Jump to content

When nobody listens
What do you do?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 beabea

Posted 01 November 2012 - 11:55 PM

I nearly posted this in 3-5yo because DS is four and is driving me crazy with this. But I had to post it here because DH would be driving me just as crazy if he was at home as much as DS is! Clearly it's not just a 4yo problem at our house.

The problem is nobody listening to me. I ask DS to do something and he listens at his own convenience. He asks me questions and then asks them again in one minute because he didn't stick around to hear the answer. DH does the same, except his non-hearing of my requests is less targeted - he just doesn't listen pretty much all the time, whether I say, "Can you please change DD's nappy?" or "Shall we all have icecream?" (whereas DS will at least hear the second!)

So my question: how do you get people to listen to you?

With DH I have sarcastically taken to smsing him with all instructions, and then pointedly presenting him his phone. But this is not always practical. With DS the obvious answer is to gently take his face in my hands and turn it towards me and make sure he is looking at me and then demand that he repeats everything back to me afterwards, but a) this is not always practical and b) getting him to repeat things back is an instruction he will conveniently ignore even when I'm holding his face and c) as eluded to in b) he can still ignore me even when I'm holding his face and trying to make sure he looks at me, if he wants to. Basically it is just passive-aggressive bullsh*t and I am fed the **** up with it.

I am not sure how to deal with the not-listening-to-answers as FFS they asked the damned questions. If it's not important to me I will simply refuse to answer the question twice but then we have to go through the complaints over that, and sometimes it does affect me whether they know the answer.

I mean, I'll let DH off a little because he's basically zoning out from tiredness and he's not usually this bad. I don't know how to fix the tiredness. He is tired because he will spend ages putting the kids back to bed multiple times a night when he should really just give up and go sleep on the guest bed. It's a nice bed! I can't swap jobs with him because I don't wake up when the kids come in - I just keep sleeping. I don't see why he can't just... leave once, and then everyone sleeps soundly the rest of the night. But he won't agree with me, so he puts one or the other back to bed at 1am, 2am, 4am, 5am...

DS 4yo needs help with focus. He gets distracted easily by things that are interesting to him and he gets stuck on things that are interesting to him. And he doesn't transition well. I mean, I'd say he's probably (significantly) worse than average on the normal spectrum for these things in a 4yo. And maybe he's also a bit tired, being the end of the school year and he does wake up a couple of times a night.

I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated today and I just wondered what everyone else is doing.

#2 CallMeProtart

Posted 02 November 2012 - 12:35 AM

No help here, but it certainly sounds just like the day I've had!

#3 trishalishous

Posted 02 November 2012 - 01:30 AM

my toddler suffers from selective hearing too. We are still trying ways to deal with it

#4 DbdB

Posted 02 November 2012 - 01:49 AM

My mum could have written that post about me when I was little! There is a good chance that ds will grow out of it in time. Good luck!

#5 beabea

Posted 02 November 2012 - 02:23 AM

QUOTE
There is a good chance that ds will grow out of it in time.
Are you sure? Even with DH in the equation (genetically and environmentally)?  rolleyes.gif

Thanks everyone. I have calmed down a bit now, and I'm at work tomorrow, so I might be ready again by the weekend... not that I've lost hope of someone posting a magic answer (or at least a few good suggestions).

#6 kadoodle

Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:15 PM

I find blowing a whistle helps.

#7 babychacha

Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:32 PM

My DS is 5.5 and is exactly the same....exactly. I also do the same, either turn his face so he is looking at me or make sure he is focussed and then also ask him to repeat it back to me. Especially if I have already given him the answer and the still says why.....does my head in.

After seeing a specialist peadiatrican he is "at risk of ADHD" (they term it that way as apparently you can't truly diagnose in preschool children) and seems to exhibit most of the signs....according to the print out of information I was given.

He does have trouble focussing, its like he can't hear me but his hearing has been checked several times and its fine.

He currently goes to a school readiness class once a week which has four kids in total and I know he misses the teachers instructions most of the time and looks to the other children to see what they are doing.

My plan for now, is to keep helping/guiding him to focus.

He had a new swimming teacher and new class today....ie; he went up a level and is in a group of four and I watched from a distance. I know he tried to stay focussed but was the only kid who couldn't keep still and needed to constantly be doing something ie; splashing the water, checking out the pool equipment, looking all around and the list goes on.

He starts school next year.

I dont' have a magic answer....wish I did. If I need him to get dressed or tidy his toys away, I turn off the tv and then ask him to do it.

Have plans to google it.....someone must have been through this before and have more practical suggestions.....hopefully.

#8 DbdB

Posted 04 November 2012 - 02:06 AM

[quote name='beabea' date='02/11/2012, 12:23 AM' post='15043474']
Are you sure?

Ok, it may have taken many years for me to grow out of it....


#9 TenOfSwords

Posted 04 November 2012 - 02:50 AM

My 4 year old is the same, as is my 2 year old. When they are particularly bad, I'll just burst into tears. I can't say it works in the long run, but it sure snaps my 2 out of it for about 10 minutes.

#10 beabea

Posted 04 November 2012 - 03:34 AM

QUOTE
I find blowing a whistle helps.
Oh my goodness I am so ready to try that. I mean, it worked for Captain Von Trapp...

...or should I just start to deliver my instructions in folk song, accompanied by a guitar?

QUOTE
After seeing a specialist peadiatrican he is "at risk of ADHD" (they term it that way as apparently you can't truly diagnose in preschool children) and seems to exhibit most of the signs....according to the print out of information I was given.


Yes, I've thought that once or twice when I hear about ADHD, but I really think he's more normal than anything. I mean, most 3-5yo's seem a little "ADH" to me (like most 1-3yo's seem a little "OC" to me - you know how you get to leave off the "D" until they fail to grow out of it like the other kids). I guess you have to keep keeping an eye on them to make sure they continue to develop along a normal curve. It would be simpler if these things were clearly yes/no.

QUOTE
He does have trouble focussing, its like he can't hear me but his hearing has been checked several times and its fine.


OMG, right? But then I sympathise as well because I know I'm prone to the same thing when I'm thinking or concentrating (that's without ADHD).

QUOTE
Ok, it may have taken many years for me to grow out of it....
But DH is in his mid-thirties now... that's an awfully long time with no end in sight original.gif

Okay so the update is that DS has come down with a cough. So although we do have this problem normally at some level, it was probably driving me especially crazy last week because it was especially bad. I have noticed that DS sometimes shows a profound lack of focus and willpower for several days before he starts up with some recognisable illness. Which means he should improve again once the illness is over, which is really good because he was absolutely atrocious today.



#11 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:22 AM

I used to make excuses for my kids being tired.
Now, I just expect the same basic behaviour when they are and aren't tired as I was sick of making adjustments all the time for all of the three at one point.

When your son asks you a question, make sure that you ask him to stop and listen. Say someone like put your listening ears on etc.  make him look at you, short answers and then let him go.

It has worked for us well. We also stopped yelling instructions at people across the house , all that type of stuff. So if something has to be asked, found etc, we go right up to that person and ask .




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.