Jump to content

Neighbour's conversation this morning
Warning *Mentions sexual assault* ...What would you do?


  • Please log in to reply
36 replies to this topic

#1 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:33 AM

deleted

Edited by pajanimal, 24 February 2014 - 03:57 PM.


#2 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:36 AM

His problem, not yours.

#3 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

.

Edited by pajanimal, 24 February 2014 - 03:57 PM.


#4 beccajayne

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:40 AM

Seems a bit strange your neighbors behavior but I think you were right with your first impulse, it was a stranger.
Maybe your neighbor is having a bad day which could explain his behavior.

Just keep an eye out next time and try to get a good look at the car if you see it again.

#5 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:41 AM

QUOTE (pajanimal @ 12/11/2012, 10:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Further to this, my husband's concern is what if it actually WAS the neighbour following me?  I can't swear to it either way.



That went through my mind too. The first wife being raped story could have been BS.

#6 Mummy Em

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

I don't know, that doesn't sit right with me either. Try not to worry about him being offended, you have explained and that is all you can do.Hopefully he will settle down and realise he is over reacting. How sure are you that it wasn't him, would you have recognised his voice?

ETA - just saw your update. My feeling is that he sounds defensive. I'd just keep your distance TBH.

Edited by Mummy Em, 12 November 2012 - 10:46 AM.


#7 Katie_bella

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.

#8 Ally'smum

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.

#9 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

Because it was pouring with rain, the driver was behind me and I was puffing I actually wasn't sure it is was or wasn't him.  Only reason I thought it was a stranger was because he kind of sped off when I stopped at the milk bar which seemed really strange.   The car was similar, but it was a very common car.

#10 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

QUOTE (loggedin @ 12/11/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.


I actually joined a gym after that so I run on a treadmill now.  I always ran the same route (not many options) at the same time (when kids were looked after) so I was highly predictable.

#11 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:48 AM

QUOTE (Katie_bella @ 12/11/2012, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.


NO WAY!!! I think he would see that as you encouraging him.

Keep your distance, he sounds weird to me.


#12 qak

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:53 AM

QUOTE (loggedin @ 12/11/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.


I think this too. Six months? It really sounds to me like it was him in the car.

#13 la di dah

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:57 AM

He sounds like he's trying to intimidate you and make you feel guilty for natural reactions so you'll give him more leeway to be creepy.

I wouldn't have any ****ing time for his bullsh*t but I wouldn't engage him. I would have given him a single level, toneless, "I'm sorry you feel that way..." and nothing more.

#14 Escapin

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:57 AM

I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.

#15 LookMumNoHands

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

That must have been really awful, and I would have felt intimidated by him this morning too.

I would not say any more to him about the matter, and I would do my best to avoid him at all costs in the future.

He sounds like a weirdo, and very creepy, whether it was him who followed you or not.

#16 rabbit hyde

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

If you inquired as to whether it was him and explained that you were concerned about appearing rude if it was.  But you couldn't see given the weather conditions, I don't understand why he felt the need to stew on it and confront you.

Also to disclose what happened to his first wife and other family is weird.

I'd just keep my distance and not bother with interacting with him unless you have too.  Making you feel guilty for being aware of your safety and doing what felt comfortable to you at the time is unnecessary.

If he pushes it again, just simply say you're sorry he's confused what you meant and leave it at that.

#17 ~Jodama_Feral~

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:05 AM

QUOTE (Katie_bella @ 12/11/2012, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.


No it isnt and dont send a letter or chocolates,if it was him him, it will send the wrong message and may encourage him, if it was him.

I would be extremely wary of him. I would be polite if I happened to see him. A 'hi, how are you' and keep walking is fine but not engage in a conversation. Sounds very odd and something about it isnt quite right.

#18 Feral Becky

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:06 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 12/11/2012, 11:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.


I agree with this. If he has a history, police would have it on file and he may be up to his old tricks again.


#19 shanta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:07 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 12/11/2012, 10:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.



Same. It can't hurt.

#20 MaeGlyn

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:11 AM

I'd avoid him.

Maybe he wasn't following you in his car, but why would he need to tell you all that stuff that is highly personal if you don't talk much? Seems innapropriate boundaries

And projecting a bit onto you stuff.

I would feel a bit assaulted if someone told me all that stuff, and if he was following you, it would seem a bit creepy.

It could be creepy or just innapropriate but either way I'd  keep a polite outer orbit distance.

Edited by MaeGlyn, 12 November 2012 - 11:11 AM.


#21 Baggy

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

You've already apologised. I'd just leave it and keep my distance. I definitely wouldn't try to apologise with chocolates or a letter or anything like that.

#22 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:16 AM

QUOTE (pajanimal @ 12/11/2012, 11:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now I don't know what to do, if anything.   What do you think?  Am I over reacting, should I do more?


Nothing?
It sounds like a the guy just off loaded. I once broke down in the doctor's room after having a go at the receptionist and then continued to blab my whole miserable sob story out to the poor woman. It happens under extreme stress.  shrug.gif

#23 Propaganda

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

I don't think there's anything you should do. He probably was somewhat offended by you asking him if it was him, not because you did anything wrong but because of his previous experience with those kinds of situations, he was a particularly sensitive.

The disclosure of such personal information was probably not intentional, he was probably just all over the place and it slipped out. I know I go into far more detail than necessary when I'm a bit emotional.

I don't think he has a right to be aggressive, but I'd just put it down to him being in a emotionally poor place, and leave it alone. I'd just not really have much to do with them again.

#24 RedBob

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

You've apologised and that's all you need to do. Do not pander to his issues, when you are not in the wrong. He obviously has issues, not you, especially when you consider that this happened 6 months ago, and you had a legitimate concern that the person following you may have been up to no good. I will also say that your safety is much more important than his hurt feelings.

I also second going to the police. OK, it may not do anything. But equally, it might.

Edited by BobTheKelpie, 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM.


#25 Mummy Em

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

Another thing, what does your body do when you are around him? We teach kids to listen to their early warning signs - body hairs standintg up, jelly legs, butterflies in tummy etc - but often forget to listen to them ourselves.

Ladidah makes sense. He's trying to accuse you of creep shaming. http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-04-11/the-so...ng-is-total-bs/




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Mums reveal their nappy bag essentials

Ever wondered what other mums carry in their nappy bags? We have, so we asked mums to tell us their must-have nappy bag items.

Toddler died because he wasn't given antibiotics soon enough

A 15-month-old boy would almost certainly be alive today if doctors had given him antibiotics sooner, a coroner has ruled.

VIDEO: moment a toddler falls on to train tracks in Melbourne

Shocking footage has emerged capturing the moment a pram carrying a toddler rolled off a platform and onto train tracks in suburban Melbourne.

Sold on natural birth? Read the fine print

In the excitement and anticipation of a first pregnancy, I ignored the fine print: some women, some of the time.

Child with alcoholic mum who drank while pregnant won't win pay-out

A young child is not entitled to criminal injuries compensation after her mother drank excessively while pregnant.

Superbugs killing India's babies, posing wider threat

A deadly epidemic that could have global implications is quietly sweeping India, tens of thousands of newborns dying because antibiotics no longer work.

Can you teach a toddler to sleep in?

Parents share their tips on getting their early risers to sleep in, even for just a little bit longer.

Keeping your relationship on track as new parents

About 70 per cent of couples experience a slump in their relationship within three years of having a baby. Here's how we tried to get back on track.

America's favourite baby names of 2014

Americans are turning to television, Netflix and sports for ideas for what to name their wee ones.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.