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OMG i am PERTIFIED of Labour


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#1 newmum2013

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:25 AM

Hi Everyone

Im about 6 weeks along with my first baby, me and DH live in Melbourne, im 34

Very excited to be pregnant was trying for about 6 months, heres my problem

I have had an extreme Phobia of chilbirth since I was in my teens, literally petrified of the thought, everyone around me knows about this cos ive been talking about it for years and due to this I have delayed and delayed it

It seems so silly I realise that, I have always said if the time came I could never go through a Vag delivery and that a C-section would be the only way

Well now that im finally pregnant im bloody terrified, 5 mins after I got my BFP its all I cant think about, awful

This is something I discussed with my GP a few years back and she advised me to take out PH insurance which I now do have

I have an appt next month with 2 male OB's at Freemasons as well as a letter from my GP re my extreme fear and that im too scared for a Vag delivery

Well the csection is freaking me out too! Being cut etc, I just want to be brave and go through it but im so scared its not funny, this is casuing me extreme anxiety at the moment

I already suffer from anxiety and see a Psych, im also on Zoloft, im waiting to see what the OBS say, honestly if I knew that the min I got to the hospital I could get the epidural

And feel no pain I would do it, but then I hear stories of it not working for some, only patrially working, I just don’t know what to do! I don’t want to spend the next 7 months worrying about this

I have no idea what to do!! My mum used to tell me how horrible the pain was im not sure if this is why I have this problem, now that I talk to her she says ill be fine lol

What do you think a dr would recommend with me? I was considering a Doula also to help me through this. The thought of being cut is not great but honestly I would rather that than feeling contractions and

Feeling pushing as this is what I am most scared of,

Help I want to enjoy this special time!!!



#2 Natttmumm

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:31 AM

Would you consider the clam bith classes to try to overcome the fear. I think you have the right to choose whatever birth is right for you. Wait until you see the doctors to discuss - no point stressing out at this early stage. It cant be good for you.

I was freaked out when having DD1 and to be honest it was not as bad as I made it out. Most of it was fine - then when it got too much I got the epidural. So much so that number 3 is on the way.

#3 boatiebabe

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:35 AM

I feel so bad for you that you are so terrified of birthing.

It really doesn't have to be as bad as you describe.

I've given birth twice and both times the experience was really amazing. There was some 'pain' and discomfort but it was not unfathomable. Maybe if you heard more of these stories, then you might not be so frightened?

I think if you start reading and preparing now, you might be able to turn things around. At only 6 weeks you have a lot of time to prepare.

I used Calm Birth for my first and the Hypnobirthing home study guide for my second. It really helped me to embrace the births of my two and took away a lot of the fear I had.

If you go into it with fear, then it probably will be terrible. If you can approach the experience with anticipation and be positive, it will be so much better.

I'm sure others will be able to refer you to books etc.

Just one person who wants you to calm down and find something positive.



#4 Leghorn

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:42 AM

Sorry to hear how you're feeling sad.gif

From what I've read on EB, you should be able to get a c-sec based on your anxiety, I would think. But, as you say, that is also no walk in the park and you will still need to take the time to process your fears.

I think your idea of a doula is really great, whether for c-sec or vaginal birth. If you could start seeing someone earlier rather than later you can start to build a relationship. Try to get a good referral from someone first hand, maybe ask in the home birth forum if you're finding it hard to find someone.

It might also be worth thinking about an independent midwife if you're thinking of vag birth. They spend a lot of time working through your fears during pregnancy, and it means you don't have to worry who you will have on the day. You can still have a hospital birth, epidural, OBs etc, but also know you have a trusted midwife with you for support. Or you may even end up feeling safer at home than in hospital with strangers.

The book "birthing from within" is a great resource for working through fears. I really enjoyed reading it, and will be re-reading it again throughout this pregnancy. I think knowledge is power original.gif

I'm sure you'll get a lot of great advice and support here. Take your time, go easy on yourself.

