Jump to content

You know you're a dad when...

  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 F.E.B.E

Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:09 AM

(posted on behalf of Joseph)

Remember when all you had to do to leave the house was slip on some footy shorts, a pair of thongs and shut the door behind you? Remember when you could watch music videos on a Saturday morning without feeling a little bit pervy and outraged at the same time? If any of this is in the dim recesses of your mind it's a good sign you've got a dose of fatherhood. Here are some other surer-fire signs:

  • The clothes you wear at home are just older versions of the clothes you wear to work.
  •     The only time you get new clothes is on Father’s Day.
  •     You find it hard to enjoy yourself at the pub because you’re constantly outraged by the high prices and loud noise.
  •     Your dream car is now any vehicle that won’t get scratched when a child rides a bicycle into it. Or any car that doesn’t have stickers on the passengers’ windows, smeared chocolate on the seats or more seats than cylinders.
  •     You strongly suspect that you have started smelling like your own father.
  •     You love mowing the lawns because the mower scares the kids away.
  •     You wake up one day and find you relate to the people who call into talk-back radio.
  •     You volunteer to pick the kids up from parties so you can have first dibs on the lollies they don’t like in their lolly bag.
  •     After finishing your own meal you’re presented with everyone else’s leftovers.
  •     You start using the phrase “back in my day” without any hint of irony.  Likewise “I don’t know how my parents coped”, “I don’t ever remember being like that when I was a kid” and “we never had that when I was young and we got by just fine”.
  •     You get oddly emotionally moved by ads about superannuation or financial planning, but not enough to make you do anything about it.
  •     You have to stop yourself from asking teenagers on public transport from being quieter and hitching their pants up higher.
  •     You slow down when you see hard rubbish on the nature strip.
  •     You consider any music released in the 1990s as ‘recent’.
  •     Being warm is more important to you than being fashionable.
  •     You identify more with Homer than Bart.
  •     The longest uninterrupted conversation you’ve had with your wife was in the car.
  •     The last time you went to see a band you left before the encore to beat the traffic.
  •     You can’t help answering Dora’s questions before the kids do.
  •     You know that to have any chance of getting some action the house must be completely tidy, you have to have been attentive for at least two hours in the last week, you have to be clean shaven and MUST be in bed by 10.30pm AT THE LATEST.

This post is a response to Bianca' Wordley's article, 'You know you're a mum when...'

Do you have any extra points to add to Joseph's list? Comment below!

#2 matt1972

Posted 21 September 2012 - 12:28 PM

You take your pyjamas off to "get busy" and put them back on afterwards :|

#3 EoinCuinn

Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:04 AM

you ask your youngest to cough it up.. and end up with a small pile of half masticated red crayon in your hand. Followed shortly thereafter with a small period of rage when you see what they have drawn on before trying to eat it

#4 MattMinion

Posted 24 October 2012 - 07:23 PM

Don’t get me started about the pub….oh how I miss the pub (or pubs if it was a particularly long night).

Other phrases that flow freely now are the double whammy of  “I used to have to X when I was a kid” followed by “let’s go and find X to buy”. These are usually followed by the phrase “I never had it so lucky as a kid”.

As to action, it’s not just current conditions, I seem to have to promise “future” favours relating to cleaning, odd jobs and so on.

I’d add…
  • The car stereo is turned down not up because your trying to hide your embarrassment of “Wiggly Woo” blaring out of the speakers at the lights.
  • Your PC background a picture of the kids and not that of anything else
  • You rate restaurants not on food, but if they have a high chair or not. And the only food you do care about on the menu is the chicken nuggets.
  • You don’t give people travelling on a plane with children the death stare anymore – because you know it is your child who will probably spew/scream/climb/run their way to the destination on your flight.


#5 matt1972

Posted 19 December 2012 - 11:29 AM

....when you buy the latest Call of Duty 4 weeks after it's release and 10 days after purchasing it you have only clocked up 41 minutes of play.

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.


From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.


Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.