Jump to content

3.5yr old not coping with newborn


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 Impatientmummy

Posted 10 November 2012 - 10:46 AM

DS is 3.5yrs, DD is 7.5 weeks. At first we thought he had taken being big brother in his stride, fast forward 2 weeks & we start getting some poo accidents, didn't make a fuss as I have heard of this being a big area they regress in after a new baby. A few weeks of rewarding poo's on toilet & getting his old potty back out so its easier to go & he was preferring the big toilet no issues, still an occasional accident but not one everyday so thought things were getting better until last night when we had a big oh sh*t hes not coping moment! He asked for a bottle when it was bed time, he has not had one since he was 21 months! When we went through that with him & hes a big boy he started telling us no hes not a big boy hes a little boy sad.gif It broke my heart to see him saying this & getting upset about being a big boy, I tried asking him why he wants to be a little boy but he wouldn't answer. I have had a rough few weeks of DD not sleeping very well through the day or growth spurts so just wanting to feed, I have a feeling me being with her so much is what has brought this about, so my question is what can we do to help him get passed this? He dotes on her most the time, will pat her when she gets upset, gives her a dummy, snuggles in bed of a morning, tells us he loves her. Its hard to spend 1 on 1 time with him as DH works quiet a bit as we are self employed but I'm guessing I really need to find a way to do it. I would love to hear others thoughts on how we can help him adjust, he is at daycare 3 days a week & he had 2 accidents on Friday (which he hasn't had an accident there for a long time) they rang me about it because it was so out of character, I'm going to have a chat to his room leader so they know whats happening & I was thinking of asking if they can maybe do some kind of activity about how being a big brother or sister is good, maybe they can share stories of their new siblings? Any ideas, I'm just feeling so lost & upset that he is feeling like this sad.gif

#2 Wyn99

Posted 10 November 2012 - 01:53 PM

Hi, can you find some time to take DS out without your baby? Do you have relative or friend who can watch bub while you and DS have 'special time' - even if it's only 1/2 hr? I understand it's hard but it sounds like he sees bub getting all your attention (whereas previously he got it) and is regressing a little. Also is he involved? ie. he can help getting nappies/wipes etc and you can say 'thank you' from baby.. so he feels important and appreciates being a 'big boy'. Good luck.

#3 Baggy

Posted 10 November 2012 - 02:33 PM

DD was 2.5 when I had DD2.

We went through something similar for a while. DD would get jealous of her sister and would tell me to take her back to the hospital. It didn't last long luckily.

We praised her when ever she would help me with her new sister (getting a bib / nappy or 'shhing' her). I'd remind her what a wonderful big sister she is being. I'd try fit in lots of cuddles with her whenever possible. I'd remind her of all the things she can do now she is big 'Seeing as you are such a big girl now - lets bake some cakes together'. I'd try to squeeze in as much one on one time as possible (usually while DD2 was napping).

DD got a bit upset that she had to go to daycare while I was at home with her new sister. So I would try to turn it around and ask if she's like to show off her sister to her friends at drop off and pick up? All the little ones would crowd around and she got to declare that it was her new special sister. I'd tell her that I'm only leaving to do boring things, and her sister is going home to sleep, but she gets to stay and play fun games with her friends!

Also, when trying to settle DD2, I'd get DD to sing her a song. When DD2 would finally fall asleep, I'd tell her that it must have been her wonderful singing that got her sister to sleep and I couldn't have possibly done it without her.   wink.gif  
She'd always be very proud of herself.  

Now DD is 4 years old and DD2 is almost 20months. When ever DD2 hurts herself or gets upset - she always calms down when DD sings to her. It really is so sweet to watch. While they still have their arguments they get on the majority of the time.

#4 poss71

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:57 PM

Mine were closer together in age, but same issues of splitting attention between the two.

There were times when DD2 was crying and so was DD1, where I'd say "DD2, it's DD1's turn for a cuddle right now. You need to wait your turn." My theory was a 3 week old isn't going to be bothered by being left for half a minute while the older one is given a cuddle, but it helped the older one immensely. She continued to feel important and attended to.  I would also give her cuddles with one arm as she sat next to me while I fed DD2.

