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How do you STOP coveting random things?
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#1 Futhermore

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:22 AM

So even before the other thread I have been asking myself WHY I have such a long list of 'I wants'.  I even often call them 'needs'.  Mostly things I convince myself will make life easier or my home less cluttered.

Has anyone managed to change their thinking so they are not constantly wanting something?  I have reasonably good self control but my intention is to buy a lot of these things and eventually do so.  I  often wonder why I want so much so often and how I can feel more satisfied with what I already have?

(yeah yeah, navel gazing I know  rolleyes.gif )

#2 CupOfCoffee

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:23 AM

I have poor self control, so I could use this advice also (I have a house full and a bank account empty because of all the things I 'need'.

#3 Angelot

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

We covet what we see.  If you have a problem with wanting things you feel you would be better off (on some level) not having, curb your looking.

Don't browse websites or catalogues.  Don't give attention to advertising.  And try not to be around people who focus on these things.  

Yes, it can be a very big shift, and it takes real discipline to be successful at it.  But it can be done!

#4 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:28 AM

Self control?
*wanders of to see what google says on that term*

#5 71Cath

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:30 AM

I have banned myself from book depository and all the other websites I love.  I have moved into a new house, in a new area, and the junk mail people havent found us yet so that helps too.

I also try and think of something I really want (pay off mortgage) and compare that to the fleeting whim of a new book, shirt etc.

I do slip occasionally but it mostly works.  I also find allowing myself to buy a small treat now and then helps me not feel completely deprived - you need to enjoy life as well!

#6 rachel*t*p

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 08/11/2012, 11:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We covet what we see.  If you have a problem with wanting things you feel you would be better off (on some level) not having, curb your looking.

Don't browse websites or catalogues.  Don't give attention to advertising.  And try not to be around people who focus on these things.  

Yes, it can be a very big shift, and it takes real discipline to be successful at it.  But it can be done!


I really agree with this I find that the less I look at the shops and online etc, the less I have on my list. It is a constant struggle for me. I also find that I have to try not to read crafty cute lifestyle type blogs as I want to do all these things, but I really need to concentrate on finishing the projects I already have under way.

I saw on Pinterest ( another place to avoid!) a quote that said jealousy comes from counting other's blessings instead of our own. I have to constantly remind myself of this.

#7 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:35 AM

I think about these things:

If I buy something new then I need to:

spend money on it
find somewhere to keep it - storage
maintain it, repair it
clean it
eventually upgrade or sell it - take time to take pics, list, negotiate etc


usually once I've thought about all that I no longer want it.

I also make myself wait a few weeks before buying anything, if I still really want it after a few weeks then I'll consider it more.


#8 mummame

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

If you have a clutter problem, you have to stop buying more stuff as you will just add to the problem. This includes clutter solutions which really just clog up your home even more! I really ask myself at the shops, do I really need the item? Do I have something similar at home, that does the job? Will I use it? Usually I don't need it so there it stays, saves money too. Years ago when I had heaps of money I just bought whatever I wanted, think two pair of expensive heels in different colours...insane, I would not do this now!

Edited by mummame, 08 November 2012 - 10:38 AM.


#9 Chaos in stereo

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:41 AM

.

Edited by Chaos in stereo, 26 August 2013 - 05:38 PM.


#10 Futhermore

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

QUOTE (living~in~the~now @ 08/11/2012, 10:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I suppose there is a difference between coveting and purchasing?

And if the coveting does not make you anxious or upset that you don't have it then I suppose that is ok too?

wink.gif


Ah, see, it makes me swear at myself later for NOT purchasing :-/.  Couple of examples:

Lap top/smart phone - I swear at myself daily for not just buying one so I can do my work AT WORK rather than coming home and doing it on the home computer.  But really, It's just an inconvenience, not something I can't survive without.

A new cupboard for the kitchen - every time I am trying to cook or wash up and the kids are to set the table or make lunches I keep having to stop to let them get things out of the cupboard where I'm standing.  It's annoying that we have only 1 cupboard and one small set of pot draws, but again, it's just a slight nuisance, no need to get annoyed with it but I do.

