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Neighbour's conversation this morning
Warning *Mentions sexual assault* ...What would you do?


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36 replies to this topic

#1 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:33 AM

deleted

Edited by pajanimal, 24 February 2014 - 03:57 PM.


#2 Becky Thatcher

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:36 AM

His problem, not yours.

#3 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

.

Edited by pajanimal, 24 February 2014 - 03:57 PM.


#4 beccajayne

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:40 AM

Seems a bit strange your neighbors behavior but I think you were right with your first impulse, it was a stranger.
Maybe your neighbor is having a bad day which could explain his behavior.

Just keep an eye out next time and try to get a good look at the car if you see it again.

#5 Becky Thatcher

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:41 AM

QUOTE (pajanimal @ 12/11/2012, 10:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Further to this, my husband's concern is what if it actually WAS the neighbour following me?  I can't swear to it either way.



That went through my mind too. The first wife being raped story could have been BS.

#6 Mummy Em

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:42 AM

I don't know, that doesn't sit right with me either. Try not to worry about him being offended, you have explained and that is all you can do.Hopefully he will settle down and realise he is over reacting. How sure are you that it wasn't him, would you have recognised his voice?

ETA - just saw your update. My feeling is that he sounds defensive. I'd just keep your distance TBH.

Edited by Mummy Em, 12 November 2012 - 10:46 AM.


#7 Katie_bella

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:43 AM

How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.

#8 Ally'smum

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.

#9 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

Because it was pouring with rain, the driver was behind me and I was puffing I actually wasn't sure it is was or wasn't him.  Only reason I thought it was a stranger was because he kind of sped off when I stopped at the milk bar which seemed really strange.   The car was similar, but it was a very common car.

#10 brownowl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

QUOTE (loggedin @ 12/11/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.


I actually joined a gym after that so I run on a treadmill now.  I always ran the same route (not many options) at the same time (when kids were looked after) so I was highly predictable.

#11 Becky Thatcher

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:48 AM

QUOTE (Katie_bella @ 12/11/2012, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.


NO WAY!!! I think he would see that as you encouraging him.

Keep your distance, he sounds weird to me.


#12 qak

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:53 AM

QUOTE (loggedin @ 12/11/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.


I think this too. Six months? It really sounds to me like it was him in the car.

#13 la di dah

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:57 AM

He sounds like he's trying to intimidate you and make you feel guilty for natural reactions so you'll give him more leeway to be creepy.

I wouldn't have any ****ing time for his bullsh*t but I wouldn't engage him. I would have given him a single level, toneless, "I'm sorry you feel that way..." and nothing more.

#14 Escapin

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:57 AM

I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.

#15 LookMumNoHands

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:02 AM

That must have been really awful, and I would have felt intimidated by him this morning too.

I would not say any more to him about the matter, and I would do my best to avoid him at all costs in the future.

He sounds like a weirdo, and very creepy, whether it was him who followed you or not.

#16 rabbit hyde

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

If you inquired as to whether it was him and explained that you were concerned about appearing rude if it was.  But you couldn't see given the weather conditions, I don't understand why he felt the need to stew on it and confront you.

Also to disclose what happened to his first wife and other family is weird.

I'd just keep my distance and not bother with interacting with him unless you have too.  Making you feel guilty for being aware of your safety and doing what felt comfortable to you at the time is unnecessary.

If he pushes it again, just simply say you're sorry he's confused what you meant and leave it at that.

#17 ~Jodama~

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:05 AM

QUOTE (Katie_bella @ 12/11/2012, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.


No it isnt and dont send a letter or chocolates,if it was him him, it will send the wrong message and may encourage him, if it was him.

I would be extremely wary of him. I would be polite if I happened to see him. A 'hi, how are you' and keep walking is fine but not engage in a conversation. Sounds very odd and something about it isnt quite right.

#18 Becky Thatcher

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:06 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 12/11/2012, 11:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.


I agree with this. If he has a history, police would have it on file and he may be up to his old tricks again.


#19 shanta

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:07 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 12/11/2012, 10:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I all sounds VERY odd. I'd stay well away. In fact, I'd almost consider making a police report re both incidents, just in case there's more to this than you know.



Same. It can't hurt.

#20 MaeGlyn

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:11 AM

I'd avoid him.

Maybe he wasn't following you in his car, but why would he need to tell you all that stuff that is highly personal if you don't talk much? Seems innapropriate boundaries

And projecting a bit onto you stuff.

I would feel a bit assaulted if someone told me all that stuff, and if he was following you, it would seem a bit creepy.

It could be creepy or just innapropriate but either way I'd  keep a polite outer orbit distance.

Edited by MaeGlyn, 12 November 2012 - 11:11 AM.


#21 Baggy

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

You've already apologised. I'd just leave it and keep my distance. I definitely wouldn't try to apologise with chocolates or a letter or anything like that.

#22 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:16 AM

QUOTE (pajanimal @ 12/11/2012, 11:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now I don't know what to do, if anything.   What do you think?  Am I over reacting, should I do more?


Nothing?
It sounds like a the guy just off loaded. I once broke down in the doctor's room after having a go at the receptionist and then continued to blab my whole miserable sob story out to the poor woman. It happens under extreme stress.  shrug.gif

#23 Propaganda

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

I don't think there's anything you should do. He probably was somewhat offended by you asking him if it was him, not because you did anything wrong but because of his previous experience with those kinds of situations, he was a particularly sensitive.

The disclosure of such personal information was probably not intentional, he was probably just all over the place and it slipped out. I know I go into far more detail than necessary when I'm a bit emotional.

I don't think he has a right to be aggressive, but I'd just put it down to him being in a emotionally poor place, and leave it alone. I'd just not really have much to do with them again.

#24 BobTony

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

You've apologised and that's all you need to do. Do not pander to his issues, when you are not in the wrong. He obviously has issues, not you, especially when you consider that this happened 6 months ago, and you had a legitimate concern that the person following you may have been up to no good. I will also say that your safety is much more important than his hurt feelings.

I also second going to the police. OK, it may not do anything. But equally, it might.

Edited by BobTheKelpie, 12 November 2012 - 11:18 AM.


#25 Mummy Em

Posted 12 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

Another thing, what does your body do when you are around him? We teach kids to listen to their early warning signs - body hairs standintg up, jelly legs, butterflies in tummy etc - but often forget to listen to them ourselves.

Ladidah makes sense. He's trying to accuse you of creep shaming. http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-04-11/the-so...ng-is-total-bs/




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