Jump to content

I feel I missed out on a normal labour


41 replies to this topic

#1 imamumto3

Posted 12 October 2012 - 06:57 PM

I love watching birth shows on tv, but while I watch I feel like I have some how missed out on a 'normal' birth.

first was a caeser.  then #2 &#3 were fast labours, no pushing and using gas and tens.  I didn't really have pain until delivery so no need for dh to massage me etc.  then the gas i used during delivery made me feel like I was floating and out of it, almost like I was watching but not part of it.  

anyone else feel the same?

#2 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:00 PM

Did you have healthy babies? If so, does it matter how they were born ?

#3 Charli73

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:01 PM

You wanted to be in more pain??

After 12 hours of labour pains and then an emergency CS I was happy to skip that pain for bub number 2!!!

#4 Starrydawn

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:04 PM

Define normal? There is no such thing. It sounds like you did pretty well.

#5 Marchioness Flea

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:06 PM

What is a normal birth?
I don't know how you'd describe a normal birth.
What do you feel you missed out on? hours of pain? Having an epidural or pethidine shot?
Weeks of painful prelabour pains?
Why would you feel like you missed out?


#6 mini mac

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:07 PM

I'm with old grey mare... It's only 1 day. I would be thankful, not feeling ripped off!

I had two straight forward natural drug free (but still painful!) labours which I am so glad to have experienced.

I know loads of friends and women that would have much preferred a c-section or quick drug free labours than the pain/complications/length of time they had with their labours....

Concentrate on the future and not one (or three) days from the past that really holds little importance in relation to your children and your relationships now

#7 imamumto3

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:14 PM

Maybe normal isn't the right word.  maybe it was just that my births were so fast and full on that it was a bit overwhelming and that it just doesn't seem to be what most people experience.  crazy I know

#8 jeska~and~her~secret

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:21 PM

I agree with the PPs that there is no 'normal' labour.

However, my first labour was as 'desirable' as they get - 16 hours, no pain relief, an hour of pushing, and a healthy baby delivered vaginally with no tears.

Would I do it again? Hell no! For my second labour I plan to have access to an epidural to control the pain. I had no idea it could hurt that much. I really don't need to experience that again.

So, OP, I envy your experience of short labours and minimal pain... Fingers crossed my next one will be similar.

ETA: when I say 'desirable', I mean desirable to those women who want to birth naturally and without interventions. Not desirable to those who know in advance that they don't want to be in agony. wink.gif

Edited by jeska~and~her~secret, 12 October 2012 - 07:23 PM.


#9 greenthumbs

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:25 PM

I had a 'normal' labour for about 14 hours until it was decided DS was stuck. I was prepped for caesar, given a spinal block, then they managed to get him out with forceps.

I hated the feeling the morphine gave me. I felt so spaced out, all my emotions from that time are so false. I understand you feeling 'ripped off' as I guess that's how I feel because DS was ripped from me rather than me pushing him out. You can't control how you feel.

No advice, just 'I hear ya' sad.gif . Write your birth story, time will hopefully help.

#10 libbylu

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:27 PM

What is a normal labour?
Mine lasted 48 hours, I was delirious with exhaustion and after 2+ hours of pushing, he was stuck (posterior) and wouldn't come out. I ended up with an emergency c-section.
I think you just have to accept the experience you end up with, unless of course it was overly traumatic, in which case counseling can be a good idea.

#11 noonehere

Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:36 PM

No such thing as normal i believe but i will swap you my 36 hours posterior ending csection with 5 failed epis.

I could not even hold my DD as i was so dopped up.

#12 Marchioness Flea

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:18 PM

FIVE failed epis???
I thought one failed one was bad enough.

How can they stuff up 5??


#13 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:31 PM

Kind of. I ended up being induced but had been looking forward to waters breaking and contractions and excitement of going to the Birth Centre but it didn't work out like that.

I never Had a problem with my labour though until I met a group of mothers who gave me sh*t for being induced and having an Epi, then I felt bad and questioned whether I had made the right choices, now I don't care again.

#14 seepi

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:35 PM

I understand a bit. I had one bad back labour with hours of pushing and an episiotomy, followed by a very sick baby and a bad hospital experience.

next two were super fast labours. No time for DP to do massage, or for the midwives to work out my name, getme into a birth suite, let alone my birth preferences  etc. and scary pain, although over quickly.

In fact it is over so quickly it is like it never happened. I went into shock after number 2, and had a pethidine shot after he was out! I spent ages after number 2 was born asking DP about every detail of the birth, just trying to work out sort of what happened.

I did a bit of reading for precipitate births before number 3 - I was worried how quick it might be and how I would handle it. Anyway - the shock, and the endless questioning of anyone else who was there about details are apparently common.