#5 Carmen02

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:44 AM

going into my 2nd labour i was terrified. my 1st was horrible!! But I got amazing support through the hospital i was having DS in, they gave me counselling sessions and i got to see a midwife regularly to talk things through and settle my nerves and i saw my Doctor lots as well. It helped me heaps even birthing classes help heaps as well you get to learn ways to distract yourself and breath through the pain, my 2nd labour was fantastic so relaxing so special everything went smoothly! I put my fears and anxiety aside and focused on baby (i didnt have an epidural that freaked me out as well)

Make sure you talk things through with anyone you can talk to professinals as well they help heaps, it is scary to go through the first time but think about what you will have in the end original.gif go see midwifes at the hospital asap to chat to them as well they are fantastic to help calm nerves!

#6 alwayshappy

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:44 AM

Congratulations on your pregnancy.  I'm so sorry to hear that your anxiety is overwhelming this exciting time for you.
It seems that you have a good support network around you, who are aware of your anxiety.  They are the best people to guide you through your pregnancy.
I am fairly confident that your psychologist would also suggest Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as one option.  Know that a caesarean is also an option is you really can't fathom the thought of going through the labour and delivery.
All the best with welcoming your baby into the world.

#7 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:44 AM

I feel for you OP sad.gif  I had a traumatic first birth and opted for an elective caesar with my second, and it was honestly the best thing I ever did.

There was no pain, I didn't feel a thing and everyone was so calm and excited in the theatre. The recovery was much easier and far less painful than with my vaginal birth, in fact the only discomfort I had was when the spinal started to wear off after the surgery, but I was given pain killers and felt nothing after that. I had considered an induction and getting the epidural immediately, but for similar reasons to you decided to go with the c-section.

Talk to your OB, I'm sure you will be able to work out what's best for you.

Good luck original.gif

#8 MrsLexiK

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:48 AM

Hi OP.  I too have a massive fear about labour.  For me it is not about the pain at all though. It is the fear of being torn from pillar to post (due to knowing people where this has happneded) or needing an emergancy c-section.  If they could tell me there will be minimal tearing, and all will go smoothly, I would have no worries.  But it is the complications that scare me, and they scare me so badly.  I don't want an epi as I honestly don't think I will need one (I have issues which give me labour like contractors, the women I have spoken to that have my same issues have said childbirth is no worse then what they go through when they have flare ups. Hence why I would not go straight to the epi - because epi's also have a higher change of intervention = tearing) I have reactions when I have a general (or even a local) and this is my fear.  If I have to have an emergancy c-section and there is no time to get the epi or spinal block into me and they have to do a general I don't want to miss out on those precious days with my newborn.  (Past experience has seen day surgery have me admitted due to the effects I have had) I have an appt with my OB in about 4 weeks, so will speak to him about it then.

ETA: I was telling DH last night, that I would almost prefer our baby to be breech, or have a huge head, or be measuring "big", or they tell me due to past surgies my insides won't hold up and I will need a c-section.  As the downside of the anixety is that I will be labelled to posh to push.

Edited by MrsLexiK, 17 September 2012 - 11:52 AM.


#9 Born Three

Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:58 AM

I too was the same ... It was totally irrational however guess it was due to my mum giving birth to my brother when I was 9 and she ended up on life support due to eclampsia. For a very long time I was adamant I never wanted children.

My solution - Calmbirth!

It was the best thing for me and as soon as I did it all fear was dispelled. I have had 3 natural and pain relief free births and loved the experience - such a far cry from that anxious first pregnancy.

#10 raven74

Posted 17 September 2012 - 12:05 PM

A very valid fear, OP.  Fear of the unknown is awful, so make it as much a known fear as possible.  Research calm birth, hypno-birthing and natural birth skills (juju sundin) and positive c-section deliveries these will help immensely with whatever birth choice you make.  A doula is a brilliant idea and seeing a counselor/psych may be a good way to go to help alleviate your fear.
DO NOT let any silly woman tell you her "horror" birth stories, ok?  Go to the Birth Stories section here and read the fabulous natural births that many on EB have had, and the C-section forum as well.  I am sure many women would also be happy to share their lovely c-section births with you too.
FWIW a few friends of mine have gone the c-sect route and talk of how amazing it was - no labour pains, quick delivery, fairly easy recovery.  One is about to do it again and is thrilled to be having an elective delivery, good on her!
Please try to enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations biggrin.gif  


