Is it bad luck, or just a waste of money, or buy baby things if you are trying to conceive?
In three separate incidents the last week, this came up- it's kind of freaky actually, so I thought I would write a blog and see what you think.
Should you accept, or buy baby things if you are TTC (trying to conceive)?
Last weekend we had a BBQ with a couple we are friends with, who had invited another couple they are friends with.
Our friends have two beautiful girls, two-years-old and four-months-old. Anyway, the conversation turned to babies and baby things you need to buy and what you don't.
The other lady who was there is expecting too and said she had started buying baby things before they actively started trying.
It made me wonder...
I would be lying if I said I didn't have a twinge of longing when holding my friend's four-month-old, she is just beautiful. At the same time, I also can't help but feel joyful when I hear other people are expecting, or when I am around babies. It really is such a special time and it is great to get to observe little people, they are so precious.
It's a difficult feeling to explain. On Sunday I told myself not to think about any of it for the next few weeks. I am dreading the TWW (two week wait) but I will be a basket case if I let myself get caught up in it all like I did last month.
That was of course until Tuesday, when I received an email titled "baby essentials" (thanks universe, thanks a lot).
A 3-in-1 convertible car seat for $89, baby mobile play gym for $19, cot mattress for $89...
I looked at the email, considered sending the link to my partner, decided not to, and then did anyway and I felt like a total weirdo. Who does that? Right? Isn't it supposed to be bad luck? After a whole monologue about how I don't want to pressure us and apologising for having a mini-melt down last week, I send the guy an email with baby stuff all over it? Really? (Get a grip woman!)
I have confessed before, that there are currently two baby items I have bought. I bought them a long time ago, a wall decal of the cutest sheep jumping over a fence and a baby on board car thing, which says "babe bug on board".
The sheep really are the cutest things I have ever seen and bug is a pet name Justin and I have for each other, so the babe bug just made sense, we call our yet-to-be conceived baby the "buglet" for now ( I know it sounds weird, but the name helps in a way. It's all abstract for us at the moment, we are still hopeful, but it is better than saying "if we have a baby". Whatever works for you I guess and the imaginary "mcbuglet" works for us).
I really thought I was the only one thinking that buying baby things before you are actually pregnant was weird, until a friend facebooked me and asked me for some advice.
Here is her dilemma and she was hoping someone out there might have an idea of a solution, because I sure didn't and I felt useless when I didn't have some words of wisdom for her:
My friend and her husband are trying for a baby. A relative had promised her some beautiful (rather expensive) baby furniture and they no longer have the space to store it, so have asked her to collect it if she wants it.
On the one hand, the furniture is amazing and would cost a lot to buy brand new, on the other hand, setting up a cot in the spare room and dealing with the pain of a constant reminder if it is not happening, would be untenable.
She can't leave it with any other friends or family, because they don't know she is trying to get pregnant and she doesn't want them to know at this point, because she is worried they will add more pressure.
So what should she do?
Where is the line? Is there one? I know the older generation in South Africa used to do this "bottom drawer" thing where you bought stuff for a new house before you got married and stored it there until you moved into your own home (I have no idea if there was a similar tradition in New Zealand?)
But should you do the same thing if you are trying to get pregnant? Does this add to the pressure?
I don't often browse baby shops (I do linger around the baby aisle in the supermarket though, more because I am curious about all the paraphernalia it seems is needed for baby) but when I do browse Pumpkin Patch or a store like that, I always feel so awkward when the shop assistant asks me if I need help. I know she is just asking, but I never know what to say! So I usually just blush and manage to squeak out a "just looking thanks" and then leave.
I guess the whole TTC thing is just as much as being in limbo as the TWW, you are stuck between two worlds. Do you take the opportunity for a good deal when it comes up? Or do you wait? It's a toughie.