Dishwasher - well that's pretty self expanatory

Lounge - it's not necesary at all, ours might be uncomfortable and third hand and not fit the space well, but it's in good nick.

I have finally purchased a nice big table I was coveting for years to replace our little 4 seater with the wobbly legs that had been screwed back on badly and I LOVE IT and appreciate it every time we sit down to a meal or spread homework/projects out all over it.  Now I'm coveting table cloths to protect it instead of the christmas ones and old peices of material we are using.  rolleyes.gif   I also bought a matching t.v unit that has storage space to replace the one with the broken doors and a plank of chipboard across the top to put the T.V on.  I like it but really it was not necesary and just makes it look nicer.

#11 (feral)epg

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:45 AM

Another one agreeing with AngeVert over here.
For various reasons I stopped watching any TV other than ABC news over the last year.  I've also stopped listening to commercial radio.  And the amount of 'stuff' that I think I need has decreased dramatically.  I don't just think it's the advertising - but the constant parade of 'beautiful' people in 'beautiful' homes has a massive impact on our subconscious.  Similarly - for the year that I had a subscription to Marie Claire magazine my expenditure on makeup and clothes was ridiculous - not only the frequency of buying stuff the amount of money that seemed reasonable to spend on a single purchase.

The other thing that really helps (but I'm not very good at) is to just delay every purchase.  It's pretty amazing how many times if I haven't bought something on the spot, but thought that I'ld go back later, I've ended up just forgetting about it.


#12 ellebelle

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:49 AM

I look at it from the storage angle - sick of finding places for things and putting them away after they've been out!

#13 Futhermore

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:51 AM

QUOTE
jealousy comes from counting other's blessings instead of our own. I have to constantly remind myself of this.


OH - I like that saying - thanks.


QUOTE
If you have a clutter problem, you have to stop buying more stuff as you will just add to the problem. This includes clutter solutions which really just clog up your home even more!


I would say I don't have a clutter problem in the sense that I have too much 'stuff'  I don't do nick-nacks or 30 pairs of shoes and two dozen toys, my cd collection stands at a total of 22, I probably have the same number of dvd's in the house. I'm not a collector, I just hate having crowded cupboards.  It's more like having to be very smart in how things are put away so they can be easily accessed and found when needed.

ETA  I am also coveting:

Wireless broadband router
ipod or iphone
driveway
a tall narrow sideboard
a canvass print of the glass house mountains
family portraits
canvass car seat covers
roof top camper
screen doors or better yet screens to enclose verandah
a new garden path and uncovered patio are
a front fence (Totally not needed - we have a fenced off area around the house and back)
a mail box (Seriously - why does it matter what a mail box looks like?)
an underwater camera - (no reason - it'd just be handy to have)
a kayak - top of my list atm
a treadmill (never happen - I've got nowhere to put it)
Blah, blah bláh

I don't look at junk mail or watch that much T.V - I think I get the ideas from what other people have.

Edited by ~maryanne~, 08 November 2012 - 11:20 AM.


#14 gemgirl

Posted 08 November 2012 - 11:56 AM

I stopped shopping for a year. I didn't buy clothes mostly but also reigned in purchasing of books & DVDs  considerablly. My goal was nothing new  other than groceries, gifts or replacements of truly needed/broken things. I didn't succeed 100% but I was close.

I was a huge shopaholic before then. NOw I'm back to shopping, but nowhere near as bad. It stopped me looking at catalogues/ online etc, too.

#15 niggles goes feral

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:01 PM

I have a mantra stuck to my fridge. Aspire not to have more but to be more.

I think it's about embracing and learning to enjoy a simpler more unfettered life rather than giving up things.

I love the Buy Nothing Christmas catalogue for inspiration on the simple things in life.



#16 Pop-to-the-shops

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:28 PM

Omg I was just thinking that today as I walked around target.

