Jump to content

New group of girlfriends
But the dynamic might be wrong


  • Please log in to reply
48 replies to this topic

#1 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:25 PM

Hi all,
I'm not really sure how to exactly word this but I have a small dilemma.

I have been getting together with a new group of lovely ladies and their kids and we have met up a few times and on the whole we all get along and can have a bit of a laugh etc but there is this one girl (who I will call 'J') who doesn't seem to be clicking quite right.

I basically had some of the ladies over today and I bought out a nice bottle of bubbly for us to share along with some nibbles. We finished the bottle and thought we would then casually move onto coffee but J then decided to head down the street to pick up some more. I thought 'righto, I'll just roll with this' but this second bottle basically ended up being her demise and everything snowballed form there.

The were some pretty wild comments made from J about certain things and the afternoon ended with her clambering all over my husband when he arrived home and me driving her and her young DD home as she was in no state to operate a vehicle.

I feel for J as I think there are some deep seated issues in her life but I'm just not sure if I can take on her on?

#2 Awesome101

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:40 PM

A group of you against one of her and yet you all did what she wanted instead of what the rest of you wanted? Simple, just say "no thanks" to the second bottle and have your coffee.

#3 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:44 PM

Were you fit to drive, OP?

#4 TheGreenSheep

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

What did she say exactly? Surely if she drive there, she had to think about staying under the limit to drive her DD home.
And what did your DH make of it? (I'd be none too impressed by that) and what did your other friends make of it?


#5 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

I was totally fine to drive. I had 2 glasses over a 5 hour period so I was fine.

I'm not sure what her thought pattern was in terms of getting herself home? That's a very good question. DH was giggling like a school girl when she was mauling him but then later confessed he was a little uncomfortable about it.

She was arguing a point with another lady about the difference between 'getting' a child to hold their urine intake when toilet training and she was also quite rude when she tried to give a little boy a flower (there were 5 girls and 1 boy) and he said no. She was banging on about gender stereotype and the like.


#6 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:04 PM

Does she have a hubby OP?

#7 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

She's got a partner. She met him 4 months before she got pregnant. He's a little older than her (he's 60 and she's 36) and they do sleep in separate bedrooms and she also confessed she's in a 'sexless' relationship.

It just seems that this is alot to take on in a new group?

I know the other 2 ladies were a bit taken back by her. As one of them was leaving, J ran across the road, stole some flowers from my neighbors garden and proceeded to give them to the 2 little girls as they were being loaded into the car. It was lucky that one of the other ladies was there to intervene and 'shoo' the swarm of bees that were still attached to the flowers at the time......

Edited by blondie82, 09 November 2012 - 09:14 PM.


#8 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:19 PM

She sounds like a nutter, TBH

#9 EsmeLennox

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:25 PM

I think it sounds like she's deeply unhappy, and perhaps a bit desperate for friends she can reach out to. do you know if she has much of a social circle or family otherwise? If she doesn't it might be that she is unloading on you guys becaus she doesn't have anyone else.

That said, I wouldn't be impressed with her behaviour around your DH, even if it can be put down to drinking too much. I would also cringe at the irresponsibility with drinking when she knew she had to pick up her child.

Only you will know if you can be a friend to her, I think I would find it difficult.

#10 kidwrangler

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

Seems to me like she needed to blow off some steam and made a stupid mistake. All the mentioned behaviour occurred after she'd had too much to drink didn't it? I'm not sure it's fair to hold it against her. We've all made silly mistakes.

It is a bit sad that she wasn't able to think about her children and moderate herself. Again, possibly a one-off silly mistake. She may be too embarrassed to hang out with you again anyway.

Hopefully, you can give her the benefit of the doubt, not place too much judgement and be a real friend who supports someone if they need help... your post does sound like you are asking permission to cut her out of the group though. Maybe she felt out of place and judged so had too many drinks to get past it?

#11 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 November 2012 - 07:21 AM

Well in the light of day she may be embarrassed by her behaviour. I'd be worried if she wasn't at all.

I guess it is up to you if you want to keep in touch with her. I'm sure if you were able to roll with it then so can your friends. So if there is alcohol around every time and she gets legless and argumentative then Id slowly back away. Goodluck!

