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Name conundrum...

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#1 InsertAwesomeHere

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

I posted a few weeks asking about the name Ariana and my step sister and then updated again to say I've been told if I use the name I will lose family.

My problem is I can't get past the name. Nothing else I come across has the same ring to, doesn't stand out as much and I now can't figure out if it's because I really do like it that much or if it's because I've been told I can't use it. DP is the same, he said he really likes it too but can't figure out if it's because he does really like it or because he's been told he can't have it.

I'm also still really annoyed that I've been given that ultimatum. I don't see why her choice/happiness is more important than mine, especially when she isn't even pregnant.

And now I'm ranting.. Long story short how do I tell if it really stands out because I love it or because I'm being told not to use it? Does anyone have any similar suggestions? Is Ariana about to become 'common' whilst my other kids have common names I want something different that will stand out a little. Our boys choice is Felix.

#2 idignantlyright

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:28 AM

I hate it when people tell others they can't use names. I would go against them and just use it. She may end up having all boys, if she ever does have children.

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:32 AM

Use the name you want. I think it's outrageous that your family is bullying you and threatening to change your choice, your step sister isn't even expecting.

Ariana is a beautiful name.

Edited by Sunnycat, 04 November 2012 - 10:32 AM.

#4 kerilyntaryn

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:39 AM

what about


she doesnt own the name and may not ever use it - is there a reason why she wants it so much

Edited by kerilyntaryn, 04 November 2012 - 10:46 AM.

#5 PatG

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:45 AM

If she wants the name because she happens to like it then she doesn't have ownership over it but if it has a very special meaning to her (e.g. the name of her mother who passed away recently) then she possibly has dibs.  I think this is an example as to why you don't discuss names with family beforehand!  Unless she has just come out and said "you can't use this name, it's mine".

I would hope that you were mature enough to not fixate on a name because you have been told you can't have it, do you think you are mature?  If so you probably just really like the name.  Did you come up with it before you were told you couldn't use it?

#6 kristylee21

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:45 AM

I don't think anyone can claim a name... And think its rather rude to threaten you over it. Especially when its not even the same name.. that's ridiculous

Edited by kristylee21, 04 November 2012 - 10:47 AM.

#7 Gudrun

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:49 AM

From what I remember of the last thread it sounded like whatever you do, said person is going to be trouble. And that she is just using this to be trouble.  It won't matter what name you choose she will probably think of some way to annoy you.

So you'll probably get the same stuff coming from that direction even if you take notice of her. And then you will have lost your name too.  

I would try and pretend she doesn't exist and hang on to the name as you normally would until or unless you think of something you like as much or more but keep very, very secret.

Who knows if you ignore the ultimatum it might change the dynamic for the good eventually ie she might decide her hitherto behaviour gets her nowhere.

Anyway only you can know your situation.

Back to names.  I thought I might put some here just in case you can be tempted:


good luck!

#8 InsertAwesomeHere

Posted 04 November 2012 - 10:55 AM

We chose Ariana very early on, came across it and fell in love with it. Before we'd announced the pregnancy my step mum let slip that my step sister who isn't pregnant and can't be guaranteed to have a girl would be using Aria. So we chose Ariana, then step mum let slip Aria.

She kept asking and asking about names and I mentioned Ariana and she said she hoped I wouldn't use it and I said we hadn't officially decided yet but it was at the top of our list, which was technically true but we kind of had decided I just didn't want the argument there and then. I told her the other names on the list and she left it at that.

Next time we spoke she kept calling the baby Gabriella, because it's second on our list and she's certain it's a girl (we haven't found out but i'm pretty sure too). I said well we haven't decided yet, she mentioned that she said something to my step sister about Ariana who had said she hoped we didn't use it then my step mum went on about how SS always wanted a little Ari and I said well we don't want Ari as a NN anyway. When I repeated again that we hadn't decided she said well if you lose it you will lose family, I said who you and SS and she said yes.