I don't really have a clutter problem, and I don't think I buy much for me or the house. I'm not big on expensive gifts for family and friends either.

I do buy a fair bit for the kids. Clothes, toys, books. I buy a lot online and on eBay. I rarely sell on ebay even though I say I will...
I de clutter by giving away old stuff to the op shop or friends, which helps me feel less guilty. I get trapped into bargin hunting, and have already done all our Christmas shopping.

I was just learning to stop after 6 years... Then I had another baby.

I realized yesterday he has about 7 new or ebay things to sit in now, all purchased recently.... Eg. Seats, swings, high chairs, strollers.

#17 tres-chic

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:35 PM

I have a friend who is very careful with money. If I want something but know I a) don't need it and b) can't really afford it and a+b=c) it is therefore unjustafiably frivolous I tell her about it.

She usually sets me straight and I move on and go on my merry way.

I find if I wait on something a few weeks the want goes away and the needs remain.

#18 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:36 PM

If the problem is with buying things you could make yourself wait a certain timeframe after seeing something you want before buying it. I got really into online shopping a while ago and spent way too much (its just so easy to buy all the things!), so I started bookmarking the things I wanted to get and then waiting a few days before going through them again and deleting the bookmarks of the ones I didn't like anymore. After doing that over a week I often only had one or two things left, if that!

#19 emlis22

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:40 PM

I remove myself from the temptation. There is a dress shop I love and I would often walk out $600 poorer. I just don't go in there on lunch anymore. I only want it if I see it! Don't see it, don't want it. Simple.

#20 giggleandhoot

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:47 PM

My FIL read a book once to the kids that hit the nail on the head for me. The Short and Incredibly Happy Life of Riley. He gave me a copy and i make sure i read every now and then to the kids..which really is for me as well!

#21 I'm Batman

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:52 PM

I don't. I just don't try to convince myself that I would be happier with these random items and I would be a better person.

#22 niggles goes feral

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:55 PM

QUOTE (giggleandhoot @ 08/11/2012, 10:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My FIL read a book once to the kids that hit the nail on the head for me. The Short and Incredibly Happy Life of Riley. He gave me a copy and i make sure i read every now and then to the kids..which really is for me as well!


I lov this book. We use it in workshops all the time.

"People of course should never be allowed to have pointy sticks because they are forever poking them into each other"

#23 LookMumNoHands

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:56 PM

QUOTE (epg @ 08/11/2012, 11:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Another one agreeing with AngeVert over here.
For various reasons I stopped watching any TV other than ABC news over the last year.  I've also stopped listening to commercial radio.  And the amount of 'stuff' that I think I need has decreased dramatically.  I don't just think it's the advertising - but the constant parade of 'beautiful' people in 'beautiful' homes has a massive impact on our subconscious.  Similarly - for the year that I had a subscription to Marie Claire magazine my expenditure on makeup and clothes was ridiculous - not only the frequency of buying stuff the amount of money that seemed reasonable to spend on a single purchase.

The other thing that really helps (but I'm not very good at) is to just delay every purchase.  It's pretty amazing how many times if I haven't bought something on the spot, but thought that I'ld go back later, I've ended up just forgetting about it.


This is a great post, and DH and I follow it too.

Having watched a few documentaries on commercialism, it really showed us the amount of control mass media has on the general public. Most advertising works by making people think they won't be happy/attractive until they buy a certain product. It's really sickening, IMO.


#24 Futhermore

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:57 PM

One of my favourite books

'The answer is really very simple - you just have to be happy with a lot less'

I don't buy a lot - I just WANT a lot.

Edited by ~maryanne~, 08 November 2012 - 12:59 PM.


#25 livvie7586

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:09 PM

we've been struggling to live for 2 years now (although there is light at the end of the tunnel), and because of it i have just stopped looking, or if it was something i needed, i've op-shopped or freecycled.  if you don't look, you can't see anything that you want  biggrin.gif   you also get very good at managing with what you have




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