Jump to content

Falling for your obstetrician.


  • Please log in to reply
47 replies to this topic

#1 Kylie Orr

Posted 08 November 2012 - 08:46 AM

Falling for your obstetrician.
By Kylie Orr

Let me paint you a picture. A rotund man who insists on wearing a bowtie and a wide smile with slightly yellowed teeth. Not a man you’d secrete sex pheromones over, that’s certain. Over time you develop a fondness for the man, which you can’t quite pinpoint. You feel comfortable in his presence, reassured by his knowledge and care; you trust his experience and expertise. You start thinking about this man more often than seems normal. He sidles his way into your dreams and daily thoughts.

You start seeing him more often – monthly visits become fortnightly, then weekly. The attachment deepens. Is it mutual or are you imagining it? You are married for Pete’s Sake, and about to have a baby! Pull yourself together, crazy pregnant woman.

He nurtures you through some incredibly vulnerable moments, sees you in your rawest state. He navigates places only your partner has dared. Then, he delivers a healthy baby for you. You are in love! But this time, it is with the tiny being he places on your chest.

He is your obstetrician. Sorry to burst your bubble.

I had a variety of medical carers throughout my four pregnancies but the overseeing Obstetric GP, also my family GP, was a man I adored. He bears no resemblance to Bradley Cooper, Orlando Bloom, or Johnny Depp but his endearing kindness and proficient medical care certainly cemented my affection.

To assure myself I was not 50 shades of freak, I put the question to my friends about whether they too, had fallen for their obstetrician or doctor. The initial replies were not too reassuring:

“Eewwwwwh!!”

“Sorry, can't help you there. And if you had seen my middle-aged porky and gay obstetrician you would understand. Fantastic obstetrician though!”

Some had predominantly female obstetricians so didn’t develop a crush, others thought the idea was preposterous confirming my initial concerns that I was indeed freakish.

Just as I was about to give up on the idea, I was told stories of “Vaginal Lionel” – an apparently well-known obstetrician who supports vaginal delivery. This particular friend told me she was one of many women who adored him. She admitted that during her long and arduous labour she was calling out “Lionel, Lionel” whilst staring down her poor husband (whose name funnily enough, is not Lionel!).

Another friend relayed a story of a great grandmother who named her firstborn son after the delivering obstetrician. Does it indicate a fondness for her caregiver when his name was used in place of the husband’s?

Finally, I was reassured by a woman who was in love with her obstetrician “not in a sexual way” but when he walked into the delivery room during her first labour she had stars in her eyes: “the incredible trust and safety I felt when he was present made me feel everything was going to be OK.”

Displaced feelings for specialists in caring roles, often referred to as “transference” in the psychology world, is more common than you may think. When I say common, I mean I’ve heard a couple of stories to help ease my concern about being weird. I cannot find any data or statistics to support this claim, despite spending hours trawling the net reading about random women who have fallen for their doctors.

Does this small sample suggest we are lone riders in the loving your obstetrician game? Have you fallen for an obstetrician / fertility specialist / doctor?

Kylie.


#2 Starletta

Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:09 AM

I adore my Ob. I also became close to the Midwife, Anaesthetist and Paed who were there when my son died.

All 4 were there for my daughters birth which was only a year later and I do feel a bond with them. It was an emotional day and there was lots of tears and joy from all of us, I could tell they were personally affected by it. They are wonderful people and guided me through an intensely hard time. Wonderful, wonderful caregivers. I feel very lucky and they have my complete trust.

Fortunately for me my Ob is not old and is actually quite attractive so I had that plus too wink.gif

#3 niggles

Posted 08 November 2012 - 09:22 AM

Kylie unfortunately I'm reminded of an episode of Family Guy the parodies feminine hygiene commercials. Meg asks her mother "Mum, do you ever feel not so fresh...down there." Her mum pauses and responds "No. Never. And I don't know anyone who ever has."

You paint a nice picture though. I can see how immense trust could lead to fond attachment. And I'm pretty fond of my obstetrician but it ends there. Maybe it's just that my pregnancies have been so humdrum routine that we've not been through the wringer together. He didn't even make it in time to birth my second child - it all went smoothly and unexpectedly fast at the end.

