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Need to be told I am being a pillock! - what the hell, another update post 791ish
SIL - weddings - hen parties


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#1 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 24 October 2012 - 01:58 PM

My BIL and SIL are getting married in November

Now my SIL is generally lovely, but she very materialistic and I really have nothing in common with her, she is the kind of person who buys a belt for $300 and goes on about what a bargain it is....where as I am the kind of person who doesn't even know what a belt is let alone how to use one!

The wedding is bringing out the PITA in her personality...an example

I'm not part of the wedding party (which I am more than happy about) - BUT, she told me that I have to show her what I will be wearing so she can "approve it"...The first dress I got was not acceptable and I had to go buy a new one.

She told me that everyone has to wear a fascinator or they won't be allowed in the restaurant - I think she was exaggerating here, but she went on at me for a hour when I said that I don't really like wearing fascinators, apparently they are a non-optional dress code.

My actual issue is with the hen party which I didn't really want to go to anyway, her friends are all very much like her and I really didn't fancy an evening discussing the nuances of gucci handbags vs prada...or something equally vacuous!

My other SIL (who I love) and I VERY grudgingly agreed to go along because it would be very rude if her new family didn't show up.

Anyway, I get an email today saying that...

All people attending the hen party (direct quote)

"must wear a sexy black dress, you have plenty of time to go out and buy one if you don't have one"

so...hackles up...

THEN it's $130 for dinner, topless waiter and 'other surprises'...that's before I've even had a drink, and trust me, I'd NEED to drink a LOT.


So EB, if you've made it that far with my white whine whinge about wedding bollocks, I need you to:

a) tell me to suck it up and stop behaving like a brat

OR

b) give me a good excuse for not going

I don't mind which side of that fence you sit on!

Edited by Livsh, 02 January 2013 - 09:48 AM.


#2 casime

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:04 PM

QUOTE
I'm not part of the wedding party (which I am more than happy about) - BUT, she told me that I have to show her what I will be wearing so she can "approve it"...The first dress I got was not acceptable and I had to go buy a new one.


Tell her to send you a link to the dress she would like you to wear.  Tell her you bought it.  On the day, your child will accidently spill something down the front of it just as you are running out the door and you had to wear something else.  

QUOTE
She told me that everyone has to wear a fascinator or they won't be allowed in the restaurant - I think she was exaggerating here, but she went on at me for a hour when I said that I don't really like wearing fascinators, apparently they are a non-optional dress code.


Suck this one up.  But if a magpie attacks on the way to the reception and steals it for a birds nest, then what can you do?  These things happen.  

QUOTE
My actual issue is with the hen party which I didn't really want to go to anyway, her friends are all very much like her and I really didn't fancy an evening discussing the nuances of gucci handbags vs prada...or something equally vacuous!


Gastro.  Very very bad gastro.  



#3 Leggy

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:05 PM

Possibly, "Since you made me buy a second dress and a fascinator I'll never wear again, I can't afford all those things for the hen's night, so I'll just come to the wedding."

Or possibly just call on the afternoon of the hen's night with "a terrible case of food poisoning, I think it was that sushi SIL and I had...she's puking too."

You're definitely not the pillock here.

Ah, Madame Catty, you beat me to it!

Edited by Leggy, 24 October 2012 - 02:05 PM.


#4 saraal

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:06 PM

how big will the fallout be if you don't go? how big a deal is the money for you?

unfortunately any excuse you make that doesn't involve your hospitalisation will not be deemed acceptable as clearly she feels Her Speshul Day should have global focus. So, have you been thinking about any cosmetic surgery? If so, now is the time to schedule it.

Otherwise say 'oh no, sorry, I can't make that date' and prepare for the bitterness that will ensue.

#5 niggles

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:06 PM

If I could afford it I'd just go along with it. If I couldn't I'd be very tempted to just tell her the truth. It's a bit rough to assume your friends can all afford the same lifestyle as you can and she may as well hear that sooner rather than later.

I'd email her that the night out is getting expensive and has she considered that some people may not be able to fit another purchase in their budgets and perhaps she might like to consider loosening up the dress code.

#6 Sentient Puddle

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:06 PM

There is a reason why I hate weddings and this just about sums it up for me. I would not have shown her my dress, have declined the invite to the hens night and told her how naff looking facsinators are! Well maybe not the last one, but really who wears fascinators unless you are the mother of the bride or off to the Melbourne Cup?

#7 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:07 PM

There is a pillock in your post and it's not you.

#8 saraal

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:08 PM

The problem with the gastro exc use is that you will probably still be up for the cost of the meal and for chipping in for her share too as the booking will have been confirmed.

Perhaps you could tell her your psychic has predicted explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting for that date and you don't want to risk it?

#9 YandiGirl

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:10 PM

Another vote for 'this is why I dislike weddings'......but, she's family, suck it up unless you can't afford to do so.

#10 saraal

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:17 PM

my vote is to go in any old black outfit, get drunk with other SIL before you get there, and take notes to report back here!

#11 CallMeFeral

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:19 PM

QUOTE (casime @ 24/10/2012, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Tell her to send you a link to the dress she would like you to wear.  Tell her you bought it.  On the day, your child will accidently spill something down the front of it just as you are running out the door and you had to wear something else.  

Suck this one up.  But if a magpie attacks on the way to the reception and steals it for a birds nest, then what can you do?  These things happen.  

Gastro.  Very very bad gastro.


Wow, you're good...


