Perhaps conception should really be called mis-conception as there are many mis-conceptions about conception. For some, getting pregnant is as easy as tying their shoes but for others it’s a much more challenging and emotionally draining experience. And for you poor bastards in this cycle, we salute you. The one thing we have noticed, however, is like most things in life, getting pregnant is easier when you are not trying.
This chapter goes one of two ways. First, like the main bloke in the Being Dad films – Troy Jones, it happens immediately. He is what I call (amongst many other things…), a lucky bastard. For others, it can cause so much stress, anxiety, pressure and heart ache that it leads to major emotional damage to both parties, and serious stress on the marriage. So for all you lucky bastards, you have my permission to legitimately skip to chapter 2. We won’t tell anyone. You can pretend you are a really fast reader, not to mention fast breeder. Seriously, fast forward. I want to talk behind your backs. For everyone else, brothers and sisters, welcome. Read on.
We are conditioned from a young age that getting pregnant is simple. I still recall, after a particularly explicit 21 Jump Street episode, my mum telling me about the birds and the bees and at the time it all sounded pretty straight forward but let’s face it – as the unfortunate series of disasters throughout the last 20 years of my life attest, life’s far more complicated than a gratuitous 80’s teen romp.
Wildlife expert David Attenborough probably knows how birds and bees feel about conception but I doubt they have the same issues we do.
Do birds and bees get drunk, have unprotected sex and get pregnant accidentally? If so do they care?
How many female birds who are on the pill (or some other form of birth control) get pregnant every year?
How many bee couples argue about when is the right time to have baby bees?
How many male birds start worrying about having to pay for school fees before conception?
Do female birds know when they are ovulating or sneakily buy ovulation kits from Woolies?
Does a female bird who is trying to get pregnant, become upset when her bird friends and EVERYONE else around her falls pregnant but she doesn’t?
Are there IVF clinics that birds and bees can attend?
Do male bees get an SMS or bee-mail telling them to be back at the hive early because Mrs bee is ovulating?
We’ve taken the most natural of interactions between a man and a woman and our only known reason for existing and turned it into a systemised, scientific process. No wonder the world is a mess...we’ve forgotten that making babies is supposed to be fun, enjoyable & natural.
Other than navigating a wedding, conception is often the first major hurdle faced by couples. How can you navigate this minefield successfully? It is important to understand how your partner will view conception, how important communication is during the process and what you can do to overcome typical man-problems that may arise.
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