#11 PrizzyII

Posted 17 September 2012 - 12:11 PM

You can try Calmbirth or other classes - I don't know if this is too far from you but I hear nothing but absolutely fabulous feedback from people who have done classes with http://www.julieclarke.com.au - she does preparation for parenthood and calmbirth and I see lots of pregnant women every week and those that have attended her classes rave.
Anyway, of course your other option is an elective c/s. I had one, same reason as you, I was terrified of a vaginal birth (few other reasons too but that was the most motivating one). I can honestly say it was the best day of my entire life. So easy, everyone was so gentle and kind, nothing really hurt at all till the 3rd day when they took the epidural out (it stays in for a few days after so you're nice and comfortable and can recover pain free). Then it was a bit sore after, but I went home on day 5 with just panadol. So whatever way you choose to birth, I think everyone has a really good chance of it being an amazing, wonderful, exciting experience, you just explore your options and choose the one that you feel will suit you best.

Don't fret for 9 months like I did, its such an awful waste of time, promise original.gif

#12 MuppetGirl

Posted 17 September 2012 - 12:16 PM

I don't have the same fear OP but I do understand anxiety, extremely well.

You have been given some great advice and I would highly recommend doing a calm birth course, even if you decide to have an elective cs it would be very beneficial.

As for which one you should choose, only you can decide. I would suggest going back to a counsellor and talking it through, go and see as many OBs as it takes to find one that is happy to discuss, at length, all your options.

If you decide to have a vaginal birth then an epidural as soon as you walk in the front door of the hospital is entirely an option you can take. Don't listen to all the horror stories of them not working. First, they work way more often than they don't. Second, if it doesn't work right at the start, you have had it early enough that they can fix the issue.

If you decide on a C/S then that is your choice, don't let anyone make you feel like it is the wrong decision. Only you can decide what is best and safest for you and your baby.

Just make sure you find support people who respect your decision. That is almost as important as the decision on which way to birth, you need to have assurance that those around you are there for you.

#13 opethmum

Posted 17 September 2012 - 12:23 PM

The mind is a powerful thing as you no doubt know, I would start training your mind into think positively about the birth experience. It is all about the journey in meeting your little one growing inside you.
Whilst in the labour suite, surround yourself with positive people being your DH, mum and your doula/bestie to help you on your way. Surrender to your biological processes do not fight them because if you go in with a fight mentality, it can go south very quickly for you. Of course get the pain meds you require and make sure that your birth crew are aware of your wishes and that they are all on the same page.


#14 PurpleNess

Posted 17 September 2012 - 12:40 PM

OP I'd strongly recommend Hypnobirthing for you. Look into doing a course in your own home with your partner. I did it & had the most amazing , beautiful birth. Perhaps I should PM you my birth story, it might help alleviate some of the anxiety.

The trick here is to stay positive, educate yourself and relax as best you can. Woman birth all the time, it is natural & our bodies are made to do it...that's why we are woman.

Also look into a Doula to be a calm presence with you during your labour, we had our Hypnobirthing practitioner & she was brilliant.

Agree - don't listen to peoples horror stories, not everyone has them, the more prepared you are the less likely it will be that way.

Totally agree with Raven above.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, just remember birth can be beautiful & you can do it!!.

#15 premmie_29weeks

Posted 17 September 2012 - 01:01 PM

Congratulations!

I think you need to find the right ob to help you thru pregnancy, and you can certainly opt for an elective cs if that's what you want. Ive had two vaginal deliveries that were uncomplicated, one with epi and one unexpectedly without. I am the last person you would expect for a natural birth.

A good birthing class will also help. Being well informed from such a class, and have a basic best case scenario birth plan will also make you feel better prepared. I also think and I mean do disrespect but if you can birth vaginally and your labour is uncomplicated that it will be better in terms of recovery. I only say this as I shared a room with a girl who had had a cs and I was very lucky to be in much better shape after my birth.

My sil also had a epi put in prior to being induced so she felt absolutely no pain...that may also be an option for you if the conditions are favorable at the time.

