'It's okay to say pregnancy is tough': My journey into motherhood

Emma Hawkins and husband Tom.
Emma Hawkins and husband Tom. Photo: Supplied

Tom and I were so lucky that we fell pregnant straight away. I know this might not be the case for everyone. For some reason I thought it would take longer. So when it happened straight away, it took me by surprise and to be honest, a little while to get excited about it.

It also didn't help that I was so sick. And I don't mean that I had a little bit of morning sickness here and there. I mean bed ridden. It also didn't help when I couldn't hold down anything for five months.

After surviving morning sickness I also experienced random outburst of tears. I would find myself crying over the oddest things. I couldn't believe how irrational I had become!

I found work really difficult as well. I was forgetting everything and I was so tired (which I believe happens to everyone). I felt like calling up every person that was pregnant before me and letting them know that I was sorry for not understanding that they were REALLY, REALLY tired and that the rush of hormones make you semi-insane.

The good news is, things started looking up. At about five months, I started getting really excited and found myself enjoying pregnancy. This lasted three weeks.

At around six months, fluid retention became my best friend and my boobs has officially grown to size HH! I have always had a large bust (EE), but this was NEXT LEVEL! It was so uncomfortable. And then after spending hundreds of dollars on new bras, I developed osteitis pubis (or pelvic instability). And it was awful.

So we have:

●       Sickness (tick)

●       HH books (tick)

Advertisement

●       Fluid retention (tick)

●       Pelvic instability (tick)

Surely, there was nothing else?! Oh no! Wait…

Bring on hemorrhoids! Yep. I had no idea what on earth they were until I went to the airport. As I was waiting for the plane I started to feel an awful discomfort. I called my midwife and she explained what they were (I'll save you the details!)  I got on the plane, sat down next to Tom and started sobbing (just for a change).

It was at 38 weeks when I finally decided to stop working. In hindsight it should have been earlier. I had gotten to the point where I didn't care. I had gained 28kgs, was measuring at 48 weeks pregnant and couldn't wear shoes.

To be honest, this was the feeling I found most difficult to process during this time. I couldn't talk about how hard or upset I was feeling. I didn't want to seem ungrateful and I didn't want to appear like I was complaining. I was incredibly lucky and so blessed to be pregnant and I knew that there would be people who would do absolutely anything to be in my position hemorrhoids and all!

I guess what this process taught me was that it is okay to let people know that pregnancy is tough and that it is okay to say you are struggling. At the end of the day it was my reality. 

Pregnancy is a very personal journey. But all I will say is, if you want to complain, do it. If you are having the best pregnancy and loving every minute, say it. Show you bump off or don't show your bump off. Cry. Laugh. Love it or hate it. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is unique. You should do whatever feels right for you without judgement.

Growing a baby is the best thing I could have ever done. And I would do it over and over again. I was born to be a mum and this was 100 per cent my calling in life.

This article is proudly sponsored by Wattle Health Australia, presenting partner for the Essential Baby and Toddler Show 2018.