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#1 Harried

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:07 PM

We've met this guy who's been doing some odd jobs for us. He's nice, and has done a lot of things for us just to be nice.

He's decided he really wants to hang around us a lot socially. He turns up at the kids' bed time and wants to sit and chat out the front of our house. He swears a lot in the kids' earshot, with F and C featured heavily. (Say if they're inside and he's outside)

Last Friday night, he told DH that he was bringing some drinks over in half an hour. DH is only allowed to drink one standard drink per day, and usually doesn't drink at all. He brought over lots of bourbon and coke, and DH ended up having more than one, but not as much as this guy. DH was ok, but said he would probably just have one in future.

This guy ended up hanging off the outside edge of our verandah, holding the rails with both hands, just hanging his penis out for the world to see and urinating like that. (Where he was standing, was in full view of a neighbour who has three daughters, I hope they didn't see!) He ended up taking off for his mate's drug bust that was going on at the time and didn't come back for ages. We were watching TV much later, and heard him come back for his car and drive off. He was sh*t faced when we'd last seen him, so can only imagine how bad he was by then. We also found out the next day that he'd fallen over and twisted his ankle when he'd been wandering in our backyard (we didn't know he was there)

He's always telling us he 'doesn't have a good relationship with the cops' and how he's being picked on for speeding, picked on for DUI, picked on for assault charges and so on.

I have been in a car with him once. He drove me to the pub for two minutes so I could get some coke. He was driving so dangerously, that by the time I got home, I was nearly vomitting.

He wants DH to go four wheel driving with him. Mentioned that they usually do $1500 worth of damage to the cars on a given trip, and went on to say how dangerously they drive, and taking really bad risks.

DH has said to me he won't be going.

They have three kids, one is a 4 year old boy. I have a son, who is 6, and they met in our backyard one day, when he brought him over. They got along well.

One night, as we were getting the kids to bed, he brings his son over to ask if my boy can have a sleep over on friday night (today). I said no, because we don't let them have sleepovers at this age, but he could go over to play after school.

The father hung his head, and went, 'well, that was kind of the whole point!' but we stuck to our guns.  Then he asked his son (who is 4) if he was going to have some of the smoke in his hand. The boy said no.

Anyway, DH and I have been stressing about this playdate, but thought we'll just get through it etc. I find the house, and the outside is a total slum. I'm a pretty bad housekeeper, so I'm not just being stuck-up here. The whole veranda was piled waist high in rubbish. I acted like I didn't notice, and my son pointed to it and said, 'mum, look at all that!' I told him to shoosh.

Half an hour later, she shows up, and seems pretty out of it. DH and I both think it could just be because she got back from work.. we hope. She told me she'd just have the kids playing out the front and she was looking forward to a drink with her DH.

The inside of the house didn't seem so bad, but I didn't want to be inspecting it, so I'm only going from a five second glimpse through the door to say goodbye.

When I went to pick up my son an hour later, I couldn't find the mother. She was next door, and came back in about five minutes. The 4 year old boy started saying, 'why can't he sleep over?' and I said, sorry, he's not allowed. And he said, but my dad said he could. I said sorry, he's too little, but you got to play with him. He told me to wait til his dad came home, and I said, sorry, I have to go.

He threw a tantrum because of this, and his mum said, don't worry, maybe you can go to his house tomorrow. (nice to wait til you're invited huh?)

We got out of there, and as we get home, her DH is driving his truck through our backyard (there's a row of trees planted tightly together) and in front of our garage. I don't know how he did this, but we're both really p*ssed off.

We're happy to give him work and they seem as though they're nice to us, but how do I handle this? I don't want to be nasty to them. I really don't want any of my kids going over there to play, ever again.

Edited by Harried, 12 October 2012 - 07:08 PM.


#2 Marchioness Flea

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:11 PM

Personally I'd move house ASAP.


#3 Unatheowl

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:15 PM

QUOTE (Jenflea @ 12/10/2012, 08:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I'd move house ASAP.


haha I just read this OP and this was the first thing I thought too!

Geez, its tough OP because you've kind of let them in socially, now if you withdraw they might be offended.  I'd probably just try to disengage subtly, like be too busy for social interactions until they get the idea.  I wouldnt feel too bad.  There were a few issues there that could be legitimate safety issues for your DS if he spends time over there, so do what is right for him.

ITs not the kind of situation that lends itself to a confronation or sudden cutting off of ties.

#4 JustBeige

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:18 PM

Stop giving him work to start with.  The less you give him the less he hangs around.

Then slowly distance yourselves.  Still be polite, but just be busy an awful lot.  A lot of 'sorry not right nows' to the playdates as we have some chores to do / go to the shops / visiting someone else etc.and it sounds like you need to secure your property a bit better if you can.

