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Share the Bedroom, or Baby's own room?


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#1 robot sm

Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:14 PM

Just wondering how many people have a new baby in the bedroom with them (in a cot or bassinet), and how many give the baby their own room?

We don't have much space in our bedroom, and would need to move some pieces of furniture out if the baby were to share our room.  We are planning on the baby being in what was our spare bedroom, which is right next to ours.  There's no trouble hearing what's going on in the next room, so we would still hear when the baby wakes.

I have found some people and resources say that for the first months you should have the baby in the same room as you - is that really necessary?  I'm not going to be able to respond any quicker, and for night feeds etc that would then just wake up DH as well.  In any case I would have to pick up the bub and take him to the next room for feeding, as there's no way we can also fit a chair in our room (very small bedrooms).

We do have a fold-out futon bed in the spare/baby room, which we're planning on leaving there, so I could always sleep in there if required if the baby is unwell or in whatever other case that I would need to be right there all night.  

Any advice or experiences?

#2 Marchioness Flea

Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:25 PM

I had our baby in a bassinet in our room next to the bed. You don't need to feed in a chair, you can feed in the bed!
I've heard one of the reasons it's good to have them in your room is they regulate their breathing with yours, which means it's less of a SIDS risk, plus you're more likely to hear them if they do have trouble breathing or whatever if they are in with you.
I had to squeeze around my bed sideways, but it was worth it. It's also great for early morning snuggles original.gif
trust me, a man can sleep through a screaming baby in the same room if he really wants to! Or he'll wake if you do anyway.

#3 clrw

Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:25 PM

We had baby in his own room. DP slept in the baby's room for the first 12 weeks to get used to his noises. After that we used a monitor for awhile but as the rooms are next door we found we didn't need it.

#4 Libster

Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:26 PM

Our bedroom was tiny and couldn't fit one bassinet, let alone 2 for our twins. This time around, we're in a larger house and I plan to do what you're doing which is have the baby in his/her own room and have a single bed in there. I plan to sleep in the bedroom as well most of the time so my husband can get some sleep.
So I think your set up sounds good - I think the benefit of having you in the same room is there is a lower incidence of SIDS if you're in the room too, so ideally you would sleep in there every night for the first 6 months, however just do what you think is best for you.

#5 DS1979

Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:44 PM

We've never had any of our kids share our room. My son had his own room from the very beginning; granted our place is small and his room is next door to ours so I could hear every sound he made. My daughter was in the lounge room for a few months until we moved her in with our son. Our next baby will do the same; basinette in the lounge room for a few months and then into the room with the other kids. original.gif




#6 au*lit

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:01 PM

We had the baby in the bassinet next to my side of the bed. The spare room (to be baby's room) had a fold out bed in it. DH slept in there if he wanted uninterrupted sleep.

I had no breastfeeding chair - I fed lying down in bed (I highly recommend this - get a midwife/lactation consultant to show you how). It really was so easy when I was exhausted.

Also, once the baby is born you might not want to be separated from him/her at first. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and want to make sure he was still breathing (very normal when your baby is tiny). This was easy when he was right there.

#7 Ice Queen

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:01 PM

I 'set up' a nursery/baby room on both occasions with the intention of it being the babys room eventually.  The cot, changetable, feeding chair etc was all put in there.  Then we had a bassinet (something I cant recommend enough) and we then had the flexibility of where they slept.  It is very hard to know how you will feel about a baby in your room until you have it.  With DD it was okay so she was in our room for 7weeks but with DS it was awful and he lasted 2 days and got parked in the hall outside our room and moved to his own room pretty quickly.

My DH never liked or slept well with the bubs in our room, he got too tired (I know that sounds pathetic when we are getting up all night but he works long hrs and has a stressful job). Also I never understood feeding in bed, I found it so uncomfortable on my back, couldnt attach properly, too dark and how do people change the nappy.....poo in your bed, YUK!  I always moved into the lounge or babys room for the night feeds anyway. My babys pooed constantly (again something you dont know until bubs is born) so I could never have done the nappy changes in bed.

I cant imagine not having a room for the baby even if they are sleeping in your room.  If bubs has gone to bed at 7pm, how does everyone get ready for bed without waking the baby??  I just used to wheel bubs in when it was our bedtime.