#12 claptrap

Posted 10 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

Jemstar, Kidwrangler ; what lovely people you both seem to be.  Your posts seem full of compassion.

I agree, sounds like she isn't terribly happy to be behaving like that.
OP it depends on the background and how you've met this group and whether they travel in a pack IYKWIM.  I think I would be keeping an open mind but be a little cautious of enmeshing my whole life with the group (or with her) too quickly.  GreenSheep's recommendation is spot on.

#13 Therese

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:48 AM

I am guessing she would be embarrassed too. If this is the first time it has happened I think I would just put it down to one of those things that can happen when too much alcohol is involved wink.gif

Of course if it continues to happen then it's probably worth distancing yourself from her but from what you have said I don't think I would be doing that right now.

#14 3plusme

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:17 PM

I think "j" was in the wrong.  She was at someone's house with a responsibility to look after her  own daughter.  Getting drunk and having to be driven home is not being a good role model or a responsible parent.

Op if you don't want that to happen again.  Don't bring out any booze!

#15 ms flib

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Give her a chance...

#16 Silly Sausages

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

I would give her another chance or maybe 2 but if she does the same thing again then that is pretty indicative of her behaviour.

#17 rainycat

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:45 PM

I feel sorry for her too.  Maybe it was just a one off and she is really embarrassed today.
Give her another chance and perhaps you could call her to see if she is okay today.

#18 mandarins

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:56 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 10/11/2012, 01:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel sorry for her too.  Maybe it was just a one off and she is really embarrassed today.
Give her another chance and perhaps you could call her to see if she is okay today.


Agree.
But if she continues to behave similar in further situations then I would distance myself.

#19 --binda--

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:57 PM

I'd feel sorry for her. Sounds like she has no real friends, and a sh*tty "partner".

#20 starfire

Posted 10 November 2012 - 02:26 PM

I'd give her one more chance.

I did something similiar once (not in a situation like this but was a new circle of friends) and it was very out of character for me (I just got carried away) and I was very embarassed by my actions when I realised the next day (while nursing a very bad hangover ph34r.gif ) and never did this again. I was very grateful that the group did not judge me too harshly by my behaviour. blush.gif

Give her a ring and see how she is going. If she does do this again on more than one other occassion, maybe give her the flick as it would indicate more than just an one off incident.

#21 Coffeegirl

Posted 10 November 2012 - 04:02 PM

QUOTE (blondie82 @ 09/11/2012, 10:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She's got a partner. She met him 4 months before she got pregnant. He's a little older than her (he's 60 and she's 36) and they do sleep in separate bedrooms and she also confessed she's in a 'sexless' relationship.



QUOTE (--binda-- @ 10/11/2012, 01:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd feel sorry for her. Sounds like she has no real friends, and a sh*tty "partner".


How did you get sh*tty partner from that?  Because he's older?  Maybe it's her choice to have a sexless marriage and seperate bedrooms.

OP - I think you need to give her another chance.  She may just be really stressed in her personal life and needed to 'let her hair down'.  Unfortunate that it was in those circumstances.

Give her a ring and see if she's okay.  She may just need someone to talk to.

#22 Funwith3

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

Maybe she was nervous and felt the need for more alcohol so she could relax. Some people are socially inept. I wouldn't abandon her just because she had a bad episode and made a silly decision to drink too much.

#23 paod

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:30 PM

This sOunds like a women I know. I have had to cut ties completely because of the bad behaviour and inappropriate conversation topics

Good luck op

#24 blondie82

Posted 11 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Just to update, I sent her a text yesterday asing if she feels better and I also thanked her for coming over etc etc. She in turn sent a long email explaining how embaressed she was and that she can't control her alcohol intake and is something she needs to work on. she also apologized for her behaviour towards my DH and she also hopes that thenother ladies don't hold her behavior against her.

She sounded very remorseful and I would imagine our next catchup will be a little uncomfortable for her but I am so glad she wrote that email.

I had no intention of 'cutting' her from the group (so to speak) immediately but did want some perspective on her behaviour and how I should handle it.

#25 His Boy Elroy

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

I would run....run for the hills OP.

We had a similar situation with a mum from school and it ended very messily.  Embarrassing us all and the school (small private school).

She had deep seeded issues and was a danger to all and sundry.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Christa Engles was changing her baby's nappy when tragedy struck.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.