Jump to content

Considering my 1st @ 40yrs?!


  • Please log in to reply
28 replies to this topic

#1 Rach71

Posted 02 November 2012 - 03:47 PM

Hi all :-)
Ive been reading through a few of these posts and cant help but feel supported already with the all the advice and realness of comments provided.  I chose to wait for the right man to come along before having children, he took his time but finally made it to me - making up for my lost time by bringing 3 of his own with him! Im thoroughly enjoying part time step mum hood, as I knew I would but have started seriously considering the option of having a child of my own, my partner is fully supportive and good to go (being 7 years younger!). I think its coming down to fear now. I guess I almost gave up on the idea, and now its here Im terrified!  Have I waited to long? Will my body cope with the stress, will I cope with the stress?! Will we manage financially - can i go back to work ?!  Im pretty sure I will keep procrastinating about it if I dont just leap in and do it...
but If anyone out there has any words of advice or comments I would really really appreciate them - good or bad, I dont mind.  Thank you! rolleyes.gif

#2 Jenferal

Posted 02 November 2012 - 03:54 PM

Just do it!
try for 6 months naturally, don't stress too much and jsut go for it.
Make sure you're on folate or preconception vitamins first! get health checks to check for rubella immunity and STDs and whatever else is needed.
Honestly, the more you overthink it, the worse it'll sound. There's never THE right time to have a baby, but you'll manage.
If after 6 months you're not pregnant, then you need to see a fertility specialist or your GP to get help ASAP as you don't have time up your sleeve at 40.
good luck.

#3 3inthebed

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:00 PM

I think most women are terrified whether they are 20 or 40!
Ask yourself if you'll regret it when it's too late and there is your answer.
Good luck deciding

#4 Bloomer

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:06 PM

I went to my dr at 41 to make sure I was ovulating, Just a simple blood test and they check your rubella etc.. even young women do this before trying for a baby.  My husband needed to have a vasectomy reversal and there were a few issues with it.  the one thing I regretted was being too patient.. Eventually my dr sent us to an IVF clinic(I had no desire to do IVF at 41, but wanted the tests) we went for out tests and before returning for the results I was pregnant..I had DD1 at 42 and DD2 at 45.. so there can be time but dont waste time worrying about it.. Yes I was the only 50 year old mum in Kindy but they didnt know until I told them.

You dont regret the kids you have only the ones you didnt try for.

many of my friends wish they could have found a partner who was willing to front up again for more kids many of them do not want it. i think my husband was more excited than I was..  


#5 shelbysmum

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

I just had DS2 eight days before my 40th! Best present ever and whilst I can't compare it to having children earlier I am absolutely loving being a mum, don't feel overly tired or exhausted (some days I do of course, but overall it is fine).

TBH I think I am doing much better than I would have at a younger age. Go for it if you are both keen !

Good luck original.gif

#6 CountryFeral

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

It truly is now or never time...



#7 PurpleNess

Posted 02 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

Hi Rach,

I was in the same boat as you except for the step kid. My DH is 9 years younger than me & we married in 2008. I finally said yes to babies & we tried for 8 months before conceiving naturally.
My tips are this:
Don't wait any longer, start NOW.
Go to your GP and get tested for ovulation ( blood test)& get his boys checked
Start tracking your cycle if you haven't already. I used iPeriod on my iPhone, it was fantastic.
Get some cheap Ovulation prediction dip sticks off the net.

I had my DS when i was 40, he's nearly 1 now & I am the fittest & happiest I have ever been in my life. I never thought I'd like being a mum or be any good at it but turns out I love it & am pretty darn good at it too ...if I say so myself lol.

I'm 42 in Feb and we're thinking of number 2 so age is just a number for us.

Some days it's hard but I don't know a mother of any age who feels doesnt the same. If you are relatively healthy with a positive attitude its a good start.

Wishing you well !!

Edited by PurpleNess, 02 November 2012 - 04:25 PM.


#8 Rach71

Posted 02 November 2012 - 05:42 PM

You ladies are wonderful original.gif  sometimes you just need to hear it from those who are in or have been in the same boat. Most of my friends have had their kids younger and wouldnt dream of having another now.. and the girls I work with who are a little older than me all have teenagers who feel the same way so I dont even talk about it with them. I know I would have so much support from friends and family and it would be really nice for the other kids to be a part of it too - not to mention the help and babysitters! Oh dear, Im doing it arent I?! ohmy.gif Stay tuned ... and thanks again. I think Ive found my fav new website!

#9 sa5ha

Posted 02 November 2012 - 05:54 PM

I don't belong in this forum but thought I could give some perspective to as the daughter of an older mum.

My mum was 37 when I was born (which was considered quite "old" in the late 80s to have your first baby apparently) and I never felt that she was "old" or like I missed out in any way as a kid, she did a wonderful job of raising me.

Only advice I'd offer is (this is following a recent health scare with my older parents) make sure you take really good care of yourself health wise so you'll be in good condition to be involved with your child as an adult too.