#4 SylviaPlath

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:14 AM

QUOTE
when he walked into the delivery room during her first labour she had stars in her eyes: “the incredible trust and safety I felt when he was present made me feel everything was going to be OK.

    This totally resonates with me. I had such great anxieties that he would be on leave bc bub was overdue, I begged him to induce me immediately. He said, no way. I will do what is medically right for you and baby. That made me love him even more! I would get so excited when I was going to see him for my appts, I STILL totally adore him.


#5 tres-chic

Posted 08 November 2012 - 11:35 AM

I love this article, it rings so true for me, I loved my OB and might have considered having a fourth just to continue our 'association'.  smile1.gif  He wasn't my type 'IRL' but I used to blush around him.

I think it was because going public with DS1's difficult birth then going to my OB for my two subsequent births, I felt in such good hands that I was grateful all the way into a teenage-girl-type crush.

I'm jealous of all the pregnant mums now in his care!  smile1.gif

#6 Walkers

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:19 PM

My OB was so popular among women that I discovered a facebook group page dedicated to him called "My baby was delivered by Dr 'insert his name here'. Kind of stalkerish but amusing to read.
He was early 40s definitely not rotund nor did he have yellowing teeth, quite the opposite  original.gif  I once heard a small group of midwives outside my room swooning over him after he had completed post natal checks & finished his shift. So funny.
He had a beautiful, caring manner and almost had you believing you were the only pregnant woman in the world. I didn't 'fall' for him but had great trust in him and certainly felt safe. Pregnancy & birth are part of an incredible journey and since OBs are involved to some extent I can understand how some woman would confuse their feelings.


#7 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:31 PM

Not my OB (who was more of a rotund avuncular type of chap) but definitely my anaesthetist .....very swoon worthy, he looked like Gregory peck (in his younger years)....I remember 5 yrs after having DS1 I was booking my pre c section interview and my OBs receptionist mentioned a different anaesthetist ....I asked her what happened to Dr X, she told me my OB now worked with a different guy and if I wanted Dr X I would have to specifically ask for him...she then said "a lot of women do" with a knowing look! Seems he was quite popular with the ladies....

#8 giggleandhoot

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:36 PM

I know heaps that loved our Pead!!! caring, loves kids..good looking..what's not to love lol.


#9 icekool

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:39 PM

QUOTE
Does this small sample suggest we are lone riders in the loving your obstetrician game? Have you fallen for an obstetrician / fertility specialist / doctor?


Nope. But I will always remember  the names of the anaesthetist - S, M, R and I
Wouldn't know what they look like but they put me out of pain  wub.gif


#10 LeggyBlonde

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:49 PM

I opened this thread sure it would be about MY obstetrician.  He is not my type at all, but when googling him before meeting him (as you do) there were a number of gushing threads about how handsome he was.

So, Melbourne, just under 40 I reckon, dark, yes handsome, just not my type as I say, who knows who he is?

#11 icekool

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:54 PM


LeggyBlonde - I am hanging to know now  roll2.gif  I haven't seen any OBGYN as you described.

#12 LeggyBlonde

Posted 08 November 2012 - 12:59 PM

OK, another clue, he cycles.

Are you Melbourne icekool?

#13 heffalumpsnwoozles

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:08 PM

Well I didn't think I had, but I was well and truly outed when I rang the delivery room when my waters had broken and I needed to be admitted. She asked for my name, and I said Mrs <Obstetrician's surname>. blush.gif

For the record, he wasn't unattractive and was about my age. I think we could have got along really well socially (he has daughters just a little older than mine) but I stoically maintain I have never been interested in him in any way other than completely platonic. Apart from, you know, the little faux pas above. original.gif

#14 icekool

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:08 PM


LeggyBlonde - Yes, in Melb but duno any OBGYN that cycles sad.gif
LOL maybe it is one of the eye candy cyclist I see out on my runs wink.gif

#15 LeggyBlonde

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:15 PM

There may be a Maserati involved my husband tells me (that's what name labelled car spaces in the carpark tells you anyway).

Honestly, I had the easiest twin pregnancy I have ever heard of, and all he did was take my BP and measure my fundal height (is that the correct terminology) for the duration of my pregnancy.  The balance of every appointment was he and DH comparing cycling routes, bikes, gear and Tour de France coverage.  I kid you not, they got on like a house on fire!

