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Considering my 1st @ 40yrs?!

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#1 Rach71

Posted 02 November 2012 - 03:47 PM

Hi all :-)
Ive been reading through a few of these posts and cant help but feel supported already with the all the advice and realness of comments provided.  I chose to wait for the right man to come along before having children, he took his time but finally made it to me - making up for my lost time by bringing 3 of his own with him! Im thoroughly enjoying part time step mum hood, as I knew I would but have started seriously considering the option of having a child of my own, my partner is fully supportive and good to go (being 7 years younger!). I think its coming down to fear now. I guess I almost gave up on the idea, and now its here Im terrified!  Have I waited to long? Will my body cope with the stress, will I cope with the stress?! Will we manage financially - can i go back to work ?!  Im pretty sure I will keep procrastinating about it if I dont just leap in and do it...
but If anyone out there has any words of advice or comments I would really really appreciate them - good or bad, I dont mind.  Thank you! rolleyes.gif

#2 Marchioness Flea

Posted 02 November 2012 - 03:54 PM

Just do it!
try for 6 months naturally, don't stress too much and jsut go for it.
Make sure you're on folate or preconception vitamins first! get health checks to check for rubella immunity and STDs and whatever else is needed.
Honestly, the more you overthink it, the worse it'll sound. There's never THE right time to have a baby, but you'll manage.
If after 6 months you're not pregnant, then you need to see a fertility specialist or your GP to get help ASAP as you don't have time up your sleeve at 40.
good luck.

#3 3inthebed

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:00 PM

I think most women are terrified whether they are 20 or 40!
Ask yourself if you'll regret it when it's too late and there is your answer.
Good luck deciding

#4 Bloomer

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:06 PM

I went to my dr at 41 to make sure I was ovulating, Just a simple blood test and they check your rubella etc.. even young women do this before trying for a baby.  My husband needed to have a vasectomy reversal and there were a few issues with it.  the one thing I regretted was being too patient.. Eventually my dr sent us to an IVF clinic(I had no desire to do IVF at 41, but wanted the tests) we went for out tests and before returning for the results I was pregnant..I had DD1 at 42 and DD2 at 45.. so there can be time but dont waste time worrying about it.. Yes I was the only 50 year old mum in Kindy but they didnt know until I told them.

You dont regret the kids you have only the ones you didnt try for.

many of my friends wish they could have found a partner who was willing to front up again for more kids many of them do not want it. i think my husband was more excited than I was..  

#5 shelbysmum

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

I just had DS2 eight days before my 40th! Best present ever and whilst I can't compare it to having children earlier I am absolutely loving being a mum, don't feel overly tired or exhausted (some days I do of course, but overall it is fine).

TBH I think I am doing much better than I would have at a younger age. Go for it if you are both keen !

Good luck original.gif

#6 HRH Countrymel

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

It truly is now or never time...

#7 PurpleNess

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

Hi Rach,

I was in the same boat as you except for the step kid. My DH is 9 years younger than me & we married in 2008. I finally said yes to babies & we tried for 8 months before conceiving naturally.
My tips are this:
Don't wait any longer, start NOW.
Go to your GP and get tested for ovulation ( blood test)& get his boys checked
Start tracking your cycle if you haven't already. I used iPeriod on my iPhone, it was fantastic.
Get some cheap Ovulation prediction dip sticks off the net.

I had my DS when i was 40, he's nearly 1 now & I am the fittest & happiest I have ever been in my life. I never thought I'd like being a mum or be any good at it but turns out I love it & am pretty darn good at it too ...if I say so myself lol.

I'm 42 in Feb and we're thinking of number 2 so age is just a number for us.

Some days it's hard but I don't know a mother of any age who feels doesnt the same. If you are relatively healthy with a positive attitude its a good start.

Wishing you well !!

Edited by PurpleNess, 02 November 2012 - 04:25 PM.

#8 Rach71

Posted 02 November 2012 - 05:42 PM

You ladies are wonderful original.gif  sometimes you just need to hear it from those who are in or have been in the same boat. Most of my friends have had their kids younger and wouldnt dream of having another now.. and the girls I work with who are a little older than me all have teenagers who feel the same way so I dont even talk about it with them. I know I would have so much support from friends and family and it would be really nice for the other kids to be a part of it too - not to mention the help and babysitters! Oh dear, Im doing it arent I?! ohmy.gif Stay tuned ... and thanks again. I think Ive found my fav new website!

#9 sa5ha

Posted 02 November 2012 - 05:54 PM

I don't belong in this forum but thought I could give some perspective to as the daughter of an older mum.

My mum was 37 when I was born (which was considered quite "old" in the late 80s to have your first baby apparently) and I never felt that she was "old" or like I missed out in any way as a kid, she did a wonderful job of raising me.