Tell your DH to not drink with him. Tell him to drop into the coversation (probably several times) that he gets migraines or something and start getting them fairly frequently when this guy comes over.  

One final thing.  Ring the cops and put in an anonymous call if he drinks and drives. every. single. time.

otherwise, if you rent, tell your REA about these people and look at moving as soon as you can.

#5 saraal

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:18 PM

omg I would avoid avoid avoid! when he drops in every time have an excuse ready "sorry mate not a good time", refuse all play dates, just consistently keep turning him down until he moves on to someone else.

#6 mummy83

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:21 PM

Yeah I'd be wanting to move too lol.

#7 dogsneaker

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:26 PM

Tell him that your best man is a senior detective in the police force and he and his family come over regularly for meals and play dates with your son.

^^
yeah, works a treat.

#8 *~*Kitty*~*

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:27 PM

"Rough" is not the word!  They sound completely feral!!!

#9 Harried

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:41 PM

DH said next time he wants to have a drinking session, he'll say he can't cos he's not feeling well or is tired or something.

We want to put a fence up, but this guy was going to do the job. We're thinking we'll tell him we can't afford it yet, then just get someone else to do it. Sound ok?

We bought this house a few months ago, and we love it so much, and the town, that moving isn't an option. Thankfully, he's not a neighbour.

I'm going to have to think of some really good excuses as to why my boy can't go over to play. Trouble is, they gave us heaps of notice and put us on the spot with the kid being there, lol!

They're very much into gender roles (stereotypes, I mean) and I think all of outside is the man's domain, and the inside is a bit nicer because that's the wife's? It could be worse in there than I realise though.

They couldn't play in the backyard, because my son told me it was 'too full'. I said full of what? and he said, 'oh, fans, equipment, furniture..'

Yeah, feral is a good word too, was just trying to be fair, lol.

We'll stop giving him odd jobs that are house or yard related, but the job he started with was delivering firewood. I asked my DH if getting someone else for firewood was an option (there are lots in this town who do it) but DH said that they all kind of work together, so if one can't do it, another steps in. It's a small town and everyone knows each other and there's a big rumour mill, so we're still trying to work out all the politics and how to handle this because of that.

There is a school mum I have met that I trust who seems good at keeping her mouth shut, maybe I should ask her the best way to handle it? I don't have her number, so that would mean bailing her up somehow.

The mum did mention as I was leaving that we should get together one weekend at the park or something. Park is better than their house, but it's still not cutting the ties, is it?

Normally, I'd report a drink driver, just don't know if he'd be able to work out it was us and if he'd retaliate.

#10 KT1978

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:54 PM

Just tell them you don't drink.  They'll start avoiding you.  original.gif

#11 Harried

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:05 PM

QUOTE (KT1978 @ 12/10/2012, 08:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just tell them you don't drink.  They'll start avoiding you.  original.gif


He knows I dont, he found out last bender. Wasn't impressed, but still hung around. I was surprised he didn't have bourbon ready to go this fri night, so DH and I are hoping we might've bored him too much!

#12 Sif

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:12 PM

Tell them you've taken up religion, given up alcohol, but would really love them come over a bible study session...

#13 bakesgirls

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:15 PM

QUOTE (Sif @ 12/10/2012, 08:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Tell them you've taken up religion, given up alcohol, but would really love them come over a bible study session...


Beat me to it  original.gif

#14 Ridcully

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:32 PM

I was going to tell you to ask them whether they have met your friend Jesus yet too  wink.gif

I would seem as boring as possible to them; tell them DH has given up the drink for starters.

Hard with the kids though, not sure what you could do to avoid that. I feel sorry for their kids, they might benefit from hanging out at your place. Although you did say their house seemed ok inside.

#15 Harried

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:33 PM

QUOTE (Sif @ 12/10/2012, 09:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Tell them you've taken up religion, given up alcohol, but would really love them come over a bible study session...


I love the idea, but I think they'd work out it wasn't true from the rest of the town

#16 Mousky

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:41 PM

QUOTE (Ridcully @ 12/10/2012, 09:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was going to tell you to ask them whether they have met your friend Jesus yet too  wink.gif

I would seem as boring as possible to them; tell them DH has given up the drink for starters.

Hard with the kids though, not sure what you could do to avoid that. I feel sorry for their kids, they might benefit from hanging out at your place. Although you did say their house seemed ok inside.


I was thinking exactly this. Start handing them Jehovah's Witness pamphlets, they will distance themselves from you.

