Jump to content

New group of girlfriends
But the dynamic might be wrong


  • Please log in to reply
48 replies to this topic

#1 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:25 PM

Hi all,
I'm not really sure how to exactly word this but I have a small dilemma.

I have been getting together with a new group of lovely ladies and their kids and we have met up a few times and on the whole we all get along and can have a bit of a laugh etc but there is this one girl (who I will call 'J') who doesn't seem to be clicking quite right.

I basically had some of the ladies over today and I bought out a nice bottle of bubbly for us to share along with some nibbles. We finished the bottle and thought we would then casually move onto coffee but J then decided to head down the street to pick up some more. I thought 'righto, I'll just roll with this' but this second bottle basically ended up being her demise and everything snowballed form there.

The were some pretty wild comments made from J about certain things and the afternoon ended with her clambering all over my husband when he arrived home and me driving her and her young DD home as she was in no state to operate a vehicle.

I feel for J as I think there are some deep seated issues in her life but I'm just not sure if I can take on her on?

#2 Awesome101

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:40 PM

A group of you against one of her and yet you all did what she wanted instead of what the rest of you wanted? Simple, just say "no thanks" to the second bottle and have your coffee.

#3 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:44 PM

Were you fit to drive, OP?

#4 TheGreenSheep

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

What did she say exactly? Surely if she drive there, she had to think about staying under the limit to drive her DD home.
And what did your DH make of it? (I'd be none too impressed by that) and what did your other friends make of it?


#5 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

I was totally fine to drive. I had 2 glasses over a 5 hour period so I was fine.

I'm not sure what her thought pattern was in terms of getting herself home? That's a very good question. DH was giggling like a school girl when she was mauling him but then later confessed he was a little uncomfortable about it.

She was arguing a point with another lady about the difference between 'getting' a child to hold their urine intake when toilet training and she was also quite rude when she tried to give a little boy a flower (there were 5 girls and 1 boy) and he said no. She was banging on about gender stereotype and the like.


#6 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:04 PM

Does she have a hubby OP?

#7 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

She's got a partner. She met him 4 months before she got pregnant. He's a little older than her (he's 60 and she's 36) and they do sleep in separate bedrooms and she also confessed she's in a 'sexless' relationship.

It just seems that this is alot to take on in a new group?

I know the other 2 ladies were a bit taken back by her. As one of them was leaving, J ran across the road, stole some flowers from my neighbors garden and proceeded to give them to the 2 little girls as they were being loaded into the car. It was lucky that one of the other ladies was there to intervene and 'shoo' the swarm of bees that were still attached to the flowers at the time......

Edited by blondie82, 09 November 2012 - 09:14 PM.


#8 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:19 PM

She sounds like a nutter, TBH

#9 EsmeLennox

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:25 PM

I think it sounds like she's deeply unhappy, and perhaps a bit desperate for friends she can reach out to. do you know if she has much of a social circle or family otherwise? If she doesn't it might be that she is unloading on you guys becaus she doesn't have anyone else.

That said, I wouldn't be impressed with her behaviour around your DH, even if it can be put down to drinking too much. I would also cringe at the irresponsibility with drinking when she knew she had to pick up her child.

Only you will know if you can be a friend to her, I think I would find it difficult.

#10 kidwrangler

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

Seems to me like she needed to blow off some steam and made a stupid mistake. All the mentioned behaviour occurred after she'd had too much to drink didn't it? I'm not sure it's fair to hold it against her. We've all made silly mistakes.

It is a bit sad that she wasn't able to think about her children and moderate herself. Again, possibly a one-off silly mistake. She may be too embarrassed to hang out with you again anyway.

Hopefully, you can give her the benefit of the doubt, not place too much judgement and be a real friend who supports someone if they need help... your post does sound like you are asking permission to cut her out of the group though. Maybe she felt out of place and judged so had too many drinks to get past it?

#11 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 November 2012 - 07:21 AM

Well in the light of day she may be embarrassed by her behaviour. I'd be worried if she wasn't at all.

I guess it is up to you if you want to keep in touch with her. I'm sure if you were able to roll with it then so can your friends. So if there is alcohol around every time and she gets legless and argumentative then Id slowly back away. Goodluck!

#12 claptrap

Posted 10 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

Jemstar, Kidwrangler ; what lovely people you both seem to be.  Your posts seem full of compassion.

