The man's role while trying to conceive


The trying to conceive (TTC) journey can be hard for everyone, but nothing is more trying than timing the no-pants dance.

I honestly can think of nothing that kills the passion and excitement more than Excel intercourse. Thermometers, graphs, proclamations of ovulation and demands of performance put a lot of stress and pressure on both halves of the couple - including us men.

So here's my advice to our fellow members of the 36.5 Degrees Celsius club: The less your man knows about timed intercourse, the easier it is for him to perform. Don't tell him anything about luteal phases or temperatures; it pays to appeal to the more animalistic parts of his brain.

Think of it like this. Right now, you are most likely reading this on a computer or mobile device. Now, if someone was to go into great detail about how each individual component worked and what happened where - while you were just trying to use the darn thing - your eyes would glaze over and you'd tune out. All you want to do is have a look around and see what interesting places your fingers can take you. It's pretty much the same with men: we don't want to know how it works, just that it requires to be worked on.

It's not that we don't care about what you are going through, or each months' heartache. We care and are there to support you every step of the way.

But men are fixers. When you tell us all your insecurities and worries we want to fix it. We want to fix it right there and then. But we can't fix it then; we can only fix it in two weeks time when you are certain you are ovulating because the spreadsheet and thermometer tell you then that it's fixing time.

Then we get time to fix the issue, but we only have a certain window in which to solve this problem. Time is of the essence. The conditions are perfect and the fate of your family rests squarely not on your partner, but on his ability to look destiny in the eye and stand up to the challenge.

Sometimes the pressure just gets to be too much, and, like an overloaded submarine, all the dedicated seamen in the world can't bring it back up again.

So ladies, if you're struggling to fall pregnant and you've got to fit it in to your busy schedule, my advice is to not include your man at all. If it's the right time to get it on according to your graph, then just show us that you want us.

Put on that sexy little number (or, even better, don't). Just make it all about the moment and not about the outcome. We need to be needed and wanted, not required to achieve an outcome.