Jump to content

When nobody listens
What do you do?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 beabea

Posted 01 November 2012 - 11:55 PM

I nearly posted this in 3-5yo because DS is four and is driving me crazy with this. But I had to post it here because DH would be driving me just as crazy if he was at home as much as DS is! Clearly it's not just a 4yo problem at our house.

The problem is nobody listening to me. I ask DS to do something and he listens at his own convenience. He asks me questions and then asks them again in one minute because he didn't stick around to hear the answer. DH does the same, except his non-hearing of my requests is less targeted - he just doesn't listen pretty much all the time, whether I say, "Can you please change DD's nappy?" or "Shall we all have icecream?" (whereas DS will at least hear the second!)

So my question: how do you get people to listen to you?

With DH I have sarcastically taken to smsing him with all instructions, and then pointedly presenting him his phone. But this is not always practical. With DS the obvious answer is to gently take his face in my hands and turn it towards me and make sure he is looking at me and then demand that he repeats everything back to me afterwards, but a) this is not always practical and b) getting him to repeat things back is an instruction he will conveniently ignore even when I'm holding his face and c) as eluded to in b) he can still ignore me even when I'm holding his face and trying to make sure he looks at me, if he wants to. Basically it is just passive-aggressive bullsh*t and I am fed the **** up with it.

I am not sure how to deal with the not-listening-to-answers as FFS they asked the damned questions. If it's not important to me I will simply refuse to answer the question twice but then we have to go through the complaints over that, and sometimes it does affect me whether they know the answer.

I mean, I'll let DH off a little because he's basically zoning out from tiredness and he's not usually this bad. I don't know how to fix the tiredness. He is tired because he will spend ages putting the kids back to bed multiple times a night when he should really just give up and go sleep on the guest bed. It's a nice bed! I can't swap jobs with him because I don't wake up when the kids come in - I just keep sleeping. I don't see why he can't just... leave once, and then everyone sleeps soundly the rest of the night. But he won't agree with me, so he puts one or the other back to bed at 1am, 2am, 4am, 5am...

DS 4yo needs help with focus. He gets distracted easily by things that are interesting to him and he gets stuck on things that are interesting to him. And he doesn't transition well. I mean, I'd say he's probably (significantly) worse than average on the normal spectrum for these things in a 4yo. And maybe he's also a bit tired, being the end of the school year and he does wake up a couple of times a night.

I guess I'm feeling a little frustrated today and I just wondered what everyone else is doing.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 02 November 2012 - 12:35 AM

No help here, but it certainly sounds just like the day I've had!

#3 Feralishous

Posted 02 November 2012 - 01:30 AM

my toddler suffers from selective hearing too. We are still trying ways to deal with it

#4 DbdB

Posted 02 November 2012 - 01:49 AM

My mum could have written that post about me when I was little! There is a good chance that ds will grow out of it in time. Good luck!

#5 beabea

Posted 02 November 2012 - 02:23 AM

QUOTE
There is a good chance that ds will grow out of it in time.
Are you sure? Even with DH in the equation (genetically and environmentally)?  rolleyes.gif

Thanks everyone. I have calmed down a bit now, and I'm at work tomorrow, so I might be ready again by the weekend... not that I've lost hope of someone posting a magic answer (or at least a few good suggestions).

#6 kadoodle

Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:15 PM

I find blowing a whistle helps.

#7 babychacha

Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:32 PM

My DS is 5.5 and is exactly the same....exactly. I also do the same, either turn his face so he is looking at me or make sure he is focussed and then also ask him to repeat it back to me. Especially if I have already given him the answer and the still says why.....does my head in.

After seeing a specialist peadiatrican he is "at risk of ADHD" (they term it that way as apparently you can't truly diagnose in preschool children) and seems to exhibit most of the signs....according to the print out of information I was given.

He does have trouble focussing, its like he can't hear me but his hearing has been checked several times and its fine.

He currently goes to a school readiness class once a week which has four kids in total and I know he misses the teachers instructions most of the time and looks to the other children to see what they are doing.

My plan for now, is to keep helping/guiding him to focus.

He had a new swimming teacher and new class today....ie; he went up a level and is in a group of four and I watched from a distance. I know he tried to stay focussed but was the only kid who couldn't keep still and needed to constantly be doing something ie; splashing the water, checking out the pool equipment, looking all around and the list goes on.