I agree, sounds like she isn't terribly happy to be behaving like that.
OP it depends on the background and how you've met this group and whether they travel in a pack IYKWIM.  I think I would be keeping an open mind but be a little cautious of enmeshing my whole life with the group (or with her) too quickly.  GreenSheep's recommendation is spot on.

#13 Therese

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:48 AM

I am guessing she would be embarrassed too. If this is the first time it has happened I think I would just put it down to one of those things that can happen when too much alcohol is involved wink.gif

Of course if it continues to happen then it's probably worth distancing yourself from her but from what you have said I don't think I would be doing that right now.

#14 3plusme

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:17 PM

I think "j" was in the wrong.  She was at someone's house with a responsibility to look after her  own daughter.  Getting drunk and having to be driven home is not being a good role model or a responsible parent.

Op if you don't want that to happen again.  Don't bring out any booze!

#15 ms flib

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Give her a chance...

#16 Silly Sausages

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

I would give her another chance or maybe 2 but if she does the same thing again then that is pretty indicative of her behaviour.

#17 rainycat

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:45 PM

I feel sorry for her too.  Maybe it was just a one off and she is really embarrassed today.
Give her another chance and perhaps you could call her to see if she is okay today.

#18 mandarins

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:56 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 10/11/2012, 01:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel sorry for her too.  Maybe it was just a one off and she is really embarrassed today.
Give her another chance and perhaps you could call her to see if she is okay today.


Agree.
But if she continues to behave similar in further situations then I would distance myself.

#19 --binda--

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:57 PM

I'd feel sorry for her. Sounds like she has no real friends, and a sh*tty "partner".

#20 starfire

Posted 10 November 2012 - 02:26 PM

I'd give her one more chance.

I did something similiar once (not in a situation like this but was a new circle of friends) and it was very out of character for me (I just got carried away) and I was very embarassed by my actions when I realised the next day (while nursing a very bad hangover ph34r.gif ) and never did this again. I was very grateful that the group did not judge me too harshly by my behaviour. blush.gif

Give her a ring and see how she is going. If she does do this again on more than one other occassion, maybe give her the flick as it would indicate more than just an one off incident.

#21 Coffeegirl

Posted 10 November 2012 - 04:02 PM

QUOTE (blondie82 @ 09/11/2012, 10:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She's got a partner. She met him 4 months before she got pregnant. He's a little older than her (he's 60 and she's 36) and they do sleep in separate bedrooms and she also confessed she's in a 'sexless' relationship.



QUOTE (--binda-- @ 10/11/2012, 01:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd feel sorry for her. Sounds like she has no real friends, and a sh*tty "partner".


How did you get sh*tty partner from that?  Because he's older?  Maybe it's her choice to have a sexless marriage and seperate bedrooms.

OP - I think you need to give her another chance.  She may just be really stressed in her personal life and needed to 'let her hair down'.  Unfortunate that it was in those circumstances.

Give her a ring and see if she's okay.  She may just need someone to talk to.

#22 Funwith3

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

Maybe she was nervous and felt the need for more alcohol so she could relax. Some people are socially inept. I wouldn't abandon her just because she had a bad episode and made a silly decision to drink too much.

#23 paod

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:30 PM

This sOunds like a women I know. I have had to cut ties completely because of the bad behaviour and inappropriate conversation topics

Good luck op

#24 blondie82

Posted 11 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Just to update, I sent her a text yesterday asing if she feels better and I also thanked her for coming over etc etc. She in turn sent a long email explaining how embaressed she was and that she can't control her alcohol intake and is something she needs to work on. she also apologized for her behaviour towards my DH and she also hopes that thenother ladies don't hold her behavior against her.

She sounded very remorseful and I would imagine our next catchup will be a little uncomfortable for her but I am so glad she wrote that email.

I had no intention of 'cutting' her from the group (so to speak) immediately but did want some perspective on her behaviour and how I should handle it.

#25 His Boy Elroy

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

I would run....run for the hills OP.

We had a similar situation with a mum from school and it ended very messily.  Embarrassing us all and the school (small private school).

She had deep seeded issues and was a danger to all and sundry.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

Couple has five babies in 14 months

Julie and David Grygla weren't sure they'd ever have kids - but their dreams have now well and truly come true.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.