We spoke the other night and ended up arguing over something different and I bought up the name thing because I was p*ssed off and I was certain my Dad wouldn't agree with her and probably didn't even know about what she'd said. Apparently he does know and does agree but I haven't been able to get a hold of him because he's always at work or with her and you can't really talk to him when she's there.

The name has no special meaning and my step mum saying oh she's always wanted an Ari is a load of crap because before having her son she had a different girls name picked out. I also told my step mum that because we barely see each other I wouldn't care if she had Aria and we had Ariana but apparently they would so I'm the one that has to change.

I think I'm mature, the name has always stood out but now I feel threatened because of her. I've been online looking at names today to see if there was anything else and came across Abigail and we both really like it so at least there is another runner now as the other names we had didn't come close to how much we love Ariana.

The other thing is that I don't believe she has any right to put me in the position she has and if we do happen to choose a different name I don't want her to think it's because she has the power to dictate.

Read out your list of names and DP vetoed all of them. I like Ariella and Everly but not as much as Ariana.

ETA: People posted as I took too long to type. You guys come up with so many names, do you just know them off the top of your head?

Gudrun - i've tried before to change the dynamic but it doesn't work, you try to take a stand and end up losing that part of the family for however long you try to be the bigger person, it even means not talking to my dad, not getting invited to things and I end up getting sick of that so I apologize even though I feel i've done nothing wrong and it all goes in one big cycle all over again. I'm at the point now where I feel like if I cut my losses what would I really be losing, other than a set of grand parents for my kids who have my ex's parents, my mum and my DP parents anyway.

Edited by InsertAwesomeHere, 04 November 2012 - 10:59 AM.

#9 Gudrun

Posted 04 November 2012 - 11:18 AM

Seriously OP it seems to me that if she carried through her threat it would be a blessing.

Just hang on to your name unless you want to change it yourself.  You will not feel good if you succumb.

Ariana is a great name.  It has really good rhythm.

#10 Luxe

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:04 PM

Your step sister has no such claim on the name and your step mum is playing favourites. Use the name you want.

They can build a bridge and get over it. If they didn't talk to you for awhile I'd count that as a blessing.

#11 Peanut212

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:25 PM

If you want the name use it- she can't bags a nameFor a child that doesnt exist. I have had my girl name for years and now I'm pregnant I still love it. If a friend or family member uses it first I don't care I'll still have it- it's not like you're naming twins the same name! Tell her and your step mum to stop being spoilt brats and trying to take away from the most exciting time in your life original.gif If they choose to walk away from you and your beautiful bub that'll be their loss!

#12 andyk

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:35 PM

I would name your baby whatever you and your DH want without regard for the name dibs.

But would you consider Aliana or Elliana as a substitute with a possible nn of Ali or Ellie.

#13 emiboo

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:37 PM

Lol I don't understand how people can believe they have 'rights' to things like this. Rights to a name, rights to watch you give birth, rights to bottle-feed your baby, which you are intentionally and cruelly stripping them of if you choose to breast-feed, rights to dictate what exact dress you wear to their wedding, when you're not even part of the bridal party.


#14 Freddie'sMum

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:40 PM

Oh bollocks to her OP.

If you and your partner want to use a name (whatever it is) then use it.

If they (extended / step family) have a hissy fit - then maybe it would be worth using it just to get them out of your hair !!

#15 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:41 PM

Use whatever name you like.  If she is threatening to "lose family" if you name your child Ariana, then I say good riddance to her, sir!  wink.gif

I think Arielle and Eloise are just as lovely, by the way.

Edited by Dinah_Harris, 04 November 2012 - 12:42 PM.

#16 jazzann

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:42 PM

that is ridiculous. its not even the same name. dont compromise if its the name you love. you will only regret it. its your choice no one elses.

