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#1 MissButtercup

Posted 16 October 2012 - 07:11 PM

So I had my 28 week check up with my OB today.

Wasn't exactly what I expected.... after being advised at my first visit (have shared care with a mid wife in OB's clinic so only see her at key visits) with her that she would support my VBA2C her opening line was "so it looks like we need to organise a caesarian for you."  

I was very taken back but after I guess you could say reminding her (though tears) that I'd prefer/had planned a VBAC she went on you explain the conditions (spontaneous labour, wireless monitoring through out etc, which is all fine with me as there is good reasons for this).

I guess I was disappointed that after seeing her for all my pregnancies (this being the 3rd) that I am still just a number, especially in such a small practice. You would think she would at least have read my notes for 2mins before the appointment...

Has anyone else feel just like a number? Or been in a smilar situation?

Edited by MissButtercup, 17 October 2012 - 12:28 PM.


#2 Oma Desala

Posted 16 October 2012 - 09:14 PM

I know exactly what you mean. That's how I felt when dealing with my local hospital that I booked into as my backup (am planning a home birth). I couldn't stand their attitude or lack of caring so I've booked into another hospital that actually treats me with respect.

I really do hope it was just an unfortunate oversight on your OBs part and that you get a beautiful VBAC without challenge.

All the best


#3 MissButtercup

Posted 17 October 2012 - 12:33 PM

Thanks Oma.

Unfortunately there's only one hospital within a 200km radius so I don't have much choice. I am really happy with the midwife care but I kind of feel a little intimidated by the OB at times and normally just cave to what she's saying (caved to a second c-section due to breech baby when I should have investigated more into a VB..). However she's the best of the 3 OB's available in my area. sad.gif It's really a no win situation.

I was feeling pretty confident about a VBAC but now all the worries I had about not being supported are coming back to me which where my main concerns to begin with.

#4 axiomae

Posted 01 November 2012 - 07:36 PM

Do you have to see an OB? I never saw one at all throughout my pregnancy/labor. I was cared for by midwives and it was wonderful. Not sure if its mandatory after your caesars though.

#5 kelly77

Posted 09 November 2012 - 09:04 PM

I saw a midwife for all my antenatal appts and at my 2 compulsory OB appointments (public) I got very good at saying 'no' and asking 'why?' I also took my research with me so I could ask about it and asked them to show me studies that supported their policies. And I'm not a confrontational person AT ALL. But it your body and your baby. Don't let the OB intimidate you, they work for you.

Best of luck with your VBAC.

#6 naturalgoodness

Posted 10 November 2012 - 05:43 PM

I complain to my DH about this kind of thing every time I leave the public clinic at our hospital. After answering the same questions over and over and filling out the same information on forms I am left wondering why they can't take a few minutes before calling me in to familiarise themselves with the case notes!

I had a horrible surprise at my first consultant appt (I am doing shared care) where I had been told that I should prepare for a "managed" birth including having an epidural immediately upon admission because of THEIR concerns about my respiratory issues (which my respiratory physician has no qualms about!). This person hadn't bothered to read the form I had filled out in reception as he asked all the same questions over again  mad.gif

Its hard when they don't take the time to get familiar, and it makes me grateful for the limited contact I have to have with them and happy that as soon as I hold the baby I will forget all about them  biggrin.gif

Good Luck!

#7 Unatheowl

Posted 10 November 2012 - 05:51 PM

That brought you to tears?  My god, I would never be an ob.   unsure.gif

I'm sorry, op, I don't understand your attitude at all.  She probably just forgot. I had a vbac and I had to remind my ob that I would like to try for it rather than go straight to Caesar.  We had a joke about it and moved on.  

I can never understand building this stuff up so obsessively that you end up with PTSD if if didn't turn out exactly as planned.  Perhaps start seeing a counsellor now?

#8 MissButtercup

Posted 11 November 2012 - 06:50 AM

Una - I shouldn't have to explain myself but feel i have to for some reason. I've seen this OB for all 3 pregnancies and all gyno appointments, she works in a small practice, says hello by name if I bump into her down the street, yet she can't spend 2 minutes reading my notes before seeing me at an appointment if she can't remember our previous conversations (which being a VBA2C which apparently she's only had two other woman try for before you think would stand out). Its about customer service, I am paying for a service I am not receiving. And yes I am one of those emotional people that tear up at the drop of a hat when I've had next to no sleep due to working night shift and Braxton hicks when I do get a chance to rest....