In the end you need to make the decision and its really not good to be so anxious, enjoy this time!

#16 ez21

Posted 17 September 2012 - 01:30 PM

Hi OP, there are so many helpful comments here.  I'll try not to double up too much.

I too was terrified of labour.  I let too many women tell me their very elaborate horror birth stories.  I'm not sure why women do this to each other, but it is completely stupid and unhelpful in my mind.  I went to birthing classes to get informed about the process of labour but remained largely petrified of the whole thing.

My labour, although long, was uncomplicated and the pain for me was surprisingly manageable with just gas. The moment DS was born, I distinctly remember thinking 'Wow, is that it?' (I was expecting much worse thanks to those stories).

I am due to have my second baby in a couple of weeks and feel very calm about the thought of labour.  My advice is to stay as calm as possible and get your information from professionals.  I also think that dwelling on the pain associated with labour will potentially leave you unprepared for caring for your baby once it is born.  Caring for a new baby can be challenging and preparing for this is also important.

All the best and congratulations!

#17 Neph

Posted 18 September 2012 - 12:31 PM

QUOTE (brown-eyed girl @ 17/09/2012, 09:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
From what I've read on EB, you should be able to get a c-sec based on your anxiety, I would think. But, as you say, that is also no walk in the park and you will still need to take the time to process your fears.


I would def go a C section if you are suffering this amount of fear and anxiety - my first and only birth was horrifying and compared to all my other girlfriends at the time who had a C section with their first babies, the period directly afterwards (in hospital and first month at home with baby) were an absolute walk in the park by comparison to my experience.

if I could choose knowing what I know now, it would have been a C section.  just having your wits about you and not going home suffering a huge amount of pain and being exhausted beyond recognition - in other words in *some* kind of state to care for your first baby in those first few critical months - is invaluable.

sure there are a LOT of great natural birth stories out there but life might just decide to slam you with the total opposite and there's nothing you can do about it in those moments to stop the process if you want out - it's a one way train every woman is stuck riding until the last stop.

the best of luck to you OP - i hope everything turns out beautifully for you.

x

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 September 2012 - 01:09 PM

You know, I used to feel the way you do. I used to say I'd adopt kids so I didn't have to go through childbirth.

I suggest
1) Getting as educated on it as you can, about ways of preparing. Juju sundin's active birthing book/course, Hynoborthing/Calmbirthing - ESPECIALLY those as they have a really positive approach to the birth experience
2) Get an epi-no (google it). It probably helped with my stretching, but it DEFINITELY helped with my fear... suddenly the feeling of something 'coming out of there' wasn't such an unknown.
3) Educate yourself about your pain relief options and the impacts of them, just so you can make an informed decision.
Good luck!

#19 Feral-Lausii

Posted 18 September 2012 - 01:19 PM

Not everyone has horrible births.

I have had 5 fairly easy, quick births. Little to no intervention and little to no pain relief. No complications after, I don't think I have been lucky, I just believe most women do and will have a straight forward birth. Maybe read up on some positive birthing stories?

Best of luck OP, if you do manage to birth naturally, and it does go not as planned, at least you have access to some of the best medical care in the world.

I actually prefer childbirth to going to the dentist.  wink.gif

#20 CourtesanNewton

Posted 18 September 2012 - 01:22 PM

QUOTE
If you decide to have a vaginal birth then an epidural as soon as you walk in the front door of the hospital is entirely an option you can take. Don't listen to all the horror stories of them not working. First, they work way more often than they don't. Second, if it doesn't work right at the start, you have had it early enough that they can fix the issue.

Yep. I had my epi put in before my induction (I went straight to the syntocin drip) and it was lovely. I felt the pushing stage, but the whole first stage of labour I just felt the contractions as tightenings....no pain at all.
There are always options OP.

ETA I was a little freaked out at the idea of labour, but in the end I just thought "Hey, it's only one day that I have to go through to have my baby, and then that will be that" Labour was hard, don't get me wrong, but it's only one small part of the very long journey you have as someone's mother.

Edited by redkris, 18 September 2012 - 01:26 PM.


