Jump to content

Neighbour's conversation this morning
Warning *Mentions sexual assault* ...What would you do?


  • Please log in to reply
36 replies to this topic

#1 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:33 AM

deleted

Edited by pajanimal, 24 February 2014 - 03:57 PM.


#2 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:36 AM

His problem, not yours.

#3 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

.

Edited by pajanimal, 24 February 2014 - 03:57 PM.


#4 beccajayne

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:40 AM

Seems a bit strange your neighbors behavior but I think you were right with your first impulse, it was a stranger.
Maybe your neighbor is having a bad day which could explain his behavior.

Just keep an eye out next time and try to get a good look at the car if you see it again.

#5 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:41 AM

QUOTE (pajanimal @ 12/11/2012, 10:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Further to this, my husband's concern is what if it actually WAS the neighbour following me?  I can't swear to it either way.



That went through my mind too. The first wife being raped story could have been BS.

#6 Mummy Em

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

I don't know, that doesn't sit right with me either. Try not to worry about him being offended, you have explained and that is all you can do.Hopefully he will settle down and realise he is over reacting. How sure are you that it wasn't him, would you have recognised his voice?

ETA - just saw your update. My feeling is that he sounds defensive. I'd just keep your distance TBH.

Edited by Mummy Em, 12 November 2012 - 10:46 AM.


#7 Katie_bella

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.

#8 Ally'smum

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.

#9 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

Because it was pouring with rain, the driver was behind me and I was puffing I actually wasn't sure it is was or wasn't him.  Only reason I thought it was a stranger was because he kind of sped off when I stopped at the milk bar which seemed really strange.   The car was similar, but it was a very common car.

#10 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

QUOTE (loggedin @ 12/11/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.


I actually joined a gym after that so I run on a treadmill now.  I always ran the same route (not many options) at the same time (when kids were looked after) so I was highly predictable.

#11 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:48 AM

QUOTE (Katie_bella @ 12/11/2012, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.


NO WAY!!! I think he would see that as you encouraging him.

Keep your distance, he sounds weird to me.


#12 qak

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:53 AM

QUOTE (loggedin @ 12/11/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.


I think this too. Six months? It really sounds to me like it was him in the car.

#13 la di dah

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:57 AM

He sounds like he's trying to intimidate you and make you feel guilty for natural reactions so you'll give him more leeway to be creepy.

I wouldn't have any ****ing time for his bullsh*t but I wouldn't engage him. I would have given him a single level, toneless, "I'm sorry you feel that way..." and nothing more.

#14 Escapin

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:57 AM

I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.

#15 LookMumNoHands

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

That must have been really awful, and I would have felt intimidated by him this morning too.

I would not say any more to him about the matter, and I would do my best to avoid him at all costs in the future.

He sounds like a weirdo, and very creepy, whether it was him who followed you or not.

#16 rabbit hyde

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

If you inquired as to whether it was him and explained that you were concerned about appearing rude if it was.  But you couldn't see given the weather conditions, I don't understand why he felt the need to stew on it and confront you.

Also to disclose what happened to his first wife and other family is weird.

I'd just keep my distance and not bother with interacting with him unless you have too.  Making you feel guilty for being aware of your safety and doing what felt comfortable to you at the time is unnecessary.

If he pushes it again, just simply say you're sorry he's confused what you meant and leave it at that.

#17 ~Jodama_Feral~

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:05 AM

QUOTE (Katie_bella @ 12/11/2012, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.


No it isnt and dont send a letter or chocolates,if it was him him, it will send the wrong message and may encourage him, if it was him.

I would be extremely wary of him. I would be polite if I happened to see him. A 'hi, how are you' and keep walking is fine but not engage in a conversation. Sounds very odd and something about it isnt quite right.

#18 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:06 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 12/11/2012, 11:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.


I agree with this. If he has a history, police would have it on file and he may be up to his old tricks again.


#19 shanta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:07 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 12/11/2012, 10:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.



Same. It can't hurt.

#20 MaeGlyn

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:11 AM

I'd avoid him.

Maybe he wasn't following you in his car, but why would he need to tell you all that stuff that is highly personal if you don't talk much? Seems innapropriate boundaries

And projecting a bit onto you stuff.

