Jump to content

would you accept the tickets?


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Studybug

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:43 PM

HI

Story is drawn out, big fat apologies...  

I received a lovely generous offer of some movie tickets/dinner deal for DH and I plus DS being cared for whilst we're out.  Totally lovely offer that we're appreciative of.  The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Anyway, DH finds out the tickets were actually a birthday gift, we think that's an awesome birthday gift, we'd feel more comfortable facilitating the couple using them rather than taking the tickets that this week, we can't afford to cover the costs of.  (Also, I very reguarly hear of how they never get to do anything as a couple, no one will look after their kids, what makes their kids so bad no one will look after them, everyone else has support but them.  FWIW, DH and I every few months offer to babysit for them at their house, whilst they go out, but they never take us up on it.)  
So we offer to look after their children in their house, at a matinee session if they prefer (and because of a long history of knowing how the mum is with others looking after the kids) so kids will have own toys/beds for naps, can stick to own schedule, we're more flexible with only one child who we don't care if he happens to skip a nap whilst we're at their place, etc etc.

This offer is met with exasperation, and for the second time this week, the gift giver hangs up on me after getting snarky in the conversation.  

Basically, I don't want to accept the tickets due to not wanting to feel as if we owe them anything, and also feeling like/knowing the tickets will come with unintended/unwanted consequences. This person is quite self-focussed and negative, and tends to play the martyr at times.  I suspect she doesn't respect me as she tends to do things like hang up on me, and/or react quite negatively if I calmly disagree or be assertive (she's known for being domineering).  As she's family I've allowed a certain amt of it to go on to keep the peace, but for the past 6-12mths, I've reduced contact with her somewhat, and taken other steps to buffer the negativity I get from her.  Ahh, peace.

Anyway, they've gone and transferred the tickets into our names, called me and angrily said "it's done, just take the tickets" and hung up on me, again.  The tickets have to be used either tonight or tomorrow. They're not looking after DS as we've since arranged for my mum to do so as she happens to be visiting.  So now, we're in a position where if we call and say "actually, thanks but no thanks" then there will be a sh*t storm of why are we being so difficult/ungrateful, we've left it to the last minute to tell them and she'll basically be passive-aggressive for weeks, which for me, overrides the genorosity of the offer.  Or we say "thank you" (which would be genuine) and go, I'll feel uncomfortable about accepting the tickets plus feel that I've enabled her to be rude and dismissive of me, even though the original offer was received with thanks and graciousness.


So, if you're actually still with me:
What do you think?  Go or No?

Cheers.

#2 HRH Countrymel

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:46 PM

Go.

Sounds like she'll be huffy either way and this way you get to go out!

#3 Baggy

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:47 PM

You have a babysitter. Just go enjoy yourself and say thank you.

Try not to think too much into it.

#4 50ftqueenie

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:54 PM

Go and enjoy yourself. If they can't bring themselves to leave their children for a few hours that is their issue.  Next time you see them bring cake or a bottle of wine to say thanks.

#5 InsertAwesomeHere

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:56 PM

If she didn't have young kids I'd swear you were referring to my step mum.

You should go and have fun, sounds like she'll be difficult no matter what.

#6 starfire

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

Weird response on their part huh.gif

I'd just go and enjoy yourselves and not worry about feeling guilty.

You made the effort to allow them the opportunity to use their own tickets as originally intended, they said no and insisted on you using the tickets, then just go with it. Don't read too much into it.

I liked the suggestion one PP said to buy a bottle of wine or some cake as a thank you next time you see them but leave it at that. They have made their intentions very clear.

#7 kez71

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

yes, go and enjoy yourselves. Maybe get her a bunch of flowers as a thankyou!

#8 JuliaGulia

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:01 PM

Go and enjoy yourself.  Sounds like she'll be a PITA anyway, so you might as well have a good time.

ETA: And next time she complains about no-one babysitting for her, remind her that you have offered many times and been turned down.

Edited by JuliaGulia, 09 November 2012 - 03:02 PM.


#9 jennywin

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:07 PM

You could outdo her in passive-aggressive stakes buy taking the tickets very gratefully, and not using them!! Ka-pow!

#10 ReadySetRace

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:07 PM

Just go....don't think about it anymore.

I'd be exasperated to if you tried to give back a gift....don't you think she thought of asking for a babysitter for herself first? For whatever reason she's not going and doesn't want the tickets to go to waste.

Enjoy your night out - wish it was me original.gif

#11 kboomba

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:10 PM

Do her children take well to babysitters? Are they ill? Is there behind the scenes problems in the relationship, and they don't feel like going? So many things could be happening that you don't know about, so she could be completely over it all?
If you can go just go. And as a PP said, next time she complains remind her that you can babysit for her whenever she wants, and have offered lots.

