Jump to content

would you accept the tickets?


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 spear_maiden

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:43 PM

HI

Story is drawn out, big fat apologies...  

I received a lovely generous offer of some movie tickets/dinner deal for DH and I plus DS being cared for whilst we're out.  Totally lovely offer that we're appreciative of.  The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Anyway, DH finds out the tickets were actually a birthday gift, we think that's an awesome birthday gift, we'd feel more comfortable facilitating the couple using them rather than taking the tickets that this week, we can't afford to cover the costs of.  (Also, I very reguarly hear of how they never get to do anything as a couple, no one will look after their kids, what makes their kids so bad no one will look after them, everyone else has support but them.  FWIW, DH and I every few months offer to babysit for them at their house, whilst they go out, but they never take us up on it.)  
So we offer to look after their children in their house, at a matinee session if they prefer (and because of a long history of knowing how the mum is with others looking after the kids) so kids will have own toys/beds for naps, can stick to own schedule, we're more flexible with only one child who we don't care if he happens to skip a nap whilst we're at their place, etc etc.

This offer is met with exasperation, and for the second time this week, the gift giver hangs up on me after getting snarky in the conversation.  

Basically, I don't want to accept the tickets due to not wanting to feel as if we owe them anything, and also feeling like/knowing the tickets will come with unintended/unwanted consequences. This person is quite self-focussed and negative, and tends to play the martyr at times.  I suspect she doesn't respect me as she tends to do things like hang up on me, and/or react quite negatively if I calmly disagree or be assertive (she's known for being domineering).  As she's family I've allowed a certain amt of it to go on to keep the peace, but for the past 6-12mths, I've reduced contact with her somewhat, and taken other steps to buffer the negativity I get from her.  Ahh, peace.

Anyway, they've gone and transferred the tickets into our names, called me and angrily said "it's done, just take the tickets" and hung up on me, again.  The tickets have to be used either tonight or tomorrow. They're not looking after DS as we've since arranged for my mum to do so as she happens to be visiting.  So now, we're in a position where if we call and say "actually, thanks but no thanks" then there will be a sh*t storm of why are we being so difficult/ungrateful, we've left it to the last minute to tell them and she'll basically be passive-aggressive for weeks, which for me, overrides the genorosity of the offer.  Or we say "thank you" (which would be genuine) and go, I'll feel uncomfortable about accepting the tickets plus feel that I've enabled her to be rude and dismissive of me, even though the original offer was received with thanks and graciousness.


So, if you're actually still with me:
What do you think?  Go or No?

Cheers.

#2 HRH Countrymel

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:46 PM

Go.

Sounds like she'll be huffy either way and this way you get to go out!

#3 Baggy

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:47 PM

You have a babysitter. Just go enjoy yourself and say thank you.

Try not to think too much into it.

#4 50ftqueenie

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:54 PM

Go and enjoy yourself. If they can't bring themselves to leave their children for a few hours that is their issue.  Next time you see them bring cake or a bottle of wine to say thanks.

#5 InsertAwesomeHere

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:56 PM

If she didn't have young kids I'd swear you were referring to my step mum.

You should go and have fun, sounds like she'll be difficult no matter what.

#6 starfire

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

Weird response on their part huh.gif

I'd just go and enjoy yourselves and not worry about feeling guilty.

You made the effort to allow them the opportunity to use their own tickets as originally intended, they said no and insisted on you using the tickets, then just go with it. Don't read too much into it.

I liked the suggestion one PP said to buy a bottle of wine or some cake as a thank you next time you see them but leave it at that. They have made their intentions very clear.

#7 kez71

Posted 09 November 2012 - 02:59 PM

yes, go and enjoy yourselves. Maybe get her a bunch of flowers as a thankyou!

#8 JuliaGulia

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:01 PM

Go and enjoy yourself.  Sounds like she'll be a PITA anyway, so you might as well have a good time.

ETA: And next time she complains about no-one babysitting for her, remind her that you have offered many times and been turned down.

Edited by JuliaGulia, 09 November 2012 - 03:02 PM.


#9 jennywin

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:07 PM

You could outdo her in passive-aggressive stakes buy taking the tickets very gratefully, and not using them!! Ka-pow!

#10 QueenElsa

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:07 PM

Just go....don't think about it anymore.

I'd be exasperated to if you tried to give back a gift....don't you think she thought of asking for a babysitter for herself first? For whatever reason she's not going and doesn't want the tickets to go to waste.

Enjoy your night out - wish it was me original.gif

#11 kboomba

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:10 PM

Do her children take well to babysitters? Are they ill? Is there behind the scenes problems in the relationship, and they don't feel like going? So many things could be happening that you don't know about, so she could be completely over it all?
If you can go just go. And as a PP said, next time she complains remind her that you can babysit for her whenever she wants, and have offered lots.

I have a friend who is similar (except for the hanging up bit!). Her kids freak out when she is not there. Last time I babysat I had to call her home after about an hour (and I've known them since they were born and spend heaps of time with them). They never go out, she feels like she can't leave the kids, she feels alone as she has no reliable family around. It's really hard for her.

Just another perspective  original.gif

#12 CallMeFeral

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:12 PM

Go. Enjoy. You've tried to return the favour, they've said no - leave it at that. You'll get more flak for NOT using them.

#13 Ice Queen

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:12 PM

Take them and enjoy yourself.  

FWIW I think you just have to respect people's decision not to use babysitters.  I have a friend like this who whinges how bad her life has been since kids but she will never accept babysitting.  i offered on Melbourne Cup day, was turned down, I didnt push it and then she was whinging on FB that she 'was stuck at home'.   You cant help people like that and some people dont want to be helped.  I dont think you should have re-offered the baby-sitting if you knew they dont ever use babysitters.  I know it is hard, you want to help but it is their choice.  I have learnt with my friend to 'support' the moaning but I cant fix it or help her.  Some people wont trust others with their kids and that is their choice.  We cant judge or try and change them.  As for her not respecting you, well I wouldnt think too much into it.  She is miserable, you are happy.  