I would feel a bit assaulted if someone told me all that stuff, and if he was following you, it would seem a bit creepy.

It could be creepy or just innapropriate but either way I'd  keep a polite outer orbit distance.

Edited by MaeGlyn, 12 November 2012 - 11:11 AM.


#21 Baggy

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

You've already apologised. I'd just leave it and keep my distance. I definitely wouldn't try to apologise with chocolates or a letter or anything like that.

#22 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:16 AM

QUOTE (pajanimal @ 12/11/2012, 11:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now I don't know what to do, if anything.   What do you think?  Am I over reacting, should I do more?


Nothing?
It sounds like a the guy just off loaded. I once broke down in the doctor's room after having a go at the receptionist and then continued to blab my whole miserable sob story out to the poor woman. It happens under extreme stress.  shrug.gif

#23 Propaganda

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

I don't think there's anything you should do. He probably was somewhat offended by you asking him if it was him, not because you did anything wrong but because of his previous experience with those kinds of situations, he was a particularly sensitive.

The disclosure of such personal information was probably not intentional, he was probably just all over the place and it slipped out. I know I go into far more detail than necessary when I'm a bit emotional.

I don't think he has a right to be aggressive, but I'd just put it down to him being in a emotionally poor place, and leave it alone. I'd just not really have much to do with them again.

#24 ComradeBob

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

You've apologised and that's all you need to do. Do not pander to his issues, when you are not in the wrong. He obviously has issues, not you, especially when you consider that this happened 6 months ago, and you had a legitimate concern that the person following you may have been up to no good. I will also say that your safety is much more important than his hurt feelings.

I also second going to the police. OK, it may not do anything. But equally, it might.

Edited by BobTheKelpie, 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM.


#25 Mummy Em

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

Another thing, what does your body do when you are around him? We teach kids to listen to their early warning signs - body hairs standintg up, jelly legs, butterflies in tummy etc - but often forget to listen to them ourselves.

Ladidah makes sense. He's trying to accuse you of creep shaming. http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-04-11/the-so...ng-is-total-bs/




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Trying to understand why your baby is upset

Working out what?s underlying your baby's fussiness can be a case of trial and error. Here are a few common causes and how you can remedy each one.

When those you love judge your parenting

In today's society, never has it been harder to parent without judgment. But what about when judgment is coming from closer to home?

Don't play the victim blame game with family violence

It's not a woman's job to teach violent men how to behave.

11 truths about having two under two

When I told my mothers? group that my husband and I had started trying for our second baby they told me I was crazy. Now I can see why.

'How do you say goodbye to someone you've only just started to get to know?'

New mum Sarah Sutton was faced with a shattering scenario no person should have to endure.

It's a ... boy! Couple welcomes son number 13

"It's a boy!" That's the phrase Kateri Schwandt has heard in labour delivery ward for the 13th time in her life.

Six reasons to go for a walk

Can't find time to get to the gym? It could be just as beneficial to put your baby in the stroller and go for a walk.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

Toddler styling

Seven things my toddler taught me about my home

My standards at home were never that high but having a two-year-old has taught me to be cool with chaos.

Australia's top baby names of 2014

The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.

How to set up the perfect nursery for your baby

You'll soon be meeting your baby, but you've got one big task to get done first: setting up a comfy, calming nursery you'll both be able to enjoy.

Childcare rebate: tougher rules for stay-at-home mums

A new form of activity testing will be introduced to ensure the highest subsidies go to parents who contribute the most to the workforce.

The women who desperately need more support in pregnancy

For women suffering from chronic morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum, pregnancy can be the roller coaster from hell.

When labour doesn't happen and you're induced

I never actually went into labour - so by 42 weeks I was booked in for induction.

Mum's grief for triplets inspires change

The death of Sophie Smith's triplet baby boys has motivated the half-marathon mother and her team to raise $1.25 million for charity.

The best advice for treating head lice

Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?

Overdue and over it

A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.

Parenting an early walker

Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.

Baby-led weaning worked for us

My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.

'Paralysed bride' becomes a mum

Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.