Jump to content

would you accept the tickets?


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Studybug

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:43 PM

HI

Story is drawn out, big fat apologies...  

I received a lovely generous offer of some movie tickets/dinner deal for DH and I plus DS being cared for whilst we're out.  Totally lovely offer that we're appreciative of.  The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Anyway, DH finds out the tickets were actually a birthday gift, we think that's an awesome birthday gift, we'd feel more comfortable facilitating the couple using them rather than taking the tickets that this week, we can't afford to cover the costs of.  (Also, I very reguarly hear of how they never get to do anything as a couple, no one will look after their kids, what makes their kids so bad no one will look after them, everyone else has support but them.  FWIW, DH and I every few months offer to babysit for them at their house, whilst they go out, but they never take us up on it.)  
So we offer to look after their children in their house, at a matinee session if they prefer (and because of a long history of knowing how the mum is with others looking after the kids) so kids will have own toys/beds for naps, can stick to own schedule, we're more flexible with only one child who we don't care if he happens to skip a nap whilst we're at their place, etc etc.

This offer is met with exasperation, and for the second time this week, the gift giver hangs up on me after getting snarky in the conversation.  

Basically, I don't want to accept the tickets due to not wanting to feel as if we owe them anything, and also feeling like/knowing the tickets will come with unintended/unwanted consequences. This person is quite self-focussed and negative, and tends to play the martyr at times.  I suspect she doesn't respect me as she tends to do things like hang up on me, and/or react quite negatively if I calmly disagree or be assertive (she's known for being domineering).  As she's family I've allowed a certain amt of it to go on to keep the peace, but for the past 6-12mths, I've reduced contact with her somewhat, and taken other steps to buffer the negativity I get from her.  Ahh, peace.

Anyway, they've gone and transferred the tickets into our names, called me and angrily said "it's done, just take the tickets" and hung up on me, again.  The tickets have to be used either tonight or tomorrow. They're not looking after DS as we've since arranged for my mum to do so as she happens to be visiting.  So now, we're in a position where if we call and say "actually, thanks but no thanks" then there will be a sh*t storm of why are we being so difficult/ungrateful, we've left it to the last minute to tell them and she'll basically be passive-aggressive for weeks, which for me, overrides the genorosity of the offer.  Or we say "thank you" (which would be genuine) and go, I'll feel uncomfortable about accepting the tickets plus feel that I've enabled her to be rude and dismissive of me, even though the original offer was received with thanks and graciousness.


So, if you're actually still with me:
What do you think?  Go or No?

Cheers.

#2 HRH Countrymel

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:46 PM

Go.

Sounds like she'll be huffy either way and this way you get to go out!

#3 Baggy

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:47 PM

You have a babysitter. Just go enjoy yourself and say thank you.

Try not to think too much into it.

#4 50ftqueenie

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:54 PM

Go and enjoy yourself. If they can't bring themselves to leave their children for a few hours that is their issue.  Next time you see them bring cake or a bottle of wine to say thanks.

#5 InsertAwesomeHere

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:56 PM

If she didn't have young kids I'd swear you were referring to my step mum.

You should go and have fun, sounds like she'll be difficult no matter what.

#6 starfire

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

Weird response on their part huh.gif

I'd just go and enjoy yourselves and not worry about feeling guilty.

You made the effort to allow them the opportunity to use their own tickets as originally intended, they said no and insisted on you using the tickets, then just go with it. Don't read too much into it.

I liked the suggestion one PP said to buy a bottle of wine or some cake as a thank you next time you see them but leave it at that. They have made their intentions very clear.

#7 kez71

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

yes, go and enjoy yourselves. Maybe get her a bunch of flowers as a thankyou!

#8 JuliaGulia

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:01 PM

Go and enjoy yourself.  Sounds like she'll be a PITA anyway, so you might as well have a good time.

ETA: And next time she complains about no-one babysitting for her, remind her that you have offered many times and been turned down.

Edited by JuliaGulia, 09 November 2012 - 03:02 PM.


#9 jennywin

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:07 PM

You could outdo her in passive-aggressive stakes buy taking the tickets very gratefully, and not using them!! Ka-pow!

#10 QueenElsa

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:07 PM

Just go....don't think about it anymore.

I'd be exasperated to if you tried to give back a gift....don't you think she thought of asking for a babysitter for herself first? For whatever reason she's not going and doesn't want the tickets to go to waste.

Enjoy your night out - wish it was me original.gif

#11 kboomba

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:10 PM

Do her children take well to babysitters? Are they ill? Is there behind the scenes problems in the relationship, and they don't feel like going? So many things could be happening that you don't know about, so she could be completely over it all?
If you can go just go. And as a PP said, next time she complains remind her that you can babysit for her whenever she wants, and have offered lots.

