The Can't do man
Is sex during pregnancy safe?
If a guy tells his partner he isn’t interested in sex or can't do it during pregnancy it is often perceived that he just doesn’t find her attractive any more. It’s not true, don’t believe it.
On the contrary most guys think their partner is very sexy while pregnant. Pregnant women look fabulous and the extra curves are fun so what are the real and legitimate reasons that some men struggle with sex during pregnancy - particularly late stage pregnancy?
Scared of tapping the baby on the head
It is amazing that some guys still believe it's possible but it’s true. No amount of logical explanation, diagrams or medical insistence will help him. The reality is that to tap the baby on the head he needs to get through the cervix. Not only is it HIGHLY unlikely he’s remotely that big there is also a mucous plug in your cervix that offers better protection than the gates of Troy. Try explaining it to him, omitting the words mucous and plug. If he’s still a no go then let him know you’d like him to use a vibrator on you. Talk about a magic charm!
He feels like someone else is in the room
If it was Jessica Simpson in the room he probably wouldn't be complaining but when he feels like his child is in the room it's understandable that he might have some issues. This is probably the biggest reason guys tell us that they just couldn’t go there. Maybe it comes down to a physical act of penetrating a space where there is a baby in proximity, who knows, but it’s real. Suggestions:
- Oral and other non penetrative forms of sex
- adopt positions where the bump isn’t so visible (behind or on your side)
- Turn the lights out
- Use a vibrator until he gets used to the idea of fooling around in the baby zone
- Masturbate. Yes is said it, masturbate. It’s not just likely get him going but once he sees you in a heightened sexual state he will hopefully forget about the fact there’s a baby in the room and he’ll understand that being sexually active is not going to have any negative effects on you or the nipper.
It's a girl
Many guys who knew they were having a girl said that it made them feel very awkward to be getting intimate with their daughter so close by. In essence it’s the same issue as the point above so I’d suggest the same tactics.
It can seem like a logistical nightmare to find the right position that gives him access and makes you comfortable. You may need to suggest how to best tackle the problem and the right angle of attack. It’s a great opportunity to explore some new positions, try and have some fun with it. If you find it hard to talk about draw some stick figure diagrams and put them in his lunch box!
He's scared of hurting you
Communication is the key here and talking him through what’s ok and what’s not i.e. not to put his weight on your stomach or breasts. Assure him that it’s not uncomfortable for you and that he's not going to hurt you if you're in the right position and are using the right amount of force, lubrication etc. Prepare the boudoir with lots of cushions and pillows, he’ll think it’s making you more comfy and hopefully it is!
He thinks that his semen may induce birth
Well he's not so stupid after all as semen does contain prostaglandins which can kick start the whole shebang. It’s highly unlikely it’s going to have an effect much before the due date so once again assure him he's not going to have to perform a home birth as soon minutes after you've got down and dirty. We will explain this to him in his chapter.
He doesn't know that your orgasms are potentially going to be earth shattering
It’s possible that female orgasms can be intensified in late stage pregnancy due to the general swelling and increased blood flow to the nether regions. He might just be interested to check that out for himself with some gentle persuasion.
He's forgotten that being intimate need not be just about intercourse
There are plenty of ways that you can play around without having intercourse....maybe he needs a refresher course. Many of the problems around a lack of intimacy can be addressed through communication.
Sex is healthy for your relationship and the baby and let’s not forget it’s bloody good fun – or it should be! If you are really struggling to get him across the line talk ask your doctor to reassure him that sex during pregnancy is good for all concerned.
The tendency for blokes is to either pout if they are not getting enough or withdraw if they are feeling sexually insecure. You need to be mindful or each other’s fears and concerns, open about your feelings and hopefully your ying and his yang can get in synch.
Let’s face it, sex is terrific and the best fun you can have for free. Over the next few years it will be easy to let your sex life slide or become non-existent. Whilst we haven’t conducted any formal studies on the matter it stands to reason that maintaining a good, healthy sex life can be nothing but beneficial. Your relationship is paramount, if sex has been a part of that relationship before kids then it will need to be post kids. Sure there are millions of reasons and excuses not to have sex and its easier not to but find the time, the dishes and dirty nappies will still be there when you’ve finished!