Jump to content

Giving birth on your own?
Has anyone been through this?

  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 chloe69

Posted 04 October 2012 - 05:48 PM

Hi AllWondering if there are any ladies who have given birth without a support person.....and what was your experience?
DP is going away the week before my due date and I'm wondering whether I would be strong enough to do this on my own if he doesn't make it back in time......


#2 Cranky Old Woman

Posted 04 October 2012 - 05:54 PM

My husband was present at only one of our children's births.  Luckily, he was there for the first one and I was perfectly fine for the other two without him.  The midwives were great.

Don't stress - you will be strong enough - good luck.

#3 R2B2

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:04 PM

I havent done it yet, but will be in about 5 weeks time.

ETA: I guess the thing to remember is that you need to focus on yourself and the baby. the way i'm seeing it is, ill be too busy focusing on getting the little one out, that hopefully my husbands lack of presence will not be too greatly missed.

Edited by R2B2, 04 October 2012 - 06:06 PM.

#4 Bathsheba52

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:14 PM

The worst part of my first labour was the look on my husband's face. It would have been better if he either wasn't there, or stayed out of view. I did not make eye contact with him throughout the second birth, as I didn't need his problems on top of mine.

You can do it!

#5 Feral Snow

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:16 PM

Not on my own.  I employed a private midwife for my last birth and so she was my support person.  DH did manage to get there before baby popped out, but I was very focussed and didn't speak to him or look at him at all, though I know he was in the room somewhere.  This time I'm having a private midwife again and DH won't be there.

I actually would feel okay about doing it without a support person this time because I'm expecting everything to go fine, but getting to the hospital would be a bit of a problem on my own.  Also, if things do go wrong, it gives me great confidence to know I have someone there who is more focussed on me than on panicking and following hospital policies and procedures.  Also I wouldn't like to be left by myself at any stage, and the reality at a lot of hospitals is that the midwives are going to have to attend to other mums too.

Do you have a friend or a relative who can be your back up support person?

#6 José

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:36 PM

my obs said to me that on averAge first time mums go four days beyond due date. so maybe Dh will be back in time. hopefully you will  have fabulous midwives to help you through, whether dh is there or not.

#7 Soontobegran

Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:48 PM

You will never be alone. If there is an unaccompanied mum they are always assigned a midwife to be the support person.  I've often stayed back after my shifts have supposed to have finished because I've been wanting to see the delivery through....nothing worse than leaving before the finale. original.gif
It is great having your partner or a close family member with you but you can still have a very positive birth experience without them.
Lots of luck.

#8 PurpleNess

Posted 04 October 2012 - 08:51 PM

Hi OP,
I don't belong here but wanted to suggest perhaps you could engage a Doula to be your birthing support person if DH isn't around. We had one & she was very helpful with calling the birth centre, getting me drinks, holding my hand , keeping me calm & focused etc.

All the best & I'm sure you'll have a wonderful birth. I hope DH is there for it :-)

#9 Suz01

Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:37 PM

Hi Chloe. My husband is getting back from a trip 2 weeks before my due date with baby #2. I went over with bub #1 so going to try and worry about if it happens that I'm on my own.  Understand your anxiety though.

#10 mm1981

Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:42 PM

My first I did on my own. It was fine, the midwives were there and by the end I was so focussed on giving birth, it wouldn't have mattered who was there.
My second, my husband attended. It made no difference, I hardly noticed him there.

#11 Neph

Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:02 PM

you don't need anyone but the baby catcher original.gif

during the most intense part of my labour (about 12 hours), then 2 hours pushing .. i didn't even notice/see anyone in the room ... not even DP who was right next to me holding my hand/massaging my back.

my body just kinda went into itself and did everything on its own ... my psyche was just there for the ride.

don't worry you'll be fantastic i'm sure .. good luck!

#12 ubermum

Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:10 PM

50 years ago, men didn't enter delivery rooms so many women have done it.

You'll be fine if your dh isn't back. You will have a midwife, that's really all you need.

