Jump to content

New group of girlfriends
But the dynamic might be wrong


  • Please log in to reply
48 replies to this topic

#1 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:25 PM

Hi all,
I'm not really sure how to exactly word this but I have a small dilemma.

I have been getting together with a new group of lovely ladies and their kids and we have met up a few times and on the whole we all get along and can have a bit of a laugh etc but there is this one girl (who I will call 'J') who doesn't seem to be clicking quite right.

I basically had some of the ladies over today and I bought out a nice bottle of bubbly for us to share along with some nibbles. We finished the bottle and thought we would then casually move onto coffee but J then decided to head down the street to pick up some more. I thought 'righto, I'll just roll with this' but this second bottle basically ended up being her demise and everything snowballed form there.

The were some pretty wild comments made from J about certain things and the afternoon ended with her clambering all over my husband when he arrived home and me driving her and her young DD home as she was in no state to operate a vehicle.

I feel for J as I think there are some deep seated issues in her life but I'm just not sure if I can take on her on?

#2 Awesome101

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:40 PM

A group of you against one of her and yet you all did what she wanted instead of what the rest of you wanted? Simple, just say "no thanks" to the second bottle and have your coffee.

#3 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:44 PM

Were you fit to drive, OP?

#4 TheGreenSheep

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

What did she say exactly? Surely if she drive there, she had to think about staying under the limit to drive her DD home.
And what did your DH make of it? (I'd be none too impressed by that) and what did your other friends make of it?


#5 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:00 PM

I was totally fine to drive. I had 2 glasses over a 5 hour period so I was fine.

I'm not sure what her thought pattern was in terms of getting herself home? That's a very good question. DH was giggling like a school girl when she was mauling him but then later confessed he was a little uncomfortable about it.

She was arguing a point with another lady about the difference between 'getting' a child to hold their urine intake when toilet training and she was also quite rude when she tried to give a little boy a flower (there were 5 girls and 1 boy) and he said no. She was banging on about gender stereotype and the like.


#6 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:04 PM

Does she have a hubby OP?

#7 blondie82

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:13 PM

She's got a partner. She met him 4 months before she got pregnant. He's a little older than her (he's 60 and she's 36) and they do sleep in separate bedrooms and she also confessed she's in a 'sexless' relationship.

It just seems that this is alot to take on in a new group?

I know the other 2 ladies were a bit taken back by her. As one of them was leaving, J ran across the road, stole some flowers from my neighbors garden and proceeded to give them to the 2 little girls as they were being loaded into the car. It was lucky that one of the other ladies was there to intervene and 'shoo' the swarm of bees that were still attached to the flowers at the time......

Edited by blondie82, 09 November 2012 - 09:14 PM.


#8 Feral Becky

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:19 PM

She sounds like a nutter, TBH

#9 EsmeLennox

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:25 PM

I think it sounds like she's deeply unhappy, and perhaps a bit desperate for friends she can reach out to. do you know if she has much of a social circle or family otherwise? If she doesn't it might be that she is unloading on you guys becaus she doesn't have anyone else.

That said, I wouldn't be impressed with her behaviour around your DH, even if it can be put down to drinking too much. I would also cringe at the irresponsibility with drinking when she knew she had to pick up her child.

Only you will know if you can be a friend to her, I think I would find it difficult.

#10 kidwrangler

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

Seems to me like she needed to blow off some steam and made a stupid mistake. All the mentioned behaviour occurred after she'd had too much to drink didn't it? I'm not sure it's fair to hold it against her. We've all made silly mistakes.

It is a bit sad that she wasn't able to think about her children and moderate herself. Again, possibly a one-off silly mistake. She may be too embarrassed to hang out with you again anyway.

Hopefully, you can give her the benefit of the doubt, not place too much judgement and be a real friend who supports someone if they need help... your post does sound like you are asking permission to cut her out of the group though. Maybe she felt out of place and judged so had too many drinks to get past it?

#11 TheGreenSheep

Posted 10 November 2012 - 07:21 AM

Well in the light of day she may be embarrassed by her behaviour. I'd be worried if she wasn't at all.

I guess it is up to you if you want to keep in touch with her. I'm sure if you were able to roll with it then so can your friends. So if there is alcohol around every time and she gets legless and argumentative then Id slowly back away. Goodluck!

