Jump to content

No presents please, but....


  • Please log in to reply
121 replies to this topic

#1 Jekaho

Posted 03 November 2012 - 10:52 AM

Ok, please don't flame me for wanting to ask people to not give our son presents for his birthday. I am looking for helpful suggestions of wording, rather than people telling me off for ripping off our child on his special day.

So, my son is having his first birthday "big" party with friends as well as family two days before Christmas. He's turning 4. We are very excited about it - he is excited. We want to it be a time of celebration and fun - something that he will love, special memories with friends and family etc. We don't want lots of presents - we don't have room and he doesn't need them. We know friends and family will want to give presents and that is lovely. But we don't see the need for presents from 70-odd people.

We don't want to ask for money, or for particular gifts. So I was thinking about somehow putting on the invite something about if you're wanting to buy a present for his birthday, please consider bringing along a present to be donated to the Kmart Wishing Tree instead.

But I really don't know how to word it.

I had been thinking about a can of food or something to donate, but because the wishing tree is still open on Christmas Eve, the timing is good.

How do you think I can work it in to the invite:
1. so it makes sense and people get on board with it
2. so it isn't presumptuous about a gift being given or rude asking for something

Any wordsmiths out there??

PS. Yes, he will be getting presents from us, and from family, but not at the party.

Edited by Jekaho, 03 November 2012 - 10:54 AM.


#2 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 03 November 2012 - 10:59 AM

I really don't like being dictated to donate to charity.  

I also don't like coming empty handed to a party.  There's always 'that person' who brings a gift anyway and makes everyone else feel bad.  

I'd much rather a request like 'we're building a library of books' or 'collection of matchbox cars' or similar.

#3 TheSmithFamily

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

I think it is a fantastic idea! We have done similar things for birthdays and Christmas.


Maybe something like:

" My son has everything he needs, his present is your prescence at his party to celebrate. Please consider a donation for children in need either by placing a gift at Kmarts wishing tree or donate to your favourite charity to share the love this birthday and festive season"

Bron

#4 idignantlyright

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:05 AM

Is there a big ticket item you think he would like, such as an outdoor swing or cubby house set?

You could layby it and ask people to contribute whatever they could afford to the layby. Or give him a gift card in an anonymous envelope.

#5 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:07 AM

I don't think it is fair to your child. I also don't like being told who to donate to.

#6 Wineandchocolate

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:08 AM

How about something like:

"You are welcome to bring a present but please note that as our DS already has everything he needs, we will be donating your gift to the Kmart wishing tree"

(obviously you need to somehow do this so that your little one doesn't see gifts that he thinks may be for him original.gif )

#7 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:10 AM

Is your son old enough to agree that some of his presents should go to help others?  If so, ask him about it and write what he says on the invitation.  

If not then its his birthday (not yours) and I think you should let people do what they want with their own time and money.

Edited by meggs1, 03 November 2012 - 11:12 AM.


#8 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:11 AM

QUOTE (Mummy2907 @ 03/11/2012, 12:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How about something like:

"You are welcome to bring a present but please note that as our DS already has everything he needs, we will be donating your gift to the Kmart wishing tree"

(obviously you need to somehow do this so that your little one doesn't see gifts that he thinks may be for him original.gif )


That's horrid.  I wouldn't come to the party.

#9 harryboy

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

I would respect your request if you asked but I would still bring a little present along for your son.

#10 namie

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:13 AM

I agree with SlinkMalinki but I'm firmly of the opinion that one can never have too many books.

I think I would just happily receive what was given and then donate anything we don't need or don't have room for to charity. But I would never have 70-odd people at a child's birthday party so it will never be a problem for me. I don't reckon I'd even get 70 at my wedding even if flew in DPs family.

You could just suggest that people purchase a gift from Oxfam which helps other people - it was mentioned in another thread and is a great idea. Your son would probably get a kick out of his great-aunt Alice (or whoever) buying a goat for a village.

Edited by namie, 03 November 2012 - 11:16 AM.


#11 bakesgirls

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:17 AM

QUOTE (MrsLexiK @ 03/11/2012, 11:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it is fair to your child. I also don't like being told who to donate to.

This.


QUOTE (Mummy2907 @ 03/11/2012, 11:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How about something like:

"You are welcome to bring a present but please note that as our DS already has everything he needs, we will be donating your gift to the Kmart wishing tree"

(obviously you need to somehow do this so that your little one doesn't see gifts that he thinks may be for him original.gif )


I would not be impressed to read or be told this.

#12 Leha

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:19 AM

I tried to do this for my sons first birthday. It made no difference. Everybody came and bought a gift anyway. Honestly, I would t bother and maybe you and our son could take a few of the presents  to the needy.

#13 BetteBoop

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:20 AM

EB is bizarre on this issue. You can't win OP.

You're mentally traumatising your kid if you don't let them get acres of crap from everyone who comes.

If you ask for charity donations, you're a w*n*er.