#12 Beancat

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:23 PM

Go to the hens night and suck it up, you kind of have to go.  If you dont have a LBD, borrow one or get one from the op shop.

Regarding her telling you what to wear to the wedding, politely tell her where to stick it.  Tell her you will wear as you please and you might wear a fascinator if you feel like it.  BTW why do you have to wear a fascintor, its a wedding, not the damn melbourne cup!!!

#13 Flaxen

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:23 PM

What i'd do??

Its your hubby's family right? If you've got some spare cash, I'd use it as a valid excuse to go shopping. Have fun with your other SIL and drink lots.

If you are not particulary rich at the moment, choose your battles, be sensible about what you're wearing (borrow LBD and facinator if need be) and pretty much suck it up to an extent. She is going to be family and you dont want to start on the wrong foot. And, as above, have fun with other SIL and drink lots.



Edited to Add:
If she wasnt family, I'd be telling her im washing my hair that day, the hens and the wedding.

Edited by Flaxen, 24 October 2012 - 02:38 PM.


#14 *Lib*

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:25 PM

You could just tell her you're not coming.

#15 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:30 PM

I wouldnt go.

The older im getting the better im getting at saying no. Maybe its because im caring less and less what people I dont really like think about me. If I love you ill bend over backwards and go out of my way but if im kinda like "meh, I dont really like you" then I no longer feel immense guilt for saying no.

I really hate strippers, like they make me feel really uncomfortable and I hate how everything is in the shape of a penis at some of these hens nights and then they put the photos up of you drinking out of a penis straw on facebook - no thanks!

$130 for a hens night is ridiculous! The LBD is fine, but why does it have to be sexy?

A sexy LBD to me is 1950's glam where sexy to someone else might me a crotch skimming spandex number.

Dont even get me started about the fascinator and checking your dress buisness - I think this woman clearly has waaay to much time on her hands.

Edited by - Poppy -, 24 October 2012 - 02:31 PM.


#16 Eleni_J

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:32 PM

QUOTE (saraal @ 24/10/2012, 12:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my vote is to go in any old black outfit, get drunk with other SIL before you get there, and take notes to report back here!


This is what I would do. Pull out a black dress (sexy or not) from the wardrobe if you have one, or else borrow from a friend if you can. Considering she's family I'm guessing non-attendance would not go down well.

Good luck!

#17 Magnus

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:33 PM

I would probably suck it up and go too (unless I couldn't afford to and then I'd tell her I couldn't afford to).

I think you should borrow a dress to wear, but I don't know about the fascinator. I don't even know anyone who owns a fascinator (and I'm glad).

I don't think she has any right to tell you what to wear to the wedding, though. If you're not into fashion maybe check with a friend that it's wedding acceptable and fits with the stated dress code, but apart from that it should be your choice.

#18 Bunsen the feral

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:38 PM

What Casime said re wedding outfit - genius!

Hen's, a black dress shouldn't be too hard to find - borrow or charity shop - better than matching themed t-shirts! Hip flasks come in handy for this kind of night I find.

Anything else suck it up in the hope that one day you get to sit back and laugh at what a pain your now wonderful SIL was before her wedding.

#19 FluffyOscar

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:38 PM

I was going to say that fascinators are bogan, but then I read the bride is having a topless waiter at the hen's night so it's obvious that's the look she's going for.

Eta: stupid spell check.

Edited by FluffyOscar, 24 October 2012 - 02:39 PM.


#20 opethmum

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:39 PM

She is one mean Bridezilla! Personally I would not be associated with anyone like that but it looks like you are going to be stuck with her and you would not hear the end of her complaint, so unfortunately for you I would just suck it up and do things as cheaply as possible.



#21 42n8

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:40 PM

Wear a burqa.  I'm sure some people would consider them sexy (they are black dresses after all) and make sure to team it with a fascinator.

Or

Ask her to show you what she's planning to wear to the hen's night and then tell her she'll look fat in it.  That should loosen the dress code.

Wont solve your dilemma but sometimes it's just fun to poke the bear.


#22 PrincessPeach

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:42 PM

$130 is a lot of money for a hen's night!

I'm not good on excuses, but I think approving your outfit to wear to her wedding is way over the top! - so you are not the pillock.


#23 Starletta

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:43 PM

Sounds like my worst nightmare.

Sorry you have to deal with such a d*ck. I can't believe she has the audacity to "approve" your wedding outfit. If she didn't choose you as a bridesmaid, then she has no say.

Personally, I would attend dinner for the hens party and thats it. Leave her with her friends, she wont mind by that point.

Edited by Starletta, 24 October 2012 - 02:44 PM.


#24 BadCat

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:47 PM

I'd skip the hen's night altogether.  "Turn up" at the wrong venue and then write her a snarky message the next day asking where the hell she was.

Wear whatever you like to the wedding.  If she pulls you up on it tell her you vomited on the one you were going to wear, make retching sounds, and run to the toilet.  

For the fascinator, stick a pencil behind you ear and tell her it't the thinking woman's fascinator.

Failing all that, you could always take her out with some elephant tranquiliser and ship her to a Bridezilla reality show.  This would be my preferred option but it's your choice.  shrug.gif

Edited by BadCat, 24 October 2012 - 02:50 PM.


#25 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 24 October 2012 - 02:47 PM

Personally don't see the point of a hen's night but go, wear whatever you like and then you and the good SIL can watch the evil SIL and her friends make prats of themselves. As for the wedding - wear what you wish to and ditch the fascinator. It's highly unlikely they will have style police at the door refusing admittance to anyone without a fascinator.




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