#13 HurryUpAlready

Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:28 PM

My DH was at the birth of our DD but he might as well not have been. He offered no support during the labour, he slept on the couch when he was tired, he read the newspaper, he went out for snacks... he didn't use the pain relief pressure points I had taught him, he didn't hold my hand or rub my back of offer soothing words of encouragement. Nothing. He did get the video camera out as the head appeared, which I am grateful for, but other than that he was useless.
My point is, don't worry about it too much. The midwives are awesome and you'll he concentrating on what your body is telling you.
If you really want someone familiar there, do you have a girlfriend / sister / mum / close cousin etc who will hold your hand?
If not, you'll be totally fine. xx

#14 chloe69

Posted 07 October 2012 - 12:13 AM

Thanks for the replies....very helpful.I hadn't thought about how I would get to hospital on my own....that is going to be a bit tricky. A doula is a good idea....I'll see if I can engage one locally at such short notice.I have no family or close friends where we are.....my mum is coming up to look after our 2  year old whilst I'm in hospital which is great...but she lives 6+ hours away. I'm wondering if I wouldn't be better giving birth where my family is so I'll have the support.....but arranging the hospital and packing everything I'll need for the newborn, myself and my toddler seems a large task! I guess if I can work out the getting to the hospital bit I should be okay with the support of the midwives for the rest.Chloe

#15 edgeofreality

Posted 31 October 2012 - 05:53 AM

I had a midwife and a private obs (for the last couple of minutes, lol) but no support person.  My husband didn't particularly want to attend, and then couldn't anyway.  Despite 40 hours of labour and all the intervention possible, it was no problem.  I got great attention from the medical team (who seemed to feel sorry for me), and was rather relieved to not have any witnesses to what was a fairly undignified (but pretty awesome) experience.  I wouldn't worry - you'll be fine!

#16 Guest_holy_j_*

Posted 31 October 2012 - 07:11 AM

Yes I have laboured and given birth to my DD (LO2) without anyone, not by choice though. I don't think you can call the 2 stupid midwives who conceded i was in labour about 2 minutes before she was born, "support". Absolutely nothing like labouring for hours in a ward room by yourself, no one there, no one to speak up for you, not knowing what is happening. Having midwifes tell you 3 hours before your child is born, that you aren't even labour, you might as well go home. So don't be relying on a midwife as support, you may get a good one, you may not better to have your partner, your mother or a friend with you who knows you and what you are like.

Edited by holy_j, 31 October 2012 - 07:15 AM.

#17 Mumsyto2

Posted 31 October 2012 - 02:03 PM

QUOTE (chloe69 @ 07/10/2012, 12:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the replies....very helpful.I hadn't thought about how I would get to hospital on my own....that is going to be a bit tricky. A doula is a good idea....I'll see if I can engage one locally at such short notice.I have no family or close friends where we are.....my mum is coming up to look after our 2  year old whilst I'm in hospital which is great...but she lives 6+ hours away. I'm wondering if I wouldn't be better giving birth where my family is so I'll have the support.....but arranging the hospital and packing everything I'll need for the newborn, myself and my toddler seems a large task! I guess if I can work out the getting to the hospital bit I should be okay with the support of the midwives for the rest.Chloe

Could your mum take you to the hospital if need be? I realise there will be a 2yo as well but maybe she could drive your car or accompany you in a taxi and then go home with your 2yo when you are settled in? Even if it's the middle of the night it would not matter, a 2yo gets one night of interrupted sleep, not a big deal.

#18 casime

Posted 31 October 2012 - 02:16 PM

I gave birth to DS on my own.   A STBG said, they assign a midwife so you aren't left alone.  I had one lovely midwife all morning, then at shift change I got another midwife and a student midwife, who were both great.   If anything, I'd have like a bit of peace and quiet on my own really!  But I can't fault them at all.   By the time I was 16 hours in to it I wouldn't have cared who was in the room tbh.   I also drove myself to the hospital.  I live rurally and it's an $80 cab ride to the hospital, and didn't have anyone who could pick me up with a carseat, so I wanted the car in the carpark for when I came home.  

Good luck.