You sound like a great friend and you can look after my kids anytime while I go to the movies  biggrin.gif .

Have a great night.

Edited by Ehill, 09 November 2012 - 03:15 PM.


#14 PurpleNess

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

GO & enjoy yourself. Whatever her reason is for not wanting to go you may never know & it's not your problem ( you offered, they declined your babysitting).

So just go & send a thank you card/flowers if you like...but I wouldn't bother.....

have fun!

#15 Awesome101

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:14 PM

Take them and go, buy her a bottle of wine as a thank you and then you don't owe her anything further.

#16 Anemonefish

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:15 PM

Definitely go and enjoy the evening without guilt. You have tried and she has declined your kind offer, and it sounds like she'll be annoyed if you don't go, so just do it. I agree with the idea of giving her wine/chocolate/flowers to say thanks.

#17 Phascogale

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:25 PM

Just take the tickets and have a good time.  You already have a baby sitter.  It's not as though you have to ask them.

I'm not quite sure why you kept up for so long with trying to get them to take the tickets back and use them when they wanted you to have them in the first place.  I'd have offered once or twice and when they said no to just plan to use them yourself.

Why you do you feel that you'll have to owe them?  If they are going to come with conditions then don't use them.

#18 FeralZombieMum

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:43 PM

QUOTE (Studybug @ 09/11/2012, 03:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The person who offered them: it was a gift from their partner, the tickets are to expire and they don't want to ask anyone to look after their kids in order to use them.

Perhaps it's the gift coming from her partner that's the real issue?

Maybe she didn't appreciate the gift?
Maybe her partner had suggested it and she said she didn't want to go, but he ignored her and bought the tickets anyway?
Maybe they couldn't afford the tickets and is angry her DP wasted money? Perhaps he has done this a few times in the past, and if she used the tickets, it would be sending the wrong message to him?


Anyway, go have a great time and yes, get her a bottle of wine or something to say thank you.

#19 spear_maiden

Posted 09 November 2012 - 03:57 PM

Thank you for the replies! Guess we'll be going wink.gif .

Just to respond to a couple of good points:

Ehill, I agree with needing to respect others' decisions about babysitters.  It's not that they never use babysitters, myself, her mum and her sisters and the grandparents on the other side have babysat before.  I do struggle with it when every few months, I get a phone call that's either angry and shouty or her in tears that no one will offer to look after her children and she just needs a break.  I know her mum doesn't offer to look after the kids, and that's hard for her, and I know that's who she wants to offer the babysitting, not us.  We've had many conversations, covering alot of angles about the babysitting, and her mum.  I guess I try to come from the point of "I know this is not the offer you wish for, but if you need it/want, we'd love to have them/we'll come over while you go out for coffee etc".  Just last weekend, we were meant to look after her daughter, but they changed their minds at the last minute and didn't tell us. But yes, I think you make a good point of shouldn't have offered again.

kboomba, thanks for the other perspective. original.gif  That would be a difficult situation for your friend.  I think it's a little different to this friend, but the similarity between them would be in feeling like there is no one to rely on and take the pressure off.

Phascogale, sorry I think I've confused you with my rambling.  I offered casually to look after the kids so they could go (as in are you sure you don't want to use the tickets? when they were originally offered) and then upon finding out re it's a bday gift and her telling me about their last outing which was disappointing, so I offered as per my OP.

ZombieMum, they're really good points.  Maybe the stress of organising babysitters outweighed the fun of going..

I generally try to be pretty empathetic to her and not take the aggression on board, but I think the couple of occasions of snarkiness and the hang ups (for completed unrelated matters) sucked up my tolerance.

DH is pretty keen to go, and suggested we pay them back somehow and just enjoy it.  So, I'm going to do as mentioned: stop overthinking it, appreciate it and have a good time.

Cheers everyone!

Edited by Studybug, 09 November 2012 - 04:05 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

Win Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD

To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.

10 things I wish my pre-baby self knew

I look back at my pre-baby self and laugh at how ridiculously easy I actually had it. I remember complaining about how tired I was and how little time I had.

Creative ways to store your child's art

Ideas for storing your child's artworks have moved on from sticking them to the fridge door before guiltily dumping them in the bin.

Child abuse ignored because 'it's not your children': Waleed Aly

Waleed Aly takes apart the immigration law that's designed to "protect politicians"

How a newborn niece changed star Australian basketballer's life

In August 2013 star basketball Abby Bishop was 24-years-old and in the prime of her sporting career.

Guilt is my new shadow

No one warned me that when I gave birth there would be an additional side order of guilt.

12 brilliant Ikea hacks for kids’ rooms

Check out these creative upcycling ideas that transform regular Ikea items into something special for your little ones.

Child's nightmare about 'man with a light' turned out to be real

For three days, a three-year-old boy had been saying there was "a man with a light" outside his window at night.

Toilet truths after giving birth

The thought of going to the toilet after giving birth is often feared, but there are ways to make it less painful.

Woman asks strangers for $1 million to stop her having an abortion

An anonymous woman is taking an extreme moral and ethical stand by seeking $1 million in donations to prevent her going ahead with a planned abortion.

How a woman's dying wish made another woman a mum

"I kind of think about, 'What did I do beforehand? What kept me so busy back then?' Because now I'm really busy."

The parenting do-over: what six parents did differently second time around

In playgrounds across Australia, you can hear parents lamenting, "When we have our next baby I swear I won't be doing THAT again".

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.