HTH

#5 Impatientmummy

Posted 10 November 2012 - 10:32 PM

Thanks for the replies. So far everything is pointing towards what I was thinking, DH is home by 3.30pm tomorrow so he is going to have DD while me & DS do something special together which is probably going to become an every Sunday thing original.gif Unforatuanatley (or not depends who were talking about) we have no immediate family other that BIL who would not be up for a 7 week old, hes great when they are older though original.gif I started today getting him to come help change nappies, didnt think he'd be interested but he was! He helped pull pants off, spray the cloth so it was wet to wipe & put socks on original.gif DD had a 1.5hr nap today so we played cars, even kept playing while I fed when she woke up so he was happy to tell Daddy about that when he came home. He was a lot better come bedtime tonight original.gif He has a few days not wanting to go to daycare, sometimes its more he doesnt want to stop playing, Ivee been to scared to play the show off your sister card incase it makes it worse, I will try it at least next time & see, even saying we are only doing boring things may work (although he did call our bluff one day when we said he had to stay in his room were werent prepared for 'ok' lol).

#6 Natttmumm

Posted 11 November 2012 - 05:08 PM

I think you are doing all the right things to help him adjust. When we had DD2 we were lucky DD1 who was nearly 2 seemed fine except for a few days at the beginning where she wanted the bottle, wrap, capsule, dummy etc. after battling her for a few hours we just gave in and let her have all those things. Once she realized she could have them she didn't a want them anymore. She drank a few sips from a bottle of formula and said yuk. She sat in the capsule for a while and then forgot about it.
It soon all passed! Now DD2 is 3 and DD1 just loves her to bits. This phase for your DS will pass once the baby settles in a bit more.
We have number 3 on the way and I think DD2 might react the same way as she has been the baby for 3 years.  It takes time to readjust where everyone fits in the family.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Why are there so few sexy maternity bras?

Rather than feeling ashamed of their post-baby bodies, women should be free to buy lingerie that makes them look attractive and pretty - no matter what stage of life they're in.

Toddler Alliyah one step closer to first trip home

She has lived the first 14 months of her life in a hospital intensive care unit, but Alliyah Broadby's parents hope to finally take their little girl home with them.

'Put people before IVF profits': IVF pioneer Alan Trounson

IVF could be done for hundreds of dollars in Australia instead of $8500 if clinics stopped charging what ''the market will handle'', a pioneer of the technology says.

Expectant parents urged to swap the pub for bub

Nearly one in five women drink while pregnant, but a current campaign is trying to drive down that unhealthy statistic.

Nutella supplies threatened by bad weather

There's bad news for fans of Nutella, the gooey, chocolatey hazelnut spread.

The cost of growing your own vegies

Does it make financial sense to grow your own veggies, or are you better off ordering produce from the local food co-op?

Breastfeeding mums less likely to suffer from PND, but all need support

A new study has shown the a complex relationship between a mother?s intention to breastfeed, her ability to do so, and postnatal depression.

The #loveyourlines Instagram account taking on body issues

A new Instagram account, LoveYourLines, has put the call out for to change the way we view stretch marks.

Mum gets diploma 51 years after being thrown out of school over pregnancy

Sandra Lantz was about six months pregnant and four months from graduation when she was forced to leave high school. Now, more than half a century later, she has finally graduated.

The lowdown on male midwives

How would you feel about having a male midwife assist your baby's birth? For a growing number of mums, the idea is a reality - and the experts all agree that it's something that should be encouraged.

Bomb threat at daycare centre

Worried parents took to social media yesterday after their children's daycare was evacuated due to a bomb threat.

Unusual celebrity baby names

Celebrities love to use their imaginations when it comes to naming their kids! Here's a gallery of some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.

5 fears I've overcome since becoming a mum

Motherhood has a way of putting any phobias you had pre-parenthood into perspective: you either realise they?re a pointless waste of energy or they simply vanish in a sleep-deprived haze.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Going viral

Mum gives birth at school

A video of a three-year-old taking the ice bucket challenge has gone viral, but many aren't impressed.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.