Jump to content

No presents please, but....


  • Please log in to reply
121 replies to this topic

#1 Jekaho

Posted 03 November 2012 - 10:52 AM

Ok, please don't flame me for wanting to ask people to not give our son presents for his birthday. I am looking for helpful suggestions of wording, rather than people telling me off for ripping off our child on his special day.

So, my son is having his first birthday "big" party with friends as well as family two days before Christmas. He's turning 4. We are very excited about it - he is excited. We want to it be a time of celebration and fun - something that he will love, special memories with friends and family etc. We don't want lots of presents - we don't have room and he doesn't need them. We know friends and family will want to give presents and that is lovely. But we don't see the need for presents from 70-odd people.

We don't want to ask for money, or for particular gifts. So I was thinking about somehow putting on the invite something about if you're wanting to buy a present for his birthday, please consider bringing along a present to be donated to the Kmart Wishing Tree instead.

But I really don't know how to word it.

I had been thinking about a can of food or something to donate, but because the wishing tree is still open on Christmas Eve, the timing is good.

How do you think I can work it in to the invite:
1. so it makes sense and people get on board with it
2. so it isn't presumptuous about a gift being given or rude asking for something

Any wordsmiths out there??

PS. Yes, he will be getting presents from us, and from family, but not at the party.

Edited by Jekaho, 03 November 2012 - 10:54 AM.


#2 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 03 November 2012 - 10:59 AM

I really don't like being dictated to donate to charity.  

I also don't like coming empty handed to a party.  There's always 'that person' who brings a gift anyway and makes everyone else feel bad.  

I'd much rather a request like 'we're building a library of books' or 'collection of matchbox cars' or similar.

#3 smithsholidayroad

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

I think it is a fantastic idea! We have done similar things for birthdays and Christmas.


Maybe something like:

" My son has everything he needs, his present is your prescence at his party to celebrate. Please consider a donation for children in need either by placing a gift at Kmarts wishing tree or donate to your favourite charity to share the love this birthday and festive season"

Bron

#4 idignantlyright

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:05 AM

Is there a big ticket item you think he would like, such as an outdoor swing or cubby house set?

You could layby it and ask people to contribute whatever they could afford to the layby. Or give him a gift card in an anonymous envelope.

#5 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:07 AM

I don't think it is fair to your child. I also don't like being told who to donate to.

#6 Wineandchocolate

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:08 AM

How about something like:

"You are welcome to bring a present but please note that as our DS already has everything he needs, we will be donating your gift to the Kmart wishing tree"

(obviously you need to somehow do this so that your little one doesn't see gifts that he thinks may be for him original.gif )

#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:10 AM

Is your son old enough to agree that some of his presents should go to help others?  If so, ask him about it and write what he says on the invitation.  

If not then its his birthday (not yours) and I think you should let people do what they want with their own time and money.

Edited by meggs1, 03 November 2012 - 11:12 AM.


#8 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:11 AM

QUOTE (Mummy2907 @ 03/11/2012, 12:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How about something like:

"You are welcome to bring a present but please note that as our DS already has everything he needs, we will be donating your gift to the Kmart wishing tree"

(obviously you need to somehow do this so that your little one doesn't see gifts that he thinks may be for him original.gif )


That's horrid.  I wouldn't come to the party.

#9 harryboy

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

I would respect your request if you asked but I would still bring a little present along for your son.

#10 namie

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:13 AM

I agree with SlinkMalinki but I'm firmly of the opinion that one can never have too many books.

I think I would just happily receive what was given and then donate anything we don't need or don't have room for to charity. But I would never have 70-odd people at a child's birthday party so it will never be a problem for me. I don't reckon I'd even get 70 at my wedding even if flew in DPs family.

You could just suggest that people purchase a gift from Oxfam which helps other people - it was mentioned in another thread and is a great idea. Your son would probably get a kick out of his great-aunt Alice (or whoever) buying a goat for a village.

Edited by namie, 03 November 2012 - 11:16 AM.


#11 bakesgirls

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:17 AM

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 03/11/2012, 11:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it is fair to your child. I also don't like being told who to donate to.

This.


QUOTE (Mummy2907 @ 03/11/2012, 11:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How about something like:

"You are welcome to bring a present but please note that as our DS already has everything he needs, we will be donating your gift to the Kmart wishing tree"

(obviously you need to somehow do this so that your little one doesn't see gifts that he thinks may be for him original.gif )


I would not be impressed to read or be told this.

#12 Leha

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:19 AM

I tried to do this for my sons first birthday. It made no difference. Everybody came and bought a gift anyway. Honestly, I would t bother and maybe you and our son could take a few of the presents  to the needy.

#13 BetteBoop

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:20 AM

EB is bizarre on this issue. You can't win OP.

You're mentally traumatising your kid if you don't let them get acres of crap from everyone who comes.

If you ask for charity donations, you're a w*n*er.

If you ask for a specific gift, it's a gift grab.

