A friend recently said to me, 'How sad that your daughter was conceived in a Petri dish in a lab. Do you think you'll tell her?'
The response I wish I'd given, but didn't think of until 3 am, was, "No, it's not sad at all. It's fantastic. IVF is amazing. Zoe is a miracle. Not many parents have the chance to see their offspring through a microscope five days after conception. And of course I'll tell her."
I remember the shock of finding out how I was made. I was six or seven years old when I asked my mother, "Mummy, how do you make babies?"
My mother was a firm believer that if a child was old enough to ask a question they were old enough to be given an answer.
She whipped out a sketchpad and deftly drew a diagram of a woman's reproductive system. "The egg travels down here into the fallopian tube where it's met by the sperm and turns into an embryo," Mum said. "It then continues into the womb where it attaches and grows for nine months..."
"Really?" I said. "How does the sperm get in there?"
I can't remember her exact phrasing, but the answer was blunt.
I was gob smacked. "That's how you and Daddy made me? That's disgusting! I am never doing that."
Imagine how I felt when I later discovered, through eavesdropping, that I'd been conceived accidentally in the back of a Ford Zephyr at the drive-in and my Catholic grandparents had forced my parents to marry.
Again, I repeated my vow. "I'm never doing that. I'll adopt or find another way when I want to have children."
Little did I know how prophetic those words would be.
My eldest daughter is now five and when she's old enough to ask, "Mummy, how was I made?" I will have a very different answer, along the lines of:
"Mummy and Daddy tried for a long time to have a baby and we wanted you so much we went to a clinic and paid a lot of money for some drugs, which made my ovaries make lots of eggs. Then a doctor used a big needle to extract those eggs - and yes, it did hurt. Then Daddy went into a little room to read some Penthouse magazines and came back with his sperm in a cup, which was put in a Petri dish with my eggs and then..."
Yes, this answer is as bewildering to a child as the one my mother gave me. But this is the brave new era of conception, so let's get used to it.
This year the world's first IVF baby, UK-born Louise Brown, turned 30. Australia's first IVF baby and the world's third, Candice Reed, is 28.
IVF now accounts for one in every 33 births in Australia. That's at least one in every average classroom.
About 15 per cent of Australian couples are infertile. Endometriosis, scarred fallopian tubes or ageing eggs are common female factors, while poor sperm quality and quantity is often to blame on the male side.
IVF isn't the silver bullet for everyone. Only about a third of those on the program go home with a baby in their arms. But for those it does help, the results are miraculous.
Assisted reproductive technology has not only helped many infertile couples; it has enabled gay couples and single women to have babies, too.
In some cases, egg and sperm donors have given the ultimate gift of life and forged strong bonds with the families they have helped create.
For me, my experience on IVF was so inspiring I wrote a book about it, chronicling my story and those of others. Many of whom I found on the Essential Baby forum.
Not all the stories in my book have happy endings like mine. Many of the people I interviewed endured considerable obstacles during their quest for parenthood, including illness, miscarriages and societal prejudice.
Their unwavering dedication and sacrifice is testament to the innate desire to love and nurture a child, whether through natural means, adoption or assisted reproductive technology.
To the IVF critics, I ask this: "Isn't it better to be born against all odds to people who truly want a baby, than to be conceived naturally by those who aren't ready or prepared for the onslaught of parenthood?"
And for a child, the more important question is not: "Mummy, how was I made?" Rather it is: "Why was I made?"
Theresa Miller is the author of Making Babies - Personal IVF Stories published by Scribe.
www.makingbabiesivf.com
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