Just wanted to add, with your first baby it is nice to have them in your room in the early days and hear them breathe.  Most new mums are a bit paranoid which is totally normal!

Edited by Ehill, 05 November 2012 - 01:04 PM.


#8 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:05 PM

Our baby had his own room directly across the hall from ours. Both doors always remained open and we did not use a monitor. He also went straight into a cot. We had no dramas. I breastfed in his room as I had to get up to change his nappy anyway whenever he woke up. Newborns poo a lot!

#9 Froger

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:07 PM

All my babies have slept with me in my bed, and I've breastfed them in bed with me. Stuff getting up to sit in a chair in the middle of the night!


Safe sleeping guideline No. 5 from SIDS and Kids says:

QUOTE
5. Sleep baby in their own safe sleeping place in the same room as an adult care-giver for the first six to twelve months


http://www.sidsandkids.org/safe-sleeping/

Edited by SarahM72, 05 November 2012 - 01:07 PM.


#10 CallMeFeral

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:12 PM

Each to their own... but so's you're aware the guidelines on having them in your room are not really about responding quicker, it's to do with the theory that hearing the parents noises and breathing helps regulate the child's sleep cycle such that they are less likely to get SIDS (one of a whole number of reducing factors - not at all saying that if you don't do it they would get SIDS!)
Just so's you're aware.

#11 fun_fairz

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:14 PM

With both kids I intended to have in my room but I am an extremely light sleeper and after a week of no sleep whatsoever my husband decided that babies needed to move. He slept through it all but could see me slowly losing it!

The first went straight into his own room which was next door and the second went into our walk in robe.

I know SIDs recommends keeping them in your room but personally I think you need to do what is best for the whole family and getting good quality sleep out weighs anything else.

#12 Pocket79

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

We had DS in his own room from the start, however until he was 6mo he was in the sunroom which is attached to our room with the door open so we could all still hear each other.  The good thing about him not being right next to our bed was that he wasn't so close to me that I would feel the urge to pick him up every time he made the slightest noise!

#13 ninaswalk

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:24 PM

Both ours went straight into a cot in their own room - which is right next door to ours.  We used no baby monitors and I would get up and feed them in their room.  I'm a very light sleeper and there's no way I could get proper sleep with them next to my bed.
Is this a new SIDS recommendation - I don't recall it when my kids were babies.
We'll probably do the same if we have any more - I figured that I am following all other SIDS recommendations the risk is minimal.

#14 SeaPrincess

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:27 PM

I found the babies far too noisy to sleep with.  Then if they stopped making noise, I was up checking on them, so I never got any sleep at all!  I understand why it is a new recommendation to avoid SIDS, but after a couple of nights with DS1, we didn't have them in our room.

R

#15 whale-woman

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:35 PM

DD had a bassinet in our room and a cot in her own room. She slept where ever was convenient. With this bub we'll do the same but I will definitely be looking to get bub into their own room sooner rather than later as we ALL slept better that way.

#16 Lokum

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:41 PM

Agree with the PPs who said to wait and see, keep it in perspective of one of many, many decisions you'll make. Guidelines and recommendations are just that - you have to apply them in the specifics of your family situation as it unfolds.

That said, as well as SIDs & Kids recommending the baby is in the same room as you on their own safe sleeping surface for 6-12 months, I believe children who room-in are likely to breast feed for longer (i have read it, and it's to do with the number of spontaneously initiated feeds in an average night etc.)

We had DS1 in with us for 10 months. Our room is TINY and we had to move furniture around to accommodate the bassinet. When he outgrew that, I couldn't bear to move him out, so we stripped down and re-built our bed to make a few inches more space, and had to dismantle and rebuild the cot alongside my bed. He stayed with us to 10 months, when we were starting to disturb him with our sleeping noises and movements.

This next one will have to room in with us for at least 12 months, as we have nowhere else to put him! I like having them right by me, hearing each other breathe, and being able to look and see the little rising chest whenever I need to. I still got up to feed and change in another room - our bassinet had wheels and I'd wheel him out.