He starts school next year.

I dont' have a magic answer....wish I did. If I need him to get dressed or tidy his toys away, I turn off the tv and then ask him to do it.

Have plans to google it.....someone must have been through this before and have more practical suggestions.....hopefully.

#8 DbdB

Posted 04 November 2012 - 02:06 AM

[quote name='beabea' date='02/11/2012, 12:23 AM' post='15043474']
Are you sure?

Ok, it may have taken many years for me to grow out of it....


#9 WYSIWYG

Posted 04 November 2012 - 02:50 AM

My 4 year old is the same, as is my 2 year old. When they are particularly bad, I'll just burst into tears. I can't say it works in the long run, but it sure snaps my 2 out of it for about 10 minutes.

#10 beabea

Posted 04 November 2012 - 03:34 AM

QUOTE
I find blowing a whistle helps.
Oh my goodness I am so ready to try that. I mean, it worked for Captain Von Trapp...

...or should I just start to deliver my instructions in folk song, accompanied by a guitar?

QUOTE
After seeing a specialist peadiatrican he is "at risk of ADHD" (they term it that way as apparently you can't truly diagnose in preschool children) and seems to exhibit most of the signs....according to the print out of information I was given.


Yes, I've thought that once or twice when I hear about ADHD, but I really think he's more normal than anything. I mean, most 3-5yo's seem a little "ADH" to me (like most 1-3yo's seem a little "OC" to me - you know how you get to leave off the "D" until they fail to grow out of it like the other kids). I guess you have to keep keeping an eye on them to make sure they continue to develop along a normal curve. It would be simpler if these things were clearly yes/no.

QUOTE
He does have trouble focussing, its like he can't hear me but his hearing has been checked several times and its fine.


OMG, right? But then I sympathise as well because I know I'm prone to the same thing when I'm thinking or concentrating (that's without ADHD).

QUOTE
Ok, it may have taken many years for me to grow out of it....
But DH is in his mid-thirties now... that's an awfully long time with no end in sight original.gif

Okay so the update is that DS has come down with a cough. So although we do have this problem normally at some level, it was probably driving me especially crazy last week because it was especially bad. I have noticed that DS sometimes shows a profound lack of focus and willpower for several days before he starts up with some recognisable illness. Which means he should improve again once the illness is over, which is really good because he was absolutely atrocious today.



#11 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:22 AM

I used to make excuses for my kids being tired.
Now, I just expect the same basic behaviour when they are and aren't tired as I was sick of making adjustments all the time for all of the three at one point.

When your son asks you a question, make sure that you ask him to stop and listen. Say someone like put your listening ears on etc.  make him look at you, short answers and then let him go.

It has worked for us well. We also stopped yelling instructions at people across the house , all that type of stuff. So if something has to be asked, found etc, we go right up to that person and ask .




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Ambulance service under fire: baby seats to go, response times 'worse than ever'

The NSW Ambulance Service is removing child-safety seats from ambulances, while the Victorian service is facing criticism over lengthy response times following the death of a three-year-old.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Is e-reading to your toddler story time or just screen time?

When reading increasingly means swiping pages on a device, and we're advised to read to their children early and often, should parents be turning to e-readers for storytime?

Community mourns inspiring young dad

A young dad who fought a five-year battle with cancer has been remembered for his inspiring legacy at a funeral service attended by hundreds of family and friends this week.

Meningococcal kills Queensland toddler

Public health authorities say the death of a toddler in north Queensland from meningococcal disease highlights the danger the illness poses.

Nicole Kidman: 'I hope every month that I'm pregnant'

Nicole Kidman is hoping to add to her family, but says she's doubtful it will happen.

Recall: Aldi Wooden London Bus play set

Aldi has announced a recall of their popular Wooden London Bus play set.

Great gift ideas for first birthdays

From soft toys to balance bikes, here are some great ideas for first birthday gifts.

Mum learnt she was pregnant hours before giving birth

Kim Walsh arrived at the doctor with abdominal cramps. Hours later, she was cradling the baby experts told her she could never have.

How cancer has made me a better, happier person

I'm a far better person post-cancer than I ever was before. The goal now is to stay around long enough to find out who I can become, and what I can achieve.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Warnings over child pain relief doses

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has warned parents and carers over a "confusing" pain relief dosage system.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.