#17 jai*

Posted 04 November 2012 - 12:51 PM

Can you imagine your SM and SS having to tell people that you guys no longer speak because you used the name that you wanted to for your daughter?! Especially if she ends up having another boy.

Just use the name you want to.

#18 SuburbnJournalista

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:05 PM

PLEASE use the name you would like. It's a beautiful name and really hard to come up with something similar.

They sound so unreasonable. What they're saying is really unfair.

She may not have kids, may not have a girl, may not have a partner who agrees to the name.

I learnt my lesson about talking names. We've been TTC for 4 years and the only time I mentioned my favourite boys name to a friend, very good friend (we live in different states and her son is 2years old) She used it. It's not going to stop me using it if I have a boy.

#19 ~Peaches~

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:14 PM

QUOTE (Luxe @ 04/11/2012, 01:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your step sister has no such claim on the name and your step mum is playing favourites. Use the name you want.

They can build a bridge and get over it. If they didn't talk to you for awhile I'd count that as a blessing.

This exactly. The whole situation is ridiculous. It's not even the same name for starters, secondly no one 'owns' a name, so you are just as entitled to use your favorite  just like anyone else, and she might not  ever have a girl anyway huh.gif
Please just use the name you love OP, I wouldn't care what anyone else has to say about it, it's your child's name they will have forever, so you need o choose the one you love best.

#20 niggles

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:23 PM

It's tricky isn't it. You should probably just go ahead and use the name. But I'm so easily put off names that unless it was very firmly entrenched in my mind all the tension would probably just put me off. As wrong as that is I think I would just have to find another name.

#21 ubermum

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:39 PM

OM*G. Just use the name. I am of the firm belief you can't bags a name (lucky my sister is too because I used her favourite girls name).

Anything could prevent her using it. She may not have girls or a pregnancy, she could die, reasons could see you or her become estranged from the family or a massive asteroid could hit the earth and we are all wiped out. Whatever, you would be very annoyed in 30 years time if you didn't use a name you love because of her and she never used it, couldn't use it, or isn't in your life anymore.

Let this be a lesson to you not to discuss names you are considering. Also, if someone says to you that they "bags a name", laugh at them and say you don't buy into names bagging crap. They can bags it all they like, you will choose what you choose.

Edit- Lol, even acronyms are nicened up. I have seen it all now.

Edited by ubermum, 04 November 2012 - 01:41 PM.

#22 InsertAwesomeHere

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:45 PM

Thanks for all your responses.

I've been talking with DP as we've agreed we like Ariana and Abigail, an even first... We don't have a middle name picked yes. We've also agreed to tell no-one about the names. We have 18 wks to decide anyway.

You wouldn't believe what she's like. They live about half an hour away and can only come over if we provide a meal which we can't always afford to do and I'm reluctant to do because of the expectation. Every other person in my family can just pop in but they expect the meal and when I said to her well MIL and mum can just pop in her excuse was well your Mum is just around the corner.. Yeah but MIL isn't. Then she has a go saying well I always provide you with food, my argument was we have made it quite clear we don't expect a meal, her rebuttal was well you eat it don't you. So next time (if there is one) we go there I just won't eat.

It's so much easier for them to come here, they just have them. Then she lectures me about how when she had her 2 kids and was on a single parenting pension she was always able to feed her parents when they come over. Ok, come over for sandwiches then because that's what we usually have but they expect a meal like lasagne or something like that.

I've tried including my dad as well as making the effort to go see him when she was away and he called me when I was half way to his place saying he had a migraine and we would have to leave it for another time, luckily i was going to see my step sister and her new son so I had to go out there anyway. An hour or 2 later I get a text saying migraines gone now you can come. I'd put money on it that he wanted to sleep in and that's fine but give notice and don't blame me for not making an effort when he does things like that.

She complained that when DP walks in he says a blanket Hi to everyone instead of saying a special hi to her and dad as the host. She complains he doesn't talk enough, he's socially awkward and we have a massive family. It's loud and intimidating, give him time to adjust ffs we barely go there.

