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I cant stop whinging and complaining...
When does it get easier?!

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#1 Starletta

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:10 PM

When I was pregnant with my daughter I swore I would never complain and whinge about how hard having a baby is, because I would feel so blessed and lucky just to have a healthy child after everything we went through.

But here we are, and its SO hard. And I find myself b**ching, whining and moaning to anyone who will listen. Mostly on facebook or twitter, but also in real life. I can't stop. She has reflux, which has been a nightmare. Now she is on meds, but they make her constipated. She catnaps for 30 mins and then refuses any more sleep. So by the end of the day, shes so overtired she just cries.

She likes to eat little and often, so I am feeding constantly. She hates the car and everything has to be timed with military precision, just to leave the house. I am working on Saturday on a wedding so I will be out of the house all day and I can't wait. I feel so guilty.

I am trying to work from home and its so hard. I can't give clients the attention they deserve because I am so tired and so distracted. I dread looking at my inbox because there are emails I am avoiding.

I feel like I am alienating people because I have become so negative. She is such a beautiful little girl but she is a tough baby. I hope these are just early days problems and get better soon.

I dont really know why I am writing this post, just wanted to get it out I suppose. Did anyone else not enjoy these early months? Everyone says how magical the newborn period is... I just don't get it at all. I am just hoping its normal to feel like this.

#2 ComradeBob

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:15 PM

I fecking hated the early months. So much so that it was a contributing factor in why we only have one, I just didn't think I could go through that again. I used to read the chapters of Babylove for the stage beyond the one I was at, just to remind myself that it did get better and it did get easier.

So, no I've absolutely no advice, but I did want you to know that there is at least one other person who didn't love the newborn stage  hhugs.gif

#3 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:16 PM

Oh sweetie  bbighug.gif

I can't give you any advice, obviously, but as someone who sees your FB I can tell you that your perception is way off.  You don't come across as whiny or negative at all.  Of course you discuss what is happening in your life, and ATM the biggest thing is your daughter.  You are obviously friends with an amazing group of people too; I am sure they are happy to listen when you are having trouble, and try to help in any way they can.

Can anyone help with the emails?

Honestly, I know I am on the other side of the country and we have never met IRL, but if I can help with anything I will.  I am happy to help out with work admin.

#4 Bluestocking

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:17 PM

OH me me me! Makes me jealous to see those people with really happy relaxed babies that sleep for 2 hrs in a row, poop with ease, and feed without problems, because I missed out on enjoying my newborns. It was a horrible time and I couldn't wait for them to grow older. Sad but true.

#5 Kay1

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:20 PM

I felt the same way with #1. #2 was even harder but easier because I knew it would end. #3 is SO much easier. He's 12 weeks and while we have bad days (yesterday was one!) he's just a MUCH easier baby than the other 2 and I'm actually enjoying him a lot.

What I am saying is, some babie are just hard and if people tell you how lovely the newborn stage is its because they didn't have a hard one! And yes it will get better! My two miserable screamers are now happy, healthy and delightful. Hang in there and go easy on yourself.

#6 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:22 PM

I hate the new born stage! DS 2 is 9 months and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel .....you poor thing, babies are hard. And you are allowed to whinge, and b**ch and moan.....it doesn't mean you love them any less! It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do (not that that makes it any easier to deal with!)

#7 bikingbubs

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:24 PM

the early months suck (IMO) and is the main reason we are having kids close together so we can get it out of the way.  yes older kids have their challenges too but i can tolerate that much better than newborn craziness original.gif it WILL get easier

#8 flowermama

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:25 PM

Don't beat yourself up, the early months can be hideous. My DD1 had severe reflux and feeding/sleeping issues and it was a miserable hell on earth life for a while. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent - some people (like my sister!) have wonderful, easy babies and the rest of us have babies who are so hard it's difficult to see light at the end of the tunnel - it does get better though and they do stop screaming and become happy, fun little people. How old is your DD now?

#9 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:25 PM

Normal, totally normal.

And with a side order of even more normal when you have had a stillbirth.  It's all supposed to be rainbows and kittens and unicorns and when you get a challenging baby on top of such a recent loss, it's freaking hard!  You're still very early days with Harry emotionally.