#19 SDEE

Posted 31 October 2012 - 02:30 PM

My DP was away for the night DD2 arrived (and I was unable to reach him by phone at the time), I drove myself and my 2 yr old to the hospital and had a friend meet me at the door to take my DD2 to her house. I already had all the bags in the car ready, just in case.
They allocated me a midwife, who was there pretty much the whole time and I had a couple of others who would pop in to check how I was doing throughout the labour. they were all incredibly supportive and understanding. My OB showed up about 1/2hr before DD2 arrived and he was great.
the midwives took some photos for me and were really helpful. All I can say is you will be fine, they will look after you really well.
the only thing I would have done differently (had i known in advance that i would do it alone) I would have had a note or run through with the midwife when I got there, what i wanted done in certain circumstances (just in case I had passed out or an emergency had arisen) My OB knew my wishes, but if its just you and decisions need to be made you may want to have it outlined for them, in case you are not capable at the time.

Goodluck and hope it all goes well for you

#20 mysonsmum

Posted 08 November 2012 - 10:38 PM

U can do it! As much as my DP did everything right I wouldn't have known if he left the room (in fact he did for abit because our car nearly got towed lol) another midwife just stepped in & held my hand & I didn't know any different. I also got told I wasn't in labour about 10mins before I was examined & found to be 10cms & my partner didn't know any better as it was our first baby & the first birth he had ever seen so having him there didn't change the way the midwives did there job. As much as it's better to have them there ur the one doing all the work, I'm sure u'll be fine. Just try make him feel abit stink so he grovels & buys u presents biggrin.gif

#21 B.feral3

Posted 08 November 2012 - 11:10 PM

I was sent to Brisbane to have my DS3 at 29 weeks (700km's away) as it looked like I would need to deliver early and would save us the stress and mother/baby separation of a Royal Flying Doctor transfer (which happened with our second). I went to Brisbane alone so knew that unless we had at least 12 hours notice of a C/S, DH wouldn't be there. My family live in Brissy though.

On the day I had no idea I was going to have a baby until about 5pm when some bloods tests came back poorly. (I was already in hospital at the time.) Of course my husband couldn't be there as he was back home. I asked if we could wait for my sister to arrive before doing the emergency C/S as she could be at the hospital in 25 minutes or less. They said no, that I was too sick and did not have time.

It was fast, bub was born about 25 minutes after the doctor told me about my poor liver function. In theater, the midwife was at one side of my head and the anesthetist at the other. They were nice enough to talk to and did their best to make me feel at ease. By baby number 3 I was use to things going extremely pear shaped in all things pregnancy, birth and baby health related. At the end of the day, bub was alive and well so all's well that ends well and I'm completely at peace.

Good luck OP. It's not ideal in the perfect world but worse things could happen. If you find yourself in this situation, hopefully you will have good support as I did. xx

Edited by Bek+3, 08 November 2012 - 11:15 PM.

#22 Chaos in stereo

Posted 08 November 2012 - 11:11 PM


Edited by Chaos in stereo, 26 August 2013 - 05:35 PM.

#23 VJs Mummy

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:15 PM

I did with my 2nd as my partner at the time was still at work, he didnt make it due to no 2 being 10 mins, my midwifes were fantastic as long as you have midwifes that are a god send you will be fine we are stronger then what we think

#24 Caramel Latte

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:26 PM

For DD#4, DH walked out for 15 mins (exact time he was gone) for a smoke (was just told I was 5cm dilated)…in that 15 mins, BP went thru roof, lost bubs HB (found when realised she was actually coming out) and she was born. I wasn't alone, they had 3 midwives in there (due to issues) and one became my support. It would've been nice to have DH there but was never alone. Good luck.

#25 epl0822

Posted 14 January 2013 - 05:00 PM

Hi Chloe, I really hope your DP is able to be with you for the birth. However, just to share my friend's experience: my friend had her second baby shortly after she moved into a new area. She had a toddler at the time who was extremely clingy. For various reasons it wasn't possible to arrange somebody else to care for the toddler when her second one was due. Her and her DH decided that the DH would stay home with the older child and she took a taxi to the hospital when she went into labour. And she gave birth on her own. I don't think it was even a big deal for her. She just took it in as very matter of fact. You are going to have midwives and possibly obstetricians all looking after you brilliantly. Having a husband is more for emotional support but it's not the end of the world if they can't make it.