She has complained that she doesn't get to see the older 2 kids every yr because I have to split christmas with my ex, well I hate to break it to you but when you're in these situations the important thing is that the kids in question see their parents.

Maybe I should move this to the venting area lol. The worst part is that no matter what happens she makes me feel like I'm the one at fault. Like I cause the issues. I'm sick of being questioned about everything, every single thing.

DS3 is DP's first, after him and being told that DP wanted more kids of his own she still asks how many more we are going to have. Now we have this one on the way she keeps asking the same thing. This is it for us, 100%, vasectomy has been mentioned we are so serious about being done but she  won't drop it.

She thinks i told her I hate my MIL but I don't, I have the best MIL in the world, i've never had an issue with her and i don't recall saying the thing SM thinks i've said but she's certain.

When I've had issues with my ex and called them for advise seeing as you know they're both divorced and gone through child support and court all she does is turn it around and ask me questions about what I think of what my mum did during my parents divorce. After telling her over and over and over again that I don't care because i'm the kid. Then when we were having a serious conversation and I said it really upsets me when you say/bring up things about mum like that she says well what do you think of how ur mum did xyz... Ummm I just said I get upset when you do that. So now I feel like I can't go to them for support.

Not to mention the fact that now everyone else is the better child, even my brother. SS did things the right way because she bought a house, got married then had a baby, my brother and SIL talk to her heaps and bend over backwards to put up with her sh*t so they're in the good books, SB was a total d*ck of a teenager, like unbelievably shocking the stuff that he did and since having his son he's turned a page, and he really has which is great but now she makes out like he was always like that.

Then you start making an effort, you make regular phone calls, try to visit a little more often and then one wk you get a little busy so you can't call so she calls to have a go at you for not talking to them enough.

I called my Dad to update him on pregnancy stuff, after I got off the phone to him I called my best friend to tell her and he apparently called my step mum because then my step mum tried to call me while i was on the phone, I ignored it as I though i'll call her back in a few minutes but then my dad's office number tries to call me, then my step mum again. I get off the phone and call her back and she goes oh I thought u were ignoring my calls.

At night when i don't answer my phone because the battery is shot and I can't be bothered getting it fixed yet (it goes dead at about 3pm) she will call my brother.

When I was labour they asked for DP's number so they could find out what was happening, I said I had better reception and would be using my phone so DP's number was pointless, not to mention he was meant to be focusing on me and would let people know when he could. But I then got in trouble for not giving them DP's number and they thought I was doing it on purpose.

Grrr, sorry, i've typed so much, I've put up with so many years of this and when i start I seem to not stop. Sorry to anyone who made it through reading all that.

#23 ubermum

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:48 PM

Oh boy.   ohmy.gif Just use the name and hopefully you will never have to see them again.

#24 BadgerBasher

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:51 PM

Use it. Sod them.

Imogen should have been Innogen (which is a completely legitimate name, in case anyone was going to cry kre8tiff) but I stupidly gave into my mum. Still curse my idiocy.
Anyway, she could never have another kid/have a flotilla of boys/be persuaded that Priscilla is a much better name.

Can't believe you put up with all that.
You'd be well shot, I reckon. Good luck.

Edited by BadgerBasher, 04 November 2012 - 01:56 PM.

#25 la di dah

Posted 04 November 2012 - 01:53 PM

I would try to sort out if part of the attraction is knowing you "can't" use it.

Not that you shouldn't use it, but don't fall into embroidering to yourself how wonderful it would be, if when if you were "allowed" to use it would only be just-nice, you know?

I find myself doing it a bit to names I can't use - and they ARE nice names - but would I neeeed them as much as I do because I can't have them, or am I a contrary d*ck? Maybe a bit of both! roll2.gif

Random names that are similar to Ariana that I like:


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