Calm birth says the idealish labour is around 6 hours of gradual build up - you can get used to the pain gradually, and work on your techniques like swaying and visualising and vocalising.

You feel like an absolute twit swaying and vocalising when you aren't in much pain yet - but then once it hits like a truck with a precipitate birth it is too late.

Still - I have come to terms with mine. Not a lot of people get the perfect 6 hour labour with a lovely midwife, a nice birth suite, a bath and nice masage etc.

ps - you didd better than me - they never even offered me any gas. A big thing with a precipitate birth is that the midwives are caught out by it, and instantly snap to focus on the unexpected baby, and forget about the mother altogether.

Edited by seepi, 12 October 2012 - 08:39 PM.


#15 elmo_mum

Posted 12 October 2012 - 08:53 PM

be grateful for a safe arrival after your birth

i was 8 hours, just gas...
i never got skin to skin, or to hear my baby cry...
he was taken straight to nicu and spent 4 months there...

my first real hold was at 5 weeks...
skin to skin never really happened till he was 2 months...


so yea, i was ripped off in the birth stakes

btw, bubs was born at 24 weeks, so i also missed my pregnancy...i now have a healthy happy 7 month old
i feel blessed that i have a healthy bub, and dont focus on my "bad experience....."

#16 imamumto3

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:02 PM

QUOTE (seepi @ 12/10/2012, 09:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I understand a bit. I had one bad back labour with hours of pushing and an episiotomy, followed by a very sick baby and a bad hospital experience.

next two were super fast labours. No time for DP to do massage, or for the midwives to work out my name, getme into a birth suite, let alone my birth preferences  etc. and scary pain, although over quickly.

In fact it is over so quickly it is like it never happened. I went into shock after number 2, and had a pethidine shot after he was out! I spent ages after number 2 was born asking DP about every detail of the birth, just trying to work out sort of what happened.

I did a bit of reading for precipitate births before number 3 - I was worried how quick it might be and how I would handle it. Anyway - the shock, and the endless questioning of anyone else who was there about details are apparently common.

Calm birth says the idealish labour is around 6 hours of gradual build up - you can get used to the pain gradually, and work on your techniques like swaying and visualising and vocalising.

You feel like an absolute twit swaying and vocalising when you aren't in much pain yet - but then once it hits like a truck with a precipitate birth it is too late.

Still - I have come to terms with mine. Not a lot of people get the perfect 6 hour labour with a lovely midwife, a nice birth suite, a bath and nice masage etc.

ps - you didd better than me - they never even offered me any gas. A big thing with a precipitate birth is that the midwives are caught out by it, and instantly snap to focus on the unexpected baby, and forget about the mother altogether.

I was given the gas as soon as I got in the delivery suite.  then the midwives left thinking first time labour it will be a while.  not long after they left I remember telling dh I can feel something coming out, he went and got the midwife, who casually strolled in the door saying "well lets have a look", like we were wasting her time, to yelling " OMG, I need a witness here" as she caught the baby coming out!

btw, this is not something I think of every day & I am grateful that I have (fairly) healthy kids and safe deliveries, but when I watch these birth shows it just gets me thinking

#17 Feral-Lausii

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:04 PM

QUOTE
However, my first labour was as 'desirable' as they get - 16 hours, no pain relief, an hour of pushing, and a healthy baby delivered vaginally with no tears.


Im sorry but I'll take my average 2-3 hour labour over 16!!! Omg 16 hours would have seen an epidural for sure.. biggrin.gif

OP, mine are fast and furious too. I often have laid there after and felt like I've run a marathon. My quickest was 50 minutes and I remember being shaky after that one due to just how damn quick he made his way into the world! I don't think there is any normal labour, and I am thankful I have given birth to all 5 children safely and easily without any issues.

And a lot of those birthing shows would cut a lot out too!

#18 Gumbette

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:05 PM

I had 2 fast labours, 1st was 45 minutes with just gas, 2nd was 3 hrs with an epidural so no pain at all, both were healthy babies.  What can I say - I'm so grateful - I cringe when I hear about long labours. I don't understand p*ssing competitions when it comes to labour - natural, caesar, epi, gas, stitches, tearing, no tearing - who cares. Millions of women won't ever be able to fall pregnant, and of those who do many don't get to take home a healthy baby - as a woman who struggled with infertility for years I'm just happy I finally got to be a mum.

#19 jennywin

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:16 PM

oh you poor poor lucky thing!

#20 dulcinea

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:24 PM

Sorry to hear you feel you missed out. I also have fast and furious labours, but they do have their upside and I have made my peace with the way it seems to work for my body.

As with anything, things don't always work out the way we expect them to. That's life, and everyone is different. Maybe have a chat to someone about it? Ask the hospital to go over your notes with you? Or ask an experiences doctor or midwife to explain what happens at a precipitate birth, in terms of the physiology. For myself, I find "knowing" helpful.