#17 livvie7586

Posted 05 November 2012 - 01:48 PM

In with me.  i've done both, but i found nothing worse than getting out of bed and sitting in a cold chair to BF.  much easier to feed lying down in my nice warm snuggly bed, and being able to doze whilst bub fed

#18 adl

Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:12 PM

DS slept next to us in his bassinet till I moved him next door as we were disturbing him and visa versa...  ( at 4mths)


DH was funny about it saying he would get lonely,  actually he loved his own space LOL ..

I actually saw a recent doco on this and co-sleeping where they measured the mother and baby breathing and showed after x time in bed they synced the patterns and the rem sleeps etc..was really interesting..

however it is not for everyone,  as anything,  see how you go,  dont fix one way or another until you find what will work for you and bubs...

Also with a winter bub, I agree the warm snuggly bed was much better ... Dh learnt to sleep through...but then he sleeps anywhere anytime

Edited by adl, 05 November 2012 - 02:13 PM.


#19 butterflydreaming

Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:30 PM

Had my son in with me for ten months and plan on doing the same when this baby comes.

For the pp who asked if its a new guideline it was part of the guidelines at least three years ago when I had my son.

#20 Cloria

Posted 05 November 2012 - 02:54 PM

We are going to set up a nursery that is separate to our room (happens to be on the other end of the house) with a cot.

I understand people's preferences but I personally think baby should have it's own space from day dot. Transitioning from one room in one form of sleep arrangement (bassinet) to another room in another (cot) seems unneccessary to me and opens up to have problems getting them out of your room - either from you or from bubs.
I think it's important for the parents to keep their own space too (like a little haven) as everything else will be overrun.
I have no doubt my ears will prick up when/if something goes awry.

In the end it's one of those things that I think everyone has an opinion on. I get a lot of rolled eyes and looks of disbelief when I've discussed it with the in laws. You just have to weigh up what's most important for you and go with what suits that best.

#21 CallMeFeral

Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (Cloria @ 05/11/2012, 03:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I understand people's preferences but I personally think baby should have it's own space from day dot. Transitioning from one room in one form of sleep arrangement (bassinet) to another room in another (cot) seems unneccessary to me and opens up to have problems getting them out of your room - either from you or from bubs.
I think it's important for the parents to keep their own space too (like a little haven) as everything else will be overrun.


laughing2.gif
First bub right? Tounge1.gif

#22 sarkazm76

Posted 05 November 2012 - 03:16 PM

DS spent about 6 months in his bassinette next to my side of the bed.  Then into his cot in his own room - I didn't like that - having to get up and go in there all night.  I don't even remember how long it was, but not long, then moved cot to our room.  That was better.  Realised, after a lot of confusion on why he would wake during the night but then i couldn't get him to feed.... that sometimes he just wanted a cuddle - to know we were there.  So when he stirred I would cuddle him in our bed and if he kept stirring only offer to feed then.  This slowly turned into "hey he sleeps sooooo much better in bed with us" and so he and I co-slept for ages with DH on a mattress on the floor, lol.  He didn't feel comfortable sharing the bed with bubs AND he could have used our spared bed but he wanted to remain close so his choice.  Then I found out about setting the cot up as a co-sleeper and did that so DH is now back in the bed, DS is in his cot and my next bub will be in a basinette as long as they fit.... DS is 21 months now and will stay in our room as long as he wants. When bubs needs to move into the cot we will get a toddler bed for DS but still in our room.  Works for us.  Hope the new baby finds it works for them too biggrin.gif


#23 Cloria

Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:01 PM

Glad you guys are having a laugh but I'm rather offended that you think just because I have a different opinion to you that it's somehow misguided.



#24 mytimenow

Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:06 PM

Cloria,

I am a first time Mum and plan on doing the same as you. I have the babies room at the other end of the house (just because that happens to be where we have the space).  We have a spare room right next door, where if need be, I will sleep/collapse as necessary.


You have to do what is right for you and you won't know what is right until your bub comes.  Good luck....

#25 MeN3Ps!

Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:11 PM


Hey OP,
my babies shared the same cot in our room up until they were 6 months old. After that, I could not handle the night noises and they were growing too big to share the same cot, so we put them into seperate cots in their own room.

A bit more peace  biggrin.gif




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