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Do you have a responsibility to provide toys for your friends kids?

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#1 Broxie

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:36 PM

A friend had a pretty nasty dig at me today for not having toys in my house interesting to her child. He is quite a lot older than mine so the toys we have are a bit babyish for him. I sometimes ask her to bring a DVD to keep her DS entertained while she is here. She comes over around once a month.
It seems from today's comments that she thinks since she's here regularly I should buy age-appropriate toys for her DS. This has never occurred to me before.
When I go out I take toys if I know my DS will need to be entertained.
So my question is; is it my responsibility to provide toys for her DS, or us this an unreasonable expectation on her part?
Am happy to have toys here if it's considered the done thing, just didn't think if it before. What do you think?

#2 B.feral3

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:39 PM

After her snarky remark I'd be inclined to stop having her over. Problem solved!!

#3 LoudMuffin

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:40 PM

I think you know the answer already.

Your friend is a twit. The end.

#4 Broxie

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:41 PM

Lol. Ok. I just wasn't sure if it was the norm and I'd missed the memo.

#5 Baggy

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:41 PM

I think its odd she thinks like that.

You definitely don't have the responsibility of providing toys for him. If I am going to a friends/family member's house and I know they don't have age-appropriate toys for my two daughters, then I bring some for them.

#6 AnnBB

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:41 PM

Well, your friend is an idiot. Tell her to bring her own blooming toys for her own blooming kid. How ridiculous.

#7 Gumbette

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:43 PM

You need new friends...

#8 Funwith3

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:49 PM

I find it hard to imagine that she ACTUALLY expects you to provide age-appropriate toys for her child. Are you sure her nasty remarks were not just sarcastic humour? Maybe you took it the wrong way? Or maybe there's more to the story, like perhaps you'd been disagreeing about something unrelated prior to this? Does she pay you to look after her son maybe?

I'm trying to give her an out I suppose. Or at least make sense of it. Because it sounds weird. No one expects friends to provide a house full of toys specifically for their children.

#9 strawberrycakes

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:51 PM

No way is it your responsibilty to have toys on hand for another child.  How rude of her to even suggest that you should.

FTR I don't even expect my parents to have toys at her house to entertain my child.  I took toys to her house that DD rarely plays with anymore at home & she keeps them there for my DD & my niece.

#10 Fr0g

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:54 PM

Egad, where do some people get off?! Who are these women and what universe do they descend from?

Your friend is a clown. Tell her to BYO her own friggin' chess set!

#11 Broxie

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:55 PM

She brought a DVD over today for her son to watch. I was getting it out of the DVD player as she was packing up to leave. We'd had a perfectly nice time. She said "we wouldn't have to keep bringing DVDs over if you'd just get some interesting things for him to play with" accompanied by an eyeroll as she grabbed the DVD and put it in her handbag.
She had mentioned over coffee that perhaps I should start going to her place since her son had more fun there, which I said I was happy to do.  shrug.gif

#12 Bernard Woolley

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:56 PM

And yet, despite the fact that our child is 7 weeks old, I've regularly had visitors turn up recently expecting that there will be something in the house capable of entertaining their 2-5yos. People are weird  rolleyes.gif

#13 Liadan

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:57 PM

A friend of mine who has no children has age appropriate age toys my DD can play with, but she ONLY has these because she has nieces and nephews around the same age that she regularly looks after.

#14 belindarama

Posted 06 November 2012 - 06:59 PM

If I go to someone's house and they don't have kids around my kids' ages I bring my own toys.

My kids, my problem.

She's an idiot.

#15 noi'mnot

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:05 PM

QUOTE (s'peachykeen @ 06/11/2012, 07:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And yet, despite the fact that our child is 7 weeks old, I've regularly had visitors turn up recently expecting that there will be something in the house capable of entertaining their 2-5yos. People are weird  rolleyes.gif

I've got a friend like this too. I have a 2 year old, she has three aged from 4-8. It is weird, but has taught me to make sure I always have plenty of toys for my child whenever we go somewhere, because I don't want others to have to feel obliged to entertain her.

#16 Cranky Kitten

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:06 PM

How odd. On the other hand, I have taken to warning people recently that we don't have any "in between" toys available as people seem to make the assumption that because I have an older child as well as a baby that their kids can play with DD's stuff, but she's only here on alternate weekends normally and I don't let people into her room without her permission.

Suggest your friend bring some toys for her own child.

#17 vanessa71

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:06 PM

When she was giving you the  rolleyes.gif, you should have asked her very matter of factly why she thinks you should provide toys for him when he could easily bring some of his own.

#18 namie

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:07 PM

I agree with the PPs. I don't have anything beyond my DS1s age so anyone older needs to bring their own entertainment.
I always take toys for my kids to play with if we're going somewhere there won't be things to interest them. Mind you, I'm lucky to leave the house without them bringing something whether they need to or not!

#19 sa5ha

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:13 PM

I don't know what alternate reality your friend lives in, but there is no way you have any obligation or responsibility to provide toys for her child to play with!

#20 PattiODoors

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:14 PM

QUOTE (vanessa71 @ 06/11/2012, 08:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When she was giving you the  rolleyes.gif, you should have asked her very matter of factly why she thinks you should provide toys for him when he could easily bring some of his own.

How rude of your friend. How hard would it be to ask the boy to gather up some of his favourite toys to bring over?

#21 BenevolentDictator

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:19 PM

It might be easier to go to her home in future, but if that is an example of how she behaves, would you want to??

On the other hand I do keep a tub of baby and toddler toys for small visitors.  They were all favourites of DS and are still ok and safe to play with, and I get enormous pleasure from watching my friends' little ones enjoy them too.  But I'm a sentimental old fool.

Your friend sounds awful.  Sorry.

#22 bebe12

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:22 PM


This was worth a good laugh.  I have a dd11 and a new ds (i have oldest and youngest child of my friends), so toys that are to old or to young for most.  I do have a spare toy box with odd toys from when dd was younger.

It you want to show that you have a toy apropriate for his age get a ball. just make sure that he know not to use it in the house.  That way you have tried, but when tshe complains you can point out you don't know about what intrest that age group yet, and as bonus it s still useable your your child.

#23 rachel*t*p

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:25 PM

I have bag of toys in our car that
I keep there permanently for when we are out and about. They are all things I don't mind losing or breaking, but I find that if we are at someone else's house the kids like to play with the Toysthere even if they are not age appropriate as it seems to be more fun to play with something new and different.

Edited by rachel*t*p, 06 November 2012 - 07:31 PM.

#24 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:33 PM

Hmm. I think I would be telling her that your home is not a creche for all ages and she should think to bring something appropriate with.

#25 Tobias'smum

Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:35 PM

i always take toys fr ds just in case and when people come over if they have younger kids i put some of the little baby unsafe toys away (not a lot as ds is ony 20 months) but i will mention to parents with older kids to bring toys or dvd  to entertain them

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