Only advice I'd offer is (this is following a recent health scare with my older parents) make sure you take really good care of yourself health wise so you'll be in good condition to be involved with your child as an adult too.

#10 Rosie R

Posted 02 November 2012 - 06:39 PM

All the best Rach, I've just had my first baby at 36 after waiting for the right guy (he also has 3 children from his first marriage).
It took us 12 months to concieve. I couldn't have imagined how amazing the mum and newborn experience could be. I'd never suggest it's a breeze but I am so glad I chose to try, I have found it such a wonderful experience.  wub.gif

#11 Mum_of_five

Posted 02 November 2012 - 10:54 PM

I am 42 and 33 weeks pregnant with number 5,  bubs was unplanned and a huge suprise.. I have not had any problems with high blood pressure and was negative for gestational diabetes, and have had a easy pregnancy, with the common issues that most pregnant mums have...

Bubs is going to be a 'small baby' weighing under 3 kg, which is common with older mums and especially with having a 5th baby....but there have been no markers for abnormalities... As an older mum to be, you will probably worry alot more about the pregnancy, but before you know it, bubs will be in your arms original.gif I am due 17th Dec and will have 3 boys and 2 girls original.gif I had my youngest DD aged 4 when i was 38 and i must admit that i am getting a little nervous about the birth now that my due date is getting closer...

#12 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 02 November 2012 - 11:18 PM

I had my third child 8 days before I turned 41. I feel the same as I did when I had my first at 36. Although some days I think Miss 2 year old will be the end of me. LOL

If you are going to do it, you need to do it now. No more time to wait. Fertility declines rapidly after you turn 40. There is also higher risk of complications the older you are so better you try now. It only took 4 cycles to conceive #3 which I think is great considering my age then. I hope you have the same success.

Every mum no matter what their age has concerns about how they will cope. Put your age out of your head. You are not that old! You can do it! Motherhood is hard work but so worth it.  wub.gif And you find you can cope with things much better than you ever thought you could. Go for it!

#13 feralangel

Posted 02 November 2012 - 11:34 PM

I say, go for it! You can over analyze things like finances, work, age etc. In fact, if I were to have rationalised these things I never would have my 2 children.  Like you, I met my partner in life late - age 38 - and already decided that i was too "old" to have kids.  Four years later I fell pregnant with my first daughter aged 42, and because I love being a fab 40s mum, went on to have my second daughter aged 44!  I do realize how lucky I am to have fallen pregnant naturally both times and enjoyed problem free pregnancies.  I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.  My only regret is that I didn't try to conceive sooner - I definitely would have liked more!  original.gif

#14 Tess1

Posted 03 November 2012 - 12:48 AM

Just wanted to share a positive experience.
I met my husband in my late 30s. My previous partner died at 29. I had my 1st child at 39. It took 3 cycles to conceive her naturally. My second child was born when I was 41. She was conceived within 1 cycle while I was still breastfeeding my first. Both of my pregnancies we're uncomplicated and the births natural and quick. My obstertrician even suggested that we should go back for number 3!

I think that  I'm a 'young' 42 year old and people genuinely seem surprised when they find out my age. I feel young and in perfect health. However, at any age  there is a spectrum  of those that are healthy and those that are not. This rings true with conception/ pregnancy as well, alrhough you're statistically at a greater risk as you age.

At my age, I'm painfully aware that I am and always will be the 'older' mum. I have also been told by others  that I'm selfish because I'll probably be dead by the time  my kids are in their 30s. All very well if life goes to a scheduled plan!

All I know is that having lost a previous partner at a young age,  and my own father as a teen; he was 37, life is very precious and there are no guarantees! What I do know is the importance of offering a child a loving and caring environment, where they are nurtured and feel secure. To me that's more important and the number is irrelevant !

Best wishes.

#15 spring_rain

Posted 04 November 2012 - 03:47 PM

Good luck on your TTC journey OP!  I'm 40, and we're currently TTC #2 (I had our first, DD, at 38). It's taking a lot longer than it did with DD, but still optimistic....

#16 sophiasmum

Posted 05 November 2012 - 11:44 AM

Sorry to be blunt but you don't have time to procrastinate, start trying now!

I had my 3rd & last baby at age 40 & I feel I've been my best as a mother to her, more confident & relaxed & I may be biased but she has been the easiest going too.

#17 angelus

Posted 10 November 2012 - 01:47 PM

I just found out I am 20 weeks pregnant at 42, we already have a DS born 2005 and never really considered having more kids...this was a really big unexpected surprise!! Scan is all good and waiting to hear blood test results....more blood tests to come, yuk, i hate needles...lol
If you are happy to go for it then do...good luck with everything!!