#10 Rosie R

Posted 02 November 2012 - 06:39 PM

All the best Rach, I've just had my first baby at 36 after waiting for the right guy (he also has 3 children from his first marriage).
It took us 12 months to concieve. I couldn't have imagined how amazing the mum and newborn experience could be. I'd never suggest it's a breeze but I am so glad I chose to try, I have found it such a wonderful experience.  wub.gif

#11 Mum_of_five

Posted 02 November 2012 - 10:54 PM

I am 42 and 33 weeks pregnant with number 5,  bubs was unplanned and a huge suprise.. I have not had any problems with high blood pressure and was negative for gestational diabetes, and have had a easy pregnancy, with the common issues that most pregnant mums have...


Bubs is going to be a 'small baby' weighing under 3 kg, which is common with older mums and especially with having a 5th baby....but there have been no markers for abnormalities... As an older mum to be, you will probably worry alot more about the pregnancy, but before you know it, bubs will be in your arms original.gif I am due 17th Dec and will have 3 boys and 2 girls original.gif I had my youngest DD aged 4 when i was 38 and i must admit that i am getting a little nervous about the birth now that my due date is getting closer...

#12 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 02 November 2012 - 11:18 PM

I had my third child 8 days before I turned 41. I feel the same as I did when I had my first at 36. Although some days I think Miss 2 year old will be the end of me. LOL

If you are going to do it, you need to do it now. No more time to wait. Fertility declines rapidly after you turn 40. There is also higher risk of complications the older you are so better you try now. It only took 4 cycles to conceive #3 which I think is great considering my age then. I hope you have the same success.

Every mum no matter what their age has concerns about how they will cope. Put your age out of your head. You are not that old! You can do it! Motherhood is hard work but so worth it.  wub.gif And you find you can cope with things much better than you ever thought you could. Go for it!

#13 feralangel

Posted 02 November 2012 - 11:34 PM

I say, go for it! You can over analyze things like finances, work, age etc. In fact, if I were to have rationalised these things I never would have my 2 children.  Like you, I met my partner in life late - age 38 - and already decided that i was too "old" to have kids.  Four years later I fell pregnant with my first daughter aged 42, and because I love being a fab 40s mum, went on to have my second daughter aged 44!  I do realize how lucky I am to have fallen pregnant naturally both times and enjoyed problem free pregnancies.  I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.  My only regret is that I didn't try to conceive sooner - I definitely would have liked more!  original.gif

#14 Tess1

Posted 03 November 2012 - 12:48 AM

Just wanted to share a positive experience.
    
I met my husband in my late 30s. My previous partner died at 29. I had my 1st child at 39. It took 3 cycles to conceive her naturally. My second child was born when I was 41. She was conceived within 1 cycle while I was still breastfeeding my first. Both of my pregnancies we're uncomplicated and the births natural and quick. My obstertrician even suggested that we should go back for number 3!

I think that  I'm a 'young' 42 year old and people genuinely seem surprised when they find out my age. I feel young and in perfect health. However, at any age  there is a spectrum  of those that are healthy and those that are not. This rings true with conception/ pregnancy as well, alrhough you're statistically at a greater risk as you age.

At my age, I'm painfully aware that I am and always will be the 'older' mum. I have also been told by others  that I'm selfish because I'll probably be dead by the time  my kids are in their 30s. All very well if life goes to a scheduled plan!

All I know is that having lost a previous partner at a young age,  and my own father as a teen; he was 37, life is very precious and there are no guarantees! What I do know is the importance of offering a child a loving and caring environment, where they are nurtured and feel secure. To me that's more important and the number is irrelevant !

Best wishes.




#15 spring_rain

Posted 04 November 2012 - 03:47 PM

Good luck on your TTC journey OP!  I'm 40, and we're currently TTC #2 (I had our first, DD, at 38). It's taking a lot longer than it did with DD, but still optimistic....

#16 sophiasmum

Posted 05 November 2012 - 11:44 AM

Sorry to be blunt but you don't have time to procrastinate, start trying now!

I had my 3rd & last baby at age 40 & I feel I've been my best as a mother to her, more confident & relaxed & I may be biased but she has been the easiest going too.

#17 angelus

Posted 10 November 2012 - 01:47 PM

HI,
I just found out I am 20 weeks pregnant at 42, we already have a DS born 2005 and never really considered having more kids...this was a really big unexpected surprise!! Scan is all good and waiting to hear blood test results....more blood tests to come, yuk, i hate needles...lol
If you are happy to go for it then do...good luck with everything!!

Marina

#18 Rach71

Posted 12 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

Thanks to all that have replied to my post .. its so reassuring to know there are many other women out there in similiar situations, now or in the past! Ive been to the doctors for all relevant blood tests and heading back this week for results and then its onwards and upwards (no pun intended!) and lots of trying! Her advice was much the same as all of yours - get on with it!!! Needless to say it has been a fun weekend as Im right in t he middle of my cycle ... Hopefully I'll be logging in again soon with good news! Thanks again ladies, and all the best to all of you currently expecting/trying :-)

#19 I'MAMUM

Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:27 PM

Good for you and Best of luck. original.gif  It's a big decision but I was glad to see you weren't put off.

