Jump to content

What would you do in this situation?
nasty putdowns


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 liveworkplay

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:36 AM

Just want a few ideas on handling this situation. For a while now dd1 has been told by a classmate that she doesn't go to a real dance school as she doesn't do eisteddfords/competitions. I have told her to ignore said child as she is learning to dance and likes what she is doing. Now a classmate of dd2 is telling dd2 that she doesn't go to a proper swim school and that hers is for babies. Now our swim school is run by one of the top coaches in our area and the only reason my  friend (girls mother) pulled her kids out and put them in the YMCA was due to scheduling of her kids classes.

I just want to mop it in the bud now before it gets to the point of having and adverse effect on my kids. at the moment they are not too upset about it.

#2 Ianthe

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:40 AM

Just tell your daughter it doesn't matter what they think. They are entitled to their (petty) opinion. This to me would be an opportunity to talk to my daughter about true friends not being people that point score.

#3 katpaws

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:42 AM

Often children bully or taunt others so get a reaction, to get attention. If they don't get the reaction they are seeking - tears, anger, hurt etc - that can help them to stop it. It's hard explaining this to children. Not engaging in any dialogue with the bully/taunter can help.



#4 HRH Countrymel

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:49 AM

I would explain to my daughter that this girl is only doing this because she is jealous of you - otherwise why on earth is she interested?

People who aren't happy with their own situation try and ruin someone elses.

The last thing she wants to do is lower herself to this girls level so if she can a short "I hope that you like your swim/dance school, because I like mine - I think that is all that matters.."

#5 liveworkplay

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:56 AM

I do just tell them it's jealousy. Dd1 is good at ignoring it but dd2 is only 6 so finds it a bit harder. the trouble is that they have to socialise with these girls as dd1 is good friends worn the twin sister of her taunter and then play hockey together and dd1 is best friends with the brother of dd2s taunter plus we do lots of stuff.with that family.

I know it's just girls stuff but dh is finding it hard to deal with when.org happens on his watch.

#6 idignantlyright

Posted 09 November 2012 - 08:59 AM

There was a girl DD18 went to primary school with. They both played on the school pssa soccer team. This other girl kept putting DD down and telling her she wasn't good enough, that she couldn't play at the level she did. DD made a team at the same level this girl did about 2yrs after this girl, but the nastiness didn't stop.
It finally stopped when DD made it onto the state team for indoor soccer/futsal and this girl didn't. Then when DD went on to make it on to a tour of the US.
The other girl finally got hers when the club she said wanted her sooooo badly, got rid of her because she was not good enough.
Now DD is being asked why she isn't playing. Which is actually health reasons, because her body needs a break and they cannot figure out what is wrong with it.
So tell your DD to not listen to this other girl and stay strong and do what she wants and feels is right. Girls like this other one always get caught out in one way or another.

#7 JustBeige

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:03 AM

I think its better to give your kids tools to deal with this type of behavour in a positive way as its never going to go away. Even in adulthood you get people who put others down to make themselves feel better.

I find that if my reaction is "meh" then they tend to take that onboard more and do the same to the child.

When they come to me to talk about personal interaction issues, I always ask them "Why does it matter what this child thinks?"   Most of the time, they go "oh yeah" and its like they then feel they have permission to just ignore this person.  Other times we talk about how true friends treat you and care for you.

My youngest has had to deal with bullying/meaness more through his years and he finds the best course of action (when someone is doing the 'you're not good enough because of xyz') is to ask them why they care.    He just recently said to someone "you dont like me, I dont like you, so why do even care what I do?"     This worked for him as they just flounced off and apparently a teacher who overheard was also happy with his handling of the situation.

#8 liveworkplay

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:11 AM

justbeige, I never thought to tell them that. I do say just ignore it, you know they are wrong, they're just jealous, but telling them to ask the other person why they care is a great one, thanks.

#9 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:12 AM

We try to explain the other childs motivation for being this way to our child.  So I might try to explain that the other child obviously feels threatened and therefore feels the need to put down my childs experience.  We ask our child to try and ignore it and not engage the child.
It will continue right throughout life so it's a good skill for your dd to learn now.

#10 liveworkplay

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:12 AM

dp

Edited by liveworkplay, 09 November 2012 - 09:13 AM.


#11 Anemonefish

Posted 09 November 2012 - 10:01 AM

QUOTE (JustBeige @ 09/11/2012, 10:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think its better to give your kids tools to deal with this type of behavour in a positive way as its never going to go away. Even in adulthood you get people who put others down to make themselves feel better.

I agree with this. I always tell my DD to ignore mean comments and not worry about what people think of her or say about her.