This has all been bought up again in the last week when she read my growth scan results incorrectly - she read that bubs was in the 90th percentile where in fact bub is in the 9th percentile. Luckily my amazing midwife picked it up and I am now on twice weekly ctg monitoring and I see the OB once a week for cord flow monitoring....

So it's not the fact that I may or maybe not get a chance to VBAC (which yes I do hope I can) it's about receiving the care that I would expect and hope for... my question after all was about feeling like another number!

Edited by MissButtercup, 11 November 2012 - 06:51 AM.


#9 elmo_mum

Posted 11 November 2012 - 07:02 AM

if u want a vbac, and have researched associated risks, and if you still want one
STAND YOUR GROUND!!

u have to give consent for a c sect....

#10 SnazzyFeral

Posted 11 November 2012 - 07:35 AM

QUOTE (Unatheowl @ 10/11/2012, 06:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That brought you to tears?  My god, I would never be an ob.   unsure.gif

I'm sorry, op, I don't understand your attitude at all.  She probably just forgot. I had a vbac and I had to remind my ob that I would like to try for it rather than go straight to Caesar.  We had a joke about it and moved on.  

I can never understand building this stuff up so obsessively that you end up with PTSD if if didn't turn out exactly as planned.  Perhaps start seeing a counsellor now?


Isn’t part of the job of a doctor patient care? Many pregnant women are overly emotional, it’s a symptom of pregnancy so wouldn’t someone trained in that area take that into account- not saying that they have to walk on egg shells but I am sure she would be understanding of a woman crying even if you aren’t.  
There is nothing wrong with having a preference and one of the indicators for PTSD is if the person felt that they had no choice. If a person feels that they were in control of the situation and were able to choose what happened to them they are much less likely to develop PTSD.

#11 Unatheowl

Posted 11 November 2012 - 07:56 AM

QUOTE (SnazzySass @ 11/11/2012, 08:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Isn’t part of the job of a doctor patient care? Many pregnant women are overly emotional, it’s a symptom of pregnancy so wouldn’t someone trained in that area take that into account- not saying that they have to walk on egg shells but I am sure she would be understanding of a woman crying even if you aren’t.  
There is nothing wrong with having a preference and one of the indicators for PTSD is if the person felt that they had no choice. If a person feels that they were in control of the situation and were able to choose what happened to them they are much less likely to develop PTSD.


I find that this happens really really sad.  See the problem is when it comes to the birth, there are elements of it you can't control.  If you twist yourself up in knots about being in control all the time and expecting a particular course and outtome, then chances are you'll be upset at some stage and then suffer the after effects.  The thing that frustrates me about this stuff is that it is all self created.  

Sure you want a vbac, that's understandable, but look at the big picture.  You're going to get to met your baby, the birth and labour is a special and exciting time, why wreck it for yourself?  You can't control the ob's attitude or the way she speaks to you.  Perhaps she doesn't think it's all that big a deal, people have vbacs all the time.  Let it go.  She probably has no idea how upset you are about this and tbh, from an outside perspective it is extremely out of proportion.

You CAN control YOUR reactions and hence your happiness.  If you quit trying to control everyone else and  and start concentrating on the things that are possible you may actually enjoy the birth and turn it into a positive experience instead of one where you are fighting against everyone and bursting into tears when someone looks at you wrong.

Eta that part about getting your measurements wrong, well that's not great and wouldnt add to my confidence in her either.

Edited by Unatheowl, 11 November 2012 - 07:58 AM.


#12 MissButtercup

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:12 AM

Una can you please go back and ready my original post - the part that says that yes I want to try for a VBA2C and are ok with all the measures in place as there there for a good reason etc... and then my follow post saying that its not all about having a VBA2C it's the treatment from the OB that I was frustrated with.....
If I am paying her hundreds of dollars to see her the least she could do was read my notes...  
I don't get why you went off on a tangent about wanting a particular birth, having to be in control and working myself up into depression about it.. So I cried at an appointment so what.... I cry during sad movies too, maybe I should seek some professional help....

