Justine Davies
I can’t believe how silly this is, but my friend is really offended.
DH is turning forty in a few weeks and we’re having a formal party. We never had a proper wedding reception back when we were married (couldn’t afford it), so we decided to splash out on a 40th birthday. It will be dressy, catered – very nice. We sent out the invites with a “no children” request on the bottom.
I then had a phone call from one of my good friends to ask whether she could bring their two kids (aged 5 and 3) because her parents, who usually babysit for her, are away. I felt bad saying no, but we don’t want kids at the party (our own kids won’t be there.) She got really upset and said that in that case they wouldn’t be coming because they don’t like leaving the kids with anyone other than her parents.
She said why couldn’t their kids come and just sleep in the spare room? I said that it wouldn’t be fair on the other guests, because almost everyone who has been invited has children and we have told them all that it’s a “no children” event. She said that in that case they wouldn’t be able to come and we left it at that.
I’m really gutted though about it. She’s a good friend and this is the first real “event” that we’ve ever had, and she won’t be there. Should I call her back and say: “Okay, bring the kids” or just leave it as it is?
Bianca.
Hi Bianca.
I have four words of advice for you: Don’t be a doormat! It’s your party and you can cry if you want to. Or dance, or sing, or laugh, drink – whatever you want to do. And you’re perfectly entitled to do that in a child-free environment.
However that’s just my personal two-cents worth and isn’t really that helpful in terms of keeping your friendship unsullied, so I have sourced a far more professional and helpful response for you from Anna Musson, etiquette expert and founder of www.goodmanners.com.au.
Her advice is also short, sweet and to the point:
“Dear Bianca,
Unfortunately your friend has been ungracious here and put you in an awkward position. It is not good form to ask for special treatment at another person’s party. A guest’s job is to turn up on time, have a fabulous night and not be a bother.
Your response to her was absolutely right, this is her issue and not yours. If you really would like her there, perhaps you could suggest her children stay with your babysitter?
Mortified,
Anna Musson.”
I like it!
EK Members: Do you have any helpful advice for Bianca? Leave your comments here.
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