Can't decide whether to have kids? Ask a motherhood clarity coach

Photo: iStock
Photo: iStock Photo: iStock

They're called motherhood clarity coaches and they're helping women decide if they want to become mums.

Sign up to their online course and work through the steps to give you some clarity. After completing worksheets, readings, discussions and self-reflection you'll know if motherhood is for you. 

Sounds simple, but for some women deciding on becoming a mum is really complicated. 

Evidence-based life coach Alex Kingsmill said the question of whether or not to have a baby was purely personal. Motherhood clarity coaches or other similar health professionals fulfil a unique role, as friends and family were often too invested to offer neutral support.

"The decision whether or not to have a baby can be an incredibly nuanced and sometimes challenging one," she said. "A coach can't (or at least shouldn't) influence what you decide, but they can be incredibly helpful in determining how you decide.

"A coach can and should do all of this in a space that is entirely free of judgment and personal motivation."

Women were still faced with expectations surrounding motherhood and it could make it harder to decide what path was right for them. 

"Even now, in a modern and progressive society, a strong and traditional social script still persists: meet someone, marry them, buy a property, have kids," she said. "These expectations are loudly expressed and departures from the norm are often questioned – it's why many people find it hard to work out whether they do really want to have children.

"With all that noise about what you should do, it can be ridiculously hard to determine your own intrinsically motivated way forward."

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Relationship consultant Jade Seashell said having children was a lifetime commitment and for some people deciding on whether to become a parent was a hard decision to make.

"People are so nervous to make the decision because once you become a parent, you are a parent forever," Ms Seashell said. 

With this in mind, women needed to take into account if they were ready for the commitment for the long haul or if they were just excited about the "idea" of motherhood. 

And when you also included the time pressures surrounding fertility it could be even more overwhelming.

"Women have a biological clock - once the window is gone, women can't have kids anymore," she said. "Therefore, many women must make a decision as soon as possible, hence the anxiety."

Family psychologist Dr R.Y. Langham said seeking outside support does help. 

"If a woman is on the fence about starting a family, then paying for a motherhood clarity coach or life coach could be highly beneficial," she said. "The purpose of these coaches is to help women explore why they're unsure about having children. 

"It uses self-exploration to get to the root cause of the uncertainty, so they can make a sound decision (based on all of the facts) as to whether or not they want to children now or in future." 

According to Dr Langham, there were number of questions you must ask yourself before deciding to become a parent – if you're mature and responsible, committed to putting others first, financially secure and have a good support network.

"It takes a village to raise a child, so it's important that you have a strong support system, if you want to start a family," she said.

"This support family should consist of loved ones, friends, a partner, and/or people you trust."