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Our Daily Dose of Guilt
parental regret

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#1 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:11 AM

...so I came across this article

...regarding things that top the parental regret list...thought it was interesting.

I do have some regrets.....(already - and he's only 5!).....I think i need to be a bit more carefree with him, and to not be so dismissive of his [seemingly endless] questions...

I think on the whole though DH and I have done the best we can....I think (hope) both our boys will look back at their childhood with fond memories.

what do you think? any regrets?

#2 saraal

Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:51 AM

I wish I didn't get so cranky with them when they are being impossible, and had endless amounts of energy. and I wish I had started earlier to get my eldest to do chores. and I wish I had been a bit firmer about trying different types of food. all of the above is really more about having made a rod for my own back rather than having screwed them up.

the not taking enough photos one is a constant thorn in my side, though I think some people go too far the other way and spend their whole life documenting things rather than just enjoying them.

not too many regrets, yet. I will get back to you in 20 years!

#3 follies

Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:55 AM

Mine is only four months old and I am already regretting not taking more photos, and I took a lot of photos. He is just so "big" now!

#4 pol

Posted 21 September 2012 - 12:20 PM

My regrets (and what I am working on) are:

Not doing the messy activities ie painting
Too much yelling in frustration.

Otherwise I am pretty happy with the way things are going.

#5 hiccamups

Posted 21 September 2012 - 01:50 PM

Loads of regrets.

I regret not having more energy to be more switched on at times.  I wish I had more energy to be active with my kids and offer them more delight and learning in life than I currently do.

I regret not being more organised and not passing that on to them.  I regret not keeping a tidier home which would help them in learning their own routines etc.

I regret not having established support networks before having children.  I believe the ability for a family to cope well is dependent on their network.

I regret financial decisions that have left us in a tight situation and impacts what we can offer our children in particular, a lack of stability.

I regret not being more diligent with their health and diet and   exposing them to worse health issues.  Whilst I am aware my efforts may still have resulted in them having the same issues, I should have tried harder to control them where I could.

I regret losing a lot of emotional energy on toxic relationships and therefore minimising my ability to be present with them.

I regret not having established my career before children came along.  I regret not financially investing in my skills when I had the finances to do so, meaning I'd now be able to work more and support the family.  

I regret not having attended to my personal emotional issues prior to having children.  

Um, I have an endless list of regrets.  But I am also good at forgiving myself.  I probably have a new regret each week, but I also acknowledge I try really hard and I'm not perfect.  I love them and in the end I'm really hoping that's going to be enough.

My Mother has cursed me with the constant taunt that she knows my children will grow up to hate me.  I have to work exceptionally hard to remove her voice from my psyche and it makes it all that much easier to function.

#6 peking homunculus

Posted 21 September 2012 - 02:14 PM

Regret is not helpful.

I know I do the best I can and that's all anyone could ask for

#7 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 21 September 2012 - 02:19 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty ok with it all too original.gif Although I wouldn't say no to someone paying for me to go clothes shopping like I used to!

#8 seayork2002

Posted 21 September 2012 - 02:40 PM

No regrets, before I had my son (and even before I conceived) I knew being a parent is mainly trial and error and I can happily say to my son I have and will try my best but do not (or even want to ) make all the right decisions all of the time.

My parents were not perfect but they tried their best and I will always love them for that rather than what they could have got right.

#9 Pooks Combusted

Posted 21 September 2012 - 03:05 PM

I've always done the best I could. So no regrets. But we are 7 months in biggrin.gif

Everything that has been less than ideal, has spurred me on to do better where I can.

#10 hiccamups

Posted 21 September 2012 - 03:12 PM

Everything that has been less than ideal, has spurred me on to do better where I can.

Exactly.  I think there is some good in recognising where you could do better.

I conversely had a parent who believed they did an awesome, slam dunk job and there is no way on this planet they could have done better.  I find that really sad.  No room for growth.

#11 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 21 September 2012 - 03:26 PM

Agree Pooks and toots (that sounds quite lyrical!) ....there's always room for improvement. And whilst our children can often be our toughest critics, I find they are also incredibly forgiving.

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