I have a friend who is similar (except for the hanging up bit!). Her kids freak out when she is not there. Last time I babysat I had to call her home after about an hour (and I've known them since they were born and spend heaps of time with them). They never go out, she feels like she can't leave the kids, she feels alone as she has no reliable family around. It's really hard for her.

Just another perspective  original.gif

#12 CallMeFeral

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:12 PM

Go. Enjoy. You've tried to return the favour, they've said no - leave it at that. You'll get more flak for NOT using them.

#13 Ice Queen

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:12 PM

Take them and enjoy yourself.  

FWIW I think you just have to respect people's decision not to use babysitters.  I have a friend like this who whinges how bad her life has been since kids but she will never accept babysitting.  i offered on Melbourne Cup day, was turned down, I didnt push it and then she was whinging on FB that she 'was stuck at home'.   You cant help people like that and some people dont want to be helped.  I dont think you should have re-offered the baby-sitting if you knew they dont ever use babysitters.  I know it is hard, you want to help but it is their choice.  I have learnt with my friend to 'support' the moaning but I cant fix it or help her.  Some people wont trust others with their kids and that is their choice.  We cant judge or try and change them.  As for her not respecting you, well I wouldnt think too much into it.  She is miserable, you are happy.  

You sound like a great friend and you can look after my kids anytime while I go to the movies  biggrin.gif .

Have a great night.

Edited by Ehill, 09 November 2012 - 03:15 PM.


#14 PurpleNess

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

GO & enjoy yourself. Whatever her reason is for not wanting to go you may never know & it's not your problem ( you offered, they declined your babysitting).

So just go & send a thank you card/flowers if you like...but I wouldn't bother.....

have fun!

#15 Awesome101

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

Take them and go, buy her a bottle of wine as a thank you and then you don't owe her anything further.

#16 Anemonefish

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:15 PM

Definitely go and enjoy the evening without guilt. You have tried and she has declined your kind offer, and it sounds like she'll be annoyed if you don't go, so just do it. I agree with the idea of giving her wine/chocolate/flowers to say thanks.

#17 Phascogale

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:25 PM

Just take the tickets and have a good time.  You already have a baby sitter.  It's not as though you have to ask them.

I'm not quite sure why you kept up for so long with trying to get them to take the tickets back and use them when they wanted you to have them in the first place.  I'd have offered once or twice and when they said no to just plan to use them yourself.

Why you do you feel that you'll have to owe them?  If they are going to come with conditions then don't use them.

#18 FeralZombieMum

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:43 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 09/11/2012, 03:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Perhaps it's the gift coming from her partner that's the real issue?

Maybe she didn't appreciate the gift?
Maybe her partner had suggested it and she said she didn't want to go, but he ignored her and bought the tickets anyway?
Maybe they couldn't afford the tickets and is angry her DP wasted money? Perhaps he has done this a few times in the past, and if she used the tickets, it would be sending the wrong message to him?


Anyway, go have a great time and yes, get her a bottle of wine or something to say thank you.

#19 Studybug

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:57 PM

Thank you for the replies! Guess we'll be going wink.gif .

Just to respond to a couple of good points:

Ehill, I agree with needing to respect others' decisions about babysitters.  It's not that they never use babysitters, myself, her mum and her sisters and the grandparents on the other side have babysat before.  I do struggle with it when every few months, I get a phone call that's either angry and shouty or her in tears that no one will offer to look after her children and she just needs a break.  I know her mum doesn't offer to look after the kids, and that's hard for her, and I know that's who she wants to offer the babysitting, not us.  We've had many conversations, covering alot of angles about the babysitting, and her mum.  I guess I try to come from the point of "I know this is not the offer you wish for, but if you need it/want, we'd love to have them/we'll come over while you go out for coffee etc".  Just last weekend, we were meant to look after her daughter, but they changed their minds at the last minute and didn't tell us. But yes, I think you make a good point of shouldn't have offered again.

kboomba, thanks for the other perspective. original.gif  That would be a difficult situation for your friend.  I think it's a little different to this friend, but the similarity between them would be in feeling like there is no one to rely on and take the pressure off.

Phascogale, sorry I think I've confused you with my rambling.  I offered casually to look after the kids so they could go (as in are you sure you don't want to use the tickets? when they were originally offered) and then upon finding out re it's a bday gift and her telling me about their last outing which was disappointing, so I offered as per my OP.

ZombieMum, they're really good points.  Maybe the stress of organising babysitters outweighed the fun of going..

I generally try to be pretty empathetic to her and not take the aggression on board, but I think the couple of occasions of snarkiness and the hang ups (for completed unrelated matters) sucked up my tolerance.

DH is pretty keen to go, and suggested we pay them back somehow and just enjoy it.  So, I'm going to do as mentioned: stop overthinking it, appreciate it and have a good time.

Cheers everyone!

Edited by Studybug, 09 November 2012 - 04:05 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.