Hey, keyboard warriors - can you just not?

His first taste of cake. Oh my god, he’ll be addicted to sugar and his teeth will fall out. He’s going to be obese.
His first taste of cake. Oh my god, he’ll be addicted to sugar and his teeth will fall out. He’s going to be obese. Photo: Jess Bovey

Do you know what's one of my pet peeves online?

And yes, I said 'one of', as there is now quite an impressive list - more so since becoming a parent.

I don't know quite how to explain this or even if there is a name for this type of person so I'll do my best.

Jess and her son.
Jess and her son. Photo: Jess Bovey

I post a photo of my baby sleeping ... 

Me: "Aw, he is so cute, I love that he is such a good sleeper."

Then comes the flurry of comments:
"Oh, he won't be for long, it'll change." 
"Just wait until he's 5." 
"It's just a phase."

I post a pic of him crawling ... 

Me: "YAY! He's crawling!"

The chorus:
"Just you wait until he's walking!"
"NOTHING IS SAFE ANYMORE."
"My boy was crawling ages ago."

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Honestly. Shut the f**k up. Let me celebrate or be happy about a developmental milestone without you ramming it down my throat that my child is going to change and even, oh my, grow up!

I am well aware that things change and my baby will evolve, but you don't need to be a buzz kill and put a damper on EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. Better yet, keep it to yourself - just because your child did something, doesn't mean mine will (or vice versa).

It drives me INSANE.

I call them Captain Buzzkills. I asked my husband for a suitable title, and he came back with "My dad is better than your dad". I couldn't help but laugh - I see where he was going with that childhood insult, but it's maybe not the most descriptive title. 

But those Captain Buzzkills are EVERYWHERE. Lurking, ready to challenge and compete with you over every pointless detail in their (or your) lives. Sometimes it may be completely innocent, but when it comes to new parents I genuinely think you really need to watch what you say, because most are already in a vulnerable state. I try to be really careful about what I say when I'm having a conversation about my son and they ask when he did such and such or reached a certain milestone - I respond with "well, every kid is so different but …". Because I have no idea what I'm doing, and of course I'm no expert. All I know is what I've learnt over the duration of the last year.

So before you comment next time, Ranty McRanterson: maybe don't. Just leave it. If it's not going to help in any way then it's probably not wanted.

I am well aware that my son won't do certain things forever, and that I have been lucky in some aspects, but really - just keep those comments to yourself.

Follow Jess on her blog, New Mum Club, or on Facebook