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Giving birth on your own?
Has anyone been through this?

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24 replies to this topic

#1 chloe69

Posted 04 October 2012 - 05:48 PM

Hi AllWondering if there are any ladies who have given birth without a support person.....and what was your experience?
DP is going away the week before my due date and I'm wondering whether I would be strong enough to do this on my own if he doesn't make it back in time......


#2 Cranky Old Woman

Posted 04 October 2012 - 05:54 PM

My husband was present at only one of our children's births.  Luckily, he was there for the first one and I was perfectly fine for the other two without him.  The midwives were great.

Don't stress - you will be strong enough - good luck.

#3 R2B2

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:04 PM

I havent done it yet, but will be in about 5 weeks time.

ETA: I guess the thing to remember is that you need to focus on yourself and the baby. the way i'm seeing it is, ill be too busy focusing on getting the little one out, that hopefully my husbands lack of presence will not be too greatly missed.

Edited by R2B2, 04 October 2012 - 06:06 PM.

#4 Bathsheba52

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:14 PM

The worst part of my first labour was the look on my husband's face. It would have been better if he either wasn't there, or stayed out of view. I did not make eye contact with him throughout the second birth, as I didn't need his problems on top of mine.

You can do it!

#5 Feral Snow

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:16 PM

Not on my own.  I employed a private midwife for my last birth and so she was my support person.  DH did manage to get there before baby popped out, but I was very focussed and didn't speak to him or look at him at all, though I know he was in the room somewhere.  This time I'm having a private midwife again and DH won't be there.

I actually would feel okay about doing it without a support person this time because I'm expecting everything to go fine, but getting to the hospital would be a bit of a problem on my own.  Also, if things do go wrong, it gives me great confidence to know I have someone there who is more focussed on me than on panicking and following hospital policies and procedures.  Also I wouldn't like to be left by myself at any stage, and the reality at a lot of hospitals is that the midwives are going to have to attend to other mums too.

Do you have a friend or a relative who can be your back up support person?

#6 José

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:36 PM

my obs said to me that on averAge first time mums go four days beyond due date. so maybe Dh will be back in time. hopefully you will  have fabulous midwives to help you through, whether dh is there or not.

#7 Soontobegran

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:48 PM

You will never be alone. If there is an unaccompanied mum they are always assigned a midwife to be the support person.  I've often stayed back after my shifts have supposed to have finished because I've been wanting to see the delivery through....nothing worse than leaving before the finale. original.gif
It is great having your partner or a close family member with you but you can still have a very positive birth experience without them.
Lots of luck.

#8 PurpleNess

Posted 04 October 2012 - 08:51 PM

Hi OP,
I don't belong here but wanted to suggest perhaps you could engage a Doula to be your birthing support person if DH isn't around. We had one & she was very helpful with calling the birth centre, getting me drinks, holding my hand , keeping me calm & focused etc.

All the best & I'm sure you'll have a wonderful birth. I hope DH is there for it :-)

#9 Suz01

Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:37 PM

Hi Chloe. My husband is getting back from a trip 2 weeks before my due date with baby #2. I went over with bub #1 so going to try and worry about if it happens that I'm on my own.  Understand your anxiety though.

#10 mm1981

Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:42 PM

My first I did on my own. It was fine, the midwives were there and by the end I was so focussed on giving birth, it wouldn't have mattered who was there.
My second, my husband attended. It made no difference, I hardly noticed him there.

#11 Neph

Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:02 PM

you don't need anyone but the baby catcher original.gif

during the most intense part of my labour (about 12 hours), then 2 hours pushing .. i didn't even notice/see anyone in the room ... not even DP who was right next to me holding my hand/massaging my back.

my body just kinda went into itself and did everything on its own ... my psyche was just there for the ride.

don't worry you'll be fantastic i'm sure .. good luck!

#12 ubermum

Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:10 PM

50 years ago, men didn't enter delivery rooms so many women have done it.

You'll be fine if your dh isn't back. You will have a midwife, that's really all you need.