#12 claptrap

Posted 10 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

Jemstar, Kidwrangler ; what lovely people you both seem to be.  Your posts seem full of compassion.

I agree, sounds like she isn't terribly happy to be behaving like that.
OP it depends on the background and how you've met this group and whether they travel in a pack IYKWIM.  I think I would be keeping an open mind but be a little cautious of enmeshing my whole life with the group (or with her) too quickly.  GreenSheep's recommendation is spot on.

#13 Therese

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:48 AM

I am guessing she would be embarrassed too. If this is the first time it has happened I think I would just put it down to one of those things that can happen when too much alcohol is involved wink.gif

Of course if it continues to happen then it's probably worth distancing yourself from her but from what you have said I don't think I would be doing that right now.

#14 3plusme

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:17 PM

I think "j" was in the wrong.  She was at someone's house with a responsibility to look after her  own daughter.  Getting drunk and having to be driven home is not being a good role model or a responsible parent.

Op if you don't want that to happen again.  Don't bring out any booze!

#15 ms flib

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:23 PM

Give her a chance...

#16 Silly Sausages

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

I would give her another chance or maybe 2 but if she does the same thing again then that is pretty indicative of her behaviour.

#17 rainycat

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:45 PM

I feel sorry for her too.  Maybe it was just a one off and she is really embarrassed today.
Give her another chance and perhaps you could call her to see if she is okay today.

#18 mandarins

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:56 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 10/11/2012, 01:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel sorry for her too.  Maybe it was just a one off and she is really embarrassed today.
Give her another chance and perhaps you could call her to see if she is okay today.


Agree.
But if she continues to behave similar in further situations then I would distance myself.

#19 --binda--

Posted 10 November 2012 - 12:57 PM

I'd feel sorry for her. Sounds like she has no real friends, and a sh*tty "partner".

#20 starfire

Posted 10 November 2012 - 02:26 PM

I'd give her one more chance.

I did something similiar once (not in a situation like this but was a new circle of friends) and it was very out of character for me (I just got carried away) and I was very embarassed by my actions when I realised the next day (while nursing a very bad hangover ph34r.gif ) and never did this again. I was very grateful that the group did not judge me too harshly by my behaviour. blush.gif

Give her a ring and see how she is going. If she does do this again on more than one other occassion, maybe give her the flick as it would indicate more than just an one off incident.

#21 Coffeegirl

Posted 10 November 2012 - 04:02 PM

QUOTE (blondie82 @ 09/11/2012, 10:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She's got a partner. She met him 4 months before she got pregnant. He's a little older than her (he's 60 and she's 36) and they do sleep in separate bedrooms and she also confessed she's in a 'sexless' relationship.



QUOTE (--binda-- @ 10/11/2012, 01:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd feel sorry for her. Sounds like she has no real friends, and a sh*tty "partner".


How did you get sh*tty partner from that?  Because he's older?  Maybe it's her choice to have a sexless marriage and seperate bedrooms.

OP - I think you need to give her another chance.  She may just be really stressed in her personal life and needed to 'let her hair down'.  Unfortunate that it was in those circumstances.

Give her a ring and see if she's okay.  She may just need someone to talk to.

#22 Funwith3

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

Maybe she was nervous and felt the need for more alcohol so she could relax. Some people are socially inept. I wouldn't abandon her just because she had a bad episode and made a silly decision to drink too much.

#23 paod

Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:30 PM

This sOunds like a women I know. I have had to cut ties completely because of the bad behaviour and inappropriate conversation topics

Good luck op

#24 blondie82

Posted 11 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Just to update, I sent her a text yesterday asing if she feels better and I also thanked her for coming over etc etc. She in turn sent a long email explaining how embaressed she was and that she can't control her alcohol intake and is something she needs to work on. she also apologized for her behaviour towards my DH and she also hopes that thenother ladies don't hold her behavior against her.

She sounded very remorseful and I would imagine our next catchup will be a little uncomfortable for her but I am so glad she wrote that email.

I had no intention of 'cutting' her from the group (so to speak) immediately but did want some perspective on her behaviour and how I should handle it.

#25 His Boy Elroy

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

I would run....run for the hills OP.

We had a similar situation with a mum from school and it ended very messily.  Embarrassing us all and the school (small private school).

She had deep seeded issues and was a danger to all and sundry.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.