And to those who say birth and feelings don't matter: I am calling BS! Of course it matters. How would you feel if you were grieving/sad and someone told you it didn't matter. She's entitled to her feelings and it is absolutely legitimate to feel ripped off, even by your own body. I swear if I hear that "healthy baby" line one more time I'll scream!

#21 Rosiebird

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:33 PM

QUOTE (dulcinea @ 12/10/2012, 09:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry to hear you feel you missed out. I also have fast and furious labours, but they do have their upside and I have made my peace with the way it seems to work for my body.

And to those who say birth and feelings don't matter: I am calling BS! Of course it matters. How would you feel if you were grieving/sad and someone told you it didn't matter. She's entitled to her feelings and it is absolutely legitimate to feel ripped off, even by your own body. I swear if I hear that "healthy baby" line one more time I'll scream!


But in what way did she miss out? The OP describes having two drug-free uncomplicated vaginal births - that seems to be the gold standard for avoiding post-birth disappointment. Is there some magic number of hours of labour pains you need to endure before you can claim the perfect birthing experience? Sorry, but this doesn't make sense to me. I completely understand being upset by a "healthy mother, healthy baby" comment if the birth was traumatic, but not if it just didn't fit a stereotyped image of what you think labour should be.

#22 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:38 PM

Precipitate labour is hard emotionally for most women who have it.  It's devastating quick and not how we expect to experience labour.

A good friend of mine delivered her baby in 15 minutes from the time she realised she was in labour.  I knew someone else who delivered all 3 of her babies in 30 minutes (and had home births).  They both talked about how violent they found the process of such quick births.

You're perfectly entitled to have the feelings around your births OP just as all the people taking pot shots are entitled to their feelings (the pot shots are uncalled for though wink.gif ).

#23 dulcinea

Posted 12 October 2012 - 09:55 PM

QUOTE (rosiebird @ 12/10/2012, 10:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But in what way did she miss out? The OP describes having two drug-free uncomplicated vaginal births - that seems to be the gold standard for avoiding post-birth disappointment. Is there some magic number of hours of labour pains you need to endure before you can claim the perfect birthing experience? Sorry, but this doesn't make sense to me. I completely understand being upset by a "healthy mother, healthy baby" comment if the birth was traumatic, but not if it just didn't fit a stereotyped image of what you think labour should be.


Sorry, but since when do other people get to decide what is meant to be a disappointing experience for a particular individual? Precipitous births can be very traumatic actually, because it happens so quickly.

I had a very fast labour with DS, and in many ways I wish it would have gone differently. For starters I would have liked some help instead of having to catch him myself. There was no one there. The first 10 minutes of DS life were a mad scramble for help. Not a pleasant feeling. Also there was no lovely bonding experience as with DD's birth (which was on the faster side but fairly normall). No photos either. I love looking at the one's of DD's birth, and I would really love to have some of DS's birth. sad.gif And as much as DS and I were perfectly healthy and well, I still would rather have had a longer labour with a skilled assistant.

It doesn't matter what side of "normal" you feel you are on, it's still valid to feel you missed out.

Although I do agree with some of the PP, mass media have a lot to answer for when it comes to what most people regard as a normal birth.

#24 kay11

Posted 12 October 2012 - 11:08 PM

Do you feel depressed about it?

I just wonder and sorry if it's completely off the mark, but back in the 'dark ages' when PND was not described and certainly untreated, my mum was very very focussed on her births and her 'unnecessary c-sections'. I agree she had poor care, but the depression really hit hard and she really focussed on the one day. All of my siblings and I were born healthy.

It's fair enough to look at how your expectations weren't met around birth, but after a while if you're feeling down about it maybe speak to a GP and get checked for PND. If you're several years after the birth and still feeling enormous sadness and anger about care at birth might be more significant then just a bad birth experience. Just my experience with things anyway.

#25 OneProudMum

Posted 12 October 2012 - 11:28 PM

I've experienced both extremes and the only thing I disliked about my easy birth was the 3 injections in my clitoris post birth. It was a b**ch.



Reply to this topic



  


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Funny Father's Day cards

A little fun never goes astray when celebrating special occasions and Father's Day is no different. We've rounded up some funny Father's day cards for your husbands, fathers and other important men in your lives.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Baby and bulldog born on the same day are best friends

When Chicago mum Ivette Ivens saw a French bulldog puppy who had the same birthdate as her son Dilan, she "just knew it?s meant to be" and took him home. Five months later, puppy Farley and Dilan are the best of friends - as Ivens says, "I?m pretty sure Dilan thinks they?re both the same species, as they walk at the same level and are both going through the stage of chewing on everything.?

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.