#21 MrsLexiK

Posted 18 September 2012 - 01:24 PM

QUOTE (Lausii @ 18/09/2012, 01:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I actually prefer childbirth to going to the dentist. wink.gif


Gah this is the stuff nightmares are made of - giving brith at the dentist biggrin.gif (and to make matters worse I am thinking of study to become a dental hygenist lol)

#22 newmum2013

Posted 18 September 2012 - 02:10 PM

WOW! Thank you all Sooo much

Honestly you guys are great! Its hard for people to understand so im surprised by the responses here

I have decided im going to stop worrying until I have my OB appointments next month, no more reading crap online which just makes it worse

Ill chat to my dr and see he thinks and go from there, I discussed with hubby last night and we had a really good chat, he wants me to have a c-section

Only because he dosent want it to distressed for the whole pregnancy,

Can anyone recommend a Doula from experiennce or one they have heard of in Melb? Im finding it hard to find reviews on them

I will def be looking into Hypnobirthing if I go down the Vag route

One last question, im havng bubs in the Freemasons (private) and have booked 2 male OBS for the pregnancy, once I have had the initial appt I will decide which of the 2 I will use

I made the appointments 1 hour apart without thinking the first could go over making me late to the next appt, I called their offices and they are now both full that day

From your experience should I change the other OB appt to a diff day? I have 1 at 2 pmand the other at 3pm

Thanks girls you are great original.gif



#23 Spring Chickadee

Posted 18 September 2012 - 02:21 PM

I would 110% recommend Calm birth Classes. I just did some and they were AMAZING. You'll learn about the entire process of labour and birth, why your body does what it does, why that is a positive thing and what all the potential interventions may be and in what case you will need to consider them (CS, Forceps, Vacuum etc).

Whilst the course encourages you to have the confidence to birth naturally it is also 100% supportive of medical intervention when things go differently to the norm. They also help you to stay clam if this does happen.

I totally understand why you are looking at Csect, but make sure you fully research all the downsides to this for both you and the baby as there are numerous negatives from a medical/statistical perspective.  spend a few hours at least looking into this. If you have all the information in hand then you can look at risks to you and baby of a Cesct vs. your emotional state and make an informed decision.

Here are some birth stories from women who did the course. Their births are all different (some needed a Csect anyway, others had an amazing drug free birth). It's important to read the positive stuff rather than the horror stories original.gif
http://www.calmbirth.com.au/_blog/Birth_Stories

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 18 September 2012 - 02:24 PM.


#24 *Ker*

Posted 18 September 2012 - 02:35 PM

I was terrified of labour and childbirth so after a LOT of counselling, I was given an elective C/S. I actually went into labour with DS on the day my CS was due...and I was so glad I'd made the choice for a cs. I did not enjoy labour in the least. The op went well, I had no pain, it was all very calm and relaxed and I definitely felt no cutting. I was up on my feet within 6 hours.

I had a second elective with DD and same thing - calm and easy, although I took a little longer to heal - but I think that was because I had a toddler at home.


#25 Neph

Posted 18 September 2012 - 03:47 PM

QUOTE (MahnaMahna @ 17/09/2012, 10:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you decide to have a vaginal birth then an epidural as soon as you walk in the front door of the hospital is entirely an option you can take. Don't listen to all the horror stories of them not working. First, they work way more often than they don't. Second, if it doesn't work right at the start, you have had it early enough that they can fix the issue.


PLEASE if you do this make sure you stand your ground if it does not look like it's working.

I had mine put in just prior to the MWs hooking up the syntocin drip, so right at the start of the induction.  it did not work and i told the staff a number of times it wasn't working (my partner too) - they seemed to not believe me after having topped it up a few times over the course of a few hours.  they even had the anesthesiologist come back in a take a look (he didn't adjust it, just checked it had not come out or moved).

the pain just got worse and worse (posterior baby too) and my legs just kept getting more numb.  the MWs and Head Registrar just shrugged it off, despite the level of pain i was in and suffering.

i maintain the anesthesiologist did not place it in a good spot - that part is absolutely clear as my back didn't receive any pain relief at all and my legs were as numb as concrete slabs.



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Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.