It's not just a girl thing. And often it comes from their parents. I overheard one of DD's closest male friends telling DD that he got his bag free from school because his school was better than hers because his parents pay for it (private school, it was a school bag, his parents would have paid for it), and he told DD, "You're not going to the same school as me because your parents can't afford it". Because they are such close friends, and I'm close friends with his mum, I mentioned it to her, and she admitted that she'd been trying to get him to behave better at school and pay more attention so she had told him that he was going to a very good school that they had to pay for and that my daughter couldn't go to because we couldn't afford it, in an effort to make him appreciate his school. I think she had also been telling him how well my DD had been doing at school to encourage him to try harder, but I think it just made him feel jealous/resentful, hence his comments to my DD.

#12 Therese

Posted 09 November 2012 - 10:09 AM

QUOTE (JustBeige @ 09/11/2012, 10:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think its better to give your kids tools to deal with this type of behavour in a positive way as its never going to go away. Even in adulthood you get people who put others down to make themselves feel better.

I find that if my reaction is "meh" then they tend to take that onboard more and do the same to the child.


I agree with this. It is tricky I know especially when they are little but I keep reminding myself that learning how to deal with it now should hopefully help them throughout life.

#13 Guest_~Songbird~_*

Posted 09 November 2012 - 11:50 AM

I always break out the talk on mean people and nice people when these situations pop up. I tell my child that there will always be mean kids and adults, some people are just mean and some are nice and you ignore or put the mean ones in their place and hang out with the nice ones.

They have to learn sooner or later that not everyone is nice and even in the adult world you have petty immature behavior (just look at EB).

#14 Propaganda

Posted 09 November 2012 - 11:58 AM

This is going to continue for the rest of her childhood (maybe even beyond that), so you may as well start teaching them not give much thought to what other people say.

#15 ubermum

Posted 09 November 2012 - 12:14 PM

QUOTE (liveworkplay @ 09/11/2012, 09:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just want to mop it in the bud now before it gets to the point of having and adverse effect on my kids. at the moment they are not too upset about it.

You want to what?

#16 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 09 November 2012 - 12:53 PM

My DD1 is in a class with a few girls like that. I've told her that she needs to ask herself whether what they're saying is true, and if it's not, it's probably that they don't know any better so she should just ignore them.

It's very clear from some of the behaviours, that it's a deliberate attempt to crap on her so I've also told her that some kids are nasty and spiteful and they will try and make you feel bad to make themselves feel better because they're jealous of you, so she should just feel sorry for them because their parents haven't done a very good job in teaching them how to be a good friend.

Normally when she's telling us about something that these kids have said (you're stupid, you can't write neatly,your colouring in is horrible, noone likes you)  I'll just say 'really? Is that right?' and she'll say 'no' and I just remind her that since it's not true, it doesn't matter. She's gradually learning to cope with it.

We're also teaching her the teenage eyeroll and 'whatever' under strict instructions that it's never to be used at home or with teachers specifically to try and take the power out of the things these kids say.

#17 zogee

Posted 09 November 2012 - 01:14 PM

QUOTE (Anemonefish @ 09/11/2012, 11:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with this. I always tell my DD to ignore mean comments and not worry about what people think of her or say about her.

It's not just a girl thing. And often it comes from their parents. I overheard one of DD's closest male friends telling DD that he got his bag free from school because his school was better than hers because his parents pay for it (private school, it was a school bag, his parents would have paid for it), and he told DD, "You're not going to the same school as me because your parents can't afford it". Because they are such close friends, and I'm close friends with his mum, I mentioned it to her, and she admitted that she'd been trying to get him to behave better at school and pay more attention so she had told him that he was going to a very good school that they had to pay for and that my daughter couldn't go to because we couldn't afford it, in an effort to make him appreciate his school. I think she had also been telling him how well my DD had been doing at school to encourage him to try harder, but I think it just made him feel jealous/resentful, hence his comments to my DD.

Wow that was a bit of a judgement fail on  the mum's behalf  ohmy.gif at least she confessed to saying it!
OP my daughter is only 4 but I think there's some great suggestions here. I want my dd to be resilient and learn to ignore that kind of behaviour (something I was never very good at!)


#18 liveworkplay

Posted 09 November 2012 - 01:32 PM

QUOTE (ubermum @ 09/11/2012, 01:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You want to what?

laughing2.gif I'm on my phone at work. it was meant to say nip it in the bud wink.gif

#19 Anemonefish

Posted 09 November 2012 - 04:11 PM

QUOTE (zogee @ 09/11/2012, 02:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow that was a bit of a judgement fail on  the mum's behalf  ohmy.gif at least she confessed to saying it!

This friend is a little snooty about certain things, and she & I have opposing views about private vs. public schools (also hospitals). She often bags out both the public school system and public health, and while I usually try to not respond, sometimes I can't help myself. Both our kids are in Grade 3 and I recently found out that the Grade 3s at DD's school had the best overall scores in Naplan out of all the schools (both public and private) in our town. I'm going out with a group of girlfriends tonight, including this friend, and I'm a bit nervous I have too many wines and blurt this out in front of her!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.