#16 Sif

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:19 PM

Well, I guess you've shared a life-altering (for you) experience, so emotional transference is not that surprising. I remember feeling a strong bond with my two main midwife (one who saw me through three pregnancies but couldn't be at the third birth, something we both expressed great disappointment at, and then my home birth midwife who was so much like my mother it wasn't funny!). Sort of the same thing, but without the crush element.

Meanwhile, have been in the awesome presence of 'Vaginal Lionel', I get why so many women worship the very ground he walks on - he is so down-to-earth-about-birth!

#17 sparkles30

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:21 PM

That must be why my ob's wife works as his midwife in his practice... to keep an eye on him and all those ladies! A guy who listens, takes your concerns seriously and tries to come up with ways to make you feel better in pregnancy... what's not to love?

#18 Ange remplie

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:29 PM

My ob was a woman, so the emotions played out a bit differently.  But I did attach to her emotionally.  I remember at the 6 week check post birth, feeling really upset that it was the last time I would see her, and I'm still (nearly a year on!) aware of every time I pass her rooms, and have the impulse to do totally inappropriate things like drop in so she can see how DD and I are going.  

It's weird, but I guess you're so vulnerable with them, attaching would be a defence mechanism to cope!

#19 Lagom

Posted 08 November 2012 - 01:31 PM

I didn't fall for my OB but then again she wasn't my type, considering I am generally attracted to men.  wink.gif

The anaesthetist on the other hand.  Well, DH tells me that I slurred loudly in my 'drunk trying to keep quiet voice', "That guy is HAWT! I'd marry him." blush.gif

#20 kay11

Posted 08 November 2012 - 06:46 PM

Not my ob, who was a bit of an ass, but I did fall for a specialist who did 'save' me. Totally inapropriate and would never go there but it did make me on time for all my appointments and I actually looked forward to them. He was a great doctor (we moved so I no longer see him), he listened to concerns and apologised for previous poor care from my other doctors (actually called it a travesty that I went undiagnosed as long as I did). My husband saw a colleague of his for something different and also received friendly, excellent care. We were very impressed with the doctors we came across - impressed for the first time in my life. It redeemed the entire profession. I'd had awful experiences prior.

#21 emiboo

Posted 08 November 2012 - 06:57 PM

What about the guy who chats with you while stitching up your vagina? Anyone falling for him? Didn't have an OB, so he was the man who got closest to my bits other than DH.

#22 Chelli

Posted 08 November 2012 - 07:05 PM

Not one iota of that kind of feeling for my Ob in Tas, but the GP in WA that I had - he was cute. Pity he missed the birth though laughing2.gif

#23 EBeditor

Posted 08 November 2012 - 07:12 PM

QUOTE (heffalumpsnwoozles @ 08/11/2012, 02:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well I didn't think I had, but I was well and truly outed when I rang the delivery room when my waters had broken and I needed to be admitted. She asked for my name, and I said Mrs <Obstetrician's surname>. blush.gif

Sorry but that is hilarious!

#24 =R2=

Posted 08 November 2012 - 07:18 PM

I've worked next to many OBs and all I can think of is ewwww. sick.gif

I think knowing them and what they do from the other side of the fence is completely different from the perspective of a patient with her Dr.

I had a private OB myself who looked after me and my 3 pregnancies and as much as I am fond of him I've never felt lovey dovey towards him. I continue to work with him at present and see him often but it's purely professional and casual.

I know of a fertility specialist/OB who got one of his IVF patients pregnant though - double ewwww !! sick.gif.

Edited by =R2=, 08 November 2012 - 07:20 PM.


#25 Soontobegran

Posted 08 November 2012 - 07:28 PM

Yes I did.
My DH was convinced I kept getting pregnant just to see him. original.gif


Just aside from that I have to smile everytime I see a certain Dr LS being called Vaginal L when his C/S rate is absolutely on par with other Obstetricians.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'I will defend my son's right to wear a tutu'

Three-year-old boy Roo likes to wear tutus and, until now, it hasn't been a problem.

Chinese sign up toddlers for chief executive classes

CHILDREN as young as three are being enrolled in "chief executive courses" in China as pushy parents become obsessed with giving their offspring an advantage over their young peers.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The 'best little baby' and the police officer who rescued him

"And just in my head, I'm a father myself, and I couldn't sit there and let him ... I couldn't let him sit in that."

