Jump to content

When nobody listens
What do you do?

  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 beabea

Posted 01 November 2012 - 11:55 PM

I nearly posted this in 3-5yo because DS is four and is driving me crazy with this. But I had to post it here because DH would be driving me just as crazy if he was at home as much as DS is! Clearly it's not just a 4yo problem at our house.

The problem is nobody listening to me. I ask DS to do something and he listens at his own convenience. He asks me questions and then asks them again in one minute because he didn't stick around to hear the answer. DH does the same, except his non-hearing of my requests is less targeted - he just doesn't listen pretty much all the time, whether I say, "Can you please change DD's nappy?" or "Shall we all have icecream?" (whereas DS will at least hear the second!)

So my question: how do you get people to listen to you?

With DH I have sarcastically taken to smsing him with all instructions, and then pointedly presenting him his phone. But this is not always practical. With DS the obvious answer is to gently take his face in my hands and turn it towards me and make sure he is looking at me and then demand that he repeats everything back to me afterwards, but a) this is not always practical and b) getting him to repeat things back is an instruction he will conveniently ignore even when I'm holding his face and c) as eluded to in b) he can still ignore me even when I'm holding his face and trying to make sure he looks at me, if he wants to. Basically it is just passive-aggressive bullsh*t and I am fed the **** up with it.

I am not sure how to deal with the not-listening-to-answers as FFS they asked the damned questions. If it's not important to me I will simply refuse to answer the question twice but then we have to go through the complaints over that, and sometimes it does affect me whether they know the answer.

I mean, I'll let DH off a little because he's basically zoning out from tiredness and he's not usually this bad. I don't know how to fix the tiredness. He is tired because he will spend ages putting the kids back to bed multiple times a night when he should really just give up and go sleep on the guest bed. It's a nice bed! I can't swap jobs with him because I don't wake up when the kids come in - I just keep sleeping. I don't see why he can't just... leave once, and then everyone sleeps soundly the rest of the night. But he won't agree with me, so he puts one or the other back to bed at 1am, 2am, 4am, 5am...

DS 4yo needs help with focus. He gets distracted easily by things that are interesting to him and he gets stuck on things that are interesting to him. And he doesn't transition well. I mean, I'd say he's probably (significantly) worse than average on the normal spectrum for these things in a 4yo. And maybe he's also a bit tired, being the end of the school year and he does wake up a couple of times a night.

I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated today and I just wondered what everyone else is doing.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 02 November 2012 - 12:35 AM

No help here, but it certainly sounds just like the day I've had!

#3 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 02 November 2012 - 01:30 AM

my toddler suffers from selective hearing too. We are still trying ways to deal with it

#4 DbdB

Posted 02 November 2012 - 01:49 AM

My mum could have written that post about me when I was little! There is a good chance that ds will grow out of it in time. Good luck!

#5 beabea

Posted 02 November 2012 - 02:23 AM

There is a good chance that ds will grow out of it in time.
Are you sure? Even with DH in the equation (genetically and environmentally)?  rolleyes.gif

Thanks everyone. I have calmed down a bit now, and I'm at work tomorrow, so I might be ready again by the weekend... not that I've lost hope of someone posting a magic answer (or at least a few good suggestions).

#6 kadoodle

Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:15 PM

I find blowing a whistle helps.

#7 babychacha

Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:32 PM

My DS is 5.5 and is exactly the same....exactly. I also do the same, either turn his face so he is looking at me or make sure he is focussed and then also ask him to repeat it back to me. Especially if I have already given him the answer and the still says why.....does my head in.

After seeing a specialist peadiatrican he is "at risk of ADHD" (they term it that way as apparently you can't truly diagnose in preschool children) and seems to exhibit most of the signs....according to the print out of information I was given.

He does have trouble focussing, its like he can't hear me but his hearing has been checked several times and its fine.

He currently goes to a school readiness class once a week which has four kids in total and I know he misses the teachers instructions most of the time and looks to the other children to see what they are doing.

My plan for now, is to keep helping/guiding him to focus.

He had a new swimming teacher and new class today....ie; he went up a level and is in a group of four and I watched from a distance. I know he tried to stay focussed but was the only kid who couldn't keep still and needed to constantly be doing something ie; splashing the water, checking out the pool equipment, looking all around and the list goes on.

He starts school next year.

I dont' have a magic answer....wish I did. If I need him to get dressed or tidy his toys away, I turn off the tv and then ask him to do it.

Have plans to google it.....someone must have been through this before and have more practical suggestions.....hopefully.

#8 DbdB

Posted 04 November 2012 - 02:06 AM

[quote name='beabea' date='02/11/2012, 12:23 AM' post='15043474']
Are you sure?

Ok, it may have taken many years for me to grow out of it....


Posted 04 November 2012 - 02:50 AM

My 4 year old is the same, as is my 2 year old. When they are particularly bad, I'll just burst into tears. I can't say it works in the long run, but it sure snaps my 2 out of it for about 10 minutes.

#10 beabea

Posted 04 November 2012 - 03:34 AM

I find blowing a whistle helps.
Oh my goodness I am so ready to try that. I mean, it worked for Captain Von Trapp...

...or should I just start to deliver my instructions in folk song, accompanied by a guitar?