You know where I am <3

#10 premmie_29weeks

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:27 PM

Ditto my first child, also reflux and I was completely unprepared for the immense hormonal changes, sleeplessness and adjustment to motherhood. I hated the first few months, and felt guilty beyond belief. I sure now in hindsight I had mild pnd, or anxiety.

Believe me it. Improves. My nightmare newborn turned into a happy healthy eating sleeping gorgĂ´ues older baby, and now toddler. I went back for another 17 months later, and this experience has been completely different. I think because I was better mentally prepared, already a mother and more relaxed and determined to enjoy each stage for what it was rather than constantly wanting it to beget easier. He may be my last child so I really wanted to savour the first year.

It is temporary and once they start sleeping a bit more at night the days do get easier....

#11 millej13

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:27 PM

My DD is 4 weeks old

Yesterday I would have given her away! She was fussy, didn't want to sleep, she cried all last night and this morning until I finally got her to sleep in my arms sitting up in bed at 4:30am- just to be woken up by my 2 year old at 6am!!!

Seriously- whinge away- I don't think it means you don't absolutely worship your child at all!!!

#12 Another one

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:29 PM

Eve told me baby number two would be so easy because DD was so hard (sounds very similar to your beautiful girl).  Not true, if anything he was harder.

I hated the newborn stage with a passion and will have no more children because of it.  I couldn't cope if I gota third one like these two.

That said they are joyful toddlers (DD is a pre-schooler really) for the most part and it is better now.

I am always so jealous of the people with babies who do everything like the 'perfect baby' we all picture in our minds.

I considered my whinging and complaining a oublic service - telling the truth about motherhood (for me) not pretending it was all sweetness and light!

#13 Mmmcheese

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:30 PM

I'm another who reaaaaaaalllllllyyyy doesn't enjoy the first year. It's exhausting and relentless. I had a catnapper too, it doesn't give you any space. We do want two children, but I really don't want to do that first year again. I never thought I'd say this, but give me a toddler any day.

#14 Bluenomi

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:30 PM

Every mum, no matter what she went through to get her precious little baby is allowed to complain. Don't feel bad for doing it, it's hard work!

#15 ubermum

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:32 PM

Caring for your first baby is sooooo hard. It's a wonder we go on to have more. It gets better and you get better at it.

#16 MAGS24

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:35 PM

I know how you feel. My DS1 was a bad reflux baby and the first six months were horrible. All he did was cry all day and never wanted to sleep much.

I will get better though. Just keep in mind all the time that everything will improve once the baby starts solid food and gets older. Within 6 to 12 months there will be a huge difference, but it seems like a like a long time when your living it.

#17 premmie_29weeks

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:37 PM

God yes toddler any day original.gif he can entertain himself, feed himself, and not have to be carried everwhere though you do appreciate the one who isn't old enough to move once you have a toddler!

#18 Nobody Cool

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:38 PM

I hear you. I am mystified at all those people who "love" babies and the whole baby stage. Those people must have had freakishly easygoing babies or I breed really difficult ones because I find the first twelve months are relentless, crazymaking and bloody hard work. The first 6 months are by far the worst. I have a 5.5 month old and TBH the 4-6 month stage has made his newborn days look like a walk in the park so it might get worse before it gets better. This too shall pass.

#19 Fright bat

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:39 PM

Chin up Starletta! Only people who have a reflux baby know how hard it is! DS2 is a dream baby to me - I don't think he's especially 'good' as babies go, but compared to my first reflux baby, it is magical. (And still bloody hard work!) Whine away!

#20 BetteBoop

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:39 PM

But you're in the hardest stage Starletta. You and the baby don't know each other that well yet. It will get easier when you know what her cries are and what her routines are.

It continues to get easier the more they can communicate and do for themselves. IMO, it gets easier by the day.

My DD is 5 now and it's a piece of cake.