Olympian sells medal to pay for child's cancer treatment

An Olympian has sold his medal to help fund cancer treatment for a 3-year-old boy.

Family of mum who took her own life speak out about PND

From the outside it looked like Allison Goldstein was blissfully happy. She had a new baby, a loving husband, and was part of a close knit-family.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

BuggyCart solves the dilemma of shopping with a pram

Ducking to the shops for some groceries is a whole other ballgame once you have a baby.

Viral photo shows powerful moment before second baby's arrival

While our second baby was very much wanted, I wondered if I could love another baby as much as I loved my first.

What does a baby with whooping cough sound like? Sometimes like this

It's a heartbreaking video that's difficult to watch, but that's just what Sydney mum of two Sandra wants people to do.

Cheers! Why we're all happy to be bad mothers now

A new generation of mums is resisting the pressure to be "perfect" - and revelling in their naughty side?

Dealing with mealtime fussiness: mums share their tips

It can be frustrating, worrying, and turn into a battle of wills - but it doesn't have to be like that

Why having a puppy is like parenting a child

Despite being a dog owner and a parent, I've never been able to relate to the idea that the two have many similarities – until now.

Baby Joey is sleeping star in adorable photos

When photographer mum Laura Izumikawa puts her baby daughter down to sleep, the last thing on her mind is rest.

The necessity of 'Do not disturb' signs for napping babies

Needless to say, the last thing any mum wants is for someone to loudly knock on the door and wake their sleeping cherub.

Mum's brutal truth about c-section: 'This is not the easy way out'

A new mum has shared photos of her caesarean section scar to prove she did not "take the easy way out" when giving birth to her son.

Twins give birth in same hospital just hours apart

Leanne went into labour on July 28, and remarkably, her twin sister Natalie soon followed.

Goki Ride-On cars for toddlers

Toddlers just love to ride on anything with wheels but will often reject the pram once they can walk.

Letting your health slide as you look after the kids? Here's how to get out of the trap

It's time to start prioritising our own health, as well as the health of our children, to avoid longer lasting health challenges.

How to child-proof every room in your house

A guide to making your home a safer place for little ones.

Portable pool safety reminder after toddler's death

The drowning of a Hobart toddler has prompted a coroner to remind the community that even inflatable and portable pools must be fenced.

I have a clingy toddler - help!

"Nothing stops the clinginess - he cries when I put him down, no matter how long I hold him."

Woman sues after botched termination leads to motherhood

A 23-year-old mother is suing her GP and the public health system for thousands of dollars to support her son after her termination went wrong.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Ex-Perth model stuck with 12kg leg after limb doubles in size during pregnancy

"I often have strangers coming over to me when I'm out asking bluntly what's wrong with my leg. I often just laugh now and tell them I've been attacked by a shark and walk off, it definitely stumps people."

Same sex couple 'blessed' with triplets via surrogacy

They feared they would never get to be parents, but a same sex couple is now adjusting to life with newborn triplets.

Should children be given antibiotics in their first year?

Here are the the pros and cons of giving antibiotics to young babies.

Baby born on mum AND dad's birthday

The birth of a baby is always a special occasion, but one couple who welcomed their first child earlier this week had more reason to celebrate than most.

The joys (and benefits) of show and tell

Show and tell has been around for donkey's years. Well, at least since I was a kid, and according to my own children, I'm pretty old.

Loyal dog dies saving baby's life during fire

A baby was rescued from a house fire after her family's loyal dog used his body to shield the little girl from the flames.

How having a young baby or toddler changes your home decor

What to expect when living with an older baby or toddler - and how to manage the chaos.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

How baby Evelie was saved after being born without a heartbeat

Bethanie Millar didn't believe in miracles - until baby Evelie was born, that is.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

OvuSense: the new internal monitor helping predict ovulation

When a couple is trying to conceive it is easy for a woman to become obsessed about when she ovulates.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Adorable: App captures special moments of pregnancy and motherhood

There's something about motherhood that turns even the most reluctant photographer into a keen shutterbug as they strive to capture all the best moments of life with a baby.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

 

SYDNEY SHOW - 23-25 Sept

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.