After seeing a specialist peadiatrican he is "at risk of ADHD" (they term it that way as apparently you can't truly diagnose in preschool children) and seems to exhibit most of the signs....according to the print out of information I was given.

Yes, I've thought that once or twice when I hear about ADHD, but I really think he's more normal than anything. I mean, most 3-5yo's seem a little "ADH" to me (like most 1-3yo's seem a little "OC" to me - you know how you get to leave off the "D" until they fail to grow out of it like the other kids). I guess you have to keep keeping an eye on them to make sure they continue to develop along a normal curve. It would be simpler if these things were clearly yes/no.

He does have trouble focussing, its like he can't hear me but his hearing has been checked several times and its fine.

OMG, right? But then I sympathise as well because I know I'm prone to the same thing when I'm thinking or concentrating (that's without ADHD).

Ok, it may have taken many years for me to grow out of it....
But DH is in his mid-thirties now... that's an awfully long time with no end in sight original.gif

Okay so the update is that DS has come down with a cough. So although we do have this problem normally at some level, it was probably driving me especially crazy last week because it was especially bad. I have noticed that DS sometimes shows a profound lack of focus and willpower for several days before he starts up with some recognisable illness. Which means he should improve again once the illness is over, which is really good because he was absolutely atrocious today.

#11 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:22 AM

I used to make excuses for my kids being tired.
Now, I just expect the same basic behaviour when they are and aren't tired as I was sick of making adjustments all the time for all of the three at one point.

When your son asks you a question, make sure that you ask him to stop and listen. Say someone like put your listening ears on etc.  make him look at you, short answers and then let him go.

It has worked for us well. We also stopped yelling instructions at people across the house , all that type of stuff. So if something has to be asked, found etc, we go right up to that person and ask .

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Newborn baby found in a nativity scene

Police are trying to trace a woman who abandoned a baby boy in the manger of a church nativity scene.

Life would be harder without my kids

The Humans of New York Facebook page is well known for sharing touching, real stories from one of the world's biggest cities – and it's just hit the heart of parents everywhere.

Mum dresses as Wonder Woman for last day of chemo

A Brisbane mum dressed up as a superhero to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy and created a moment her family will remember forever.

How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Former Hi-5 member's cannabis hope

Former Hi-5 star Tim Harding hopes a cannabis-derived drug will help control his daughter's epilepsy, which sees the four-year-old suffering between 50 and 100 seizures a day.

The top 5 reasons your toddler throws a tantrum

Whilst to the outside world little people may appear to have it easy, it's actually not always the case – just ask any toddler who's had their toast cut up the wrong way.

Glenn McGrath thought he'd lost his wife and baby

Australian cricket ledged Glen McGrath has spoken about the moment he thought he might lose his wife, Sara and their baby daughter, Madison.


Inside my Centrelink nightmare

Mother Bec Smith has been trying for months to access Centrelink payments. A "serious error" is preventing her.

Warnings over push for hourly childcare billing

Australia's peak childcare body has called for caution around the Turnbull government's push for childcare centres to charge parents by the hour, not by the day.

Cate Blanchett thought about adopting for years

Cate Blanchett says her recent adoption of a baby girl had nothing to do with wanting a daughter after having three sons.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.


What's hot on EB

How I survived breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Grieving father's letter to Bataclan terrorists: "...this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free"

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

5 challenges of motherhood - and how to see them differently

Despite the smiles, the sloppy kisses and the pure magic children bring to our lives, it's hard to deny that motherhood can be tough.

4 challenges of being a new dad - and how to face them

Becoming a parent is challenging – and that applies to both mums and dads.

My battle against antenatal and postnatal depression

I was five months pregnant when I realised I needed help.

Children swapped at birth will not be returned to biological parents

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

A quarter of men believe they get 'man periods'

A British study has revealed one in four men believe they have a monthly cycle.

Baby deposit

How much do you need to save for a 'baby deposit'?

It's fairly straightforward to calculate a house deposit, but how much money do you need to save up for a baby?

Dad's beautiful note to his wife, a nurse

To anyone else it might just look like a picture of a mum having a nap with her toddler.

'I was a complete schmuck': Mike Baird opens up about his wife's postnatal depression

When his wife Kerryn was not well following the birth of their daughter, NSW Premier Mike Baird buried himself in his work.

Mum's desperate plea as whooping cough alert issued

A desperate mother has shared a heart-breaking video of her baby struggling to cope with a coughing fit caused by pertussis.

Coffee could help you live longer

New US research found people who report drinking three to five cups of coffee a day are less likely to die prematurely from heart disease, suicide, diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

The joy and dread of playdates

To live vicariously through your child is to rediscover anxieties you thought dead and buried.

Sick baby could die without scarce special formula, mum says

Lizzie Cann is down to her last three tins of a special formula in short supply.

Adorable toddler's strop foiled by squeaky shoes

We're probably all familiar with the pouty bottom lip and tightly crossed arms of a tot mid-strop.

More sex during World Cup created more baby boys

More sex during South Africa's World Cup meant a disproportionately high number of boys were born nine months later, a new study has found.

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Do fitness challenges really work?

Fitness challenges aren't new. There's Michelle Bridges 12WBT and a bunch of other programs if you really want to lose weight.

What are pregnant women Googling?

Pregnancy is a huge change for any woman, so it's natural we'll have questions - and turn to Google to ask them.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.