And if you hand the baby over to me, it will get much easier overnight  wink.gif

#21 shelbysmum

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:47 PM

Totally get it! I was just this morning crying in my psychologist's office telling her how hard it was and that I have no idea what to do with my baby who I have taken 2 years to have.

hugs sweetie- we'll get through it xxx

#22 Starletta

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:55 PM

Always trying to steal our babies BB wink.gif

Thank you everyone. Its nice to speak honestly about it. I find myself lying a lot, because she is such a smiley, gorgeous baby, and its hard for others to believe its this hard I think. And she is beautiful and smiley (generally for about 15 mins after she wakes up, so its prime picture taking time then wink.gif)

I am still having hormone fluctuations which are driving me batty. 14 weeks later and the night sweats continue, they are really bad. I don't know if thats normal or if its contributing to my moods. I felt so much better when I was pregnant.

The other thing that is driving me crazy and is that everyone thinks because she is formula fed, that she should be really settled and a good sleeper. This is SUCH a myth. People seriously think I am lying. She still wakes for feeds quite a bit at night and everyone is telling me she shouldn't.  It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I like feeding at night because she takes it without a fuss and I know she is getting more calories. During the day its a battle to get milk in to her.

Sigh. Whinge whinge whinge.

#23 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 01 November 2012 - 01:56 PM

I LOATHED the first 6 months...you are not alone in finding it hard!

For me it was the fact that they couldn't tell me what was wrong, also you get no feedback. I know that sounds weird and you get smiles, but it's not like a toddler... the other day DS came and put his arms round my neck and kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you maaam".... as a newborn the little bugger would just cry and puke at me!

#24 missjoads1234

Posted 01 November 2012 - 02:07 PM

Oh Starettttaaa....(thought i'd be naughty today and razz up your name  dev (6).gif )

You know you shouldve written to me dont you. Hello...wont take milk well, cap naps, cries constantly are you talking about my daughters?

I have been all there and done that and totally get you. Like totally. Im only starting to come out the other side now. It has taken 9 months but we are getting there, it DOES happen. Look you know the girls were just in hospital (albit for more than feeding issues but still feeding issues per se) as they are impossible to feed.

It took me months to break to cycle of bad sleeping. I mustve spoken to so many people and tried every technique as i was convinced they could be better sleepers. And you know what - they did it. They sleep through the night now and dont requiire any settling. You can do it too, keep your chin up.

Things will improve give it time. I know its hard dont get me wrong, dont give up. PM me anytime or ill see you on FB.

#25 watergirl

Posted 01 November 2012 - 02:10 PM

QUOTE (Starletta @ 01/11/2012, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Always trying to steal our babies BB wink.gif

Thank you everyone. Its nice to speak honestly about it. I find myself lying a lot, because she is such a smiley, gorgeous baby, and its hard for others to believe its this hard I think. And she is beautiful and smiley (generally for about 15 mins after she wakes up, so its prime picture taking time then wink.gif)

I am still having hormone fluctuations which are driving me batty. 14 weeks later and the night sweats continue, they are really bad. I don't know if thats normal or if its contributing to my moods. I felt so much better when I was pregnant.

The other thing that is driving me crazy and is that everyone thinks because she is formula fed, that she should be really settled and a good sleeper. This is SUCH a myth. People seriously think I am lying. She still wakes for feeds quite a bit at night and everyone is telling me she shouldn't.  It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I like feeding at night because she takes it without a fuss and I know she is getting more calories. During the day its a battle to get milk in to her.

Sigh. Whinge whinge whinge.

Hi OP,

Just a quick one but the above part of your post stood out for me. I had similar symptoms after having my second child (as well as frequent night sweats I had palpitations, nausea, horrendous tiredness beyond normal new baby tiredness, irritability, moodiness etc.) and it turned out to be post partum thyroiditis (overactive). It was/is awful but medication has helped. Not saying that is what you have but could be worth checking out if the night sweats, moods, etc. continue. A diagnosis and treatment changed my life! Please feel free to PM me if you want any further info.

Good luck with the early days. They can be quite horrendous and it is definitely OK to not enjoy every flipping minute. My close friend had a stillbirth for her first followed by a second beautiful daughter and she always used to say she felt like she could not vent as there was an expectation that everything should be sunshine and lollipops. Screw that. So unfair. We all have tough days with babies/kids and getting it off your chest is important (as is chocolate!).

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