If you ask for a specific gift, it's a gift grab.

The only right answer is let everyone come and bring more crap you don't need or want  rolleyes.gif

As someone who has done this 3 years in a row, my advice is to call everyone up individually beforehand and specifically ask for no presents as your son has enough toys already.

It does reduce the number of gifts you get, but some people are incapable of changing their behaviour in any way, regardless of what their host requests.

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 03/11/2012, 11:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's horrid.  I wouldn't come to the party.


If you're utterly incapable of doing something only to please someone else, would you be missed?

#14 Wineandchocolate

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:21 AM

Ok, perhaps my wording wasn't great, but what I meant was word it in a way that discourages people from bringing a present (since that's what you're aiming to achieve), with the knowledge that if they do bring one it wouldn't actually go to their intended recipient.  Didn't mean to cause offense or discourage people from attending the party sad.gif

#15 50ftqueenie

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

70 people for a 4th birthday seems a lot. Could you ask family not to buy anything too big?  As for his friends, at that age surely it's nice for children to help choose and wrap a gift it wouldn't be the same if they bought a gift that was for someone else.

#16 bark

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:27 AM

You are best off just writing 'No Presents please'.

Then if you wish to donate them thats up to you.

#17 Escapin

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

I really like the 'draw a special picture' idea. That way everyone can still bring something for the birthday boy.

#18 BurningBright

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:29 AM

I would accept gifts as they come and then donate the lot to charity gift wrap and all. I like keep things extremely simple in my life and dictating party terms to 70 odd people is beyond my reach and I am truly lazy  biggrin.gif

#19 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:31 AM

QUOTE (bakesgirls @ 03/11/2012, 12:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This.




I would not be impressed to read or be told this.

Stating no gifts for a 4 yr old (who I would probably give puzzles or books play dough etc) would make me think well is there going to be party food? Games? A cake? Also our child would have 50 family at there birthday (beauty of blended close families) add in a few close friends easily 70 people but that doesn't equate 70 presents, to get 70 presents. I'm not going to have my child miss out in a party that their cousins get, I will probably change what I but them ie something big or give them something small and do an experience with them.

#20 OneProudMum

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:32 AM

I wouldn't write anything. Most gifts these days from target, big w and the like can be exchanged at those stores without proof of purchase. I would accept any gift graciously and just exchange what you don't have room for.

Half the excitement of a birthday party is opening up presents. Why would you want to detract that excitement from a party?

I think you're being rude and ungrateful, to be honest.

I probably wouldn't go to be honest.

Edited by OneProudMum, 03 November 2012 - 11:34 AM.


#21 veematt1976

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:33 AM

I love the idea of asking friends to bring a picture that can be put into a scrapbook. Kids grow out of toys and with so many never know who gave them what anyway. I know my older boys would still look back on scrapbooks of special pictures from their friends, and have a laugh with the kids that they are still friends with, lol.
Being so close to christmas maybe you can somehow word it to say that you dont want your son overwhelemed by too many gifts

#22 adl

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

It's his first big party ? I would just leave it....

I understand Your thinking but I do believe it's rude to dictate gifts, non gifts or charitable donations...
Etiquette and manners are important...


if people ask then you can say it , by talking personally and explain look its close to Christmas, it will sound better and you can judge reaction rather than an arbitrary statement on an invite.

but people will be offended , I may suggest an idea to extended family when they ask but otherwise I let them do and give what they want, it's their relationship with my child not mine....

#23 boost33

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:38 AM

We recently went to a wedding and on the invite it had "our request is for no gifts".

I thought it was a nice and different way of saying "no presents please." It clearly states that that is your request.....

I live in a small place. I totally get the not wanting more stuff you have to find a home for. I don't think it's rude at all. And I don't think your child is missing out - a party with 70 guests at 4! Wow! What a lucky little guy. I bet there will be lots of fabulous photos for him to keep and look back at. Kids get so excited just to have all the people they love around them.

Why does it always have to be about the gifts? Sometimes it's nice, yes. But sometimes it's nice to appreciate that the gift is all those people coming together for little old you.

#24 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:40 AM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 03/11/2012, 12:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you're utterly incapable of doing something only to please someone else, would you be missed?


I do my own charity giving, and I'd be happy to donate to whatever cause the birthday child wanted to support.  

But I think making these types of decisions on behalf of your kids ignores the fact that the guests are not your guests, but your child's.  They have their own relationship with the child, and when choosing a gift are usually trying to give the child a particular experience or memory they will enjoy.  Who are you to cut that off?

I repeat if the child themself wants to support a charity that's fine, use their wording, it will be more authentic than some twee poem.  





#25 biscotty

Posted 03 November 2012 - 11:43 AM

How is it "unfair" for a little boy to have a big party with all of his friends and family? He will love that, I highly doubt the absence of plastic crap will affect his birthday...

I also like the suggestion of a drawing original.gif That should appease those who don't like coming empty handed, and will be something special for your DS to keep without taking up too much space!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.