#17 Gembac8019

Posted 13 October 2012 - 12:09 AM

omg, they sound disgusting. when you wrote he was on the verandah with his penis out urinating i had a visual. LOL. I would try to cut all ties. I'd go pick up the firewood myself even. even if i have to hire a trailer. I'd try the religion thing too. don't worry what the whole town think, big deal.. just seem boring and if they turn up randomly just pretend that you're on your way out.. ''so sorry , we are just on our way out''... as for a fence, i'd be building a block wall that gives you total privacy and no way of anyone just walking into your yard. they sound creepy.

#18 TheGreenSheep

Posted 17 October 2012 - 09:43 AM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 17/10/2012, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok, I'm out as anon! LOL. I suck at this


LOL. Tis why I never go anon, Id end up doing the same! I really hope that it all sorts itself out for you guys.

#19 FeralZombieMum

Posted 17 October 2012 - 09:57 AM

QUOTE (Rawr @ 17/10/2012, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok, I'm out as anon! LOL. I suck at this

laughing2.gif

On the bright side, at least we know you're not a troll. wink.gif

#20 Tesseract

Posted 17 October 2012 - 10:08 AM

What's the rest of the town going to think when they find out you're friends with this guy? I'd be avoiding you as well if I found that out, you are who you hang with and all that...

What about behaving like a bit of a snob? That usually turns people right off. "Oh no we don't let the children eat cabana, processed muck. Would you like some marinated artichoke hearts?" in your best snobby voice.

#21 ComradeBob

Posted 17 October 2012 - 10:22 AM

I like the snobby thing too, and I think it would be a LOT easier to pull off in a small town than pretending to be religious, which I think is too easily found out, not to mention the fact that you don't want to upset any non-feral, but possibly religious new friends!

From what you've said, he sounds like he could be the type that fastens onto every new person in the hope that he will find a fellow feral to drink with.

#22 Kickingitcountry

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:22 PM

Just read the thread I realize it's a bit of an old one now, but OP have you been able to ditch this person? And what ended up working?





Edited by Kickingitcountry, 20 January 2013 - 02:22 PM.


#23 ubermum

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:44 PM

Why lie? This is where people make a rod for their own back. Be up front. Tell him. Your dh should tell him he doesn't drink more than one a day, doesn't want him urinating off his verandah like a feral and doesn't want language like that used at his house. Also, that he won't be going away for the weekend because driving dangerously and getting smashed isn't his cup of tea.

Personally, I don't know why you left your 4yo in their care especially if you thought that she was out of it. Obviously these people are not the sort of influences you want for your kids. I would be ropeable if I left my 4yo and returned to find them unsupervised, even if she is next door.

People treat them the way you let them. You are letting them treat you like their feral mates. Tell them what you expect at your house and don't leave your kid in the care of an intoxicated person at their house. You don't have to be nasty or withdraw their welcome at your place, but you don't have to let them do as they please either.  I don't understand the issue. It's not rocket science.

#24 JRA

Posted 20 January 2013 - 02:57 PM



QUOTE (Unatheowl @ 12/10/2012, 07:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
haha I just read this OP and this was the first thing I thought too!

Geez, its tough OP because you've kind of let them in socially, now if you withdraw they might be offended.  I'd probably just try to disengage subtly, like be too busy for social interactions until they get the idea.  I wouldnt feel too bad.  There were a few issues there that could be legitimate safety issues for your DS if he spends time over there, so do what is right for him.

ITs not the kind of situation that lends itself to a confronation or sudden cutting off of ties.




What does it matter if you offend. he is not a friend, he is not a person you want as a friend.

QUOTE (ubermum @ 20/01/2013, 02:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why lie? This is where people make a rod for their own back. Be up front. Tell him. Your dh should tell him he doesn't drink more than one a day, doesn't want him urinating off his verandah like a feral and doesn't want language like that used at his house. Also, that he won't be going away for the weekend because driving dangerously and getting smashed isn't his cup of tea.

Personally, I don't know why you left your 4yo in their care especially if you thought that she was out of it. Obviously these people are not the sort of influences you want for your kids. I would be ropeable if I left my 4yo and returned to find them unsupervised, even if she is next door.

People treat them the way you let them. You are letting them treat you like their feral mates. Tell them what you expect at your house and don't leave your kid in the care of an intoxicated person at their house. You don't have to be nasty or withdraw their welcome at your place, but you don't have to let them do as they please either.  I don't understand the issue. It's not rocket science.


I have to agree. I can't imagine why you let your son go  there.  If you don't make a stand it becomes your fault

ETA: Oops I hadn't seen this was an old thread. Sorry.

Edited by JRA, 20 January 2013 - 02:58 PM.


#25 overthehill

Posted 20 January 2013 - 04:17 PM

Funny how things turn out hey?
  Hopefully you will not have any issues in the future then and will have a new friend!





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