The only right answer is let everyone come and bring more crap you don't need or want  rolleyes.gif

As someone who has done this 3 years in a row, my advice is to call everyone up individually beforehand and specifically ask for no presents as your son has enough toys already.

It does reduce the number of gifts you get, but some people are incapable of changing their behaviour in any way, regardless of what their host requests.

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 03/11/2012, 11:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's horrid.  I wouldn't come to the party.


If you're utterly incapable of doing something only to please someone else, would you be missed?

#14 Wineandchocolate

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:21 AM

Ok, perhaps my wording wasn't great, but what I meant was word it in a way that discourages people from bringing a present (since that's what you're aiming to achieve), with the knowledge that if they do bring one it wouldn't actually go to their intended recipient.  Didn't mean to cause offense or discourage people from attending the party sad.gif

#15 50ftqueenie

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

70 people for a 4th birthday seems a lot. Could you ask family not to buy anything too big?  As for his friends, at that age surely it's nice for children to help choose and wrap a gift it wouldn't be the same if they bought a gift that was for someone else.

#16 bark

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:27 AM

You are best off just writing 'No Presents please'.

Then if you wish to donate them thats up to you.

#17 Escapin

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

I really like the 'draw a special picture' idea. That way everyone can still bring something for the birthday boy.

#18 BurningBright

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:29 AM

I would accept gifts as they come and then donate the lot to charity gift wrap and all. I like keep things extremely simple in my life and dictating party terms to 70 odd people is beyond my reach and I am truly lazy  biggrin.gif

#19 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:31 AM

QUOTE (bakesgirls @ 03/11/2012, 12:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This.




I would not be impressed to read or be told this.

Stating no gifts for a 4 yr old (who I would probably give puzzles or books play dough etc) would make me think well is there going to be party food? Games? A cake? Also our child would have 50 family at there birthday (beauty of blended close families) add in a few close friends easily 70 people but that doesn't equate 70 presents, to get 70 presents. I'm not going to have my child miss out in a party that their cousins get, I will probably change what I but them ie something big or give them something small and do an experience with them.

#20 OneProudMum

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:32 AM

I wouldn't write anything. Most gifts these days from target, big w and the like can be exchanged at those stores without proof of purchase. I would accept any gift graciously and just exchange what you don't have room for.

Half the excitement of a birthday party is opening up presents. Why would you want to detract that excitement from a party?

I think you're being rude and ungrateful, to be honest.

I probably wouldn't go to be honest.

Edited by OneProudMum, 03 November 2012 - 11:34 AM.


#21 Just Wondering

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:33 AM

I love the idea of asking friends to bring a picture that can be put into a scrapbook. Kids grow out of toys and with so many never know who gave them what anyway. I know my older boys would still look back on scrapbooks of special pictures from their friends, and have a laugh with the kids that they are still friends with, lol.
Being so close to christmas maybe you can somehow word it to say that you dont want your son overwhelemed by too many gifts

#22 adl

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

It's his first big party ? I would just leave it....

I understand Your thinking but I do believe it's rude to dictate gifts, non gifts or charitable donations...
Etiquette and manners are important...


if people ask then you can say it , by talking personally and explain look its close to Christmas, it will sound better and you can judge reaction rather than an arbitrary statement on an invite.

but people will be offended , I may suggest an idea to extended family when they ask but otherwise I let them do and give what they want, it's their relationship with my child not mine....

#23 boost33

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:38 AM

We recently went to a wedding and on the invite it had "our request is for no gifts".

I thought it was a nice and different way of saying "no presents please." It clearly states that that is your request.....

I live in a small place. I totally get the not wanting more stuff you have to find a home for. I don't think it's rude at all. And I don't think your child is missing out - a party with 70 guests at 4! Wow! What a lucky little guy. I bet there will be lots of fabulous photos for him to keep and look back at. Kids get so excited just to have all the people they love around them.

Why does it always have to be about the gifts? Sometimes it's nice, yes. But sometimes it's nice to appreciate that the gift is all those people coming together for little old you.

#24 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:40 AM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 03/11/2012, 12:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you're utterly incapable of doing something only to please someone else, would you be missed?


I do my own charity giving, and I'd be happy to donate to whatever cause the birthday child wanted to support.  

But I think making these types of decisions on behalf of your kids ignores the fact that the guests are not your guests, but your child's.  They have their own relationship with the child, and when choosing a gift are usually trying to give the child a particular experience or memory they will enjoy.  Who are you to cut that off?

I repeat if the child themself wants to support a charity that's fine, use their wording, it will be more authentic than some twee poem.  





#25 biscotty

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:43 AM

How is it "unfair" for a little boy to have a big party with all of his friends and family? He will love that, I highly doubt the absence of plastic crap will affect his birthday...

I also like the suggestion of a drawing original.gif That should appease those who don't like coming empty handed, and will be something special for your DS to keep without taking up too much space!




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.