#20 roses99

Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:50 PM

Are you too old to run around after kids? Well, you're already doing that with your step-kids. Right?

I say go for it.

Be cognisant of the risks. There are risks. But don't let them scare you off. There are risks regardless of your age with TTC. I suffered infertility at 26 and a Down Syndrome scare at 32. Others have perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies in their 40s. Your story will be YOUR story.

I would also come up with some sort of plan of how you'll approach this, and have your DH on board. As an example, a friend got married a few years ago at the age of 40. After a lot of soul-searching about whether to have kids (she didn't have any, he had two grown children), they decided that he'd have a vasectomy reversal. If it worked, they'd go for it. If it didn't, they'd accept fate.

As it turns out, the reversal was unsuccessful. She was disappointed (naturally) but also circumspect, because they'd already worked through the various outcomes.

If you're going to try, then try hard. Use OPKs, time intercourse, get healthy, stay healthy and keep that up for six months. If nothing has happened, then consider the next step and perhaps pursue fertility treatment.

But also have a plan for if it doesn't work out. The thing that scared me about falling headlong into fertility treatment and TTC was the thought of 'what if it doesn't work?' Could I go back to being me-before-kids?

Good luck! Kids are awesome. I wouldn't be without mine  original.gif

#21 MumOfOneMelbourne

Posted 19 January 2013 - 12:40 PM

QUOTE (Rach71 @ 02/11/2012, 04:47 PM)
15045193[/url]']
Hi all :-)
Ive been reading through a few of these posts and cant help but feel supported already with the all the advice and realness of comments provided.  I chose to wait for the right man to come along before having children, he took his time but finally made it to me - making up for my lost time by bringing 3 of his own with him! Im thoroughly enjoying part time step mum hood, as I knew I would but have started seriously considering the option of having a child of my own, my partner is fully supportive and good to go (being 7 years younger!). I think its coming down to fear now. I guess I almost gave up on the idea, and now its here Im terrified!  Have I waited to long? Will my body cope with the stress, will I cope with the stress?! Will we manage financially - can i go back to work ?!  Im pretty sure I will keep procrastinating about it if I dont just leap in and do it...
but If anyone out there has any words of advice or comments I would really really appreciate them - good or bad, I dont mind.  Thank you! rolleyes.gif
Hi Rach, I was just 40 when I got pregnant with my awesome only son. Didn't get to have another but feel so extremely blessed to have him.It sounds like you have great step children but when you have your very own the meaning of love will be put into a whole new perspective!My Wonderful father said to me when I was considering having a child,,, there are Four things you must ask yourself before having a child:1) can you provide a safe roof over his head, 2) can you put clothes on his back, 3) can you feed him & 4) and this is the most important one, can you LOVE him? I know it sounds weird but once I realized I could do all those essential things I felt relieved and realized I could raise a child and worry about any hurdles that came along when and if they did. There has never been one day in over 8 years I have regretted my decision and could not imagine my life without my only child.Good luck Rach, I'm sure you will not regret having your very own beautiful child. rolleyes.gif




#22 BearBait

Posted 19 January 2013 - 12:49 PM

You probably have 40 years ahead of you, at least 20 in good health. Also, only one life. I had mine at 35 & 37yo. It was the right decision.

#23 katbalou

Posted 19 January 2013 - 01:10 PM

I would definitely go for it, if I was in your shoes.  But I would get on with it quick smart!

I had my kids at 37, 39, and 42.  I couldn't have had them any earlier, so I had a choice - be an older mum, or don't be a mum at all.  I chose the former.

Good luck with the adventure.

#24 Mummalovin

Posted 20 January 2013 - 03:08 AM

HI

It took DH and I 10 yrs of trying (known medical issues) before I had DS & DD1.  They arrived 9 days before I turned 41.  When I was 44.5 (ish)  we had DD2 & DD3.  Now the 1st pair are 10.5 and the little ones are 7.  

It's been wild at times an will be on a regular basis LOL but I truly couldn't imagine life without them, yes I know it's SSSOOOO  cliched but it's also SSSOOOO true original.gif

Go for it, you have more to gain than lose original.gif  Good Luck


#25 BeYOUtiful

Posted 20 January 2013 - 09:45 AM

I am in the same boat as Mummalovin, ttc wise.
I also have 4 step children.
I adore being a Mum.  I had a couple of issues with the pregnancy and birth.  Some related to age.  I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sasha your post really stood out to me, thanks for replying from the child's point of view original.gif  It's given me the kick up the butt I needed to get back in to daily exercise.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

A mum's tragic battle against inflammatory breast cancer

At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.

The business of babies around the world

Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.

Finding a positive path through IVF

It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.

Giving strangers the gift of parenthood

A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.

Does morning sickness get better or worse with each child?

Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.

What's so wrong with looking 'mumsy', anyway?

Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Student shocked by surprise baby

Kate Hudson, 22, was on a dream European holiday with friends. She didn't realise she was about to become a mum.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.