @ 12/11/2012, 01:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
However, sleep associations are off limits to me. For the most part we are the ones who have created those habits they are reliant on. It is cruel to take then away and expect the child to moderate their reaction and emotions when distressed by their removal.


I agree.

#11 steppy

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:40 PM

I would still take her to MIL but say to MIL that you don't want your daughter to go to sleep frightened so could she please not turn the light off in future. (And I would not tell her this in your children's hearing)

Edited by steppy, 12 November 2012 - 12:41 PM.


#12 nom de plume

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:49 PM

I kind of admire your MIL for following through with all the punishment.  My kids would have gone ballistic if they didn't get night lights, etc.  No one would have got any peace.

Whilst I think the punishment was a little excessive, I would just tell my DD that that was MIL's punishment and if she plays up at her house then she's got to accept the consequenes.  Grandma's house - Grandma's rules (within reason of course).

I personally would be careful about undermining your MIL's methods, especially if you want the bonus of her minding your children.

#13 Tobias'smum

Posted 12 November 2012 - 12:56 PM

no story is ok but as for the light and the security toy its like telling an dult that they have to go to bed with all the doors and windows of the house open no adult would feel safe sleeping like that so why should a child .

I agree punishments t grandmas house can be different but there are guidelines that you set that should be followed ie what is off limits

#14 Fluster

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:07 PM

QUOTE (nom de plume @ 12/11/2012, 12:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I kind of admire your MIL for following through with all the punishment.  My kids would have gone ballistic if they didn't get night lights, etc.  No one would have got any peace.

Whilst I think the punishment was a little excessive, I would just tell my DD that that was MIL's punishment and if she plays up at her house then she's got to accept the consequenes.  Grandma's house - Grandma's rules (within reason of course).

I personally would be careful about undermining your MIL's methods, especially if you want the bonus of her minding your children.


I agree.

#15 Kreme

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:08 PM

I think it is completely OTT. I wouldn't be happy about any "punishment" for that behaviour at all. I would expect the carer to tell my child they had behaved unkindly and that it was disappointing.
Removing security items and the nightlight is cruel and mean.

Edited by kreme, 12 November 2012 - 01:08 PM.


#16 tothebeach

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:33 PM

QUOTE
Grandparents shouldn't be doling out punishment anyway. They are for spoiling only. I feel sad for your dd.

If anyone is responsible for my child - daycare, grandparent etc, then I accept that they need to be able to discipline then to the extent that enables them to get cooperation.  In terms of grandparents, they are in loco parentis, if I have left the children with them so they have the same rights as I do to apply consequences.

In this case, I think that punishment is too harsh.  However, I would backup MIL to the kids and talk to her in private.  I would not make a big deal of it.

#17 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:33 PM

Why did she need to be punished in the first place? What your DD did is hardly worthy of punishment in my books. I would have just told her, her behaviour wasn't appropriate and left it at that.

But whatever, no story, fine. However, not letting her have her toy or night light is cruel and over the top.

#18 JustBeige

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:41 PM

QUOTE (Swahili @ 12/11/2012, 01:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No story is reasonable, not allowing a night light or favourite toy is not.

Agree.

I would also follow up with a conversation with DD about Grandmas house = grandmas rules.

TBH, It sounds like an 'end of tether' moment, especially if your MIL is normally really laid back with them.    

I would be having a conversation with her. I would tell her that bed without story is a suitable punishment, but you dont want her to take away the night time security things from the children.

#19 Heffalump

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:46 PM

For a 4yo that is way over the top.  sad.gif  Even my 7.5yo would have just lost her bedtime reading time for something like that, and then only if it wasn't the first time she'd pulled a trick like that.  

I would have expected her to apologise to DS though and explain why what she did was wrong.

#20 MrsLexiK

Posted 12 November 2012 - 01:48 PM

QUOTE (nom de plume @ 12/11/2012, 01:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I kind of admire your MIL for following through with all the punishment.  My kids would have gone ballistic if they didn't get night lights, etc.  No one would have got any peace.

Whilst I think the punishment was a little excessive, I would just tell my DD that that was MIL's punishment and if she plays up at her house then she's got to accept the consequenes.  Grandma's house - Grandma's rules (within reason of course).

I personally would be careful about undermining your MIL's methods, especially if you want the bonus of her minding your children.

I have to agree with this, but then I wasn't a child that needed a particular toy or light on to get to sleep.  Perhaps I would speak to my MIL if I had been one of those children (but I would still tell my child the above)  I know that if I was told no or punished I would just cry or beg "please, please no I will be good" once everyone stopped giving into me it didn't take me long to figure out no amount of begging, or crying would get me out of the punishment. The only thing that would irk me is if I had asked them not to smack my child and they said "ok" but did anyway.

#21 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 12 November 2012 - 03:33 PM

It's a real hard one...on one hand, she was at MIL's house and it's really up to MIL to decide on how she will manage them...on the other, it was a little mean!

I'm with others, I'd tell DD that when she is at MILs house she needs to do what is asked and then perhaps have a quiet chat with MIL about the nightlight issue. It's OTT and she does need to know that...perhaps you could say that DD told you she was too scared to go to MILs house because of the incident, that way it doesn't look like you are interferring!


#22 mum201

Posted 12 November 2012 - 03:51 PM

Personally I think the punishment was way OTT for a 4 year old. I definitely wouldn't have removed her security items as I agree with pp who said it's like forcing an adult to sleep with everything unlocked. Personally, I believe in gentle discipline and natural consequences, so mil's attitude wouldn't work for me.
Sounds like grandma had an adult tanty, lost her temper and finds coping with 3 at a time difficult.
Personally, I will go against the grain and wouldn't force her to go. I would encourage but not force.

#23 steppy

Posted 12 November 2012 - 04:02 PM

If I'd been MIL, I would have just changed the order I took the kids out of the bath so DD2 was the one left waiting in a cold empty tub until the other two were dry. But it does sound like she had an end of tether moment.

#24 imamumto3

Posted 12 November 2012 - 04:50 PM

they were being minded at our house, not at mils, so I can't really say Nannys house, Nannys rules.  

I usually try and bath the kids before they are baby sat, but it was impossible yesterday.

#25 MeHeNDa3

Posted 12 November 2012 - 05:42 PM

Way OTT.

My MIL dished out a punishment on my DS2 once when he was 2.5 that DH and I both thought was OTT. We were all very close and couldn't believe she would be so harsh. MIL still stands by her punishment, and has chosen to not see our DS barring about 10 times in the last 4 years. I hope your MIL is far less stubborn!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Show us your DUPLO creations to win!

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Anti-vaccination mum's seven children contract whooping cough

A Canadian woman who had declined to have her children immunised against pertussis, better known as whooping cough, has changed her position now that all seven of her children have come down with the disease.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

Show us your toddlers LEGO DUPLO creations

We love to see the cool creations kids build when they play with LEGO DUPLO. Enter and share a picture of your childs creation for a chance to WIN 1 of 10 LEGO DUPLO prize packs worth over $100 each.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.