2 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users


Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show Brisbane (4-6 March). Register online now to save $20!

Newborn baby found in a nativity scene

Police are trying to trace a woman who abandoned a baby boy in the manger of a church nativity scene.

Life would be harder without my kids

The Humans of New York Facebook page is well known for sharing touching, real stories from one of the world's biggest cities – and it's just hit the heart of parents everywhere.

Mum dresses as Wonder Woman for last day of chemo

A Brisbane mum dressed up as a superhero to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy and created a moment her family will remember forever.

How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Former Hi-5 member's cannabis hope

Former Hi-5 star Tim Harding hopes a cannabis-derived drug will help control his daughter's epilepsy, which sees the four-year-old suffering between 50 and 100 seizures a day.

The top 5 reasons your toddler throws a tantrum

Whilst to the outside world little people may appear to have it easy, it's actually not always the case – just ask any toddler who's had their toast cut up the wrong way.

Glenn McGrath thought he'd lost his wife and baby

Australian cricket ledged Glen McGrath has spoken about the moment he thought he might lose his wife, Sara and their baby daughter, Madison.


Inside my Centrelink nightmare

Mother Bec Smith has been trying for months to access Centrelink payments. A "serious error" is preventing her.

Warnings over push for hourly childcare billing

Australia's peak childcare body has called for caution around the Turnbull government's push for childcare centres to charge parents by the hour, not by the day.

Cate Blanchett thought about adopting for years

Cate Blanchett says her recent adoption of a baby girl had nothing to do with wanting a daughter after having three sons.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.


What's hot on EB

How I survived breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Grieving father's letter to Bataclan terrorists: "...this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free"

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

5 challenges of motherhood - and how to see them differently

Despite the smiles, the sloppy kisses and the pure magic children bring to our lives, it's hard to deny that motherhood can be tough.

4 challenges of being a new dad - and how to face them

Becoming a parent is challenging – and that applies to both mums and dads.

My battle against antenatal and postnatal depression

I was five months pregnant when I realised I needed help.

Children swapped at birth will not be returned to biological parents

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

A quarter of men believe they get 'man periods'

A British study has revealed one in four men believe they have a monthly cycle.

Baby deposit

How much do you need to save for a 'baby deposit'?

It's fairly straightforward to calculate a house deposit, but how much money do you need to save up for a baby?

Dad's beautiful note to his wife, a nurse

To anyone else it might just look like a picture of a mum having a nap with her toddler.

'I was a complete schmuck': Mike Baird opens up about his wife's postnatal depression

When his wife Kerryn was not well following the birth of their daughter, NSW Premier Mike Baird buried himself in his work.

Mum's desperate plea as whooping cough alert issued

A desperate mother has shared a heart-breaking video of her baby struggling to cope with a coughing fit caused by pertussis.

Coffee could help you live longer

New US research found people who report drinking three to five cups of coffee a day are less likely to die prematurely from heart disease, suicide, diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

The joy and dread of playdates

To live vicariously through your child is to rediscover anxieties you thought dead and buried.

Sick baby could die without scarce special formula, mum says

Lizzie Cann is down to her last three tins of a special formula in short supply.

Adorable toddler's strop foiled by squeaky shoes

We're probably all familiar with the pouty bottom lip and tightly crossed arms of a tot mid-strop.

More sex during World Cup created more baby boys

More sex during South Africa's World Cup meant a disproportionately high number of boys were born nine months later, a new study has found.

ABC Shop perfect for Christmas gifts

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Do fitness challenges really work?

Fitness challenges aren't new. There's Michelle Bridges 12WBT and a bunch of other programs if you really want to lose weight.

What are pregnant women Googling?

Pregnancy is a huge change for any woman, so it's natural we'll have questions - and turn to Google to ask them.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.