#13 HurryUpAlready

Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:28 PM

My DH was at the birth of our DD but he might as well not have been. He offered no support during the labour, he slept on the couch when he was tired, he read the newspaper, he went out for snacks... he didn't use the pain relief pressure points I had taught him, he didn't hold my hand or rub my back of offer soothing words of encouragement. Nothing. He did get the video camera out as the head appeared, which I am grateful for, but other than that he was useless.
My point is, don't worry about it too much. The midwives are awesome and you'll he concentrating on what your body is telling you.
If you really want someone familiar there, do you have a girlfriend / sister / mum / close cousin etc who will hold your hand?
If not, you'll be totally fine. xx

#14 chloe69

Posted 07 October 2012 - 12:13 AM

Thanks for the replies....very helpful.I hadn't thought about how I would get to hospital on my own....that is going to be a bit tricky. A doula is a good idea....I'll see if I can engage one locally at such short notice.I have no family or close friends where we are.....my mum is coming up to look after our 2  year old whilst I'm in hospital which is great...but she lives 6+ hours away. I'm wondering if I wouldn't be better giving birth where my family is so I'll have the support.....but arranging the hospital and packing everything I'll need for the newborn, myself and my toddler seems a large task! I guess if I can work out the getting to the hospital bit I should be okay with the support of the midwives for the rest.Chloe

#15 edgeofreality

Posted 31 October 2012 - 05:53 AM

I had a midwife and a private obs (for the last couple of minutes, lol) but no support person.  My husband didn't particularly want to attend, and then couldn't anyway.  Despite 40 hours of labour and all the intervention possible, it was no problem.  I got great attention from the medical team (who seemed to feel sorry for me), and was rather relieved to not have any witnesses to what was a fairly undignified (but pretty awesome) experience.  I wouldn't worry - you'll be fine!

#16 Guest_holy_j_*

Posted 31 October 2012 - 07:11 AM

Yes I have laboured and given birth to my DD (LO2) without anyone, not by choice though. I don't think you can call the 2 stupid midwives who conceded i was in labour about 2 minutes before she was born, "support". Absolutely nothing like labouring for hours in a ward room by yourself, no one there, no one to speak up for you, not knowing what is happening. Having midwifes tell you 3 hours before your child is born, that you aren't even labour, you might as well go home. So don't be relying on a midwife as support, you may get a good one, you may not better to have your partner, your mother or a friend with you who knows you and what you are like.

Edited by holy_j, 31 October 2012 - 07:15 AM.

#17 Mumsyto2

Posted 31 October 2012 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE (chloe69 @ 07/10/2012, 12:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the replies....very helpful.I hadn't thought about how I would get to hospital on my own....that is going to be a bit tricky. A doula is a good idea....I'll see if I can engage one locally at such short notice.I have no family or close friends where we are.....my mum is coming up to look after our 2  year old whilst I'm in hospital which is great...but she lives 6+ hours away. I'm wondering if I wouldn't be better giving birth where my family is so I'll have the support.....but arranging the hospital and packing everything I'll need for the newborn, myself and my toddler seems a large task! I guess if I can work out the getting to the hospital bit I should be okay with the support of the midwives for the rest.Chloe

Could your mum take you to the hospital if need be? I realise there will be a 2yo as well but maybe she could drive your car or accompany you in a taxi and then go home with your 2yo when you are settled in? Even if it's the middle of the night it would not matter, a 2yo gets one night of interrupted sleep, not a big deal.

#18 casime

Posted 31 October 2012 - 02:16 PM

I gave birth to DS on my own.   A STBG said, they assign a midwife so you aren't left alone.  I had one lovely midwife all morning, then at shift change I got another midwife and a student midwife, who were both great.   If anything, I'd have like a bit of peace and quiet on my own really!  But I can't fault them at all.   By the time I was 16 hours in to it I wouldn't have cared who was in the room tbh.   I also drove myself to the hospital.  I live rurally and it's an $80 cab ride to the hospital, and didn't have anyone who could pick me up with a carseat, so I wanted the car in the carpark for when I came home.  

Good luck.