I have a friend who is similar (except for the hanging up bit!). Her kids freak out when she is not there. Last time I babysat I had to call her home after about an hour (and I've known them since they were born and spend heaps of time with them). They never go out, she feels like she can't leave the kids, she feels alone as she has no reliable family around. It's really hard for her.

Just another perspective  original.gif

#12 CallMeFeral

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:12 PM

Go. Enjoy. You've tried to return the favour, they've said no - leave it at that. You'll get more flak for NOT using them.

#13 Ice Queen

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:12 PM

Take them and enjoy yourself.  

FWIW I think you just have to respect people's decision not to use babysitters.  I have a friend like this who whinges how bad her life has been since kids but she will never accept babysitting.  i offered on Melbourne Cup day, was turned down, I didnt push it and then she was whinging on FB that she 'was stuck at home'.   You cant help people like that and some people dont want to be helped.  I dont think you should have re-offered the baby-sitting if you knew they dont ever use babysitters.  I know it is hard, you want to help but it is their choice.  I have learnt with my friend to 'support' the moaning but I cant fix it or help her.  Some people wont trust others with their kids and that is their choice.  We cant judge or try and change them.  As for her not respecting you, well I wouldnt think too much into it.  She is miserable, you are happy.  

You sound like a great friend and you can look after my kids anytime while I go to the movies  biggrin.gif .

Have a great night.

Edited by Ehill, 09 November 2012 - 03:15 PM.


#14 PurpleNess

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

GO & enjoy yourself. Whatever her reason is for not wanting to go you may never know & it's not your problem ( you offered, they declined your babysitting).

So just go & send a thank you card/flowers if you like...but I wouldn't bother.....

have fun!

#15 Awesome101

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

Take them and go, buy her a bottle of wine as a thank you and then you don't owe her anything further.

#16 Anemonefish

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:15 PM

Definitely go and enjoy the evening without guilt. You have tried and she has declined your kind offer, and it sounds like she'll be annoyed if you don't go, so just do it. I agree with the idea of giving her wine/chocolate/flowers to say thanks.

#17 Phascogale

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:25 PM

Just take the tickets and have a good time.  You already have a baby sitter.  It's not as though you have to ask them.

I'm not quite sure why you kept up for so long with trying to get them to take the tickets back and use them when they wanted you to have them in the first place.  I'd have offered once or twice and when they said no to just plan to use them yourself.

Why you do you feel that you'll have to owe them?  If they are going to come with conditions then don't use them.

#18 FeralZombieMum

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:43 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 09/11/2012, 03:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Perhaps it's the gift coming from her partner that's the real issue?

Maybe she didn't appreciate the gift?
Maybe her partner had suggested it and she said she didn't want to go, but he ignored her and bought the tickets anyway?
Maybe they couldn't afford the tickets and is angry her DP wasted money? Perhaps he has done this a few times in the past, and if she used the tickets, it would be sending the wrong message to him?


Anyway, go have a great time and yes, get her a bottle of wine or something to say thank you.

#19 Studybug

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:57 PM

Thank you for the replies! Guess we'll be going wink.gif .

Just to respond to a couple of good points:

Ehill, I agree with needing to respect others' decisions about babysitters.  It's not that they never use babysitters, myself, her mum and her sisters and the grandparents on the other side have babysat before.  I do struggle with it when every few months, I get a phone call that's either angry and shouty or her in tears that no one will offer to look after her children and she just needs a break.  I know her mum doesn't offer to look after the kids, and that's hard for her, and I know that's who she wants to offer the babysitting, not us.  We've had many conversations, covering alot of angles about the babysitting, and her mum.  I guess I try to come from the point of "I know this is not the offer you wish for, but if you need it/want, we'd love to have them/we'll come over while you go out for coffee etc".  Just last weekend, we were meant to look after her daughter, but they changed their minds at the last minute and didn't tell us. But yes, I think you make a good point of shouldn't have offered again.

kboomba, thanks for the other perspective. original.gif  That would be a difficult situation for your friend.  I think it's a little different to this friend, but the similarity between them would be in feeling like there is no one to rely on and take the pressure off.

Phascogale, sorry I think I've confused you with my rambling.  I offered casually to look after the kids so they could go (as in are you sure you don't want to use the tickets? when they were originally offered) and then upon finding out re it's a bday gift and her telling me about their last outing which was disappointing, so I offered as per my OP.

ZombieMum, they're really good points.  Maybe the stress of organising babysitters outweighed the fun of going..

I generally try to be pretty empathetic to her and not take the aggression on board, but I think the couple of occasions of snarkiness and the hang ups (for completed unrelated matters) sucked up my tolerance.

DH is pretty keen to go, and suggested we pay them back somehow and just enjoy it.  So, I'm going to do as mentioned: stop overthinking it, appreciate it and have a good time.

Cheers everyone!

Edited by Studybug, 09 November 2012 - 04:05 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.