[Annonymummy]

It was interesting to see the thread on "worst gifts", because I came to the general section specifically to ask a question about gift giving...

Background; I believe my sister is "obsessed" with gifts. She only works part time, and only a day or two a week, but the majority of her pay goes towards buying gifts for others. She has gifts put away for her children for "when they grow into it in a few years" and her bedroom, study and garage are constantly cluttered with bags of gifts for others. I once asked her about it, thinking that there might be some kind of compulsion thing going on, but she got all offended and said that if I was going to so ungrateful, then she would stop buying me gifts (even though I didn't bring myself or any previously received gifts into the conversation)...

She constantly tells our mum how broke she is, and how she can't afford to get her hair done, and hasn't bought herself any new clothes in years, yet every week she'll go shopping 2 - 3 times, bringing home more gifts for others which she puts away for christmas or birthdays etc.

Every occasion she will give each of her friends and family not one, but a minimum of 5 different wrapped packages. It is really uncomfortable if you have only given her one, to then receive that many (even though she insists "don't be silly! I wouldn't care if I received nothing! I just love the GIVING"), so each year, we all end up buying multiple presents for her, and because we can't afford much, they end up being lesser quality than if we'd just bought one larger, better-quality gift, IYKWIM. I wouldn't be suprised if she is typing a response to the "worst gift" thread as I write, complaining about some of the gifts we've felts obliged to give her over the years!

So how important is gift giving to you? My sister's attitudes to gift-giving has really made me re-evaluate my own thoughts on it. I have developed the opinion that I would rather give one gift, and just choose something that I think the recipient will really enjoy, regardless of whether it's $20 or $100, unless I see a couple of things I know the recipient really wants. (of course it's different for our own kids, we give them quite a few, but not as many as my sister gives her kids though....) How important is it to you? Do you "sacrifice" your "own comforts" as my sister likes to brag, in order to give gifts? Do you have your own possessions stored away in boxes because your house is so full of gifts for others that you just can't unpack them? Or are my suspicions correct, and my sister is a little extreme?????????

[Ophelia13]

I enjoy gift giving and put a lot of thought into it. I doubt your sister is wanting a lot of gifts in return. I believe she just wants to give. Giving is such a wonderful feeling.

[sassymummy]

DP's birthday was in January, and I still feel bad that I got him nothing for it. It was agreed that this year we wouldn't buy birthday gifts for each other as we were moving (both our birthdays are in the first 3 months of the year, and we moved in the fifth month) and needed to save for that.

I'm a gift-giver. I used to buy gifts for people all the time, and even now, while they're not official gifts, I don't like going to the shop without buying something for DD and DP if I buy something for myself.

If I get told not to give gifts, I usually ignore the request. I don't care if they can't afford to get something in return - I just want to get THEM something.

[ChunkyLover_53]

It sounds like your sister just really enjoys giving gifts, I do too it's a lovely feeling! I have things here and there that are for future presents but not as many as it seems your sister does. I have cut down on the amount I give though because the people I give to usually have everything they want.

[Soren Lawrenson]

I love gift giving and always go to a lot of trouble. Not always expensive, but well thought out gifts, with gorgeous wrapping. I love to give gifts more than I like to receive them.

I have no idea where it comes from, other than having an opportunity to demonstrate to a person how much they mean to me. I believe a thoughtful gift (say for example, based on something they said months ago that they would like, or something you just know they would love but would never buy themselves etc) is a way of telling someone that you listen to them, care about them and that they are in your thoughts. Perhaps because Im not an openly expressive girl emotionally and gift giving helps me to 'express'.

Perhaps your sister does the same?

By the way, Im always broke too...never enough for anything, but always enough for gift giving. Always enough to cook dinner for friends and family. Always enough to make someone feel special. Doesnt have to cost a lot at all.

[linnieloo62]

If I get told not to give gifts, I usually ignore the request. I don't care if they can't afford to get something in return - I just want to get THEM something.

Yes but when I request no gifts, it really means I want no gifts. It does not mean that I cannot afford to get you anything in return. Just what are you 'giving' to me when you have totally ignored my wishes?

I wish people would give more experiences that material possessions. Grandparents sharing and cooking favourite recipe from their childhood, friends working on a project together etc. There are so many other ways to 'give' than just buying a present.

OP your sister sounds like she is seeking approval from others, and hopes to gain that by buying gifts. She isn't taking care of her own basic needs yet is stockpiling material possessions to give to others. I hope it just a phase she is going through..

[BBlessed]

Is it the "giving" of your sister that concerns you or the shopping she does to manage all the giving?
If she has an obsession/addiction to *shopping*, I'd be concerned. She may get a rush, a boost, that comes with shopping and buying things which can take psychological help to overcome.

But if it's just the giving, then I don't think there's an issue. Some people just like to express their love by giving. Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? I think your sister's love language might be gift giving!

[kalita]

I love giving gifts when I know the recipient will love it - who doesnt?

But, I hate giving gifts when it's expected of me: Christmas, and the made-up holidays (Valentines, Easter, Mother's day, Father's day) especially.

This Christmas we're only doing presents for DD and nephew, and possibly each other if we can afford it.

[countrymum3]

Gift-Giving is very important to me. I wouldn't be able to tell you how many gift I give to people each year. To me it is the thought that counts. I might give a friend a chocolate or something little...

[cesca]

Just to balance things out a bit, I'm NOT a gift-giver. It leaves me cold. Finding a gift for a person isn't enjoyable, it's a chore. I just grab the first suitable thing and get it over and done with.

I also don't really like RECEIVING gifts. They're just clutter to me. I specify "no gifts" for birthdays and Christmas because I prefer it that way.


BBlessed - I know of that book too. My friend is a gift-giver, and our relationship has always been precarious as she wants to give me gifts, I don't give any of my friends gifts, so she feels that I don't care for her. I show my love in different ways (if you know the book, apparently I'm an "acts of service" kind of gal!)