#18 Rach71

Posted 12 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

Thanks to all that have replied to my post .. its so reassuring to know there are many other women out there in similiar situations, now or in the past! Ive been to the doctors for all relevant blood tests and heading back this week for results and then its onwards and upwards (no pun intended!) and lots of trying! Her advice was much the same as all of yours - get on with it!!! Needless to say it has been a fun weekend as Im right in t he middle of my cycle ... Hopefully I'll be logging in again soon with good news! Thanks again ladies, and all the best to all of you currently expecting/trying :-)


Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:27 PM

Good for you and Best of luck. original.gif  It's a big decision but I was glad to see you weren't put off.

#20 roses99

Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:50 PM

Are you too old to run around after kids? Well, you're already doing that with your step-kids. Right?

I say go for it.

Be cognisant of the risks. There are risks. But don't let them scare you off. There are risks regardless of your age with TTC. I suffered infertility at 26 and a Down Syndrome scare at 32. Others have perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies in their 40s. Your story will be YOUR story.

I would also come up with some sort of plan of how you'll approach this, and have your DH on board. As an example, a friend got married a few years ago at the age of 40. After a lot of soul-searching about whether to have kids (she didn't have any, he had two grown children), they decided that he'd have a vasectomy reversal. If it worked, they'd go for it. If it didn't, they'd accept fate.

As it turns out, the reversal was unsuccessful. She was disappointed (naturally) but also circumspect, because they'd already worked through the various outcomes.

If you're going to try, then try hard. Use OPKs, time intercourse, get healthy, stay healthy and keep that up for six months. If nothing has happened, then consider the next step and perhaps pursue fertility treatment.

But also have a plan for if it doesn't work out. The thing that scared me about falling headlong into fertility treatment and TTC was the thought of 'what if it doesn't work?' Could I go back to being me-before-kids?

Good luck! Kids are awesome. I wouldn't be without mine  original.gif

#21 MumOfOneMelbourne

Posted 19 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

QUOTE (Rach71 @ 02/11/2012, 04:47 PM)
Hi all :-)
Ive been reading through a few of these posts and cant help but feel supported already with the all the advice and realness of comments provided.  I chose to wait for the right man to come along before having children, he took his time but finally made it to me - making up for my lost time by bringing 3 of his own with him! Im thoroughly enjoying part time step mum hood, as I knew I would but have started seriously considering the option of having a child of my own, my partner is fully supportive and good to go (being 7 years younger!). I think its coming down to fear now. I guess I almost gave up on the idea, and now its here Im terrified!  Have I waited to long? Will my body cope with the stress, will I cope with the stress?! Will we manage financially - can i go back to work ?!  Im pretty sure I will keep procrastinating about it if I dont just leap in and do it...
but If anyone out there has any words of advice or comments I would really really appreciate them - good or bad, I dont mind.  Thank you! rolleyes.gif
Hi Rach, I was just 40 when I got pregnant with my awesome only son. Didn't get to have another but feel so extremely blessed to have him.It sounds like you have great step children but when you have your very own the meaning of love will be put into a whole new perspective!My Wonderful father said to me when I was considering having a child,,, there are Four things you must ask yourself before having a child:1) can you provide a safe roof over his head, 2) can you put clothes on his back, 3) can you feed him & 4) and this is the most important one, can you LOVE him? I know it sounds weird but once I realized I could do all those essential things I felt relieved and realized I could raise a child and worry about any hurdles that came along when and if they did. There has never been one day in over 8 years I have regretted my decision and could not imagine my life without my only child.Good luck Rach, I'm sure you will not regret having your very own beautiful child. rolleyes.gif

#22 BearBait

Posted 19 January 2013 - 12:49 PM

You probably have 40 years ahead of you, at least 20 in good health. Also, only one life. I had mine at 35 & 37yo. It was the right decision.

#23 katbalou

Posted 19 January 2013 - 01:10 PM

I would definitely go for it, if I was in your shoes.  But I would get on with it quick smart!

I had my kids at 37, 39, and 42.  I couldn't have had them any earlier, so I had a choice - be an older mum, or don't be a mum at all.  I chose the former.

Good luck with the adventure.

#24 Mummalovin

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:08 AM


It took DH and I 10 yrs of trying (known medical issues) before I had DS & DD1.  They arrived 9 days before I turned 41.  When I was 44.5 (ish)  we had DD2 & DD3.  Now the 1st pair are 10.5 and the little ones are 7.  

It's been wild at times an will be on a regular basis LOL but I truly couldn't imagine life without them, yes I know it's SSSOOOO  cliched but it's also SSSOOOO true original.gif

Go for it, you have more to gain than lose original.gif  Good Luck

#25 BeYOUtiful

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:45 AM

I am in the same boat as Mummalovin, ttc wise.
I also have 4 step children.
I adore being a Mum.  I had a couple of issues with the pregnancy and birth.  Some related to age.  I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sasha your post really stood out to me, thanks for replying from the child's point of view original.gif  It's given me the kick up the butt I needed to get back in to daily exercise.

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