New parents, listen up. Grab your third coffee of the day and get comfortable because we need to talk.
Here's the thing: for the love of Anne Geddes please stop apologising for your "baby spam" on Facebook and Instagram and wherever else you like to share pictures of the fruit of your loins. Because it's the last thing you need to be sorry for.
It's a trend I've noticed creeping onto social media over the past few years. Proud parent posts a photograph of their delicious baby, along with the hashtag or caption: "Sorry for the baby spam."
And the thing is, I get it. I do. You see, the cohort of parents who now find themselves apologising for photos of their spawn are (some) of the very same people who were rolling their eyes five years ago at the disappearance of drunken house party snaps, and the emergence of squishy newborns in their feed. They're the people who were happily turning bubs into kittens and sunsets with the now defunct web tool Unbaby Me and crediting its founder with "fixing the internet."
In fact, upon its release in 2012, Unbaby Me's founder and internet saviour Chris Baker, said of his baby spamming pals, "It's like a certain part of the brain gets activated where they feel this crushing desire to share with the world their little creations."
And guess what? That part of the brain is being activated for the next wave of adorable parents overcome with said "crushing desire". AND I AM HERE FOR IT.
But I'm not here for the constant apologies.
We get that you're a tad self-conscious because you rolled your eyes at our endless pictures. But now you understand why - and isn't that a bit delightful.
When your little one enters your world, turning it upside down and inside out in the most glorious of ways, you want to share everything. You want your nearest and dearest to know, "I MADE THIS", and to revel in the happiness and awe of that. You want to show off the "going home day" onesie and the dad-with-baby-carrier-and-take-away-coffee shot. You can't help but post the messy "first solids" snap and the fast-asleep-in-carseat-with-smooshed-cheeks moment. Life with a baby is exhausting and intoxicating and so many things in between and it's completely OK to want to document that.
The thing is, like witching hour, endless nappies and leaky boobs, when it comes to baby spam, "this too shall pass,". As your children get older, become better conversationalists and master control over their bowels, the urge to share absolutely every single thing they do just dissipates. It might be because as you slowly gain your own life back - or a new normal at least - your world gets larger and less baby-focused once again. It might be because you become more aware of their privacy or just use social media less when you're no longer on maternity leave. Whatever the reason, while awards, first days at school, birthdays and ballet concerts/football matches might still appear in your feeds, the day-to-day posts just ... stop.
Until then, we want to see your bub's ridiculously chubby cheeks. We want video proof of their wobbly first steps. We'll keep clicking "like" on the vegemite smeared faces and mothers' group outings, because babies are freaking adorable and they deserve to be shown off.
So keep posting those photos and stop apologising for them.
We get it. We've been there.