#19 SDEE

Posted 31 October 2012 - 02:30 PM

My DP was away for the night DD2 arrived (and I was unable to reach him by phone at the time), I drove myself and my 2 yr old to the hospital and had a friend meet me at the door to take my DD2 to her house. I already had all the bags in the car ready, just in case.
They allocated me a midwife, who was there pretty much the whole time and I had a couple of others who would pop in to check how I was doing throughout the labour. they were all incredibly supportive and understanding. My OB showed up about 1/2hr before DD2 arrived and he was great.
the midwives took some photos for me and were really helpful. All I can say is you will be fine, they will look after you really well.
the only thing I would have done differently (had i known in advance that i would do it alone) I would have had a note or run through with the midwife when I got there, what i wanted done in certain circumstances (just in case I had passed out or an emergency had arisen) My OB knew my wishes, but if its just you and decisions need to be made you may want to have it outlined for them, in case you are not capable at the time.

Goodluck and hope it all goes well for you

#20 mysonsmum

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:38 PM

U can do it! As much as my DP did everything right I wouldn't have known if he left the room (in fact he did for abit because our car nearly got towed lol) another midwife just stepped in & held my hand & I didn't know any different. I also got told I wasn't in labour about 10mins before I was examined & found to be 10cms & my partner didn't know any better as it was our first baby & the first birth he had ever seen so having him there didn't change the way the midwives did there job. As much as it's better to have them there ur the one doing all the work, I'm sure u'll be fine. Just try make him feel abit stink so he grovels & buys u presents biggrin.gif

#21 B.feral3

Posted 08 November 2012 - 11:10 PM

I was sent to Brisbane to have my DS3 at 29 weeks (700km's away) as it looked like I would need to deliver early and would save us the stress and mother/baby separation of a Royal Flying Doctor transfer (which happened with our second). I went to Brisbane alone so knew that unless we had at least 12 hours notice of a C/S, DH wouldn't be there. My family live in Brissy though.

On the day I had no idea I was going to have a baby until about 5pm when some bloods tests came back poorly. (I was already in hospital at the time.) Of course my husband couldn't be there as he was back home. I asked if we could wait for my sister to arrive before doing the emergency C/S as she could be at the hospital in 25 minutes or less. They said no, that I was too sick and did not have time.

It was fast, bub was born about 25 minutes after the doctor told me about my poor liver function. In theater, the midwife was at one side of my head and the anesthetist at the other. They were nice enough to talk to and did their best to make me feel at ease. By baby number 3 I was use to things going extremely pear shaped in all things pregnancy, birth and baby health related. At the end of the day, bub was alive and well so all's well that ends well and I'm completely at peace.

Good luck OP. It's not ideal in the perfect world but worse things could happen. If you find yourself in this situation, hopefully you will have good support as I did. xx

Edited by Bek+3, 08 November 2012 - 11:15 PM.

#22 Chaos in stereo

Posted 08 November 2012 - 11:11 PM


Edited by Chaos in stereo, 26 August 2013 - 05:35 PM.

#23 VJs Mummy

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:15 PM

I did with my 2nd as my partner at the time was still at work, he didnt make it due to no 2 being 10 mins, my midwifes were fantastic as long as you have midwifes that are a god send you will be fine we are stronger then what we think

#24 Caramel Latte

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:26 PM

For DD#4, DH walked out for 15 mins (exact time he was gone) for a smoke (was just told I was 5cm dilated)…in that 15 mins, BP went thru roof, lost bubs HB (found when realised she was actually coming out) and she was born. I wasn't alone, they had 3 midwives in there (due to issues) and one became my support. It would've been nice to have DH there but was never alone. Good luck.

#25 epl0822

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:00 PM

Hi Chloe, I really hope your DP is able to be with you for the birth. However, just to share my friend's experience: my friend had her second baby shortly after she moved into a new area. She had a toddler at the time who was extremely clingy. For various reasons it wasn't possible to arrange somebody else to care for the toddler when her second one was due. Her and her DH decided that the DH would stay home with the older child and she took a taxi to the hospital when she went into labour. And she gave birth on her own. I don't think it was even a big deal for her. She just took it in as very matter of fact. You are going to have midwives and possibly obstetricians all looking after you brilliantly. Having a husband is more for emotional support but it's not the end of the world if they can't make it.

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