I never thought I was one of those born-to-be-a-mum-people. For some time in my life I just had this feeling that I liked my independence so much I would never be a mum (not to mention a terrible relationship where I had a lot of pressure for babies but just didn’t feel it was right). Maybe I would just never be a mum and I was ok with that.
Don't get me wrong, I always liked kids my whole life and I am not that bad, I can even get them entertained for an hour or two, but I always loved the way you can give them back to their mums when they start crying, smelling, etc. I'd never changed a diaper, put a baby to sleep, bath or any of the practical stuff. I was not even around when my sisters had their kids.
Funny though because at the same time I was always quite maternal with my friends, always giving advice and trying to offer help and support. My friends never believed the fact I just didn't want to have kids and that perhaps this wasn't in the cards for me.
When I met my husband I was already 32 years old, clock ticking, fears of the complicated stuff in the baby area. My sisters had their babies at 38-40 so I was kind of worried but not that much, I was still waiting for the "I-want-a-baby-feeling" to arrive first.
This was the start of the shifting... meeting Jon.
When will we decide to try? Is it the right time for us? Have we done all things we wanted before kids?
We were working together when we met, had an office romance, I was in love since the day I first saw him. We flirted for 5 months, hooked up, and then we just couldn't be without each other so we moved in together after 6 months. We also got married quickly, after 2 years. Still silly in love, life is more fun with him. My best friend, my lover, my companion, my soulmate! The most adorable man I ever met. Since the day I met him I'd kind of thought "This could easily be the father of my kids!".
I was (I am) in love, and started to feel something was slowly changing on the subject. For 4 years I sort of wanted kids but not yet. We travelled a lot, changed jobs, started new hobbies, moved countries (and had plans for more). We spoke about it a few times, he is 4 years younger and most of his friends didn't have kids yet. We were just talking about it slowly.
After 2 years being married and having a more stable live in Australia we both started noticing babies around. You know when you look at cute kids on the street and feel you could squeeze them?
This past year many friends had kids. Everyone seems to be getting pregnant around you when you start wanting to have babies. People at work, single friends, married friends... and I couldn't avoid that feeling. You know what I am talking about? That you are really happy for them, but when is your time coming? When will we decide to try? Is it the right time for us? Have we done all things we wanted before kids?
The answer struck us this year: No, we have not done all things we want to. We will never know if this is the right time. Yes, the clock does tick and we want to be young with kids, take them to camping, skiing, surfing and show them how beautiful life is. Now, we just wanted kids!
We have no idea how we will keep on doing the things we do, like move countries, change careers, and travel. But I am sure we will find ways. Life will change but it is time. We want a little version (hopefully a better version) of the mix between us. We have so much love to give and sharing with another one it will only make it bigger. So let's go for it!
August 2009 was the beginning. As we are planners by nature and try to control everything around us, August was the month we decided would be ideal to start this journey. We know this is not a straight forward route. It will take time. Most healthy couples take 6 months to a year but the important thing, the decision – it’s done! I want to be a mum regardless all the changes in my body, soul and life. Jon wants to be a dad. Yay!
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