Just heard the news!
He has just heard the news he is about to become a dad. His reaction to the big news that he's about to become a dad...
The male mind has not much knowledge or experience to grab onto in the freak out stages of the "knowing". The bloke mind desperately searches for a problem to solve and a detail to concentrate on. Because this is a massive vacuum, and there is no starting point, his brain acts a bit like those early DOS computers with the green screens and the flashing cursor. It just sits there and waits for something to process.
During restart, where pretty much the only part working is the eyelids, kidneys, heart and poopa valve, the main part of his brain will be processing highly data like
"What did she say?"
"OK. What do we do now?"
"How could this happen?"
"Oh, yeah, that’s right… hehe"
"I’m not old enough to be a dad"
"I’m not rich or mature enough to be a dad".
"I’ll never play golf again.....what’s going to happen to my handicap"
Research has shown that some men are able to process the news highly effectively and demonstrate genuine delight, joy and exuberance. If you find such a specimen report him to the local university for further research. Our theory is that these men are either in touch with their humanity or much more likely, brilliant on their feet.
Regardless of his reaction, if you’ve been talking about having kids (and he wasn’t vehemently opposed) he will be delighted once the news has truly sunk in. It may be exciting or frightening for you both initially so be prepared for his initial reaction to not live up to your expectations… Just don’t expect much from him yet.
What are men really concerned about when it comes to parenting?
Men’s concerns about parenting change throughout the trimesters of pregnancy. At first they can’t see real signs of the baby so it’s more about intangibles like finance. As the baby starts to show and his brain fully comprehends what’s occurring the fears and concerns take on a more physical and emotional aspect.
Following is a typical list of men’s concerns:
Money & finance, job security, mortgage payments
Space - not intergalactic travel or the big bang theory (although these are lurking in there…) but what will a baby mean to his space at home
The car – will it soon transform into a Toyota Tarago?
Your relationship – is it strong enough?
Inlaws – he’s going to be seeing a lot more of them and effectively admit that he has definitely been having sex with their daughter!
Weight gain – yours and his
Sex – will he ever get any again
Responsibility – can he handle it, will he be a good dad, his ability to be supportive of you
Paternity – is it his (don’t laugh - one research report indicated over 50% of all new dads worry about paternity!! Yes that is America, but worth a thought!)
Health – yours and the baby (miscarriage, birth defects, still birth, premature birth etc)
Coping with the birth
Now that’s a lot of worrying going on in his head in 9 months. He’s programmed into the “she’ll be right mate!” way of thinking and like any knuckle dragging bipedal beast he thinks he’s bulletproof. Unfortunately he isn’t.
Men are fixers by nature. If there’s a problem we want to find a solution – as long as it’s not in an instruction booklet because we don’t want to find a solution to a problem that someone else has already discovered!
Pregnancy delivers many issues and problems that can’t be fixed. Pregnancy also can’t be controlled. Its unpredictable nature can make us feel very uncomfortable. The loss of control and its inherent unpredictability can lead to depression and serious anxiety in many men. Our ability to bottle emotions means that we are not naturally good at coping with this huge change. This is where you – and your ability to communicate come in.
At Being Dad, we believe Men should be given a T-shirt during pregnancy that reads – MISSUS PREGNANT PLEASE HELP!