#13 Unatheowl

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:15 AM

Ok, yeah I do get that, but I suppose what stood out for me in your op and subsequent post is that your reactions seemed extreme to something that I wouldn't really think twice about.  Hence my post about being in charge of your own happiness.

#14 SnazzyFeral

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:38 AM

QUOTE (Unatheowl @ 11/11/2012, 08:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find that this happens really really sad.  See the problem is when it comes to the birth, there are elements of it you can't control.  If you twist yourself up in knots about being in control all the time and expecting a particular course and outtome, then chances are you'll be upset at some stage and then suffer the after effects.  The thing that frustrates me about this stuff is that it is all self created.  

Sure you want a vbac, that's understandable, but look at the big picture.  You're going to get to met your baby, the birth and labour is a special and exciting time, why wreck it for yourself?  You can't control the ob's attitude or the way she speaks to you.  Perhaps she doesn't think it's all that big a deal, people have vbacs all the time.  Let it go.  She probably has no idea how upset you are about this and tbh, from an outside perspective it is extremely out of proportion.

You CAN control YOUR reactions and hence your happiness.  If you quit trying to control everyone else and  and start concentrating on the things that are possible you may actually enjoy the birth and turn it into a positive experience instead of one where you are fighting against everyone and bursting into tears when someone looks at you wrong.

Eta that part about getting your measurements wrong, well that's not great and wouldnt add to my confidence in her either.


I don’t mean that one can dictate what happens in all cases but one can chose to trust that someone else (OB) is doing their upmost to help them. If that person shows evidence of being untrustworthy as in the Ops case then yes PTSD is more likely. I find altitudes like yours sad, attitudes that assume a birthing woman is an idiot and an OB is a god. If a woman is hearing warning bells about her care it is ok for her to be upset. If she wants a particular form of care that is at the time an acceptable form of care and her health carer is not supportive or not doing their job by not reading the patients notes then a woman has a right to be upset.

I think you have misunderstood my use of control by control I mean power. And just in case you get scared by the idea that a woman could be more powerful than an OB, I am not saying that the OB is powerless just that the patient is not powerless in her care. Many people assume that inorder for one person to have power anther cannot have it but that is not true. A good doctor (or any other person in a position of power) can exercise power without removing it from another. When someone’s power to take action or choose is removed it can cause PTSD.

I would argue that the private (and expensive) OB has removed power from the OP by not remembering a choice she made.

When in labour we sometimes have to give up our ability to choose to concentrate on the labour so we choose before hand by putting our trust in someone who knows more than we do to make choices for us. But if that person doesn’t read the notes before the birth can they be trusted to make choices that are in accordance with what we would want when we can’t make choices for ourselves?

When the OB does something that is in contradiction to a person’s wishes for no good reason other than because it is what the OB personal preference is then power is removed from the woman in labour. It is not that a woman needs a CS when she wanted a normal birth or VBAC or whatever that contributes to  PTSD and birth trauma, it is that a woman’s power is taken from her for some reason and women owe it to themselves to make sure before the birth that it is not because they have an OB that doesn’t really care about them.


#15 Unatheowl

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:54 AM

QUOTE (SnazzySass @ 11/11/2012, 09:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would argue that the private (and expensive) OB has removed power from the OP by not remembering a choice she made.


Yes, I do agree with you partly but I think this kind of sums up the part i disagree with.  No one can remove power from the op unless she lets them.  Someone not remembering something cannot take our power away unless we let it.

It's possible for the op to be a little wary of her ob (which is sad but she  may well have a reason to be) and remain in control of her reactions.

Again, the ob is only a god figure if we believe them to be.  If they then disappoint we are left emotionally  high and dry.  so don't build them up, they are human too.

#16 MissButtercup

Posted 11 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

I am not sure where my response could be classed as 'extreme'. Sure I had a bad day, perhaps over thought the situation and was emotional about it but everyone has these kind of days don't they?

#17 Natttmumm

Posted 11 November 2012 - 02:27 PM

I have an obyn who has delivered my girls, seen me through this preg and 2 miscarriages. I find him to be a great doctor and I'm happy seeing him but I still feel I need to be in charge of my own health. He has missed a few minor things such as not filling out scan referral properly and I had to make sure it was corrected , not a big thing
With any docs I always ask for a coy of the results of tests and ask any questions I have afterwards.
No point being too upset better to be proactive.




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